Peter asked to be crucified upside down as he was unequal to die the same as Christ. I think the Romans who were killing him knew of whom he spoke.
I used to be a former atheist and I think it's a very healthy thing to question one's faith. I hope you find what you're looking for, I would also pick up a copy of The Language of God it had a huge role in my conversion.
It is indeed!
If we didn't; then most of us would be stuck on the wrong path.