Skip to comments.7 Names The New Pope Should Avoid (No not that name!)
Posted on 02/23/2013 4:42:51 PM PST by NYer
Of all the possible advice I could give to a new Pontiff, perhaps the most important would be on the subject of name selection.
I wouldn't presume to tell the new Pope what name to pick, but I feel very qualified to tell him which names not to pick. All of the names below are previous names of Popes that should not be repeated. Let's just say they would send the wrong message or offer too many opportunities to detractors.
Picking this name is just asking for trouble. Trust me, Holy Father, it will be very difficult for you to be taken seriously. Why give them such easy ammunition? You might as well call yourself Pope Chuckles I. Not a good idea.
While simplicity can be a virtue, I just don't think I could bear years of Bill Maher simpleton jokes. It is just too easy, why give it to them?
Again, just too easy. Popes are already routinely mocked for being 'severe.' Why give them this. Besides, there is a whole segment of the population that will think the Pope is a character in a J.K. Rowling novel. The geeks and cranks will routinely photoshop the pope into black robes and long greasy hair. If we wanted that, we would just elect Ozzy Pope. So no.
Again, no geeks references. No Star Wars names, period. Sorry, Pope Luke is out too. No Pope should have to endure comparisons to Billy Dee Williams or even Darth Vader. Frankly, I am not sure which is worse.
Seriously? Do I even need to explain this one? Let's just say this name makes it increasingly difficult to promote traditional marriage. Best if avoided.
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Last time around, I was rooting for George Ringo.
Others to avoid:
* Pozzizle I
* Sheldon Cooper
Anything from “Life of Brian”.
There are many names to choose from, if it is done as a choice to reflect a previous Pope for what they hope to accomplish.
I’m hoping for Pius XIII or Gregory XVII. Leo XIV would be cool, too.
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No Patricia, it's only girlish in USAmerica, because the Herns have a habit of giving boys' names to girls.
The actual Gurl form is Adrianne.
Okay I am going to wager on either Pius or Paul VII.
What you all think?
So, “Conclusion the First”?
Or, “Pope Final Solution”?
If memory serves there were only two spots left for the Papal symbols in the Sistine Chapel the last time I was there. Ratzinger filled one.
I’ll have to go to the Vatican site and see if my memory is correct. There should be only one space left.
Pope Suburban 1st might not be “big tent” enough in a time when a good chunk of Roman Catholics come from the 3rd world.
Pooftus (unless you’re Obama)
It's a safe bet that the writer didn't receive a classical education. Adrian is a form of Hadrian, the name of one of the Roman Empire's "five good emperors" and is a name frequently found among early Christian churchmen.
The last Pope Adrian was Adrian VI, a Dutchman who was so unfamiliar with Rome that he thought he was going to need to rent a place to live in. He lasted about a year--well-meaning reforming pope up against a lot of cardinals who were not keen on reforming. An earlier Pope Adrian, Adrian IV, is the one who gave the go-ahead to the English to conquer Ireland. He happens to be the only Englishman ever elected pope.
(Pope Fabian was the 20th Pope, and reigned from 236 - 250.)
Hadrian’s mausoleum is a large round structure near the Tiber, on the same side as the Vatican. The Renaissance popes used it as a fortress and had an underground passageway so they could get there from St. Peter’s in an emergency.
Of course it will never happen, but a Pope Cletus II would be a nice nod to us rednecks. Unfortunately, there’s an antipope gumming up the works on that one.
Pope Fabian ruled from 10 January 236 to 20 January 250, succeeding Pope Anterus. He is honored as a saint by the Catholic Church.
Eusebius of Caesarea (Church History, VI. 29) relates how the Christians, having assembled in Rome to elect a new pope, saw a dove alight upon the head of Fabian, a layman and stranger to the city, who was thus marked out for this dignity and was at once proclaimed bishop by acclamation, although there were several famous men among the candidates for the vacant position.
“The last Pope Adrian was Adrian VI, a Dutchman who was so unfamiliar with Rome that he thought he was going to need to rent a place to live in. He lasted about a year—well-meaning reforming pope up against a lot of cardinals who were not keen on reforming.”
This was in the early stages of the Protestant Reformation and Adrian proposed that perhaps the Church was at fault and its doctrines needed to be reformed. This of course went against the entrenched power structure in Rome who wouldn’t countenance any sort of change and continued to argue for the idea of papal/Church infallibility.
Also of course Adrian’s ethnic background went against him. As he was not Italian, he encountered the hostility of the Roman populace who considered him a stranger and a barbarian from a faraway country. His death was met with celebrations in the streets.
“An earlier Pope Adrian, Adrian IV, is the one who gave the go-ahead to the English to conquer Ireland. He happens to be the only Englishman ever elected pope.”
How very convenient. “God has ordained that England (my homeland) conquer the heathen Irish.” Oh well, that was just how things were in medieval times when the Papacy was a political football.
The Emperor Hadrian was an anti-Semitic fag.
“The term Five Good Emperors was coined by the political philosopher Niccolo Machiavelli in 1503.”
Pope Lexus I?
Pope Goesaweasel is definitely out.
Bigus is classic!!! I got the joke.
He should not pick Petronum.
Why not . . .
Exadaius, or just plain
Exodus . . .
Or maybe something like
Peter-Paul . . . the two didn’t get along so much, and there is always a lot of hidden infighting going on in the back rooms of the Vatican. A Peter-Paul could fight back at both sides at the same time
Lamenteous . . .
Armageddiconus . . .
Or finally, he could be Apocalypsus
If he’s from Mexico he’ll choose Jesus II (pronounced ‘hay-sues’), if he’s a brother, he’ll choose Ice Mofo I.
I’m hoping he chooses Peter the Roman.
(Pope Fabian was the 20th Pope, and reigned from 236 - 250.)
I don't know, but times may be right for a Pope Fabian of Pompadour...
Seeing as how Hadrian (rot his bones!) came about as close to extirpating Judaism from the earth as has ever been done by anyone, and his turning Jerusalem into a pagan Roman city, that certainly doesn't speak well of the early chrstians.
Sonja Henie’s out.
Serves to typlify the "everywhere is exactly like the USA" attitude.
Completing the list
St. Malachy's prophecy, misread?
Saint Malachy, Prophecies about 112 popes until the end of the world, the last five Popes
A POPE DESCRIBED AS 'FROM THE SUN' WAS BORN DURING ECLIPSE AND LEAVES WITH ONE
RATZINGER APPEARS TO FULFILL MALACHY PROPHECY [De Gloria Olivae]
Malachy's Prophecies - The Last 10 Popes
Prophecy of St Malachy (with list of Popes)
i think Mohammed would be the elephant in the room to avoid...
‘Pope Goes The Weasel’
You guyz z z z - !
Hope the RC’s on this thread appreciate the humor - as a non-RC, I do.
Don’t think you’re poking fun at Popes - just fertile minds working at the moment . . .
I hope that Best Buy will commemorate the election of the new pope with a big once in a lifetime sale.
With that in mind, I think they might consider adding a few more names to that list of names not to use, such as these:
Hoponthebus or Hoponthebusgus
I'm still internally debating the possiblity of using "Blessus"...
(I really hope that no Latin expert comes on here and says that that is some kind of bad word in Latin.)