7 Names The New Pope Should Avoid (No not that name!)

NC Register ^ | February 22, 2013 | Patrick Archbold

[NYer]

Of all the possible advice I could give to a new Pontiff, perhaps the most important would be on the subject of name selection.

I wouldn't presume to tell the new Pope what name to pick, but I feel very qualified to tell him which names not to pick. All of the names below are previous names of Popes that should not be repeated. Let's just say they would send the wrong message or offer too many opportunities to detractors.

Hilarius

Picking this name is just asking for trouble. Trust me, Holy Father, it will be very difficult for you to be taken seriously. Why give them such easy ammunition? You might as well call yourself Pope Chuckles I. Not a good idea.

Simplicius

While simplicity can be a virtue, I just don't think I could bear years of Bill Maher simpleton jokes. It is just too easy, why give it to them?

Severinus

Again, just too easy. Popes are already routinely mocked for being 'severe.' Why give them this. Besides, there is a whole segment of the population that will think the Pope is a character in a J.K. Rowling novel. The geeks and cranks will routinely photoshop the pope into black robes and long greasy hair. If we wanted that, we would just elect Ozzy Pope. So no.

Lando

Again, no geeks references. No Star Wars names, period. Sorry, Pope Luke is out too. No Pope should have to endure comparisons to Billy Dee Williams or even Darth Vader. Frankly, I am not sure which is worse.

Sisinnius

Seriously? Do I even need to explain this one? Let's just say this name makes it increasingly difficult to promote traditional marriage. Best if avoided.

[NYer]

Ping!

[null and void]

ping...

[Political Junkie Too]

I guess you can take Pistorius off the list, too.

Last time around, I was rooting for George Ringo.

-PJ

[freedumb2003]

Others to avoid:
* Pozzizle I
* Secretariat
* Sheldon Cooper

[Cowman]

Sicola

(Pope Sicola):)

[AnAmericanAbroad]

Naughtius Maximus

Biggus D**kus

Anything from “Life of Brian”.

[Publius]

In Dan Brown's Angels and Demons, the surviving cardinal chooses the name Luke.

[yefragetuwrabrumuy]

There are many names to choose from, if it is done as a choice to reflect a previous Pope for what they hope to accomplish.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Roman_Catholic_Popes

[AnAmericanMother]

I’m hoping for Pius XIII or Gregory XVII. Leo XIV would be cool, too.

[SunkenCiv]

GGG managers are SunkenCiv, StayAt HomeMother & Ernest_at_the_Beach	join list or digest view topics view or post blog bookmark post a topic subscribe
Thanks NYer. Hilarius Simplicius Severinus Lando Sisinnius Adrian Peter Pope Ori should also be avoided. Pope Boylongwayfromhome is another no-go. Just adding to the catalog, not sending a general distribution. To all -- please ping me to other topics which are appropriate for the GGG list.

[SunkenCiv]

LOLOL!

[mountainlion]

An Irish St. Malachy (1094-1148), named something like 100 coming popes and gave a short description of each. If this pope is Peter the Roman he will probably be the last one.

Documentation:

http://www.bibleprobe.com/last10popes.htm

[Oztrich Boy]

Adrian
No, no Adrian either. Too much like a girls name and it kinda sounds British, which when you think about it is kinda the same thing.

No Patricia, it's only girlish in USAmerica, because the Herns have a habit of giving boys' names to girls.

The actual Gurl form is Adrianne.

[Morgana]

Okay I am going to wager on either Pius or Paul VII.

What you all think?

[SaxxonWoods]

So, “Conclusion the First”?

Or, “Pope Final Solution”?

If memory serves there were only two spots left for the Papal symbols in the Sistine Chapel the last time I was there. Ratzinger filled one.

I’ll have to go to the Vatican site and see if my memory is correct. There should be only one space left.

[Vaquero]

Although more 20th or 21st century

Pope Suburban 1st might not be “big tent” enough in a time when a good chunk of Roman Catholics come from the 3rd world.

[twister881]

Pooftus (unless you’re Obama)

[Fiji Hill]

No, no Adrian either. Too much like a girls (sic) name and it kinda sounds British, which when you think about it is kinda the same thing.

It's a safe bet that the writer didn't receive a classical education. Adrian is a form of Hadrian, the name of one of the Roman Empire's "five good emperors" and is a name frequently found among early Christian churchmen.

[Verginius Rufus]

Each of the names listed has been used once, but only once, by a pope. The last pope with the number II, other than John Paul II, was Marcellus II in 1555, who died after about three weeks in office.

The last Pope Adrian was Adrian VI, a Dutchman who was so unfamiliar with Rome that he thought he was going to need to rent a place to live in. He lasted about a year--well-meaning reforming pope up against a lot of cardinals who were not keen on reforming. An earlier Pope Adrian, Adrian IV, is the one who gave the go-ahead to the English to conquer Ireland. He happens to be the only Englishman ever elected pope.