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Vatican Press Office response to the end of the world
The Hermeneutic of Continuity ^ | 4/6/2013 | Fr Tim Finigan

Posted on 04/06/2013 7:17:25 PM PDT by markomalley

Father Lombardi would keep his cool even if he had to announce the second coming, says Francis Phillips, the excellent columnist and blogger for the Catholic Herald. Her article got me thinking mischievously about what would happen if the second coming were scheduled.

First of all the Vatican Bollettino would announce several days in a row an "Avviso di Conferenza Stampa" (Notice of Press Conference). Two high-ranking prelates and a layman would be slated to speak. Given the importance of the occasion, we might expect Cardinal Burke of the Sacred Penitentiary and Archbishop Muller of the CDF, but it could be Archbishop Zygmunt Zimowski of the Pontifical Council for Pastoral Assistance to Health Care Workers and Cardinal Amato of the Congregation for the Causes of Saints since there might be need for emergency service and quite a lot of saints all in one go. For the laity, perhaps someone from the Pontifical Academy of Social Sciences to talk on the astronomical implications.

Eventually the press conference would take place with three 20 minute speeches issued under embargo during the morning before it takes place, and then read out verbatim to snoozing reporters. These would discuss the theological and social implications of the forthcoming parousia, the positive attitude of the Holy See, and the teaching of the second Vatican Council, particularly the hopeful message of Gaudium et Spes.

In the meantime, various journalists around the world would ask whether Jesus Christ, coming on the clouds of heaven, would in fact approve gay marriage, women priests and an end to priestly celibacy. The Press Office would leave it to the bloggers to go in to bat on those questions, and would concentrate instead on scotching rumours from "informed sources in the Vatican" that Pope Francis had planned to take some homeless people and sit on the top of a mountain awaiting the Day. It would confirm that he intended to remain in the Domus Sanctae Marthae and put himself at the disposal of the Lord, particularly if He wanted breakfast.

On the Day, CTV would offer a syndicated feed, L'Osservatore would print a special issue (distinguished by having pictures of Jesus Christ) and camera crews from the world's media would impatiently wait for the yellow smoke. Liberal Catholics would be ensconced at the BBC to complain that the blood, and fire, and vapour of smoke, the darkening of the sun, and the moon turning to blood were relics of a medieval mindset that did not properly take into account the compassion of Jesus. At least one sedevacantist website would run pictures proving that the Jesus who was about to judge the world in fact had a different hairstyle from the Jesus on the Turin Shroud.

Quietly in the background, Mgr Marini would arrange a Pontifical Celebration Pro Fine Huius Mundi with whatever vestments he had been asked to put out this week. (His courteous warning about the flammable nature of polyester would go unheeded.)


TOPICS: Catholic; Humor
KEYWORDS: satire
Brilliant
1 posted on 04/06/2013 7:17:25 PM PDT by markomalley
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To: markomalley
I wonder if your article is going to stay up.

Christ will come in a cloud and the saved will go up to Him, so the Pope won't have any say in the matter.

If we make up a situation and say there will be a pre-announcement before He comes, I think it would be an announcement in the sky for the world to see, so the Pope still wouldn't have a say in the matter.

Actually, the Pope is as any other Christian in the world, so he is in the same boat with all of us no matter what denomination the Christian is or if the Christian is no denomination.

The only true church is Jesus Christ Himself.

I really don't care what others think of my opinion. I have been a Christian believer since I was 10 years old and have studied the Bible all my life.

Belief in Jesus Christ is an individual matter and there will never be a consensus among those who believe (the ritual that goes along with each belief) and certainly no consensus between believers and nonbelievers.

The Bible says Jesus will appear in a cloud as he left, and there will be a shout - I'm waiting for the shout, not someone to tell me a shout is coming. :o)

2 posted on 04/06/2013 7:43:27 PM PDT by Marcella (Prepping can save your life today. Going Galt is freedom.)
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To: markomalley
Effective ecclesial renewal by means of the sapiental use of our modern means of social communication, in accord with a true thomistic and yet free and generous anthropology, catholic in essence and also in substance, with all due respect to other esteemed faith communities, most especially the separated brethren of the Abrahamic communities, not excluding Muslims, and the defense of the family, a just socio-political solution, care for the integrity of creation, and in line with the constant teaching of our venerable predecessors, not excluding, as an appropriate pastoral adaptation, the possibility of tweeting. Per omnia saecula saeculorum.

Heh.

3 posted on 04/06/2013 7:45:49 PM PDT by Mrs. Don-o (/s/ --- Your sarcasm tag: never leave home without it. --- /s/)
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To: markomalley

Reminds me of the old joke: The Pope’s secretary comes rushing into his study, “Holiness! Jesus has returned! What shall we do?” The Pope responds: “Look busy!”


4 posted on 04/06/2013 7:49:18 PM PDT by COBOL2Java (Fighting Obama without Boehner & McConnell is like going deer hunting without your accordion)
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To: Marcella

Whoa...It only took 2 posts and the Catholic Bashing begins.


5 posted on 04/06/2013 7:51:50 PM PDT by Recovering Ex-hippie (Go Galt!)
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To: markomalley
Best part begins at 1:08
6 posted on 04/06/2013 7:56:51 PM PDT by Former Fetus (Saved by grace through faith)
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To: Recovering Ex-hippie

And it’s humor-impaired as well.


7 posted on 04/06/2013 7:58:53 PM PDT by pbear8 (the Lord is my light and my salvation)
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To: markomalley

Reads all too true.


8 posted on 04/06/2013 8:09:25 PM PDT by RobbyS
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To: Recovering Ex-hippie

“Whoa...It only took 2 posts and the Catholic Bashing begins.”

That wouldn’t be me as I am Catholic. I also think.


9 posted on 04/06/2013 8:11:03 PM PDT by Marcella (Prepping can save your life today. Going Galt is freedom.)
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To: markomalley

Personal pet peeve of mine: Francis is a guy’s name. Always. Did the author misspell her name, misidentify his gender, or please let this not be the case: Francis’ parents gave her a name specifically only for boys when there was a perfect female equivalent.


10 posted on 04/06/2013 8:13:53 PM PDT by dangus (Poverty cannot be eradicated as long as the poor remain dependent on the state - Pope Francis)
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To: markomalley

When that Brother Harold Camping kook claimed that the rapture was coming, I posted on Free Republic as if i were a tourist wandering Rome wondering why there was no-one around. Several people claimed they read deep into the article before they caught onto my ruse... which ended, “Oh, hey... there’s Cardinal Law; what are the odds one of the only people I can find around speaks English?”


11 posted on 04/06/2013 8:19:58 PM PDT by dangus (Poverty cannot be eradicated as long as the poor remain dependent on the state - Pope Francis)
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To: markomalley

That’s very funny. But I tried to share it on my Facebook and I was not successful. Probably my fault, not the blogger’s.


12 posted on 04/06/2013 9:33:04 PM PDT by married21
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To: Marcella
The only true church is Jesus Christ Himself.

The English word "church" is a translation of Greek "ekklesia", which means gathering, assembly. Which would be kinda odd unless many people were being gathered or asembled.

Belief in Jesus Christ is an individual matter

At some level yes, but never forget that those who have a *relationship* with Christ are connected not only to Him but also to each other.

13 posted on 04/07/2013 3:00:33 AM PDT by Claud
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To: Marcella

Matt. 24:36
“But of that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven,but My Father only.”

Matt. 42-44
“Watch therefore, for you do not know what hour your Lord is coming. But know this, that if the master of the house had known what hour the thief would come, he would have watched and not allowed his house to be broken into. Therefore you also be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect.”


14 posted on 04/07/2013 3:55:12 AM PDT by swampfox101 (l)
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To: Marcella

You didn’t get that this was a satire?


15 posted on 04/07/2013 4:45:11 AM PDT by Mrs. Don-o (/s/ --- Your sarcasm tag: never leave home without it. --- /s/)
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To: pbear8

LOL!!!! great one.


16 posted on 04/07/2013 6:08:59 AM PDT by Recovering Ex-hippie (Go Galt!)
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To: Marcella

Sorry if I offended you. Ijust get tired of the Catholic bashing. I did re read your post.


17 posted on 04/07/2013 6:11:57 AM PDT by Recovering Ex-hippie (Go Galt!)
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To: Mrs. Don-o

“You didn’t get that this was a satire?”

Yes, I knew it was satire. I said, “If we make up a situation...”.


18 posted on 04/07/2013 8:43:57 AM PDT by Marcella (Prepping can save your life today. Going Galt is freedom.)
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To: Claud
“The English word “church” is a translation of Greek “ekklesia”, which means gathering, assembly. Which would be kinda odd unless many people were being gathered or asembled.”

Believers are gathered, assembled, in Jesus Christ right now, who is the living church. Churches on earth are physical churches, Jesus Christ is the true living spiritual church. He will gather the members physically when He comes back.

19 posted on 04/07/2013 8:51:09 AM PDT by Marcella (Prepping can save your life today. Going Galt is freedom.)
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To: Recovering Ex-hippie
“Sorry if I offended you. Ijust get tired of the Catholic bashing. I did re read your post.”

I didn't get offended. When discussing religion, people get viciously attacked no matter what they believe since very few have the same interpretation of religion.

I was making the point all believers are equal no matter what one’s station in this physical life. A homeless person who is a believer is as important to Jesus Christ as the Pope. That isn't bashing the Pope or the Catholic faith.

20 posted on 04/07/2013 9:04:32 AM PDT by Marcella (Prepping can save your life today. Going Galt is freedom.)
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To: Marcella

agree with you.


21 posted on 04/07/2013 10:21:07 AM PDT by Recovering Ex-hippie (Go Galt!)
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To: Marcella

Was not the rapture first brought up in the 19th century.


22 posted on 04/07/2013 10:35:47 AM PDT by Biggirl ("Jesus talked to us as individuals"-Jim Vicevich/Thanks JimV!)
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To: Marcella

Post number 22 is a question (?)


23 posted on 04/07/2013 10:36:39 AM PDT by Biggirl ("Jesus talked to us as individuals"-Jim Vicevich/Thanks JimV!)
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To: Marcella

Consider the different churches like the branches of the family tree.


24 posted on 04/07/2013 10:54:42 AM PDT by Biggirl ("Jesus talked to us as individuals"-Jim Vicevich/Thanks JimV!)
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To: Biggirl

I won’t argue about the rapture.


25 posted on 04/07/2013 10:55:21 AM PDT by Marcella (Prepping can save your life today. Going Galt is freedom.)
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To: Marcella

That is what I was told about it that it goes back to the 19th century teaching of the Bible.


26 posted on 04/07/2013 11:32:51 AM PDT by Biggirl ("Jesus talked to us as individuals"-Jim Vicevich/Thanks JimV!)
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To: Biggirl
“That is what I was told about it that it goes back to the 19th century teaching of the Bible.”

It is incorrect to say it was first considered then. That particular teaching was put down in writing then but it doesn't mean there was no verbal understanding or writing of it before then. Man writes down whenever he wants, but the information was there all the time in the Bible.

Rather than go by man's teaching alone, I prefer to evaluate that against the Bible.

2 Timothy 2:15 Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, RIGHTLY DIVIDING the word of truth.

I still won't argue about the rapture, whether it will happen or won't. Rightly divide the word of truth.

27 posted on 04/07/2013 12:09:33 PM PDT by Marcella (Prepping can save your life today. Going Galt is freedom.)
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To: Recovering Ex-hippie

Rofl, Also no sense of humor. He never understood the real theme of the article. lol


28 posted on 04/07/2013 9:18:36 PM PDT by johngrace (I am a 1 John 4! Christian- declared at every Sunday Mass , Divine Mercy and Rosary prayers!)
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