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New Text Message Mass All The Rage At Gonzaga University
Eye of the Tiber ^ | 4/18/2013

Posted on 04/18/2013 4:43:35 PM PDT by markomalley

Spokane, Washington–Expressing sadness for the lack of attention from parishioners during Sunday Masses, Gonzaga University priest Fr. John Conti has recently instituted an all new ”Text-Message-Only Mass.” The Gonzaga graduate who just celebrated his 15th anniversary of priesthood told reporters that the idea came to him as he sat listening to the deacon read the epistle. “I looked out and saw all these college kids reading texts messages on their phones,” Conti said. ”That’s when I knew the Church needed to catch up or risk being left behind, so to speak. So I figured, heck, if they’re already on their phones, might just be easier to text them the prompts and they can just text back the responses.” Conti went on to say that people can think of the new approach to the Mass as a “Novus Ordo Low Mass,” in that it’s quiet throughout the Mass, but that the text messages are in the vernacular rather than Latin. 20-year-old Ganzaga junior Jane Douglas told Eye of the Tiber that the Text-Message-Only Mass has made her enjoy going to Mass again. “It’s sorta awesome now. Last Sunday I was texting my boyfriend and I got this text that was all like ‘Th Lord b W u,’ and I was all texting back like, ‘n w ur spirit ; ),’ and then went back to my boyfriend and decided we’d just go pick up my roommate Sarah and then go to the bonfire. I guess it’s just kinda cool to know you don’t have to leave your social life just cause your at church.” Conti says that if it weren’t for the distribution of the Eucharist, he would be happy to have the Mass go completely virtual. “I like to call it ‘e-fellowship.’”


TOPICS: Catholic; Humor
KEYWORDS: eyeofthetiber; gonzagau; satire

1 posted on 04/18/2013 4:43:35 PM PDT by markomalley
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To: markomalley

Maybe the reason no one goes to Mass is that they aren’t Catholic anymore...


2 posted on 04/18/2013 4:48:21 PM PDT by babygene ( .)
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To: markomalley

There is no reception of the sacraments via remote texts.

What a dualistic society we’ve become.


3 posted on 04/18/2013 4:50:47 PM PDT by Bayard
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To: markomalley
“It’s sorta awesome now. Last Sunday I was texting my boyfriend and I got this text that was all like ‘Th Lord b W u,’ and I was all texting back like, ‘n w ur spirit ; ),’ and then went back to my boyfriend and decided we’d just go pick up my roommate Sarah and then go to the bonfire. I guess it’s just kinda cool to know you don’t have to leave your social life just cause your at church.”

Is this satire???

4 posted on 04/18/2013 4:52:01 PM PDT by DouglasKC
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To: markomalley
Conti says that if it weren’t for the distribution of the Eucharist, he would be happy to have the Mass go completely virtual. “I like to call it ‘e-fellowship.’”

Don't let that be a concern. Someone will develop an app to download a virtual Eucharist by the end of the week. (Somehow, that really wouldn't surprise me.)

5 posted on 04/18/2013 4:56:24 PM PDT by Bob
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To: DouglasKC

My thoughts exactly. Imagine that, church interfering with her social life was such a drag. Where is the factory that cranks out people like this? (Don’t answer, I know where it is.)


6 posted on 04/18/2013 4:57:47 PM PDT by trubolotta
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To: Bob

It’s a bandwidth issue.


7 posted on 04/18/2013 5:04:07 PM PDT by Billthedrill
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To: DouglasKC

check the keywords and the topics.


8 posted on 04/18/2013 5:06:07 PM PDT by markomalley (Nothing emboldens the wicked so greatly as the lack of courage on the part of the good -- Leo XIII)
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To: markomalley

lol...realistic enough to be very effective....nice.


9 posted on 04/18/2013 5:08:14 PM PDT by DouglasKC
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To: markomalley

I dunno, if I could find a quiet NO Mass I might go...j/k


10 posted on 04/18/2013 5:08:27 PM PDT by informavoracious (The ancient Greeks and Romans thought they were on the "right side of history.")
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To: markomalley

satire


11 posted on 04/18/2013 5:09:53 PM PDT by ArrogantBustard (Western Civilization is Aborting, Buggering, and Contracepting itself out of existence.)
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To: ArrogantBustard

Satire.I got this one in my email a couple days ago...

Do Las Vegas Churches accept gambling chips?

THIS MAY COME AS A SURPRISE TO THOSE OF YOU NOT LIVING IN LAS VEGAS, BUT THERE ARE MORE CATHOLIC CHURCHES THAN CASINOS.

NOT SURPRISINGLY, SOME WORSHIPERS AT SUNDAY SERVICES WILL GIVE CASINO CHIPS RATHER THAN CASH WHEN THE BASKET IS PASSED.

SINCE THEY GET CHIPS FROM MANY DIFFERENT CASINOS, THE CHURCHES HAVE DEVISED A METHOD TO COLLECT THE OFFERINGS.

THE CHURCHES SEND ALL THEIR COLLECTED CHIPS TO A NEARBY FRANCISCAN MONASTERY FOR SORTING AND THEN THE CHIPS ARE TAKEN TO THE CASINOS OF ORIGIN AND CASHED IN.

THIS IS DONE BY THE CHIP MONKS.

YOU DIDN’T EVEN SEE IT COMING DID YOU?

It’s so easy to fool ole folks!!!


12 posted on 04/18/2013 5:16:42 PM PDT by stars & stripes forever ((Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord!))
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To: markomalley

Judgement, Purgatory, Hell, Heaven: all face to face - no text, and not virtual


13 posted on 04/18/2013 5:20:27 PM PDT by jobim (.)
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To: markomalley

You know, this is a pretty brilliant idea. No, I’m serious. Now I need the app the enables me to send the MOVE YOUR REAR text to those folks who stand in the door of the train and block my exit.


14 posted on 04/18/2013 5:37:59 PM PDT by jocon307
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To: DouglasKC

Hard to tell reality from satire. Both absurd.


15 posted on 04/18/2013 5:39:05 PM PDT by Veto! (Opinions freely expressed as advice)
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To: markomalley

This priest needs some help in the area of relativism.

He is going down the drain, wouldn’t you say?


16 posted on 04/18/2013 5:40:45 PM PDT by Salvation ("With God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26)
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To: markomalley

The Mass is a coming together. Not a staying apart.

Just another heretic with a “new” idea that doesn’t understand the basics of his religion.


17 posted on 04/18/2013 5:52:50 PM PDT by plangent
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To: babygene; Bayard; Bob; trubolotta; jobim; plangent
Hints:


18 posted on 04/18/2013 6:02:45 PM PDT by markomalley (Nothing emboldens the wicked so greatly as the lack of courage on the part of the good -- Leo XIII)
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To: markomalley
I use this app of the Daily Bible Mass readings with liturgy at Mass. Maybe he does not know they are reading this from phone. The4 whole thing sounds stupid.

https://www.magnificat.net/english/iphoneweb.asp

19 posted on 04/18/2013 6:07:45 PM PDT by johngrace (I am a 1 John 4! Christian- declared at every Sunday Mass , Divine Mercy and Rosary prayers!)
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To: johngrace

https://www.magnificat.net/english/iphoneweb.asp


20 posted on 04/18/2013 6:08:16 PM PDT by johngrace (I am a 1 John 4! Christian- declared at every Sunday Mass , Divine Mercy and Rosary prayers!)
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To: johngrace
see post 18

(Oh, and I use iBreviary)

21 posted on 04/18/2013 6:10:59 PM PDT by markomalley (Nothing emboldens the wicked so greatly as the lack of courage on the part of the good -- Leo XIII)
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To: Bob
Someone will develop an app to download a virtual Eucharist b

3D printer?

22 posted on 04/18/2013 6:16:55 PM PDT by Jeff Chandler (People are idiots.)
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To: stars & stripes forever
That's atrocious. It does make me wonder ... do casino chips end up in the collection basket? We're talking about Las Vegas here ...
23 posted on 04/18/2013 6:38:34 PM PDT by ArrogantBustard (Western Civilization is Aborting, Buggering, and Contracepting itself out of existence.)
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To: markomalley
John 9:25

Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition (RSVCE)

25 He answered, “Whether he is a sinner, I do not know; one thing I know, that though I was blind, now I see.”

I see it clearly on a Clear day now. LOL!

24 posted on 04/18/2013 6:41:44 PM PDT by johngrace (I am a 1 John 4! Christian- declared at every Sunday Mass , Divine Mercy and Rosary prayers!)
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To: markomalley

You sure got me. :O


25 posted on 04/18/2013 6:55:02 PM PDT by Bayard
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To: markomalley
I learned years ago that satire just does not register on the FReepazoid mind.

Yeah, I do try it myself sometimes. And then when everybody starts with the dour sour solemnities and the dull earnest aspergers-like comments, I sez to myself, sez I: "Hey, didn't I learn years ago that satire just does not register on the FReepazoid mind?

So, let it be a lesson to ye.

26 posted on 04/18/2013 7:42:07 PM PDT by Mrs. Don-o (Dies irae, Dies illa, / Solvet saeclum in favilla, / Teste David et Sybilla.)
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To: Billthedrill
It’s a bandwidth issue.


27 posted on 04/18/2013 9:01:14 PM PDT by BlueDragon (drinking tea leads to right wing racism. gospel according to chrissy the sissy matthews)
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To: Mrs. Don-o
So, let it be a lesson to ye.

I will still post EotT and AotA stuff.

We all need to smile from time to time.

28 posted on 04/19/2013 1:08:51 AM PDT by markomalley (Nothing emboldens the wicked so greatly as the lack of courage on the part of the good -- Leo XIII)
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To: markomalley

OK, well done. I was’t trying to inhibit your posting style. Just don’t be surprised by the, clue-deficient response from some in-DUH-viduals :o)


29 posted on 04/19/2013 4:45:12 AM PDT by Mrs. Don-o (When you see a fork in the road, take it. - Yogi Berra)
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To: Mrs. Don-o
LOL

If they can't read clearly labeled topics and keywords, then whose fault is it?

30 posted on 04/19/2013 4:49:10 AM PDT by markomalley (Nothing emboldens the wicked so greatly as the lack of courage on the part of the good -- Leo XIII)
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To: markomalley

It’s pretty sad when we think this is true.


31 posted on 04/19/2013 3:13:57 PM PDT by piusv
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To: Mrs. Don-o; markomalley
And then when everybody starts with the dour sour solemnities and the dull earnest aspergers-like comments...
I'm just an in-DUH-vidual, but doesn't satire, used within posts of faith, border on being sacrilegious?
32 posted on 11/15/2013 9:04:10 AM PST by mlizzy ("If people spent an hour a week in Eucharistic Adoration, abortion would be ended." --Mother Teresa)
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To: dob; trubolotta; babygene; Bayard; jobim
Source: EyeOfTheTiber

Genre: Satire

Your /s/ tag: don't leave home without it.

33 posted on 11/15/2013 9:48:21 AM PST by Mrs. Don-o ("The problem ain't what folks don't know. It's what they DO know, that ain't so!" - Will Rogers)
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To: mlizzy
I'm just an in-DUH-vidual, but doesn't satire, used within posts of faith, border on being sacrilegious?
Do the scriptures forbid the weapon of satire? Only a surface reading of certain texts could lead us to that conclusion. E.W. Bullinger has a section in his book Figures of Speech Used in the Bible called EIRONEIA[1]: or Irony, which is subdivided to include "sarcasmos" i.e., sarcasm. He lists about fifty uses of such irony from the mouth of both God and man.

Perhaps the funniest came from Elijah to the prophets of Baal. I Kings 18:27, "Shout louder. Surely he is a god! Perhaps he is deep in thought or busy, or traveling. Maybe he is sleeping and must be awakened." That is funny! Further examples could be given of irony and other forms of humor used in scripture. The truth is, the Bible is far wittier and more creative than we trust ourselves to be.

I don't want Christian writers to grudgingly accept the use of satire. I want them to embrace it. They should embrace it because it has such marvelous potential.
-- from the thread Taking Humor Seriously


34 posted on 11/15/2013 10:21:11 AM PST by Alex Murphy ("the defacto Leader of the FR Calvinist Protestant Brigades")
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To: mlizzy; Mrs. Don-o; Alex Murphy

“I’m just an in-DUH-vidual, but doesn’t satire, used within posts of faith, border on being sacrilegious?”

Read some more GK Chesterton. Seriously.


35 posted on 11/15/2013 10:27:35 AM PST by markomalley (Nothing emboldens the wicked so greatly as the lack of courage on the part of the good -- Leo XIII)
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To: markomalley

This is the same Gonzaga that boots out students who defend themselves OFF CAMPUS


36 posted on 11/15/2013 10:28:39 AM PST by GeronL (Extra Large Cheesy Over-Stuffed Hobbit)
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To: mlizzy

For example, from his book, George Bernard Shaw (1909),

” An original man has to pause at every allusion or simile to re-explain historical parallels, to re-shape distorted words. Any ordinary leaderwriter (let us say) might write swiftly and smoothly something like this: “The element of religion in the Puritan rebellion, if hostile to art, yet saved the movement from some of the evils in which the French Revolution involved morality.” Now a man like Mr. Shaw, who has his own views on everything, would be forced to make the sentence long and broken instead of swift and smooth. He would say something like: “The element of religion, as I explain religion, in the Puritan rebellion (which you wholly misunderstand) if hostile to art—that is what I mean by art—may have saved it from some evils (remember my definition of evil) in which the French Revolution—of which I have my own opinion—involved morality, which I will define for you in a minute.” That is the worst of being a really universal sceptic and philosopher; it is such slow work. The very forest of the man’s thoughts chokes up his thoroughfare. A man must be orthodox upon most things, or he will never even have time to preach his own heresy”

(I happened to have this one on my tablet...)


37 posted on 11/15/2013 10:32:29 AM PST by markomalley (Nothing emboldens the wicked so greatly as the lack of courage on the part of the good -- Leo XIII)
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To: Alex Murphy

Well-written witty pieces are great, as long as the author is not trying to “trick” someone. Then it becomes sacrilegious to me if their topic is Christianity.


38 posted on 11/15/2013 11:14:14 AM PST by mlizzy ("If people spent an hour a week in Eucharistic Adoration, abortion would be ended." --Mother Teresa)
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To: mlizzy; markomalley
Well-written witty pieces are great, as long as the author is not trying to “trick” someone.

It might be viewed as a change of subject, but IMO information is not a zero-sum commodity, i.e. there is a cost (and benefit) in possessing relavant information. Keeping that in mind, IMO the only way an author of religious satire can "trick" someone is if the reader themselves are ignorant, that is a) they are deliberately kept unaware that the written piece is satire, and b) they are deliberately kept unaware of actual facts or events surrounding the object of satire, which may have inspired the satire.

I can't help the ignorant fool with item B, but in regards to item A, if the "tricked" FReeper failed to confirm the intent of the source article, and failed to observe the "Humor" tag placed on the thread, they are without excuse if they still feel they have been "tricked".


39 posted on 11/15/2013 11:35:07 AM PST by Alex Murphy ("the defacto Leader of the FR Calvinist Protestant Brigades")
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To: markomalley
Read some more GK Chesterton. Seriously.
My husband has read Chesterton much more than I have and he said he doesn't recall him writing much satire about the faith itself. He did mention Erasmus' "In Praise of Folly," as being a famous satire on the Catholic Church.
40 posted on 11/15/2013 1:24:05 PM PST by mlizzy ("If people spent an hour a week in Eucharistic Adoration, abortion would be ended." --Mother Teresa)
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To: sr4402; Mr. Lucky

Ping to my not-entirely-coincidental post #39 on this thread.


41 posted on 11/15/2013 1:35:19 PM PST by Alex Murphy ("the defacto Leader of the FR Calvinist Protestant Brigades")
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To: Alex Murphy

What you said.


42 posted on 11/15/2013 1:37:45 PM PST by Mr. Lucky
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