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Spring fever: First Communions, weddings and “people who act as though they are at a ball game”
The Deacon's Bench ^ | April 28, 2013 | Deacon Greg Kandra

Posted on 04/28/2013 5:48:02 PM PDT by NYer

My blog neighbor Fr. Mike Duffy notes that it’s that time of year again: the season for weddings and First Communions. Unfortunately, as Fr. Duffy notes, these events are often the very definition of a “mixed blessing”:

I would never want to be cold or discourage anyone from coming to Church. But I do hope that anyone who comes to a church ceremony would be respectful. Unfortunately, some people don’t know how to compose themselves in Church any more. I’ve found those experiences to be incredibly discouraging. As someone who loves the Church and her sacraments it’s hard to fathom how people can act in church as though they are at a ball game.

The good father has some advice on how he has learned to handle these things:

Read the rest. Also worth noting is some experience from our other Resident Padre, Fr. Dwight Longenecker:

The wedding party turned up for the rehearsal on the Friday and, as usual, people were in high spirits, but in this case there was some rolling of eyes and poor behavior from some of the non Catholics. I was told by one of the assistants that they were mocking the Catholic Church and making light of what was going on.

So, as I conducted the rehearsal I explained about the Catholic view of marriage and discussed God’s love and our human loves and what the different elements of the ceremony actually meant. Then, the next day, as the wedding began I welcomed everyone and explained that we call this ceremony the “solemnization of marriage” and that, while it is a joyful event, it is also a solemn religious ritual. I explained that God is present here and I invited them to join in with the prayers and treat the ceremony as solemnly as possible so that it would be as beautiful and meaningful as possible for the bride and groom.

The marriage went on, and I noticed that everyone actually responded. People who had been casual and slouchy were standing erect and tall and silent. They had put their cameras away. They knelt reverently and listened carefully to the readings and homily. They were caught up in the ceremony–and this was especially noticeable amongst the non-Catholics.

Then when it came to the blessing of the rings the ten year old boy stepped forward with the rings pinned to a pillow and he was weeping freely. I looked across and saw that one of the beefy groomsmen was also wiping away a tear. The matron of honor was weeping and so was another bridesmaid. Now I know people always cry at weddings, but this was quite extraordinary and I sensed that what was making them weep was a real and tangible presence of God–and that their awareness of his presence was empowered by the fact that they took my words about the solemnity of the ritual seriously.

How beautiful it is, and how necessary, therefore for all of our sacraments to be celebrated with sacred solemnity.

Solemnity? What’s that? I think too many of our faithful have forgotten.

I had a harrowing experience a couple years back, at a baptism involving a whopping 14 babies — a personal record for me. Add in the parents, godparents, grandparents, relatives and hangers-on, and we had a couple hundred people filling the pews. Some were clearly not Catholic; many had not set foot in a church in years. As the baptisms commenced, families would gather in the aisle to pose for pictures, chat, laugh, coo at the baby. It got to be ridiculous. And rude. When I completed the baptisms and needed to continue with the rest of the rite, I literally had to scream to get everyone’s attention and try to bring things back to order. It was nuts. But I learned my lesson. I now begin every baptism with a cautionary word: “We are in the presence of God, in His house,” I remind them. “This isn’t a catering hall or an amusement park. And this isn’t a party. It’s a celebration, yes. But we are celebrating a sacrament. What is about to happen here is something sacred. Remember that. Please. And please act accordingly. Respect God, whose house this is, and respect the other families who are here for this sacrament. No running on the aisles. Don’t act like paparazzi taking pictures of Britney Spears. Stay in one place. And remember to act like you are in church. Because you are.”

It’s amazing to me that things like that have to be said. But they do. I haven’t had any problems since.

Weddings are another matter. Among some people, there’s the temptation to turn the ceremony into a frat party. (I once heard of a bride who was so drunk on her wedding day that she threw up as she processed down the aisle.) But the biggest problem we encounter at my parish is tardiness. We charge a late fee ($150) if the wedding doesn’t start on time. But if you’re spending 20 or 30 grand on the big day, that’s peanuts, and it doesn’t discourage people from arriving for the ceremony 30 or 45 minutes late. If they’re really late, it’s not uncommon for us to have to change a Mass into a ceremony, to get people out of the church before the 5 p.m. vigil mass on Saturday night. (Generally, we won’t have a wedding after 3 p.m. for that reason … but when they don’t show up until 4, well, that’s a problem.)

So yeah: I understand exactly the sort of thing our blogging priests are talking about. And I suspect you do, too. But in an age when fewer people are going to church, what can we expect? It makes all of our jobs harder.

I can only echo what Fr. Mike said at the end of his post:

It can be very discouraging when it seems as though no one else in the church gets what is going on. But then there are those celebrations that truly remind us what we are doing there. The couples that truly get it. The kids that attend Mass regularly. In the end, every Mass is perfect. Jesus Christ is present, the couple is married, the person is buried, the child is confirmed. Would that we could all attend Mass in a respectful and dignified manner. Would that we all realize just what is going on. It all starts with me. It all starts with you.



TOPICS: Catholic; Ministry/Outreach; Religion & Culture; Worship
KEYWORDS:

1 posted on 04/28/2013 5:48:02 PM PDT by NYer
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To: netmilsmom; thefrankbaum; Tax-chick; GregB; saradippity; Berlin_Freeper; Litany; SumProVita; ...

We’re all familiar with A & P catholics. Perhaps we should refer to this group as C & W catholics?


2 posted on 04/28/2013 5:49:00 PM PDT by NYer (Beware the man of a single book - St. Thomas Aquinas)
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To: NYer

Sounds like people who’ve never or almost never been at any indoor worship service, be it Jewish, Protestant, Roman Catholic or whatever. That is more and more common today in the USA, sadly. They weren’t familiar with the expected decorum where people are always respectfully paying attention to whatever is going on in the ceremony. The fact that they respected the officiating person’s request showed that the problem was mostly one of unfamiliarity.

Weddings can run over for a variety of reasons. I remember one I played piano at where the power failed and the rain was drenching. People took shelter inside for over an hour till the rain let up and the power came back. Then the photographer finished up.


3 posted on 04/28/2013 6:03:48 PM PDT by HiTech RedNeck (How long before all this "fairness" kills everybody, even the poor it was supposed to help???)
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To: NYer

Hmm....Can’t say I know what an A&P Catholic is. I know C&E Catholics (Christmas & Easter)....


4 posted on 04/28/2013 6:04:04 PM PDT by surroundedbyblue (Why am I both pro-life & pro-gun? Because both positions defend the innocent and protect the weak.)
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To: NYer

I remember years ago at my sister’s wedding rehearsal at their local Catholic Church, this type of respect was commanded right off the bat as the priest came marching into the Church, banging on his bible and loudly saying, “It is entirely too loud in here! I don’t know how you Protestants do it, but we Catholics remain quiet and respectful in the Church!”

Problem was, it was the Catholics that were making all the noise. :-)

At the time, my sister and I were not Catholic. I converted in ‘92, my sister a couple of years later. The look on my dad’s face that day when Father did that was priceless. I swear I saw steam coming out of his ears.

At the wedding, up in the choir loft, a woman beautifully sang Ave Maria. But it was much to long for Father. When she started the second stanza, he glare up to the loft and rolled his eyes.

We learned to like that old codger over the years though. He’s quite a funny old guy.


5 posted on 04/28/2013 6:09:48 PM PDT by al_c (http://www.blowoutcongress.com)
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To: surroundedbyblue

Ash Wed. / Palm Sun. (a quick google turned it up)


6 posted on 04/28/2013 6:10:36 PM PDT by HiTech RedNeck (How long before all this "fairness" kills everybody, even the poor it was supposed to help???)
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To: NYer

Does Deacon Kandra have something against Texas Ranger fans? ;-)

Being in NY, I figure that’s why he used that pic.


7 posted on 04/28/2013 6:11:35 PM PDT by al_c (http://www.blowoutcongress.com)
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To: al_c

Lol, it wasn’t the Protestants yacking it up at that one!

It’s an issue when starting many Evangelical services. My bible church pastor took care of that one by scheduling the first hymn right at the get-go, as the last note of the prelude echoed away. The yackers HAD to stop....


8 posted on 04/28/2013 6:13:30 PM PDT by HiTech RedNeck (How long before all this "fairness" kills everybody, even the poor it was supposed to help???)
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To: NYer; All

Blame the Church Pastor and Bishops. Nearly all of them have failed the Church miserably. Roger Mahony is EXHIBIT #1


9 posted on 04/28/2013 6:15:25 PM PDT by Steelfish (ui)
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To: surroundedbyblue

The priest at my church refers to these as HMDs, e.g., “hatch, match and dispatch” folk. Occasionally, they even make the Easter service.


10 posted on 04/28/2013 6:30:07 PM PDT by miele man
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To: Steelfish

Agreed. One thing our pastor has done has backfired just as I predicted it would. He got tired of people leaving early, so he moved the announcements to before Mass instead of after. Now people come in late and the ones that leave early still leave early.


11 posted on 04/28/2013 6:32:52 PM PDT by al_c (http://www.blowoutcongress.com)
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To: HiTech RedNeck

whoops! Thanks!


12 posted on 04/28/2013 6:35:30 PM PDT by surroundedbyblue (Why am I both pro-life & pro-gun? Because both positions defend the innocent and protect the weak.)
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To: NYer

This is the time of year that is very dangerous in that kids are out playing in the street, riding bikes and such.There’s graduations, weddings, proms, kids out for a good time, most driving for their first time.Young people are having fun, not always concerned about how they’re driving or drinking.. lost a couple of friends that way many years ago. “April is the cruelest month’’. Just be careful out there folks, nothing so important you gotta go breaking the speed limit for.


13 posted on 04/28/2013 6:56:01 PM PDT by jmacusa (Political correctness is cultural Marxism. I'm not a Marxist.)
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To: surroundedbyblue

According to the Urban Dictionary:
“”Catholics (or any form of Christianity, basically) who only goes to Church on days when they give out free stuff; namely Ash Wednesday and Palm Sunday.

“Bob: Do you ever go to Church?
Steve: Only on Ash Wednesday and Palm Sunday, when they give out free stuff.
Bob: Dude, you are such an A and P Catholic!””

I am not sure that I believe this. Ashes and palm fronds don’t have much value.


14 posted on 04/28/2013 7:09:11 PM PDT by iowamark
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To: NYer

Solemnity? What’s that? I think too many of our faithful have forgotten.

&&&
Just look at how many come dressed as if they are attending the ball game.


15 posted on 04/28/2013 7:24:24 PM PDT by Bigg Red (Restore us, O God of hosts; let your face shine, that we may be saved! -Ps80)
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To: surroundedbyblue
Can’t say I know what an A&P Catholic is.

The folks who show up for "giveaways" - Ashes & Palms.

I know C&E Catholics (Christmas & Easter)....

I had forgotten that expression. In this instance, I intended it to mean (First) Communion & Weddings. They also appear at Confirmations ; - )

16 posted on 04/29/2013 3:28:31 AM PDT by NYer (Beware the man of a single book - St. Thomas Aquinas)
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To: al_c
We learned to like that old codger over the years though. He’s quite a funny old guy.

Good for you! Priests are not cast from the same mold; they come with unique personalities. Some parishioners might feign offense at his actions. You, on the other hand, were more broadminded.

17 posted on 04/29/2013 3:33:35 AM PDT by NYer (Beware the man of a single book - St. Thomas Aquinas)
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To: al_c
One thing our pastor has done has backfired just as I predicted it would. He got tired of people leaving early, so he moved the announcements to before Mass instead of after. Now people come in late and the ones that leave early still leave early.

I visited one Catholic Church (I don't remember where now) where the pastor had printed in beautiful script across the inside, upper thresholds of the doors: "At the first Mass... Judas left first."

18 posted on 04/29/2013 5:59:20 AM PDT by pgyanke (Republicans get in trouble when not living up to their principles. Democrats... when they do.)
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To: pgyanke

All parishes should have that above every door.


19 posted on 04/29/2013 6:40:27 AM PDT by al_c (http://www.blowoutcongress.com)
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To: NYer
The picture below is the church I attended from birth until I was married. It is the largest in the state. One of our pastors told me that they had calls all the time from people who wanted to get married there. Not parishioners or even Catholics, just people who thought they'd rent the church like they did a reception hall. Pretty amazing.


20 posted on 04/29/2013 7:02:05 AM PDT by Straight Vermonter (Posting from deep behind the Maple Curtain)
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To: iowamark

C & E is more like it, you are viewed as a freak if you have ashes on your head on ash Wednesday

Now I will say this, I made the huge error of marrying a nonCatholic. At our service (I was such an idiot that I refused a Mass and took Communion before the ceremony) during the offering each other the “sign of peace” which I still abhor, the Catholic side grudgingly did it and the protestor side looked around like the rest of us were all nuts.


21 posted on 04/29/2013 7:02:51 AM PDT by yldstrk (My heroes have always been cowboys)
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To: Bigg Red
Just look at how many come dressed as if they are attending the ball game.

My wife works at a local college. She says that young women today have no idea of the difference between clothes to wear out to a club and clothes appropriate for church or work. I've seen a young lady(?) at Mass with a shirt that doesn't reach her navel and tiny shorts and I've seen a woman at work wearing yoga pants and knee high boots.

I'm starting to think that this one time the wife knows what she is talking about.

22 posted on 04/29/2013 7:10:58 AM PDT by Straight Vermonter (Posting from deep behind the Maple Curtain)
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To: NYer

I think that there needs to be a fine line. Yes people shouldn’t be yakking during a wedding and they should respectful of others during services However, Catholics tend to be too dour about their worship. If you’ve ever been to an African American service, there is lots of happiness and rejoicing. And these people are respectful and wear their Sunday best.

It seems to me that Catholicism could use a little less dourness and guilt and a little more joy.


23 posted on 04/29/2013 7:30:59 AM PDT by illinidiva
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To: NYer

Sadly, I’ve seen everything the Deacon is mentioning here. My least favorite: The Cirque de Baptism with 20 babies at a time. Bleeccch! Once, when I was standing up there with my new goddaughter in my arms (the 14th of 15!), the priest instructed everyone to sing, “If You’re Catholic And You Know It, Clap Your Hands.” Uhmmmm.....no, I don’t think I will sing that, thanks.

None of the babies got a real exorcism, but they DID get that little ditty. It was the most irreverent sacramental ceremony I’ve ever seen, with people literally climbing over each other and Father having to shout to be heard (his own fault; he should run a tighter ship and not have those mass baptisms).

Regards,


24 posted on 04/29/2013 7:52:19 AM PDT by VermiciousKnid (Sic narro nos totus!)
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To: Straight Vermonter

Oh, I hear you. I am astounded by what I see at Mass.

Recently, I was going in behind 3 college-age women, and thinking about how inappropriate their attire was. This time, there was no skin showing, but they had outfits that looked sprayed on to their very attractive figures. (I am a woman, so such sights just annoy me. I feel sorry for the men at Mass who are trying to concentrate.)

Imagine my surprise when I saw these females from the front and realized, by her face, that one of them must have been the mother, a woman clearly old enough to know better.


25 posted on 04/29/2013 12:37:47 PM PDT by Bigg Red (Restore us, O God of hosts; let your face shine, that we may be saved! -Ps80)
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To: illinidiva
Catholics tend to be too dour about their worship.

The point is respect. Also, evidently you've never been to a Catholic mass in Africa, have you? Have you been to a Catholic mass in the USA either?

26 posted on 05/03/2013 11:22:31 PM PDT by Cronos (Latin presbuteros->Late Latin presbyter->Old English pruos->Middle Engl prest->priest)
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To: Cronos

Umm.. I’ve been to plenty of Catholic Masses. I currently attend a Catholic Mass in Spanish and enjoy it immensely. However, I also remember going to Catholic school and having to kneel through everyone taking Communion before I made my First Communion. I didn’t really gain any reverence or respect for the Eucharist as a first grader. All I remember was having sore knees.


27 posted on 05/04/2013 8:38:16 AM PDT by illinidiva
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To: illinidiva

All I remember was having sore knees. >>>

oh, you poor thing, I feel so sorry for your pain.


28 posted on 05/19/2013 8:08:12 PM PDT by Coleus
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