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Is Online Dating Biblical?
Christian Post ^ | 06/01/2013 | Jim Daly, Focus on the Family

Posted on 06/01/2013 10:37:46 AM PDT by SeekAndFind

Online dating is one of those subjects that Christians enjoy debating. In one camp, there are some who believe looking for love online betrays a lack of faith in God's provision of a spouse. In their view, the seemingly endless lists of online profiles creates a superficial consumer mentality that undermines the sacrificial nature of Christ-centered love.

The other side counters that online dating is merely a tool God can use to bring two people together – users don't place their faith in the matchmaking site, but in the Lord. They point to their neighbor/sister/uncle/friend that met his/her spouse online and is enjoying a healthy, happy marriage. What can be wrong with that?

The arguments on both sides have merit. Like many things, online dating isn't inherently evil or good. Sometimes things are less about what we do than about the heart we do it with. More often than not, the Bible offers general principles over specifics. We can then take these big ideas and apply them to our everyday lives and the choices we make. But that process requires wisdom, discernment and guidance.

Focus' online community for young adults, Boundless, seeks to help singles navigate these issues. Through Boundless, Focus encourages intentional living and offers resources that motivate young adults to know their worth in Christ as individuals and to be open to the opportunities God may have for them.

For some in the Boundless community, this may lead them to trust God to bring a spouse through church, work, or a blind date set up through mutual friends. For others, it may involve signing up to an online dating site and seeing if God uses that. Boundless has even joined forces with online dating service ChristianCafe.com to help connect marriage-minded Christian singles and provide them with Bible-based relationship advice.

But then what?

What if a single man or woman signs up to ChristianCafe.com and meets someone? Where do they go from there? You can't stay online forever, so how does a potential couple make the jump from the virtual world to the "real world"?

To help answer this question, I'm going to share some tips from one of my female colleagues. She met her husband online and has good insight on making the transition from being matched in a dating service to meeting in-person. (You can read their complete story in this Boundless post.)

1. Meet in-person as soon as you can.

Think of online dating as merely a tool to meet new people. My husband and I know of various other Christian couples who met online and are now married. Common to all of us was that we transitioned from the online world to the "real world" as soon as we could.There's a temptation when meeting online to keeping it there because it's so "safe." You can share at a heart-level, showing only the best of yourself and hiding what's not as flattering. That's why meeting in person sooner rather than later is wise. It gives you a chance to get to know the person in the real world. It's important to see for yourself how this person treats others, deals with everyday frustrations and carries him/herself. Scheduling the in-person meeting before you develop serious feelings can help you make wise decisions on whether this is a relationship you want to continue exploring or not.

2. Common sense is as important online as it is in the "real world."

Be safe. Meeting on a Christian dating site doesn't automatically mean the person you're communicating with is who they say they are. When you schedule that first in-person meeting, do it in a public area. Let your friends and/or family know what you're doing.

3. Quickly bring this person into your community and get to know theirs. This gives you much-needed context to making sure this person is who they say they are.

When my husband and I first met in person, I had someone I trusted (an older male) come with me and help me make sure this "virtual guy" was legit. I also made sure he met some of my trusted friends early on so they could give me input. That he was willing to be vetted helped me realize his intentions were sincere and his heart humble.

That he quickly made sure I met his friends and family helped me know his intentions were serious.

4. It's OK if the initial meeting is a bit awkward at first.

I'm not going to lie – I felt a bit self-conscious and shy that first day I hung out with The Man Who Would Become My Husband. It was strange to me that this guy knew how my day at work yesterday had gone, and yet I didn't know if his eyes crinkled up when he smiled or if he gestured a lot when he talked. (In case you're wondering, by the way, they do and he does.)

He was patient for me to come out of my shell a bit, and thank God I was able to overcome any foolish notions I had that our meeting would be perfect out of the box. We learned that it's worth working for things that matter.

5. In all things, trust God and follow His lead.

In the end, meeting online is something we don't even think about now. God used online dating to get us together, but, like couples who meet in a more conventional manner, we had to pray, trust and obey throughout every step of the dating and engagement journey.

We've now been married for four-and-a-half years and we have two precious kids. There's no doubt in our minds that God, not our dating site, was our ultimate matchmaker.

If you or someone you know is interested in trying out ChristianCafe.com, you can take advantage of a special offer through Boundless by using this link. Before you do, consider reading through Boundless' article on the 10 online dating "don'ts" for men and women.

But let me hear from you. Have you ever tried online dating? How did it go? I'd love to hear your story.

-- Jim Daly is president of Focus on the Family and host of its National Radio Hall of Fame-honored daily broadcast, heard by more than 2.9 million listeners a week on more than 1,000 radio stations across the U.S.


TOPICS: Evangelical Christian; Moral Issues; Religion & Culture
KEYWORDS: dating; internet; onlinedating; singles

1 posted on 06/01/2013 10:37:46 AM PDT by SeekAndFind
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To: SeekAndFind

He works in emysterious ways.


2 posted on 06/01/2013 10:40:52 AM PDT by Winstons Julia (Hello OWS? We don't need a revolution like China's; China needs a revolution like OURS.)
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To: SeekAndFind
Probably about as Biblical as deciding on a bride based on how much water she gives your camels...(Gen 24:11-32). ☺

As with most things, it depends on the hearts of the actors.

3 posted on 06/01/2013 10:46:55 AM PDT by PapaNew
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To: SeekAndFind

Jim Daly writes:
When my husband and I first met in person, I had someone I trusted (an older male) come with me and help me make sure this "virtual guy" was legit. I also made sure he met some of my trusted friends early on so they could give me input. That he was willing to be vetted helped me realize his intentions were sincere and his heart humble.
???


4 posted on 06/01/2013 10:47:26 AM PDT by SunkenCiv (Romney would have been worse, if you're a dumb ass.)
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To: SeekAndFind

Is dating Biblical?


5 posted on 06/01/2013 10:48:02 AM PDT by vladimir998
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To: SeekAndFind

Well, going door to door with a goat hasn’t worked so far.


6 posted on 06/01/2013 10:50:22 AM PDT by Larry Lucido
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To: vladimir998

That’s the real question.


7 posted on 06/01/2013 10:53:21 AM PDT by freedomfiter2 (Brutal acts of commission and yawning acts of omission both strengthen the hand of the devil.)
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To: SunkenCiv
From the article:

To help answer this question, I'm going to share some tips from one of my female colleagues.

8 posted on 06/01/2013 11:03:30 AM PDT by Anitius Severinus Boethius (www.wilsonharpbooks.com - New Robin Hood book out!)
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To: SeekAndFind
I met the absolute perfect love of my life through online dating. She was God's gift to me, although sadly, the breast cancer for which she had been surgically and chemically treated a few months before I met her metastasized two years later, causing her death this past January.

But still, I am so grateful to Match.com for having brought her into my life to be my angel during the time she had left. I thought that medicine and all the love and care I had to give her would keep her alive for many years, but in the end it was like the Garth Brooks song: "I could have missed the pain, but I'da had to miss the dance."

People who say that you should trust God to bring you a mate instead of going online remind me of the old joke:

Old Mrs. Watkins awoke one spring morning to find that the river had flooded the entire first floor of her house. Looking out of her window, she saw that the water was still rising. Two men passing by on a rowboat shouted up an invitation to row to safety with them. “No, thank you,” Mrs. Watkins replied. “The Lord will provide.” The men shrugged and rowed on.

By evening, the water level forced Mrs. Watkins to climb on top of the roof for safety. She was spotted by a man in a motorboat, who offered to pick her up. “Don’t trouble yourself,” she told him. “The Lord will provide.”

Pretty soon, Mrs. Watkins had to seek refuge atop the chimney. When a Red Cross cutter came by on patrol, she waved it on, shouting, “The Lord will provide.” So the boat left, the water rose and the old woman drowned.

Dripping wet and thoroughly annoyed, she came through the pearly gates and demande d to speak to God. “What happened?” she cried. “For cryin out loud, lady,” God said, “I sent three boats!”

9 posted on 06/01/2013 11:05:05 AM PDT by Maceman (Just say "NO" to tyranny.)
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To: Larry Lucido

“Well, going door to door with a goat hasn’t worked so far.”

Maybe you need a better goat.


10 posted on 06/01/2013 11:05:46 AM PDT by mrs. a (It's a short life but a merry one...)
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To: SeekAndFind

“Is Online Dating Biblical?”

It wasn’t very popular then — all they had was dial-up.


11 posted on 06/01/2013 11:05:54 AM PDT by USFRIENDINVICTORIA
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To: SeekAndFind

I had not thought of in-line matchmaking as being unbiblical. But I see now how one could argue that point. I makes me think of Reagan’s old line “trust but verify” before dating.


12 posted on 06/01/2013 11:06:59 AM PDT by Theodore R. ("Hey, the American people must all be crazy out there!")
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To: SeekAndFind

In Genesis, Isaac was all depressed over the death of his mother. Abraham decided that his son needed a wife. So he sent a servant back to the land that he and Sarah had come from to find a suitable wife for Isaac.

The servant took an entire train of camels loaded down with riches, found a relative of Sarah’s named Rachel, and bought her from her Father to be Isaac’s wife.

If “dating” isn’t Biblical, then should we all just have our parents buy us a spouse the way Abraham did for Isaac? (And a second cousin at that.)


13 posted on 06/01/2013 11:10:18 AM PDT by Anitius Severinus Boethius (www.wilsonharpbooks.com - New Robin Hood book out!)
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To: Winstons Julia
He works in emysterious ways.
Indeed He does. How else would I---after (pardon the pun) God only knows how many years' trial and error---have found the love of my life online . . . when we both lived only about seven miles apart in Las Vegas?

p.s. We've been together for four years and three months since . . .

14 posted on 06/01/2013 11:11:16 AM PDT by BluesDuke (What made America great: God, guns, and Gibson Les Pauls . . .)
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To: SeekAndFind

Fornication is, and an overwhelming majority (plurality) of Americans indulge in, and condone it. The Bible is as opposed against it as it is against homosexuality.

Fornication = sex before marriage.

Going to its middle eastern cultural roots, even dating wouldn’t be Biblical.


15 posted on 06/01/2013 11:15:49 AM PDT by James C. Bennett (An Australian.)
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To: PapaNew

Probably better than signing up to be a harem girl like Esther did


16 posted on 06/01/2013 11:18:51 AM PDT by MNDude (Sorry for typos. Probably written on a smartphone, and I have big clumsy fingers.)
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To: SeekAndFind
Well I don't know that theres anything biblical about it but it's dang sure different. I was married to my first wife for 35 years then things went south and we got a divorce. For about a year all I did was work and come home, just staying busy. My daughter came over and told me I needed to get out and I told her I didn't have time for that, she then talked me into joining Match.com. Set the search for 50 miles and a few ladies popped up but one in particular caught my eye and it wasn't because she had a pickup and a bass boat, which she did. I sent her a message and she didn't reply, about two weeks later I did it again and still no reply. Third time was the charm and we started talking online and on the phone, took her out to eat and it was all over for me. Little redhead about 5-2 and 110 lbs that lover to hunt, fish and just about everything else I did. We'll be married 2 years the 11th of this month. Did I tell ya shes a hell of a shot also.  photo 004-12.jpg That used to be my Styer Pro Hunter 243, I've since lost custody she won't give it up. Shot here first elk last year! My first wife wouldn't hunt or fish. Online dating damn sure worked for us.
17 posted on 06/01/2013 11:26:51 AM PDT by Dusty Road
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To: Dusty Road

Little too much blood in the elk photo but she dropped it with one shot from her 7mm08 at about 150 yards. 5x5


18 posted on 06/01/2013 11:28:50 AM PDT by Dusty Road
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To: SeekAndFind

I met my wife on JDate: basically match.com for Red Sea pedestrians.

In the old days there was a Shidduch, or matchmaker.

Naturally, however, we cut out the middleman.


19 posted on 06/01/2013 11:34:23 AM PDT by golux
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To: SeekAndFind

Just because two people met at church doesn’t mean they are a good match. Churchgoers divorce at a comparable rate to non-churchgoers. Online dating done wisely can’t be too bad and is probably worth considering.


20 posted on 06/01/2013 11:43:00 AM PDT by fso301
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To: fso301

Whats nice about it is you get to know allot about them from their profiles, interests, hobbies, politics. Her and I are both very busy so standard dating just wasn’t an option, I’m in the oil business and she’s the ER Director at the hospital. Online dating cuts through allot of red tape.


21 posted on 06/01/2013 11:57:04 AM PDT by Dusty Road
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To: vladimir998; freedomfiter2

RE: Is dating Biblical?

Well, here’s the flip side — which passage in scripture tells us that dating is un-biblical?


22 posted on 06/01/2013 12:11:02 PM PDT by SeekAndFind
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To: SeekAndFind

Al Gore invented online dating!


23 posted on 06/01/2013 12:15:56 PM PDT by albie
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To: SeekAndFind

The closest thing would be when Paul is instructing Timothy in how to relate to women. (1 timothy 5:2) Other than that modern dating typically involves fornication or at least foreplay which would be forbidden. Other than that there is the question of what is the purpose for dating. It hasn’[t shown to be a good method of establishing good lasting marriages.


24 posted on 06/01/2013 12:24:08 PM PDT by freedomfiter2 (Brutal acts of commission and yawning acts of omission both strengthen the hand of the devil.)
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To: mrs. a

“Well, going door to door with a goat hasn’t worked so far.”

Maybe you need a better goat.

Maybe just a different neighborhood.


25 posted on 06/01/2013 12:25:11 PM PDT by freedomfiter2 (Brutal acts of commission and yawning acts of omission both strengthen the hand of the devil.)
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To: SeekAndFind

My wife and I met on eHarmony. I was a youth pastor in middle-of-nowhere NC and she was in middle-of-nowhere SC. No decent Christian young adults in our area so we both looked online. Dated for 6 months, got engaged, and got married 8 months after that. She is the perfect complement to me and my ministry and we have a beautiful little boy now.

She paid for a one year membership. I signed up during “free communication weekend”. I still say she got the better end of the deal! :)

As far as it being “biblical” or not, is meeting at a bar “biblical”? Throw any venue/setting out there and not sure if any would be truly “biblical” because it’s a contextual issue.

Even churches aren’t always the best venue, as just because two individuals are single and Christian, doesn’t mean they’re the best match or would be attracted to another.

Point is, chemistry still needs to be there regardless of the way you meet. First time I saw my wife in person I was a goner!


26 posted on 06/01/2013 12:36:16 PM PDT by AskNotReceiveNot
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To: Anitius Severinus Boethius

You meant Rebekah (Rebecca). Rachel was one of Jacob’s wives.


27 posted on 06/01/2013 12:39:59 PM PDT by Verginius Rufus
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To: Verginius Rufus

D’oh! Yes, Rebekah. Who was Rachel’s Aunt.

Isaac marries a second cousin, Jacob marries two of his first cousins. Like a family out of a Faulkner novel.


28 posted on 06/01/2013 12:47:14 PM PDT by Anitius Severinus Boethius (www.wilsonharpbooks.com - New Robin Hood book out!)
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To: SeekAndFind

29 posted on 06/01/2013 1:08:17 PM PDT by Brian Kopp DPM
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To: SeekAndFind; Chode

From my point of view it’s a bloody waste of time.


30 posted on 06/01/2013 1:50:02 PM PDT by Morgana (Always a bit of truth in dark humor.)
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To: Dr. Brian Kopp

That’s not real!! Is it?


31 posted on 06/01/2013 1:50:51 PM PDT by Morgana (Always a bit of truth in dark humor.)
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To: SeekAndFind

Is dating itself biblical? Online anything can’t be biblical, at least according to the following defintion of the word biblical:

Of, relating to, or contained in the Bible.

The question is if something is anti-biblical or not.


32 posted on 06/01/2013 4:03:14 PM PDT by ReformationFan
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To: SeekAndFind

I think it falls under the prohibition of vicarious fornication.


33 posted on 06/01/2013 4:07:16 PM PDT by arthurus (Read Hazlitt's Economics In One Lesson ONLeNE http://steshaw.org/econohttp://www.fee.org/library/det)
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To: Dusty Road

That is one squat ugly elk. I don’t think it would be kosher.


34 posted on 06/01/2013 4:12:16 PM PDT by arthurus (Read Hazlitt's Economics In One Lesson ONLeNE http://steshaw.org/econohttp://www.fee.org/library/det)
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To: fso301

My wife and I met at church 50 years ago. We’ve been married 44 years but she’s only my first wife.


35 posted on 06/01/2013 4:14:16 PM PDT by arthurus (Read Hazlitt's Economics In One Lesson ONLeNE http://steshaw.org/econohttp://www.fee.org/library/det)
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To: SeekAndFind
After a "quickslexic" read of the title, I thought it said-

Is Carbon Dating Biblical?

36 posted on 06/01/2013 4:55:48 PM PDT by mikrofon (ON,NTSA ;)
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To: arthurus

LOL. The hog pic was pretty clean but the elk was a little bloody so I held off on that one. She took her first two whitetail bucks the first year we were married.


37 posted on 06/01/2013 5:17:11 PM PDT by Dusty Road
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To: BluesDuke

I recently met a nice guy online, by accident, too.


38 posted on 06/01/2013 5:23:22 PM PDT by Winstons Julia (Hello OWS? We don't need a revolution like China's; China needs a revolution like OURS.)
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To: arthurus
My wife and I met at church 50 years ago. We’ve been married 44 years but she’s only my first wife.

Congratulations!

39 posted on 06/01/2013 5:40:32 PM PDT by fso301
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To: Larry Lucido

I think you need to get a bigger goat.


40 posted on 06/01/2013 6:25:08 PM PDT by kaehurowing
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To: kaehurowing

I think you need to get a bigger goat:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gciFoEbOA8


41 posted on 06/01/2013 6:38:44 PM PDT by kaehurowing
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To: Larry Lucido

your “acct has been banned or unbended”

??

kg/nancy


42 posted on 06/01/2013 6:47:47 PM PDT by krunkygirl (force multiplier in effect...)
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To: Larry Lucido

whoops-— “spanned”

no less confusing-—actually, more so


43 posted on 06/01/2013 6:50:11 PM PDT by krunkygirl (force multiplier in effect...)
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To: ReformationFan

RE:m The question is if something is anti-biblical or not.

My understanding of the word Biblical is this — What conforms to scriptural principles or commands.


44 posted on 06/01/2013 6:52:35 PM PDT by SeekAndFind
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To: SeekAndFind

Is meeting in a bar biblical?

That’s exactly where I met my husband, 25 years ago today.


45 posted on 06/01/2013 7:19:27 PM PDT by Gabz (Democrats for Voldemort.)
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To: Gabz

Met my first wife at the Hill Top Lounge in 1974 married the same year. That marriage lasted until december 9th 2009, the day I caught her with another man.


46 posted on 06/02/2013 4:27:19 AM PDT by Dusty Road
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To: SeekAndFind

Well if it’s not in the Bible it must not be God’s Will....

Harrrrumph.


47 posted on 06/02/2013 9:22:37 AM PDT by piusv
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To: piusv

RE: Well if it’s not in the Bible it must not be God’s Will....

So, eating ice cream and eating a burger is not God’s will? They’re not in the Bible...


48 posted on 06/02/2013 7:35:09 PM PDT by SeekAndFind
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To: SeekAndFind

If it works it works; most people still meet at a place of employment as I understand it. Harassment rules are kind of crimping styles along those lines as well. Then again, there are those of us who’ve given up because of the math: (what I want) - (what I can get) = zero. Cold, hard truth.


49 posted on 06/28/2013 8:24:52 PM PDT by MSF BU (n)
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To: SeekAndFind

you really don’t have to argue whether online dating is biblical or not. every person has his own stand about it and for whatever is his opinion, it should be respected. if biblical is the term you wanted to associate with oline dating, then i guess you need to start with the good and pure intention towards the people you meet online.


50 posted on 10/29/2013 4:36:04 AM PDT by TomGonz (startdatingtoday.org)
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