This was one of the homilies at my ELCA church that they got right, which is that forgiving and forgetting are two different animals.
As to your last observation - that the Spirit can change people. That’s certainly true, however, then the entire subject turns on timetables and cost/benefit analysis. God doesn’t call for us to be pinatas, just forgiving.
That's true, and I was not suggesting that there is a single process for every situation.