[SATIRE] As Catholic numbers decline, old church tries new tricks

Lark News ^

[Alex Murphy]

MEXICO CITY — Capitalizing on momentum from recent papal events, the Catholic church yesterday acknowledged its “insane jealousy and rabid envy of Pentecostals” in Latin America, and launched an ambitious plan to re-assert itself in countries where it has lost ground.

Fleets of CC-Mobiles, new roving confession and Communion trucks, are plying neighborhoods in Mexico and the U.S.

“When I heard the tinkling music, I thought it was the ice cream man, so I sent the kids out with money,” says Maria Gonzalez. “Then I saw a priest at the wheel. He invited us into the truck to have brightly-colored Communion wafers and confess anything we needed to confess. I have to admit, it was convenient.”

The Church hopes to appeal to youth with Radical Rosary conferences. The PromiseKeepers-style events will promote church rituals under new names like “Man Your Stations” stations of the Cross and “Kickin’-It Confessionals” which Church literature describes as “hang-out sessions with priests where you can talk about anything that’s on your mind except subjects relating to child abuse.” Priests are also distributing bumper stickers that say, “Sì, Catolico!” and “Catholic … And Cool.”

But long term success depends on the new pope, they say.

“We are excited about the potential of our 78-year-old German conservative pope to dazzle people with his proven ‘rock star quality,’” says a priest from Oaxaca. “He will help us take back ground we conquered five hundred years ago.” •

[Alex Murphy]

Fleets of CC-Mobiles, new roving confession and Communion trucks, are plying neighborhoods in Mexico and the U.S.... The Church hopes to appeal to youth with Radical Rosary conferences. The PromiseKeepers-style events will promote church rituals under new names like “Man Your Stations” stations of the Cross and “Kickin’-It Confessionals” which Church literature describes as “hang-out sessions with priests where you can talk about anything that’s on your mind except subjects relating to child abuse.” Priests are also distributing bumper stickers that say, “Sì, Catolico!” and “Catholic … And Cool.”

See related:
"Confessional car" designed for tourists' needs
College students create confessional in a car

[RegulatorCountry]

That’s tackier than anything I’ve ever seen some white-suited, blowdried televangelist do. Does it play kiddie music so it can be heard coming from blocks away? Danger, danger Dr. Smith, lol. The driver of that one needs to stay out of the communion wine before driving, too, looking at the recent dents.

[SumProVita]

“...yesterday acknowledged its “insane jealousy and rabid envy of Pentecostals” in Latin America...”

_______________________________

LOL! How and where was this done...and by whom? Lol!

I notice that the website producing this article also offers horoscopes. Could it be that we are getting a rather distorted “reporting” from this group?

;-o

[Dr. Sivana]

Satire alert missing

[lee martell]

Cute idea. We should get out with the people where they are. You can keep the fluorescent colored Eucharists, though. Nowadays, doing anything close to giving your confession in the public square means you accept the risk that others are probably listening to your stammered litany of inequities.
There’s the NSA, the FBI, PETA, EPA, IRS, and our young (ex) Pal; Monsieur E. Snowden, newly relocated to Siberia.

[vladimir998]

Not really new. Catholic Church in America used mobile vans for missionary work in the 30s and 40s.

[Forward the Light Brigade]

The Roman Catholics need to do something to keep people in the Pews. How about more traditionalist Mass? How about more getting with the people-—Better Music-— Christmas is coming! That should be a big boost.

[pingman]

“Twenty naked Pentecostals in a Pontiac,
Brothers and sisters shoutin’ in the back,
Elders in the front,
choir in the trunk,
Twenty naked Pentecostals in a Pontiac!”

[Col Freeper]

LOL, I saw what you did!

"On the snow white wings of a ..... Lark!

[RegulatorCountry]

Is that sung to the tune of Beck’s “Two Turntables And A Microphone” ir that oldies soul tune that went “Diamond in the back, sunroof top, diggin’ the scene in a gangsta lean, wooo-oooh,” lol?

[metmom]

Lark News

[Arthur McGowan]

Catholics NEVER call the host a “wafer.”

[ClaytonP]

“We are excited about the potential of our 78-year-old German conservative pope to dazzle people with his proven ‘rock star quality,’

Was this article from 2005?

[RegulatorCountry]

You be the judge: Curtis Mayfield - “Diamond In The Back”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZVANQheoRUw

[daniel1212]

Capitalizing on momentum from recent papal events, the Catholic church yesterday acknowledged its “insane jealousy and rabid envy of Pentecostals” in Latin America, and launched an ambitious plan to re-assert itself in countries where it has lost ground.

Not exactly the Latin Mass, while once again, Rome's preeminence is manifest as being the real goal, not converting the lost, by warring against conservative evangelicals who left Rome due its spiritual deficiencies. Which is now replaced with hype.

• 55% of evangelical converts from Catholicism cited dissatisfaction with Catholic teachings about the Bible was a reason for leaving Catholicism, with 46% saying the Catholic Church did not view the Bible literally enough.

• 81% of all Protestant converts from Catholicism said they enjoyed the service and worship of Protestant faith as a reason for joining a Protestant denomination, with 62% of all Protestants and 74% Evangelicals also saying that they felt God's call to do so. - Pew forum, Faith in Flux (April 27, 2009) http://pewforum.org/uploadedfiles/Topics/Religious_Affiliation/fullreport.pdf

• Latinos comprised 32 percent of all U.S. Catholics in 2008, versus to 20 percent in 1990. However, Catholic identification has slipped from 66 percent in 1990 to 60 percent in 2008. There has also been a significant rise in the number of Latinos who do not adhere to a religion. The longer a Latino has lived in the United States, the less likely he or she is to be Catholic. Study of Secularism in Society and Culture at Trinity College, http://theamericano.com/2010/03/18/new-report-on-u-s-latino-religious-identification/

• 18% of all Latinos say they have either converted from one religion to another or to no religion at all. http://pewhispanic.org/files/reports/75.4.pdf

• 1,000 Mexicans left the Catholic Church every day between 2000 and 2010, a decline that has continued uninterrupted over the past 60 years, from 98.21 of the population to 83.9 percent today. Latin American Herald Tribune, March 10, 2011, based upon census data and study by sociologist and historian Roberto Blancarte of Colegio de Mexico and the National Autonomous University of Mexico

• The percentage of of Protestants and Evangelicals rose from 1.28% in 1950 to close to 8% of the total population in 2010, (excluding so-called Jehovah’s Witnesses or Mormons). 5.2 million say they profess no religion. ^

• This decline is seen as extending across the region (Catholics represent between 55% to 73% in Central America, 70% in Brazil, 50% in Cuba and Uruguay).^

• Brazil’s National Statistics Institute reported that the number of evangelical Christians in Brazil (the world’s largest Catholic country) has risen from 15% of the population in 2000 to to 22% of the population in 2010, and 4% 40 years ago, while the proportion of Catholic Brazilians fell from 93.% of Brazilians 40 years ago, and 74% of the population in 2000 to to 65% in 2010. http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2012/06/29/ratio-of-evangelicals-in-brazil-jumps-44-in-10-years/

• Almost 20% of all Latino American Catholics have left the Roman Catholicism, with 23 percent of second-generation Latino Americans doing so. http://www.baylor.edu/content/services/document.php/33304.pdf

• 54% of Hispanic Catholics describe themselves as charismatic Christians. http://pewhispanic.org/reports/report.php?ReportID=75

• 51% of Hispanic Evangelicals are converts, and 43% are former Catholics. ^

• 82% of Hispanics cite the desire for a more direct, personal experience with God as the main reason for adopting a new faith. Among those who have become evangelicals, 90% say it was a spiritual search for a more direct, personal experience with God was the main reason that drove their conversion. Negative views of Catholicism do not appear to be a major reason for their conversion. ^

“We are excited about the potential of our 78-year-old German conservative pope to dazzle people with his proven ‘rock star quality,’” says a priest from Oaxaca. “He will help us take back ground we conquered five hundred years ago.”

Apparently an old story.

[Mad Dawg]

I am a former Episcopalian of the strict observance. Let nothing tacky pass before my eyes!

There was a little culture shock involved with my “conversion.”

But recently I realized that Naaman the Syrian probably thought the Jordan was tacky.h

---

Other than that, it’s nice to see the church in Mexico actually engaging in outreach. When my then (and now late, RIP) pastor and I had a ministry to migrant workers, they were politely reluctant to have us provide them with sacramental and pastoral ministry. Finally we winkled out of them that they thought we were going to CHARGE them! While I think the persecution and oppression of the Catholic Church in Mexico is disgraceful, I do think that a lot of the clergy there are (or have been) dopes.

[Mad Dawg]

Could it be that we are getting a rather distorted “reporting” from this group?

When I heard about colored communion wafers I knew there was a high PPM BS in the article.

[Gamecock]

Perhaps they just need to learn to put their hands in the air.

[Greetings_Puny_Humans]

Why not stick with the clown mass?

[pingman]

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=twenty%20naked%20pentecostals%20in%20a%20pontiac&source=video&cd=1&ved=0CDUQtwIwAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D0zVZKtSa6Sw&ei=OCWIUqvzJs_H4APqhoC4Bg&usg=AFQjCNHBEuynGA8TXrS6PfwBmJYxlIGEfQ&sig2=8B7s7p2Sr-s3dqYev4MPSA&bvm=bv.56643336,d.dmg