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[SATIRE] Vatican: Priests canít marry, but they can date
Larknews ^

Posted on 11/21/2013 4:31:08 PM PST by Gamecock

VATICAN CITY — In a surprise move, the Vatican announced late Thursday that while priests cannot marry, they can date.

“We invite priests to test the singles market, as long as they keep it above the neck and don’t make long-term commitments,” says a spokesman.

A dozen priest-dating sites with names like EverDating.com sprung up immediately, with tens of thousands of priests offering photos and descriptions of their likes and dislikes to potential paramours. Most offered a disclaimer that said they could develop a significant platonic relationship, but marriage was off limits.

“It’s completely natural for men and women to want to date, but marriage is strictly forbidden for the man of God,” says a Vatican spokesman.


TOPICS: Catholic; General Discusssion; Humor
KEYWORDS: calvinist; catholic; humor; joke; satire

1 posted on 11/21/2013 4:31:08 PM PST by Gamecock
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To: markomalley; Alex Murphy

I’ll raise you one...


2 posted on 11/21/2013 4:31:35 PM PST by Gamecock (If you like your constitution, you can keep your constitution. Period. (M.S.))
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3 posted on 11/21/2013 4:32:34 PM PST by Gamecock (If you like your constitution, you can keep your constitution. Period. (M.S.))
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To: Gamecock

I don’t believe this for one second!!! This is a LIE!!


4 posted on 11/21/2013 4:33:10 PM PST by Ann Archy (Abortion......the Human Sacrifice to the god of Convenience.)
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To: Ann Archy

IT IS NOT A LIE!

(why are you screaming?)


5 posted on 11/21/2013 4:33:56 PM PST by Gamecock (If you like your constitution, you can keep your constitution. Period. (M.S.))
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To: Gamecock; Alex Murphy
touché
6 posted on 11/21/2013 4:34:00 PM PST by markomalley (Nothing emboldens the wicked so greatly as the lack of courage on the part of the good -- Leo XIII)
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Comment #7 Removed by Moderator

Comment #8 Removed by Moderator

To: Ann Archy

No one has a sense of humor.


9 posted on 11/21/2013 4:37:30 PM PST by Gamecock (If you like your constitution, you can keep your constitution. Period. (M.S.))
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To: Gamecock

I doubt the Vatican would say anythng like that.


10 posted on 11/21/2013 4:37:59 PM PST by Georgia Girl 2 (The only purpose of a pistol is to fight your way back to the rifle you should never have dropped.)
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Comment #11 Removed by Moderator

Comment #12 Removed by Moderator

To: Ann Archy; Gamecock

On one hand, I have to agree with you that it’s not the slightest bit funny. On the other hand, despite being from Gamecock, it’s probably not meant to be anti-Catholic. LarkNews’ authors apparently confuse satire with just saying untrue things. If Lark News was a math site, they’d probably run this story: 4+4=7

And they’d think they gave some sort of insight into Math, and they were real clever for having done so.


13 posted on 11/21/2013 4:39:26 PM PST by dangus
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To: Ann Archy; Religion Moderator

Do you complain when I post Lark News articles aimed at Protestants? (BTW, this is the first time I have posted one about Roman Catholics)


14 posted on 11/21/2013 4:39:40 PM PST by Gamecock (If you like your constitution, you can keep your constitution. Period. (M.S.))
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To: Ann Archy

Precious bandwidth?

I happen to know there is significant bandwidth just laying around doing nothing.


15 posted on 11/21/2013 4:40:31 PM PST by driftdiver (I could eat it raw, but why do that when I have a fire.)
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To: Gamecock

So Priests cannot get married, and they can’t have sex, but they CAN date (women)?

Riiight... this is going to end well for the Catholic Church.


16 posted on 11/21/2013 4:40:39 PM PST by JSDude1 (Defeat Hagan, elect a Constutional Conservative: Dr. Greg Brannon!)
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To: Gamecock

Humor? Satire?

That’s mistaken. Humor and satire are funny or make a point.


17 posted on 11/21/2013 4:40:53 PM PST by ifinnegan
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To: Venturer

So we are now sinking to personal attacks?

That’ll teach me!


18 posted on 11/21/2013 4:40:55 PM PST by Gamecock (If you like your constitution, you can keep your constitution. Period. (M.S.))
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To: Gamecock

Since most of their dates are nuns, if they both take vows of poverty, who buys?


19 posted on 11/21/2013 4:41:04 PM PST by Sacajaweau
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To: Gamecock

you had to stick your hand in the hornets nest, huh.


20 posted on 11/21/2013 4:42:41 PM PST by dadfly
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To: Gamecock

Funny, it’s so hard today to know satire when you see it. I, for a second thought it was real.

People that are offended need to chill out.


21 posted on 11/21/2013 4:42:46 PM PST by Fzob (Jesus + anything = nothing, Jesus + nothing = everything)
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To: dangus
Our high school CATHOLIC chaplain left the order and married a nun.

Our local priest had a "friend" for many years.

22 posted on 11/21/2013 4:43:21 PM PST by Sacajaweau
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To: Gamecock

We will have Nun of this or Nun of that.


23 posted on 11/21/2013 4:43:40 PM PST by bmwcyle (People who do not study history are destine to believe really ignorant statements.)
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To: Ann Archy

The article is, most likely, satire. However, my cousin has lived in Italy since the mid-’70s and you don’t even want to know what a priest told him they do. The goof in this article is mild; trust me.


24 posted on 11/21/2013 4:44:09 PM PST by MayflowerMadam ("If you think healthcare is expensive now, just wait until it's free." P.J. O'Rourke)
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To: dangus
LarkNews’ authors apparently confuse satire with just saying untrue things. If Lark News was a math site,

Ya remember a couple weeks ago when there was some chatter that the new Pope might allow priests to marry?

The Lark News article feeds into that.

Don't blame me if you don't have a sense of humor.


25 posted on 11/21/2013 4:46:24 PM PST by Gamecock (If you like your constitution, you can keep your constitution. Period. (M.S.))
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To: dadfly

Just another day on Free Republic!


26 posted on 11/21/2013 4:47:24 PM PST by Gamecock (If you like your constitution, you can keep your constitution. Period. (M.S.))
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To: Fzob

That.


27 posted on 11/21/2013 4:47:49 PM PST by Gamecock (If you like your constitution, you can keep your constitution. Period. (M.S.))
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To: Fzob

yah. for a second, me too. you get so shell shocked by the constant drum beat of disappointing news.


28 posted on 11/21/2013 4:48:14 PM PST by dadfly
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To: Gamecock

You know the old joke; they can date nuns so long as they don’t get into the habit.


29 posted on 11/21/2013 4:48:49 PM PST by muir_redwoods (Don't fire until you see the blue of their helmets)
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To: Gamecock
No one has a sense of humor.

Don't feel bad.

I was roundly cussed by a couple of fellow Catholics with the penultimate EoTT piece I posted.

My advice to everybody is:

(I'm sure you know the words)

30 posted on 11/21/2013 4:49:04 PM PST by markomalley (Nothing emboldens the wicked so greatly as the lack of courage on the part of the good -- Leo XIII)
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To: Gamecock

Sense of any sort it seems.


31 posted on 11/21/2013 4:49:48 PM PST by count-your-change (you don't have to be brilliant, not being stupid is enough)
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To: Gamecock

I said Sir:


32 posted on 11/21/2013 4:49:59 PM PST by Venturer (Keep Obama and you aint seen nothing yet.)
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To: Gamecock
No one has a sense of humor.

Welcome to my life.

33 posted on 11/21/2013 4:54:40 PM PST by Alex Murphy ("the defacto Leader of the FR Calvinist Protestant Brigades")
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To: Venturer

At ease.


34 posted on 11/21/2013 4:57:05 PM PST by Gamecock (If you like your constitution, you can keep your constitution. Period. (M.S.))
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To: Alex Murphy; Gamecock

Well, you both know what to do about this: MORE COW BELL!! And if they STILL won’t laugh, make ‘em cry: pictures of Helen Thomas. You’ll have them in the palm of your hands shortly.:)


35 posted on 11/21/2013 4:58:01 PM PST by smvoice (HELP! I'm trapped inside this body and I can't get out!)
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To: Gamecock

Backs up the old story: No one gets nun but the priest!!


36 posted on 11/21/2013 5:01:29 PM PST by dalereed
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To: Gamecock

You freak out fewer FReepers if you put “satire” right in the main title. It’s not actually a rule. Just sage advice.

Having said that, I wondered at first whether this was some sort of outgrowth of the growing asexuality movement. There really is such a thing:

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/26/among-the-asexuals


37 posted on 11/21/2013 5:04:15 PM PST by Springfield Reformer (Winston Churchill: No Peace Till Victory!)
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To: MayflowerMadam

Two guys enter a singles bar and as they’re checking out the gals, one says to the other,

“Remember now, we tell them we’re priests. That ALWAYS works!”


38 posted on 11/21/2013 5:12:35 PM PST by elcid1970 ("In the modern world, Muslims are living fossils.")
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To: Ann Archy; Gamecock

I reported you for being a quart low on humor fluid. Get over yourself.


39 posted on 11/21/2013 5:31:14 PM PST by BipolarBob
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To: Gamecock
If they make out, do they have to show contrition afterwards?




(Yes, this IS funny.)
40 posted on 11/21/2013 5:33:50 PM PST by arderkrag (An Unreconstructed Georgian, STANDING WITH RAND.)
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To: Gamecock

“Larknews” is rather telling....


41 posted on 11/21/2013 5:58:24 PM PST by G Larry (Let his days be few; and let another take his office. Psalms 109:8)
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Comment #43 Removed by Moderator

To: Gamecock

I don’t know which is funnier, the article or the comments. ;O)


44 posted on 11/22/2013 4:12:07 AM PST by HarleyD (...one of his disciples, whom Jesus loved.)
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To: HarleyD; Gamecock
I don’t know which is funnier, the article or the comments. ;O)

The comments, definitely!

45 posted on 11/22/2013 7:20:19 AM PST by Alex Murphy ("the defacto Leader of the FR Calvinist Protestant Brigades")
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To: Gamecock

They already have dating websites, but they’re all for men.


46 posted on 11/22/2013 7:47:16 AM PST by Greetings_Puny_Humans (I mostly come out at night... mostly.)
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To: Gamecock
Amusing and harmless. so do not number me among the humor impaired.

CC

47 posted on 11/28/2013 1:57:06 PM PST by Celtic Conservative (tease not the dragon for thou art crunchy when roasted and taste good with ketchup)
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