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‘Proverbs 31 husband’ justifies beer habit
Larknews ^

Posted on 11/22/2013 6:01:31 AM PST by Alex Murphy

MINOT, N.D. — Jack Crocker, a beer-loving machinist and “part-time Christian,” finally agreed to read Proverbs with wife Reanna. He’s glad he did.

“I’m a Proverbs 31 husband all right,” says Jack, then quotes Proverbs 31:6-7: “Give beer to those who are perishing, wine to those who are in anguish; let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their misery no more.”

“That’s my permission to crack open a cold one,” Jack says, having a Coors after dinner.

But Reanna, a new church member, is pushing Jack hard to stop drinking. She insists he is neither “perishing” nor “in anguish.” But Jack researched the Bible on the Internet and found 2 Corinthians 4:16 and 5:2 which say, “Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day,” and “Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling.”

“Everyone is perishing and in anguish,” Jack says. “Until we’re delivered from these bodies, the Bible says to drink up.”

As part of the escalating family tension he created a “Proverbs 31″ category on their weekly budget and listed “beer” under it. He also wants to start a Proverbs 31 Men’s Group with his buddies.

“We’re trying to find where the Bible talks about buffalo wings,” he says.


TOPICS: Humor; Religion & Culture
KEYWORDS: satire
“I’m a Proverbs 31 husband all right,” says Jack, then quotes Proverbs 31:6-7: “Give beer to those who are perishing, wine to those who are in anguish; let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their misery no more.”
1 posted on 11/22/2013 6:01:31 AM PST by Alex Murphy
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To: Alex Murphy

http://catholicgentleman.net/2013/10/29/the-official-catholic-beer-blessing/

One of the great things about being Catholic is that the Church has quite literally thought of everything at some point or another. Some inventive cleric even thought to include a beer blessing in the Rituale Romanum (my parish also has an annual wine blessing). Creation is good. Beer is good. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.

V. Our help is in the name of the Lord.
R. Who made heaven and earth.
V. The Lord be with you.
R. And with thy spirit.

Let us pray.
Bless, + O Lord, this creature beer, which thou hast deigned to produce from the fat of grain: that it may be a salutary remedy to the human race, and grant through the invocation of thy holy name; that, whoever shall drink it, may gain health in body and peace in soul. Through Christ our Lord. Amen.


2 posted on 11/22/2013 6:03:06 AM PST by NKP_Vet
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To: Alex Murphy

“those who are perishing” refers to the unsaved going to hell.

I guess that’s who Jack wants to be numbered with.


3 posted on 11/22/2013 6:03:32 AM PST by MrB (The difference between a Humanist and a Satanist - the latter admits whom he's working for)
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To: Gamecock; HarleyD
"This one's for you" PING


4 posted on 11/22/2013 6:04:21 AM PST by Alex Murphy ("the defacto Leader of the FR Calvinist Protestant Brigades")
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To: Alex Murphy

Galations 6:7 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.


5 posted on 11/22/2013 6:06:53 AM PST by TaxPayer2000
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To: MrB

From Hebrew Scriptures:

6
Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto the bitter in soul;
7
Let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more.

Things that make you go hmmmmm.


6 posted on 11/22/2013 6:12:00 AM PST by MestaMachine (My caps work. You gotta earn them.)
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To: MestaMachine

Ever closer to a state of grace I grow...


7 posted on 11/22/2013 6:15:11 AM PST by humblegunner
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To: Alex Murphy; markomalley; HarleyD
HOW COULD YOU POST SOMETHNG LIKE THIS! IT DOES NOTHING BUT MOCK PRODESTANTS! YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY A PROD HATER!

What?

It's satire?

Never mind then. Carry on.

8 posted on 11/22/2013 6:15:49 AM PST by Gamecock (If you like your constitution, you can keep your constitution. Period. (M.S.))
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To: Alex Murphy

1 Timothy 5:23

Stop drinking only water, and use a little wine because of your stomach and your frequent illnesses.


9 posted on 11/22/2013 6:19:50 AM PST by showme_the_Glory (ILLEGAL: prohibited by law. ALIEN: Owing political allegiance to another country or government)
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To: Alex Murphy; NKP_Vet
One has to realize this was written for Christians before cable tv and the internet. It is not a passage for Christians today. </sarc>
10 posted on 11/22/2013 6:20:05 AM PST by Gamecock (If you like your constitution, you can keep your constitution. Period. (M.S.))
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To: Alex Murphy

Although I originally heard this about Anglicans, I think it might pertain to others. “Whenever 4 are gathered, you’ll also find a fifth.”


11 posted on 11/22/2013 6:22:26 AM PST by showme_the_Glory (ILLEGAL: prohibited by law. ALIEN: Owing political allegiance to another country or government)
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To: showme_the_Glory

Deuteronomy 14:26
and spend the money for whatever you desire—oxen or sheep or wine or strong drink, whatever your appetite craves. And you shall eat there before the Lord your God and rejoice, you and your household.


12 posted on 11/22/2013 6:26:22 AM PST by Gamecock (If you like your constitution, you can keep your constitution. Period. (M.S.))
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To: Alex Murphy

Reanna, Please stop pushing and start praying. And next week start going to Al-Anon.

They will help you in what you need to do here.


13 posted on 11/22/2013 6:30:52 AM PST by Salvation ("With God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26)
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To: Alex Murphy

Another thing — take control of the money and do NOT buy his beer for him.


14 posted on 11/22/2013 6:31:38 AM PST by Salvation ("With God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26)
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To: Alex Murphy
She insists he is neither “perishing” nor “in anguish.”

If my boyfriend tried to force me to give up wine I'd say I'd be in anguish. Same if I tried to force him to give up his beer.

15 posted on 11/22/2013 6:31:56 AM PST by DoodleDawg
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To: Alex Murphy

Here I thought this was for real, and now I see the satire.


16 posted on 11/22/2013 6:32:19 AM PST by Salvation ("With God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26)
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To: Alex Murphy
“We’re trying to find where the Bible talks about buffalo wings,” he says.

"I don't care who ya are, that's funny right there".


17 posted on 11/22/2013 6:32:59 AM PST by Bloody Sam Roberts (Hey Nancy! Ya think these problems could've been avoided if you'd read the bill before passing it?)
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To: Alex Murphy
“That’s my permission to crack open a cold one,” Jack says, having a Coors after dinner.

Still trying to figure out what having a Coors has to do with drinking beer. At least it wasn't Coors Light.

18 posted on 11/22/2013 6:36:50 AM PST by KarlInOhio (Everyone get online for Obamacare on 10/1. Overload the system and crash it hard!)
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To: Salvation

http://catholicgentleman.net/2013/09/05/international-buy-a-priest-a-beer-day/

Did you know that this coming Monday, September 9, is International Buy a Priest a Beer Day? On this festive day, faithful Catholics all over the world take their priests out for a beer and get to know them better. It’s a beautiful Catholic tradition that goes back to the time of St. Hopswald of Aleyard, the first man to take his priest out for a beer.

Okay, if you’re getting suspicious by now, there’s a good reason. Buy a Priest a Beer Day is not a real holiday. But I would argue that it should be!

Believe it or not, priests are real people, and they enjoy socializing over good food and drink as much as anyone. They also have a thankless and difficult job, a job that we couldn’t get to heaven without. Priests are the lifeblood of the Church, and they deserve some appreciation.

So with that in mind, I would challenge you to do something concrete to show appreciation to your priest in the month ahead. Yes, it could be taking him out for a beer, or it could be inviting him over to share dinner with your family. Be creative if you want, but give back to your priest somehow, and let him know that his ministry is making a difference.


19 posted on 11/22/2013 6:38:33 AM PST by NKP_Vet
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To: showme_the_Glory

Because of Proverbs 23:31-35 I only drink white wine.


20 posted on 11/22/2013 6:39:10 AM PST by Boojum
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To: showme_the_Glory

I’d say it describes Irish Catholics pretty well!


21 posted on 11/22/2013 6:55:25 AM PST by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (I'm not anti-government, government's anti-me.)
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To: Alex Murphy

I don’t know of any passages about buffalo wings, but you could probably loosely interpret some fatten calf references for barbecue beef.

Sorry....no pulled pork. :O)


22 posted on 11/22/2013 7:04:02 AM PST by HarleyD (...one of his disciples, whom Jesus loved.)
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To: Gamecock
YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY A PROD HATER!

My cattle hate prods, too.

23 posted on 11/22/2013 7:06:10 AM PST by Texas Mulerider (Rap music: hieroglyphics with a beat.)
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To: Bloody Sam Roberts

Bible for baseball fans: It starts with In The Big Inning

Bible for “Car Talk” fans: “It says God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden...in his (Plymouth) Fury!”


24 posted on 11/22/2013 8:11:58 AM PST by raccoonradio
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To: raccoonradio; All

And before I forget

God Created Beer Because He Loves Us And Wants Us To Be Happy—Benjamin Franklin


25 posted on 11/22/2013 8:13:07 AM PST by raccoonradio
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To: Alex Murphy

bump for later


26 posted on 11/22/2013 8:57:06 AM PST by joe fonebone (a socialist is just a juvenile communist)
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To: Alex Murphy

At least Jack is smart enough to know that our bodies are bound for destruction regardless, not drinking beer wine or whiskey is not going to keep that from happening.


27 posted on 11/22/2013 9:23:52 AM PST by ravenwolf
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To: Alex Murphy

I wonder if Jack is the same man who went to the pastor and said his wife was considering a divorce because he spends too much money on beer while always complaining about how much she spends on makeup. The pastor asked why he was complaining about her purchases if he spent just as much. He said because that was what the beer was for.


28 posted on 11/22/2013 9:45:22 AM PST by inpajamas (http://outskirtspress.com/ONE)
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To: Alex Murphy

Proverbs is clearly speaking about drunkenness, not alcohol. Same can be said about food. I go to a baptist church in KY. It is VERY teatotalling. I have a full bar in my house. I will have a single malt with a cigar with the occasional friend, but drunkenness is not permitted.

Regarding teatotalling, that is a Muslim/Mormon thing, not a Christian thing. There is a reason Christ’s first miracle was to turn water into wine at an event where they have already been “drinking it up”. First impressions matter.

And no, it wasn’t grape juice.


29 posted on 11/22/2013 10:06:50 AM PST by cuban leaf
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To: MestaMachine

From Hebrew Scriptures:

6
Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto the bitter in soul;
7
Let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more.

Things that make you go hmmmmm.


Yes. It’s talking about getting drunk. The bible has a couple of things to say about gluttony as well. It always cracks me up when one of my fat baptist brethren tells me people shouldn’t drink ANY alcohol. I avoid the obvious accusation I could make because of that whole “judge not, lest ye be judged.” thing. It’s kinda funny though.


30 posted on 11/22/2013 10:09:03 AM PST by cuban leaf
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To: Gamecock

One has to realize this was written for Christians before cable tv and the internet. It is not a passage for Christians today. </sarc>


Actually, it was written for jews. And the book in question is wisdom 101.


31 posted on 11/22/2013 10:10:00 AM PST by cuban leaf
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To: cuban leaf

The OT isn’t for Christians?


32 posted on 11/22/2013 10:19:20 AM PST by Gamecock (If you like your constitution, you can keep your constitution. Period. (M.S.))
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To: KarlInOhio
Still trying to figure out what having a Coors has to do with drinking beer. At least it wasn't Coors Light.

I hear it all comes from the same horse.

33 posted on 11/22/2013 10:21:02 AM PST by stboz
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To: Gamecock

The OT isn’t for Christians?


It most definitely is. But Solomon was speaking to Jews before the Church age. They were also doing a lot of animal sacrifice stuff and sabath keeping back then.

Proverbs is not about religious rules. It is about “things to do to live a better life”. One of those things would be to not hang around bad people. Another would be to not get drunk. They are very good advice.

I callit “Wisdom 101”, because the deeper wisdom is Ecclesiastes.


34 posted on 11/22/2013 10:29:46 AM PST by cuban leaf
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To: raccoonradio
“Car Talk”

Here's 2 for Honda lovers. But with one Accord....I lay it down of my own Accord......

35 posted on 11/22/2013 11:20:44 AM PST by showme_the_Glory (ILLEGAL: prohibited by law. ALIEN: Owing political allegiance to another country or government)
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To: Alex Murphy

Coors is beer? Who knew?


36 posted on 11/22/2013 1:00:11 PM PST by gundog (Help us, Nairobi-Wan Kenobi...you're our only hope.)
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To: Alex Murphy

This is going to be lost on the humor challenged.


37 posted on 11/22/2013 3:03:15 PM PST by metmom ( ...fixing our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of faith....)
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