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Presbyterian Proverbs
Presbyterian Blues ^ | 3 Feb 2013

Posted on 02/18/2014 3:53:38 PM PST by Gamecock

An advantage of being in the same church for a long time is that you have an opportunity to see things play out. You can observe parenting and then watch the “parented” children grow up. You can see folks go from young parents to empty nesters. You can see all sorts of people just passing through. In short, you’re around long enough for time to tell its story. And if it told proverbs about Presbyterian church life, they might sound like this.

  1. One who speaketh in his first Sunday School class will evaporate like the morning dew. It’s uncanny – visitors who enter by sharing their brilliance in their first Sunday School class won’t be around for long. And, really, you don’t want them around for very long.
  2. Better an early grave than the sneer of an alpha church lady. Thinking of confronting her? Just find something else to do.
  3. Like an idol under a hammer is family legalism under actual parenting. No kind of schooling or parental style is guaranteed to produce the child of your imagination. A man is arrogant indeed if he is not humbled by parenting. A man is a moralist indeed if he rigidly insists upon all his preconceived family dogmas.
  4. The fatted calf buys no loyalty. You can go all out for a visitor or new member, but your sacrifice will be forgotten if his whim leads him elsewhere.
  5. Sin happens. Your church is not immune from the sin virus. There will be ugly things to deal with.
  6. Your gut speaketh truly but it matters not. Yeah, you might have good hunches about people and situations but that doesn’t make you lord of them; usually all you can do is watch things play out. At least you have a front row seat.
  7. Does a kangaroo stop hopping? If your new members have been church hoppers, your church is a temporary landing spot. Use pencil when you write their names on the roll.
  8. The heart knoweth not why it leaves a church. Or at least it isn’t telling. Either they don’t really know or they don’t feel like telling, because departing members say some pretty weak things.

    brueprov

    “Proverbs”

  9. More welcome is a leper than a former elder. Members who depart (when circumstances don’t demand it) draw devil horns on their former pastor and session. Don’t say “see you later,” just say “goodbye.”
  10. Better a morsel of faithfulness than a feast of victories. Because you don’t really know what a victory is. Not yet.
  11. Grace walks softly. Loud and flashy don’t awaken it and they seldom describe it. Mix simple worship, solid preaching and the sacraments – let grace appear in its own time and its own way.
  12. Catholic converts cleaveth unto the church but Evangelicals are a church unto themselves. Former Catholics respect the church and its government while broad Evangelicals take years to “get it,” if they ever get it at all.
  13. When a wife ruleth, the family shall go the broad way. More often than not, the passive husband / dominant wife combo lists toward broad evangelicalism.
  14. A Presbybaptist wedding cake is sweet but a sour stomach followeth. It may not seem like a big deal for a Presbyterian to marry a Baptist but eventually there will be serious conflict that centers on baptism or child rearing.
  15. There is a man who taketh a vow like he downloads programs. “A vow? Yadda yadda yadda, I do what I want.”
  16. Whoever speaks of leaving has already left. If a member wants to talk to you about leaving the church it’s not a conversation but an announcement.

    NP-5

    “Proverbs”

  17. A clearly preached gospel gives more hope than anything else you can say or do.
  18. There is more growth when roots go deep into the church. Those who have a high view of the institutional church are more prone to listen and learn.
  19. Those who major in the minors will not be silent. Call them hobby horses, obsessions, or whatever you wish, but people thus imbalanced will leave if they aren’t put in office, allowed to teach, or given some outlet to spread their virus. In this regard the Session is an anti-virus program. (To provide balance to gender statements above, we’re looking at you, patriarchalists.)
  20. Peace in the sanctuary is peace indeed. If you’re doing preaching, worship, and the sacraments right you should have a healthy measure of contentment and be able to put other problems in perspective.
  21. Spareth the deacon, sidetrack the preacher. Good deacons are good for everyone, and make it unnecessary to have a Pastor Jack of All Trades.
  22. An ounce of Presbytery is worth a pound of discipline. This one could be hotly disputed in places, but if you are connected to your Presbytery you can receive some assurances that you and your pastor are not off track. If your Presbytery is not doing well, you need to know that and do your part to improve it. A bunker mentality is just congregationalism.


TOPICS: Evangelical Christian; General Discusssion; Humor; Mainline Protestant
KEYWORDS:

1 posted on 02/18/2014 3:53:38 PM PST by Gamecock
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To: drstevej; OrthodoxPresbyterian; CCWoody; Wrigley; Gamecock; Jean Chauvin; jboot; AZhardliner; ...

2 posted on 02/18/2014 3:55:04 PM PST by Gamecock (Grace is not opposed to human activity. It's opposed to human merit. MSH)
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To: Gamecock

Hmmm. Interesting. I go to a reformed baptist church, so I’m not a Presbyterian, but since I’m former rcc, I do get most of those proverbs.


3 posted on 02/18/2014 4:02:46 PM PST by fishtank (The denial of original sin is the root of liberalism.)
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To: Gamecock
Better an early grave than the sneer of an alpha church lady.
Those who major in the minors will not be silent.

LOL I can think of more than a few "sneering alpha church ladies" here on FR, except none of them are Presbyterian nor Baptist.

4 posted on 02/18/2014 4:06:11 PM PST by Alex Murphy ("the defacto Leader of the FR Calvinist Protestant Brigades")
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To: Alex Murphy
LOL I can think of more than a few "sneering alpha church ladies" here on FR, except none of them are Presbyterian nor Baptist.

Snicker!

Hoss

5 posted on 02/18/2014 4:17:47 PM PST by HossB86 (Christ, and Him alone.)
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To: Gamecock
OUCH!!!

OUCH!!!

STOP IT!!!

OUCH!!! That one really hurt.

Too much truth in those. Fortunately I don't have to say which ones I'm like. After all:


6 posted on 02/18/2014 4:20:25 PM PST by HarleyD ("... letters are weighty, but his .. presence is weak, and his speech of no account.")
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To: Gamecock

Funny. Apparently Presbyterians don’t cotton to people not sticking around “for a long time”. I’m convinced modern church probably works for a certain personality profile, and not all that much for a bunch of others.

I said “church” not “Jesus”. He suits every person on the planet!


7 posted on 02/18/2014 4:25:02 PM PST by avenir (I'm pessimistic about man, but I'm optimistic about GOD!)
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To: avenir; Alex Murphy; HarleyD
Apparently Presbyterians don’t cotton to people not sticking around “for a long time”.

We had a family show up in our circle who were previously some brand of Anabaptist. Forget which. They were exposed to the Reformed faith and jumped in with zeal such as I have never seen! (As a Presbyterian that should have been my warning!)

Anyway, two years later they converted to Roman Catholicism. Last I heard that lasted a couple years and they have moved on to something else.

8 posted on 02/18/2014 4:35:47 PM PST by Gamecock (Grace is not opposed to human activity. It's opposed to human merit. MSH)
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To: Gamecock

These are so true.

I’m so glad I don’t do any of these things. /s


9 posted on 02/18/2014 4:46:33 PM PST by Jemian (War Eagle!)
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To: Gamecock; tdunbar

Hey tdunbar


10 posted on 02/18/2014 4:57:24 PM PST by AppyPappy (Obama: What did I not know and when did I not know it?)
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To: Gamecock

These are great. I am passing them on. :)


11 posted on 02/19/2014 4:01:30 AM PST by lupie
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To: avenir
Apparently Presbyterians don’t cotton to people not sticking around “for a long time”. I’m convinced modern church probably works for a certain personality profile, and not all that much for a bunch of others. I said “church” not “Jesus”. He suits every person on the planet!

I suspect this one applies to you:

Catholic converts cleaveth unto the church but Evangelicals are a church unto themselves. Former Catholics respect the church and its government while broad Evangelicals take years to “get it,” if they ever get it at all.

From a more ancient source, Church Father Cyprian in about AD 240:

"He can no longer have God for his Father, who has not the Church for his mother."

Or to put this in a modern, rude, form:

You can't really love Jesus and hate His bride....

12 posted on 02/21/2014 10:12:26 AM PST by AnalogReigns (Real life is ANALOG!)
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