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How My Same Sex Attraction Was Ended
Prodigal Magazine ^ | Christy McFerren

Posted on 05/29/2014 9:19:42 AM PDT by SeekAndFind

After sharing my story of overcoming homosexuality with the Prodigal community last month, I have been approached by more people than ever whose stories and struggles are similar to mine asking for more specifics about how I went from being attracted to women to legitimately being attracted to men.

Also interesting, I have been approached by heterosexual people who have never struggled with same sex attraction wanting to know more about the mystery that is homosexuality and seeking to understand its dynamics and how a person can “get there”.

Regardless of the background of those who inquire about my struggle, the conversation that follows both angles of questioning is mostly the same, and I find it to be a place where bridges are being built. Up to now, the inability to understand our differences has given place for anger and hostility to rise between the two perspectives, but I believe a new conversation is unfolding where compassion will take root.

I have a special place of compassion for people who want to love those who share my struggle but can’t relate.

With no frame of reference within themselves, it’s sometimes difficult for those who have never experienced same sex attraction to understand, and it’s a challenge for their spiritual growth to actively love and choose not to view those who do struggle as intentionally deviant.

Those who are attracted to the same sex usually can’t fathom an existence where it’s not at least something of a perfectly natural temptation, and struggle not to view those who say they can’t relate to them as unenlightened bigots. From their perspective, it is really hard to get your head around the lack of sympathy.

I want to share more details about my process here in the name of bridge building.

The roots of attraction may be a little different for everyone,

–so this is not intended to be an oversimplified answer that is applicable to everyone, but I’ve seen evidence that the more people who have been on both sides of the issue and are willing to share their perspectives, the better off our culture will be.

Because I fought my sexuality so adamantly, I was not in many long-term relationships with women. But there were a few women I was especially attracted to – enough so that I was willing to suspend my convictions and attempt to form a relationship. These usually lasted just a few months. The relationships were characterized by a kind of manic excitement at first, with undertones of fear of abandonment and jealousy in place from the start.

Over a short period of time the undertones would become defining marks of the relationship, and I would hold the person tightly to myself with the sense that letting go would be losing not only them, but part of me.

The relationships would become either a highly dysfunctional tug of war of control and jealousy or a symbiotic existence of codependency and expectations that mounted too high for either person to achieve. In either scenario, disappointment and heartache were certain to follow. In reflecting on the way my relationships went when I gave in to my same sex attractions,

–over time I began to realize that the women I was drawn to were women who had either physical characteristics or personality traits that I felt were inadequate in my own expression of womanhood.

For example, I was mostly drawn to bubbly personalities because I am a quiet and serious person much of the time. Or I was drawn to petite women because with my larger frame, I never felt I fit the bill for what a woman should look like to be considered attractive in our society. When this first occurred to me, it didn’t seem that wrong because even heterosexual couples seek people who complement their weaknesses. Opposites attract.

But I began to realize that I was seeking the rest of my womanhood from the women I was with.

Then I saw that anytime I was hurt by my partner, the pain was so deep it was as if my sense of womanhood was being threatened. I was controlling, possessive and expressed a strong need for agreement and affirmation because I had somewhere in the process looped this person into my identity as an inseparable part of me.

Any action they took that indicated a distinction between us as people resulted in a fight. I felt either legitimized as a valuable person or completely worthless based on their everyday responses to me. When I first began to see and understand that this is what was at work in me, I started to rise up a little bit against it. The foundations of my faith gave me the understanding that I could and should call out to God for completion and identity in these areas instead of trying to draw it out of a relationship with a woman, or any human for that matter.

The revelation came that I was engaging in idolatry, expecting wholeness and fulfillment from something and someone that wasn’t designed to give it to me, and I was valuing that as primary to God. It was angering and humiliating when I saw that I was underestimating my own womanhood and allowing some other woman to define what was rightfully and uniquely mine to express.

This marked my freedom from the bondage of looking to women for affirmation in my womanhood,

–and I started looking for that affirmation in the mirror – the one I dressed in front of each day and the one in the Word of God. I wasn’t immediately changed entirely. The habits of my emotions and sexuality were forces to be reckoned with for sure (that’s where the “fight” came in), but I was free from the trappings that would draw me back in with any real level of expectation.

Freedom introduced a new level of logic I had not experienced in my struggle before, and as a result I never engaged the idea of a same sex relationship again with any sense of merit or as a legitimate option for my life.

With serious gaps in my identity closing quickly, I began to see the appeal of having a man in my life.

As time went on and my expression of womanhood became more clear and defined in me, I grew in confidence, and began to look at men with new eyes. Over time I began to evaluate what I would want in a man, and it became very clear to me that I was certain my attraction to women had ended I was in fact sexually and emotionally attracted to men.

Today I am married to the man God chose to give me and as you read this we’re on the road for a little anniversary getaway.

In addition to a beautiful marriage, God has added to my life the joy of godly, healthy friendships with other women. I couldn’t imagine my life another way. Here are the concerns that bring questions to my heart as I continue to live this story:

How can we be about the business of building bridges between those who experience same sex attraction and those who don’t?
How can we begin to have this conversation in healthy and productive ways in our culture?
Are we digging deep, as Christians, finding honor for all people?


TOPICS: Moral Issues; Religion & Culture
KEYWORDS: homosexualagenda; homosexuality; lesbianism; moralabsolutes

1 posted on 05/29/2014 9:19:42 AM PDT by SeekAndFind
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To: SeekAndFind
How My Same Sex Attraction Was Ended

 photo 485776_10151261726484187_968635827_n_zpsffd692b8.jpg

2 posted on 05/29/2014 9:28:01 AM PDT by dragonblustar ( Psalm 103, Psalm 37:7, Ephesians 6:12)
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To: dragonblustar

That almost ended my lunch!


3 posted on 05/29/2014 9:29:40 AM PDT by fwdude ( You cannot compromise with that which you must defeat.)
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To: SeekAndFind

Christianity has cured more mental disorders than all of the shrinks combined.


4 posted on 05/29/2014 9:30:35 AM PDT by Vigilanteman (Obama: Fake black man. Fake Messiah. Fake American. How many fakes can you fit in one Zer0?)
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To: Vigilanteman

Shrinks don’t want to cure anything, they want repeat customers


5 posted on 05/29/2014 9:31:40 AM PDT by GeronL (Vote for Conservatives not for Republicans)
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To: SeekAndFind

Very good article...and timely. I’m dealing with a guy on another forum who is saying that same sex attraction is normal and that God endorses homosexuality as long as they are in a committed relationship...twisted i know but this article really is a testament to the power of God to show us where we fall short and how we try to make up for it by using our own solutions or cultures solutions instead of God’s.


6 posted on 05/29/2014 9:31:54 AM PDT by DouglasKC
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To: SeekAndFind
This person's insight remind me of one of my favorite writings of Oswald Chambers, found in his July 30th devotion in My Utmost For His Highest. I don't have time to type in the whole piece, but this portion sums it up:

"The refusal to be disillusioned is the cause of much of the suffering in human life [and, I would add, in all human relationships]. It works in this way--if we love a human being and do not love God, we demand of him [or her] every perfection and every rectitude [perhaps that we find lacking in ourselves?], and when we do not get it we become cruel and vindictive; we are demanding of a human being that which he or she cannot give".

"There is only one Being Who can satisfy the last aching abyss of the human heart, and that is the Lord Jesus Christ. Why Our Lord is apparently so severe regarding every human relationship is because He knows that every relationship not based on loyalty to Himself [who is God] will end in disaster."

Our Lord trusted no man, yet He was never suspicious, never bitter. Our Lord's confidence in God and in what His grace could do for any man was so perfect that He despaired of no one."

"If our trust is placed in human beings, we shall end in despairing of everyone."

And-- I would add--if our trust is placed in Christ, we can find a reason to rejoice in anyone!

7 posted on 05/29/2014 9:34:21 AM PDT by milagro (There is no peace in appeasement!ll)
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To: dragonblustar

8 posted on 05/29/2014 9:35:47 AM PDT by LostInBayport (When there are more people riding in the cart than there are pulling it, the cart stops moving...)
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To: SeekAndFind; 185JHP; 230FMJ; AFA-Michigan; AKA Elena; APatientMan; Abathar; Absolutely Nobama; ...
Homosexual Agenda and Moral Absolutes Ping!

Freepmail wagglebee to subscribe or unsubscribe from the homosexual agenda or moral absolutes ping list.

FreeRepublic homosexual agenda keyword search
[ Add keyword homosexual agenda to flag FR articles to this ping list ]

FreeRepublic moral absolutes keyword search
[ Add keyword moral absolutes to flag FR articles to this ping list ]


9 posted on 05/29/2014 9:36:47 AM PDT by wagglebee ("A political party cannot be all things to all people." -- Ronald Reagan, 3/1/75)
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To: GeronL
Shrinks don’t want to cure anything, they want repeat customers

I doubt that.

I would conjecture that most shrinks decided to enter the profession after, shall we say, first hand experience with the profession.

10 posted on 05/29/2014 9:37:18 AM PDT by Jeff Chandler (Conservatism is the political disposition of grown-ups.)
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To: SeekAndFind

This woman’s search for identity in relationship is every woman’s search.
I’m an old, married, woman. I had no trouble identifying with every statement of her inward struggles.
She looked for identity and love in women for a season.
It’s no different than having unrealistic expectations from a man.
God will allow us to become disappointed {huge, huge understatement!} in those relationships until we discover everything we need in Christ, His grace and mercy to needy people.


11 posted on 05/29/2014 9:41:05 AM PDT by WestwardHo
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To: fwdude

Notice how she was holding onto her partner’s moobs.


12 posted on 05/29/2014 9:42:12 AM PDT by dragonblustar ( Psalm 103, Psalm 37:7, Ephesians 6:12)
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To: SeekAndFind

‘With serious gaps in my identity closing quickly, I began to see the appeal of having a man in my life.’

As I see it what mostly renders men appealing to women is the ability to move heavy furniture from one place to another and another. To dig postholes for decorative landscaping, to lift heavy bags of concrete and fertilizer, to kill spiders and mice and to get up in the middle of the night when she hears an unusual noise. To place various objects in high places she can not reach and to carry in the bags of whatever she has spent the money on from the car. Turning over heavy mattresses and bringing a paycheck home large enough to keep her in the style that she wishes to become accustomed to.
Have I missed anything ladies?:)


13 posted on 05/29/2014 9:46:10 AM PDT by Foundahardheadedwoman (God don't have a statute of limitations)
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To: dragonblustar
WHat has been seen photo: What Has Been Seen, Cannot Be Unseen 2 WhatHasBeenSeenCannotBeUnseen-1.jpg
14 posted on 05/29/2014 9:49:02 AM PDT by tumblindice (America's founding fathers: all armed conservatives)
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To: Jeff Chandler

lol

Wait, in the same way as molestation victims turn gay and/or become abusers themselves?


15 posted on 05/29/2014 9:51:04 AM PDT by GeronL (Vote for Conservatives not for Republicans)
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To: SeekAndFind

Bump


16 posted on 05/29/2014 9:53:37 AM PDT by lowbridge
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To: SeekAndFind
Thanks for posting this.

I do think same-sex attraction is easier to get into, and easier to get out of, for females. Girls often have affectionate, cuddly, emotionally-intense relationships with other girls, which could turn sexual with little nudging; but they often get out of these twosomes because they become too suffocating.

Girlsx2: all those feeling! All that relationship-talk! All that estrogen at once!

17 posted on 05/29/2014 9:54:01 AM PDT by Mrs. Don-o ("Stone cold sober, as a matter of fact.")
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To: milagro

Well said.


18 posted on 05/29/2014 9:55:39 AM PDT by Mrs. Don-o ("Stone cold sober, as a matter of fact.")
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To: Foundahardheadedwoman
As I see it what mostly renders men appealing to women is.......

Yep, that's pretty much how I see it too...........but you forgot to add "somebody to bitch at when all the above chores have been completed"

19 posted on 05/29/2014 10:00:01 AM PDT by Hot Tabasco (Under Reagan spring always arrived on time.....)
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To: dragonblustar

This is the real Christy.

20 posted on 05/29/2014 10:09:22 AM PDT by Pollster1 ("Shall not be infringed" is unambiguous.)
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To: LostInBayport

Good one!


21 posted on 05/29/2014 10:10:29 AM PDT by Salvation ("With God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26)
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To: dragonblustar

LOL! A very succinct explanation.


22 posted on 05/29/2014 10:16:45 AM PDT by Defiant (Let the Tea Party win, and we will declare peace on the American people and go home.)
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To: SeekAndFind

The money-quote...a lesson for all of us:

“The revelation came that I was engaging in idolatry, expecting wholeness and fulfillment from something and someone that wasn’t designed to give it to me, and I was valuing that as primary to God. It was angering and humiliating when I saw that I was underestimating my own womanhood and allowing some other woman to define what was rightfully and uniquely mine to express.”

Thanks for the post.


23 posted on 05/29/2014 10:41:33 AM PDT by jonno (Having an opinion is not the same as having the answer...)
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To: milagro
one of my favorite writings of Oswald Chambers, found in his July 30th devotion in My Utmost For His Highest

Here it is: http://utmost.org/classic/the-discipline-of-disillusionment-classic/

FReeper vision posts a daily Oswald Chambers thread from My Utmost For His Highest here on FR...

24 posted on 05/29/2014 10:58:09 AM PDT by Albion Wilde ("The commenters are plenty but the thinkers are few." -- Walid Shoebat)
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To: Foundahardheadedwoman
Have I missed anything ladies?

Negotiating price with other men, who will almost invariably demand more money out of a woman than they would dare with a man.

25 posted on 05/29/2014 11:02:19 AM PDT by Albion Wilde ("The commenters are plenty but the thinkers are few." -- Walid Shoebat)
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To: Albion Wilde

That is a given. I was in the car business for over 20 years and always enjoyed a woman who knew how to negotiate, they are rare but they are out there. My mother was and still is antique dealer so I came by it honest.
Always watch closely body shops and service depts. that is who nails women the worst in the car business.


26 posted on 05/29/2014 11:19:30 AM PDT by Foundahardheadedwoman (God don't have a statute of limitations)
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To: Hot Tabasco

‘Yep, that’s pretty much how I see it too...........but you forgot to add “somebody to bitch at when all the above chores have been completed” ‘
That is kind of a given and it is also a 2 way street. She has to endure your political work stories. I figured it was a wash.


27 posted on 05/29/2014 11:22:12 AM PDT by Foundahardheadedwoman (God don't have a statute of limitations)
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To: SeekAndFind

“Also interesting, I have been approached by heterosexual people who have never struggled with same sex attraction wanting to know more about the mystery that is homosexuality and seeking to understand its dynamics and how a person can “get there””

No mystery about it. It’s all about sex? Nothing more. Most lesbians and all homosexual men are sexual predators, the more sex partners the better. This “marriage” with just one person stuff really cracks me up, when the majority of them want to have threesomes and foursomes each and every night and see nothing at all wrong with it, and a lot of them are in relationships exactly like that. So look for a dyke or fag to be the first to sue some state because he/she wants to “marry” five or six other he/shes. The more the merrier, and the more government freebies from democrats. It’s sex, sex and nothing else.


28 posted on 05/29/2014 11:38:08 AM PDT by NKP_Vet ("Extra Ecclesiam Nulla Salus")
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To: dragonblustar

Loobs? Doobs, maybe? But definitely not moobs.


29 posted on 05/29/2014 11:42:46 AM PDT by RegulatorCountry
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To: SeekAndFind

ping for later.


30 posted on 05/29/2014 12:16:53 PM PDT by chuckles
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To: SeekAndFind

Good article. One thing that stands out to me in this issue, is this: if we are created in the image of God, and we know homosexuality is an abomination to God, how does it translate that those (professing Christians) who practice it can say that God created them like this? THAT is blasphemy! I’m certain that part of the problem is that those who start to fantasize the attraction do NOT seek godly counsel at a time when they COULD get help. Seeking psychological help is like the blind leading the blind. The further in one goes, the more one sees sin as anything but sin. You convince yourself that God must have loved you as a homosexual if you are overcome by the desire. We have long ago stopped seeking to live for God alone, and instead we seek His blessings on our own choices in life.


31 posted on 05/29/2014 1:10:54 PM PDT by Shery (in APO Land)
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To: SeekAndFind

Great article. Yet another leaves the lesbian lifestyle.


32 posted on 05/29/2014 8:13:27 PM PDT by scripter
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To: SeekAndFind

Fascinating article and perspective.


33 posted on 05/30/2014 9:55:11 AM PDT by metmom (...fixing our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith....)
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To: fwdude

*ALMOST*????

You have a strong stomach there.


34 posted on 05/30/2014 9:55:46 AM PDT by metmom (...fixing our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith....)
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To: Foundahardheadedwoman

Yes.

Some of what renders men appealing is masculinity. No wussy men for us.

I could do all that stuff myself or hire someone out to do it with considerably less aggravation than marrying a man is worth, but OTOH, I wouldn’t trade being married for anything in the world.

There are some of us out there who do not look at men as live in bondservants.


35 posted on 05/30/2014 10:01:00 AM PDT by metmom (...fixing our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith....)
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To: metmom

‘There are some of us out there who do not look at men as live in bondservants.’
I must have names and phone numbers of these women. Pics would also be preferred.:)
Now you mean to tell me, imagine there are no Mexicans, that you could kill mice, spiders, take out the garbage, dig postholes, herd cattle, castrate the male cattle, fix a tractor, remember to get the oil changed, balance a checkbook, do the taxes, get rid of a wasp nest, work a paying job 60-80 hours/week, put new flashlight batteries in, set the clocks forward or back depending on the time of year, mow the lawn while smiling at neighbors you can’t stand, investigate a strange noise usually outside in your drawers and sometimes without in Jan., remember where the cutoff valve for the water is, reset a breaker while you try to find the flashlight in the dark, find the flashlight and wonder why you didn’t put in new batteries, cut, split and stack enuff firewood to heat a small city, check the washer fluid in the cars, check the oil, rotate the tires on the afore mentioned cars, walk the dog, and put the lid back on the toothpaste, you can do all that, are you blonde, wear blue tights and a red cape and have a big red S emblazoned on your chest? If so forget the other women’s names and numbers, I have been looking for you all my life. Send info.:)


36 posted on 05/30/2014 3:20:51 PM PDT by Foundahardheadedwoman (God don't have a statute of limitations)
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To: dragonblustar

Gargantuan Ick.


37 posted on 05/30/2014 3:30:21 PM PDT by pax_et_bonum (Never Forget the Seals of Extortion 17 - and God Bless America)
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To: Foundahardheadedwoman

Now you mean to tell me, imagine there are no Mexicans, that you could that you could:

-kill mice - I set the mouse traps

-spiders - yes

- take out the garbage - yes, done that

- dig postholes - not yet but am capable

- herd cattle - never done that, no opportunity to try yet.

-castrate the male cattle - no opportunity for that either

-fix a tractor - does working on my own car count?

- remember to get the oil changed - do that

- balance a checkbook - do that ALL the time for the last 35 years

- do the taxes - if I don’t keep track of the forms and nag mr. mm, they don’t get done

- get rid of a wasp nest - I know how but have not yet done it.

-work a paying job 60-80 hours/week - Motherhood = 24/7

- put new flashlight batteries in - if I don’t do it, it doesn’t get done, neither does the TP get changed

- set the clocks forward or back depending on the time of year - twice a year

- mow the lawn while smiling at neighbors you can’t stand - yup, with a hand push mower to boot

- investigate a strange noise usually outside in your drawers and sometimes without in Jan. - I would not do that to anyone, but I do check out strange noises

- remember where the cutoff valve for the water is - yes, and do it before leaving on vacation

- reset a breaker while you try to find the flashlight in the dark - yes

-find the flashlight and wonder why you didn’t put in new batteries - yes

- cut, split and stack enuff firewood to heat a small city - done my share of cutting and stacking to heat the house.

- check the washer fluid in the cars - yes

- check the oil - yes and change it and do a lube job.

- rotate the tires on the afore mentioned cars - yes, and know how to mark them so they go on correctly

- walk the dog - don’t have a dog, thank God.

- and put the lid back on the toothpaste - yes

-you can do all that, are you blonde - yes

- wear blue tights - not any more

and a red cape and have a big red S emblazoned on your chest?

If so forget the other women’s names and numbers, I have been looking for you all my life. Send info.:) - already taken. Sorry.....


38 posted on 05/30/2014 6:35:56 PM PDT by metmom (...fixing our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith....)
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To: metmom

’ Send info.:) - already taken. Sorry.....’
The good ones always are. Story of my life.:(


39 posted on 05/30/2014 9:01:52 PM PDT by Foundahardheadedwoman (God don't have a statute of limitations)
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To: dragonblustar

Bwahahaha!


40 posted on 05/31/2014 12:06:52 PM PDT by Georgia Girl 2 (The only purpose o f a pistol is to fight your way back to the rifle you should never have dropped.)
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To: Georgia Girl 2; dragonblustar

I used to think there wasn’t anything uglier than ‘butt ugly with sideburns’...

I was wrong.


41 posted on 06/05/2014 5:39:11 PM PDT by snuffy smiff (Socialism is the philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy.)
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To: GeronL

“Shrinks don’t want to cure anything, they want repeat customers”

And most of all, the Drug Companies...Big Pharma...wants their repeat customers...!


42 posted on 06/05/2014 7:00:47 PM PDT by GGpaX4DumpedTea (I am a Tea Party descendant...steeped in the Constitutional Republic given to us by the Founders)
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