Posted on 04/12/2005 1:49:44 PM PDT by pissant
Our survey has opened up a can of worms. Men say they'd be happier if their women nagged less. But most women say they don't nag. Nagging is not a very specific category. “I think nagging is any form of communication that is unwanted. “ Relationships Australia counsellor Paul Simmons is intrigued by the whole nagging phenomenon. Is nagging really about getting the rubbish out or the toilet seat down? He thinks not. “For women it's about getting men's attention. There's a whole lot more going on.”
“Do you like my new outfit? That's nice dear.” It's not always easy, says Tania. “What about the pants? Do you think the length suits me? Yeah, great.” Tania knows what the problem with men is. It's hard to get them to do something when they're doing something else. And Don, like most men, concedes this is a failing. “For me to give my full attention to two things at the same time, I find it basically impossible.”
The fundamental differences between men and women are like some joke played on us by our creator. “Hey guys, I'm home.” Steve Allison, professional clown and standup comedian, says it's great fodder for comedy. “Nagged constantly - will you put the toilet seat down? Will you put the toilet seat down? Until I took it off and I put it downstairs. She doesn't whinge about it anymore.” But his wife Monique doesn't always see the funny side. “Steven, you left some things down here. Steven, you forgot something. Yeah, yeah, I'll get it in a sec. Steven will say I'm nagging whereas I don't think it's nagging at all, just asking for something to be done, maybe in a different tone.”
Paul Simmons says it's that change in tone that is the trigger for men. “I think men switch off to a particular tone of voice, it doesn't matter what was said. And when men switch off, many women nag more. What happens when men don't respond is that women do what they've been doing harder, once more with feeling.” Don says he knows the tone. “I guess when I perceive what she's asking is a demand.” But Tania says sometimes she has no choice. And she has done what many women do, she tests her man. “One of Don's jobs is to take the garbage out every night. If for example there's an empty orange juice container on the bench, I'll deliberately not say anything about it and it'll sit there and it can sit there for weeks. It just sits there.”
Paul says women often use nagging on their partners because the kids do it to them. And they're more likely to give it a try if they find they give in to the kids. He says other strategies might work better for women. He recommends - including praise or recognition in a request. “For instance, I reckon this would work better with a man - I remember when you did X and that was fantastic, you did a great job and I was wondering if you could do the same with..."
Women could also try being more direct, using bargaining and appealing to a man's sense of justice. “Women come from a caring perspective and men often come from a justice perspective. You can appeal to men in terms of fairness and justice.” And avoid using that tone of voice. “That tone says I want something from you, and the men are thinking, I won't know how to do it or I won't know what's required."
And of course it's not all up to the women. Remember guys, in our survey, women wanted us to listen more. “If a man thinks his female partner is nagging, then I guess the onus is on him to say she needs my attention, why is it hard to listen?” And it doesn't hurt to have a sense of humour. Says comedian Steven: “I often say during my act that my wife is beautiful, she's funny, she intelligent, she's here.”
Why women nag ? because there are men around.
Do women ever NAG each other??
Why do they nag? The same reason anyone does anything.
Because they can.
Why don't women fart?
Cuz they won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.
ping
Next thread, please...
Yes.
LOL
Think I'll start nagging my wife about putting the seat up when she's done.
Because that seven-year difference in life expectency between men and women has to come from somewhere...
Concur.
I think women who are bee-yatches is the same percentage as guys who are a**wipes. 'Bout 50%. Mostly liberals.
Very interesting you call 98% of women bitches...do you get many dates yourself?
I've never seen it. But then I'm just a guy who doesn't pay any attention to what a gal says unless she's feeding me or in her teddy. ;o)
Women nag eachother but it's different sort of nagging. My mother nags me a lot. I hope I don't nag when I get married but it seems as if it's instinctual :-)
So I look around my good friend's front yard and I see - a washing machine, a broken down piece of sh*t truck, some fishing gear, some building material - and I say to my friend, " why don't you ask your husband to move this stuff?" And she says she doesn't want to be a nag.
And I promptly told her I was a nag, and that's the reason my front yard is attractive and well kept.
Nag on, ladies!
Yep. I'll see if I can find an article why men give their wives mealy-mouthed answers....
Q: Why do men die sooner than their wives?
A: Because they want to.
Uh, that is a joke...right? Oops, gotta go. Wife is nagging me for being on the computer too long again.
"Remember guys, in our survey, women wanted us to listen more."
I only have one pair of ears.
If they are blood relatives, then yes, they can.
Well, I've never met a woman who wasn't a bit*h at one point or the other, and I've met a few men who were, too.
Well, I guess mothers ARE ALLOWED to nag their kids. They earned it. But nagging the hubby or BF is totally uncalled for. ;)
National
Association
of
Gals
I bitch and pout, but I never, ever nag.
The guy with the crap in his yard is also the guy likely to beat the old lady if she nags him! And PB, I admire you for admitting you're a nag! ;o)
JUst don't nag her about not getting rid of the skidmarks in your BVDs
"I hope I don't nag when I get married but it seems as if it's instinctual :-)"
It's simply a matter of understanding men. We prefer to focus. Women [most] are great at thinking of several things at one time, while [most] guys like to thoroughly think of one thing at a time. At least, that's my take.
If you ever feel insecure, just be nice. Prodding will only push a guy away further, although it's tempting, because prodding might seem to boost attention short-term. If being super-nice isn't enough, get your dad or brother to beat him up. =]
FReegards....
thank you for admiring my courage to admit I'm a nag.
And btw, I think when you posted this thread, you're living up to your screen name, pissant.
Just in time for all of us to go home from work, we women to our nag-needing hubbies and you guys to your nags. :")
Okay *lol*
I'm on the road tonight, so I'm spared the nags til tommorow!
I once told a man: "In a fair fight, you could beat the hell out of me. But before the fight, let me speak because I know that I could talk you to death"....End of fight!!
I think we do....We repeat the same stuff over, same stories over and over to our closest friend. It accomplishes little but "they're there" to heap these conversations (nagging) on. It just beats talking to walls.
Well, I have enjoyed some of the catfights that have erupted on FR. You gals can be quite catty to each other!
I guess all I had to do was ask.
With your attitude I don't suspect they'll be lining up to date you.
*sigh*
The all time classic picture!!
One thing I don't understand is the "ring" factor.
No ring: no nagging.
Nice big rock + 1 year: nag nag nag.
Make that 6 months.
'What? You can't sing today? Why?'
'Laughing at sexism.'
I bitch and pout because my husband nags.
Aren't we cool!! We are cats. I can remember my very best friend telling me..."I like your dress...It's so simple". I thought I was going to strangle her...but I ignored it and we've remained best friends for 40 years. Now if hubby had said that....He'd never hear the end of it for a month. We're so damn funny like that!!
| If for example there's an empty orange juice container on the bench, I'll deliberately not say anything about it and it'll sit there and it can sit there for weeks. It just sits there.
Male brains spend their visual energy looking for motion in the field of view. If it doesn't move, it doesn't matter. If it moves, it might need killin', so that gets our attention. It's all part of the Great Plan. If men actually noticed that their wives were filling up their dwellings with colored pillows and goofy crap from the Franklin Mint, they'd go nuts. On the other hand, a mouse that makes a mad dash across the hallway will not go unnoticed by a man even if he's half asleep. |
I love it!!
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Women do not understand how men's brains process visual information. A new object appearing in a familiar setting will be viewed once for recognition. If it is not a threat, and it does not move, it will never be seen again. It will just be there. If it is a ground-level obstruction, such as a chair, it will be navigated around, but not really observed in any detail. If a familiar chair were to acquire a ketchup splotch, a man could easily go weeks without noticing it.