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Urban Legend Haiku
n/a ^ | even date | self

Posted on 01/17/2002 4:50:52 AM PST by LN2Campy

Haiku...Urban Legends -- two intermittently occuring topics on this esteemed forum. Why not combine them??

What's this on mirror?
"WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF AIDS!"
One night stand of DEATH!!

It's strange to awaken
In a bathtub full of ice.
HEY - where's my kidney!?!

"Speed trap" I flash them
As a helpful motorist
Only to get shot!!

OK, folks, knock yourselves out!!


TOPICS: Miscellaneous
KEYWORDS: students
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To: chookter
Not the way I say it.
201 posted on 01/17/2002 1:51:27 PM PST by fish hawk
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To: fish hawk
Not the way I say it.

OK, you got me there...

202 posted on 01/17/2002 1:55:22 PM PST by Cogadh na Sith
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To: chookter
Enron goes under
But here on this ship of fools
we correct grammar.
203 posted on 01/17/2002 1:55:39 PM PST by fish hawk
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To: LN2Campy
Urban legenders:
"I know the guy who saw it"
Yeah right whatever.

Cookie recipe
Do I have to pay for this?
Now it's yours for free.

204 posted on 01/17/2002 5:17:48 PM PST by Reply 491
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To: noone
Last year's Final Four
Those Terrapins sure did choke.
The refs were paid off!
205 posted on 01/17/2002 6:11:05 PM PST by noone
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To: Arkle
To convey one's mood
In seventeen syllables
Is very diffic.

Now that's funny!

206 posted on 01/17/2002 6:20:34 PM PST by ru4liberty
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To: LN2Campy
Scared of breast cancer?
Use no anti-perspirant
Stinky, yes, but safe.

Late into the night
Bumping silly, funny threads
I'm a FReep addict :)

207 posted on 01/17/2002 6:37:49 PM PST by Calico
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To: ALL
Glad to see the night shift did so well, even if the thread veered slightly back into "Fishing with Bill Dance" mode.

Anyway, my pretties, here's this morning's pathetic efforts:

Madonna in stretch.
Lower East Side beckoning,
Four guys at same time.

Why the fence, Ollie?
Bad dude after me big time,
Name of OSAMA

It will change the World!!
The auto will be extinct!!
Naah, just a scooter.

208 posted on 01/18/2002 4:33:25 AM PST by LN2Campy
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To: noone
Say "Bloody Mary"
Three times into your mirror.
Try it if you dare!
209 posted on 01/18/2002 5:27:27 AM PST by noone
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To: fish hawk;chookter;cheneychick;LN2Campy
Fish hawk to: chookter

Enron goes under
But here on this ship of fools
we correct grammar.

Hawk's pithy remarks
Can shed light - ere we lose sight
Of bigger picture....

- bwteim, one of the deck hands

210 posted on 01/18/2002 5:48:15 AM PST by bwteim
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Look at my new plant!
Wait--but why is it shaking?
Oh no! Black widows

Lunatic escaped.
I'm scared! Quit necking, peel out
Hey, whose hook is this?

What a great hairdo
but why is blood dripping down?
spiders ate your head!

Dog brings dead rabbit.
Friend's! Wash, dry, return--surprise!
it had been buried.

What's this, a pimple?
It's growing very large now.
Yikes! Baby spiders!

Recipe--charge me?!
I'll show you, neiman marcus!
Here it is for FREE!

Collect soda tabs
then send thousands to some church
free dialysis!

Fever, death, oh no!
Same restaurant--ate bad food?
No! Toilet spider!

Cows sleep standing up
We went cow tipping, really!
No, we really did.

Our hotel room robbed!
Thieves left cam'ra, toothbrushes.
(pic---they're in their butts!)

Pick up hitchhiker--
girl in sweater---disappears!
Ghost who died this day.

Date, but I have gas,
blast it quick in boyfriend's car.
(oops!---friends in backseat).

Groom has a surprise.
"Look under your plate!" Pictures
of bride and best man.

211 posted on 01/18/2002 6:52:33 AM PST by in_troth
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To: bwteim
bwteim

Don't understand name
How to count the syllables
To make good Haiku.

212 posted on 01/18/2002 9:12:04 AM PST by fish hawk
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To: in_troth
Too many spiders
Arachnaphobia lurks
In Haiku writer.
213 posted on 01/18/2002 9:15:18 AM PST by fish hawk
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To: in_troth
bride has a surprise
looked under her plate!..pictures
groom kissing best man.
214 posted on 01/18/2002 9:19:57 AM PST by fish hawk
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To: in_troth
Parents get surprised
At San Francisco wedding
Best man is the bride!!
215 posted on 01/18/2002 9:25:52 AM PST by fish hawk
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To: in_troth
check your Freeper Mail.
216 posted on 01/18/2002 9:45:42 AM PST by fish hawk
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To: fish hawk
BWTEIM

Dear Fish Hawk, just rhyme
Part of name, one at a time
Bee Double U Time

217 posted on 01/18/2002 11:29:05 AM PST by bwteim
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To: LN2Campy
I got into the act a little late, but here's my go at it.

A loud explosion
Brains leaking from woman's head
No, just cookie dough

218 posted on 01/18/2002 1:32:27 PM PST by americaprd
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To: LN2Campy
"Wear sunscreen," class told.
Good advice, but Vonnegut
Was not the speaker.

Shuttle engine width
Based on chariot wheels? No,
Nothing's that simple.

Disney on ice? No,
He's pushing up daisies in
A Forest Lawn plot.

Fargo: Pure fiction,
But treasure hunter believes,
And dies in the snow.

219 posted on 01/18/2002 2:15:05 PM PST by Fabozz
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To: LN2Campy
Urban myths become
Haikus?! Laughing out loud, I
Bump you to the top.
220 posted on 01/18/2002 2:20:57 PM PST by Fabozz
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To: fish hawk
check your Freeper Mail.
221 posted on 01/19/2002 9:07:38 AM PST by Grampa Dave
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To: Grampa Dave
lead plus Roman--crash
pizaza sauce--allyouminium
what is alzhimers?
222 posted on 01/19/2002 1:47:21 PM PST by f.Christian
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To: f.Christian

Modesto diner.
Elvis has Cheeseburger,
Usama eats rings.

Be Seeing You,

Chris

223 posted on 01/19/2002 2:06:46 PM PST by section9
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To: LN2Campy
illuminati
taking over the whole world
tin foil hat is on!
224 posted on 01/19/2002 2:17:36 PM PST by ActionNewsBill
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To: ActionNewsBill
bttt
225 posted on 01/28/2002 11:41:24 AM PST by f.Christian
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To: f.Christian
Elianista!
How is your insomnia?
Eastern standard time?

The otters are mad.
Did you ever hunt for snipes?
And did you catch one?

226 posted on 01/28/2002 11:42:50 PM PST by Prodigal Daughter
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To: fish hawk; Grampa Dave
Check your freeper mail?
Let us in on your secrets.
We have feelings too.

Unless it was mail
Written just like a haiku
That's going too far.

227 posted on 01/28/2002 11:52:43 PM PST by Prodigal Daughter
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To: Prodigal Daughter
Slept all day,
Four in the morning here,
freep you back

Asian lady personal ads
this native is restless
gotta catch me one.

228 posted on 01/29/2002 4:38:07 AM PST by f.Christian
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To: Prodigal Daughter
PD posted:

Did you ever hunt for snipes? And did you catch one?

No, but Snipe Hunting is an one of our family legends. Years ago, I drove our two sons on vacation from Kali to Oklahoma and up to Illinois to meet their Mom, my wife, for the next leg of the journey, she flew out later to join us in Illinois where her family lived.

The oldest son was 15 and grew about 5 inches on the trip. So he was just wanted to eat, sleep and grow and wasn't your typical teenager, and he presented no problem except feeding him about 5 times each day.

The younger son made up for it. He had just turned 13 and had become the devil's gift for 7 years instead of God's. He was a complete pain on the whole trip to Oklahoma, and while staying at relatives there he got worse. We took him snipe hunting to calm him down. It worked, and he was okay for about 5 days. He couldn't believe that we left him in the woods holding a gunny bag and whispering "Here Snipey!" About twenty minutes after the sunset, he realized what had happened and walked the 2 miles to our relatives's home.

Then, we drove to Illinois to meet Mom who flew out. He reverted to usual whining teeneager because she was there to protect him. On a very hot Illionois day, I took my sons and a car load of cousins swimming at a community pool about 5 miles from my wife's home.

My son got ejected from the pool for his behavior, and he was out of control on the trip back to his grandparents. I told him to control his mouth and to stand down or I would stop the car and leave him on the side of the road.

On hearing this, he and his mouth got even worse. I stopped the car and pulled him out. I told him that he was only about 4 miles from the little town in Illinois. He said that I wouldn't leave him and started mouthing. We all wave at him as we left him on the side of road. I can still remember what his eyes looked like as we drove off and left him by the side of the road.

He stayed there about 15 minutes in the hot Illinois sun waiting for Dad to return. Finally he began to walk to his home. About 40 minutes later, his mother and grandmother were driving back home after lunch and shopping. As they passed him, his grandmother yelled stop, "That's X walking on the road."

His mother stopped and he got into the car and started using his mouth again. She stopped the car and told him to shut up or get out. He couldn't believe it, and she said shut up or get out. He apologized and kept his mouth shut.

Later my wife and I discussed the "mouth", and she agreed that I had correct.

While in Illinois, we bought her brother's classic Camaro Convertible. This meant on the way back to Kali, we had two vehicles. My wife and the mouth drove in the same car most of the time and the oldest son and I drove in the other car. A great way to travel with teenagers.

Now this son loves to tell this story as an example of great parenting by his Dad during the teenager years.

So Snipe hunting holds a treasure of memories for our family.

229 posted on 01/29/2002 7:49:56 AM PST by Grampa Dave
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To: f.Christian
A beautiful, nice
Asian, Christian girl for you
I'm on the lookout.
230 posted on 01/29/2002 10:50:57 AM PST by Prodigal Daughter
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To: Grampa Dave
My Dear Grampa Dave
You will never catch a snipe
Calling, "Here Snipey!"

The correct snipe call
is, "Snipe, Snipe, Snipe!" "Snipe, Snipe, Snipe!"
Stick to fly fishing!

(No urban legend
haiku thread can be without
a rural legend!)

231 posted on 01/29/2002 10:54:59 AM PST by Prodigal Daughter
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To: LN2Campy
Auto companies
No September 11th
Contributions gave.

A lot of people still believe this U.L.

-Eric

232 posted on 01/30/2002 4:25:32 AM PST by E Rocc
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To: E Rocc
great presidents...
Carter-Clinton/hillary---
poor white stupid trash!
233 posted on 01/30/2002 12:37:37 PM PST by f.Christian
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To: Prodigal Daughter; gg188
To: f.Christian

A beautiful, nice
Asian, Christian girl for you
I'm on the lookout.

230 posted on 1/29/02 11:50 AM Pacific by Prodigal Daughter

234 posted on 02/05/2002 12:58:59 PM PST by f.Christian
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To: f.Christian,prodigal daughter
ME TOO, PD!!

I am truly LOL!

235 posted on 02/06/2002 5:14:48 PM PST by gg188
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To: gg188
Here is my first attempt at haiku based on a TRUE story that could definitely be an urban legend....

Friend at ER Help!

Sick Heart Attack - stroke? NO!

Ate son's pot brownies.

236 posted on 02/06/2002 5:47:27 PM PST by Clintons Are White Trash
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To: f.Christian
Except they aren't poor, silly, they're rich and rhyme with rich too!
237 posted on 02/06/2002 6:38:22 PM PST by Prodigal Daughter
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To: gg188
You mean I should be on the lookout for two of them?

Matchmaker matchmaker...

238 posted on 02/06/2002 6:40:09 PM PST by Prodigal Daughter
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To: Prodigal Daughter
Fletch Christian and I have already talked about it offline. Of course, being in Hawaii, he is a few thousand miles closer to the source of his desire than I am!
239 posted on 02/06/2002 6:58:25 PM PST by gg188
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