The Dangers of Bread!

unknown

[Gladwin]

The Dangers of Bread..

1)More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.

2)Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread consuming households score below average on all standardized tests.

3)In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

4)More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.

5)Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!

6)Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.

7)Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.

8)Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.

9)Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread pudding person.

10)Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.

[Gladwin]

Crime of the first order...

[RLK]

I guess there is a point to this. I suspect I don't need to ask.

[Khepera]

OK Argee why didn't you post this?

BRAAD to the bone!

[InvisibleChurch]

I regret having had toast this morning.

[Ward Smythe]

I found a diary underneath a tree, and started reading about me...

[steve50]

When bread is outlawed, only outlaws will have bread.

[Mr Ducklips]

I hadn't realized it's this bad. Thank you!

[ElectricStrawberry]

Does this mean the Atkins diet is onto something?

[riley1992]

If a picture paints a thousand words, then why can't I paint you?

[plinker's2sense]

It's hard to make a grilled cheese without the bread.

[Ward Smythe]

One of us is showing our age.

[riley1992]

I vote you. LOL

[20yearvet]

I understand that Jonny Walker was a bread eater as a child!

[HoustonCurmudgeon]

I see a massive coverup and the need for an immediate Congressional investigation!

[Dakmar]

It don't matter to me.

[riley1992]

Is there someone you know, you're loving them so, but taking them all for granted?

[OWK]

I found her diary underneath a tree.

[machman]

Yes, how much as the "Big Bakery" industry given to the skunks in Washington??? I'm sure they have taken truckloads of dough from this industry.

[Interesting Times]

You sheltered me from harm...

[Gladwin]

Yes, how much as the "Big Bakery" industry given to the skunks in Washington??? I'm sure they have taken truckloads of dough from this industry.

lol

[Dakmar]

The words began stick and tears to flow.
Her meaning now was clear to see.
The love she'd waited for was someone else not me.

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

"The Best of Bread"..... best make-out album ever! lol

I'll show you my age, if you show me yours.....

[BlueLancer]

Ward: "The words she'd written took me by surprise ...

Riley: The words will never show, the You I've come to know.

Dakmar: If you really feel that you need some time to be free.

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

A very serious bump....... needs your immediate involvement!

[Judith Anne]

Heavens to Betsy! Civilization is TOAST!!!!

[rebelyell]

For a moment I thought the guy was really talking about a medicinal plant and not bread.

[Cyber Liberty]

Yes, but it's a Gates conspiracy!

(David, not Bill, but who knows....really...)

[riley1992]

Used to be my life was just emotions passing by. Then you came along and made me laugh and made me cry. You taught me why.

[Hemingway's Ghost]

How many slices must I eat until I feel hopped up on goofballs enough to off somebody, then rape a few white women?

[Dakmar]

Enjoy!

[SeeRushToldU_So]

The same thing can be said about milk. Heavy bread users often drink milk.

We need to outlaw milk as well!Call you congress critter and demand the end to this bread/milk cycle!

[calmseas]

They can have my bread when they peel my last slice from my cold, dead fingers.

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

Ok - I admit..... that one surprised me! lol.... I didn't even connect the last names for a minute!

(don't tell anyone but we eat all different kinds of bread in our house..... pumpernickle, wheat, oat, Ukrainian, and even,....gulp..... WHITE bread!!!)

[blam]

"I found a diary underneath a tree, and started reading about me..."

But hey, have you ever really tried, reaching out to the other side....

[savedbygrace]

Finally, some puzzles for George.

http://chroniclesofgeorge.nanc.com

[Dakmar]

I snuck to the kitchen, picked up the lid,
I filled my pockets full of shortnin’ bread.
I winked at the pretty little girl and said,
"Baby, how’d you like some shortnin’ bread?"

[Cyber Liberty]

Racist.

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

OMG - I didn't even see the connection before.... you are good..... What can we do? The Milk Lobby in Washington is even bigger than the bakery mafia - I've heard they have some of those midwestern Senators by the "udders"....

The connection is even worse than I previously thought, though, the Chocolate Industry is tied in there with the Milk lobby...... gosh, this is big!

[NeoCaveman]

Bread is bad...OK.

98% of drug users ate bread as children....and don't even get me started on water.

[Carolina]

What a crumb-y post.

OTOH, I take it back. Don't wanna come across like a heel.

[aruanan]

Ha ha ha. I love it.

6)Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.

Yep, it's pretty difficult to develop such diseases if one's life expectancy is 39.

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

Me racist? I'll have you know that not only do we eat white bread in our home, but dark bread AND that swirly bread that is both dark and light!

You, sir or madam, are a Bread Bigot! (lol)

[Cagey]

"Blunder Bread, helps destroy bodies 12 ways"

[Neets]

Ahhh riley!! You started this!!!

You other twose!!

"Baby I'ma Want you, Baby I'ma Need you."

[I got the rope]

You anti-breadites make me sick!

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

Great article Gladwin! Your insight into this dire problem is amazing - it is no accident that "dough" is a euphemism for money....

[Judith Anne]

If I want to eat bread in the privacy of my own home, behind closed doors, no bread-nazi is going to stop me! ;-D