Dude, Where's Your Candidate? (Vanity)

February 11, 2004 | Self

[Prodigal Son]

Edinburgh, Feb. 11, 2004

On January 14, Michael Moore published an article on his website explaining why he would be voting for General Wesley Clark. In that piece he predicted (referring to Clark): "And he will cream George W. Bush".

Well, it looks like the only cream we're seeing is now coming out of Moore's squashed donut box because Clark's campaign just went down in flames. The General has withdrawn from the race.

Dude, what happened to your candidate?

I think I know part of the answer.

During an on-stage Clark campaign rally and also in that same published endorsement Moore states that he was looking forward to seeing the General on the stage with the Deserter. The latter referring to President Bush.

On January 22, barely a week later, the democratic candidates appeared on live television for a debate.

The following was exchanged between Peter Jennings and Wesley Clark:

JENNINGS: At one point Mr. Moore said in front of you that he'd like to see a debate between you and President Bush, who he called a deserter.

Now that's a reckless charge not supported by the facts and I was curious to know why you didn't contradict him and whether or not you think it would have been a better example of ethical behavior to have done so?

CLARK: Well, I think Michael Moore has the right to say whatever he feels about this. I don't know whether this is supported by the facts or not. I've never looked at it. I've seen this charge bandied about a lot. But to me it wasn't material. ... And I'm delighted to have the support of Michael Moore. ...

JENNINGS: Let me ask you something you mentioned, then, because since this question and answer in which you and Mr. Moore were involved, you've had a chance to look at the facts. Do you still feel comfortable with the fact that someone should be standing up in your presence and calling the president of the United States a deserter?

CLARK: To be honest with you, I did not look at the facts, Peter. You know, that's Michael Moore's opinion. He's entitled to say that. He's not the only person who's said that. I've not followed up on those facts and, frankly, it's not relevant to me and why I'm in this campaign.

Clark was in a tight spot there. Moore is thought (by some) to be a big influence on the campaign scene in America. This is perhaps because the political stage needs to be reinforced structurally before Mikey can climb up on it. At any rate, Clark, I suppose, believing that Moore and his endorsement were important elements of his campaign, refused to denounce Moore's comments.

Looks to me like Michael Moore deployed a landmine for the general to step on.

To make matters worse, Moore refused to back off the comment. Indeed, in a Jan. 27 piece on his website he wrote:

I would like to apologize for referring to George W. Bush as a "deserter." What I meant to say is that George W. Bush is a deserter, an election thief, a drunk driver, a WMD liar and a functional illiterate. And he poops his pants. In fact, he shot a man in Tucson "just to watch him die."

Actually, what I meant to say up in New Hampshire last week was that "We're going to have Bush for dessert come November!" I'm always mixing up "dessert" and "desert" -- I'm sure many of you have that problem.

Well, there's not going to be any dessert for either Wes or Mikey now.

Where's your man, Michael Moore? You know, the guy you tapped to 'cream Bush' in November? I'll tell you where he is. He's on his way home to cool his heels. The people have spoken. This is democracy, no? The people didn't choose your man and you know what that means? The people didn't choose you. They rejected your message just as much as they rejected his.

So what are you going to do now Mr Political Powerhouse? Endorse someone else? And who might that be?

Kerry? Edwards? They voted for the war, remember?

Perhaps you can dogpile on Dr Dean with Al Gore? Nikita has enough problems right now I think and besides his campaign probably doesn't have enough money left to feed you if you went on the stump with him. Thank Mr Trippi for that.

Who's that leave you with? Kucinich? Would he even want your endorsement now that it has proven so deadly? You never know, he just might. Dennis is a funny looking guy and funny looking guys do funny things sometimes.

You know what I think it's time for you to do Mr Moore?

It's time for you to sit your fat butt down and shut up. Better luck in 2008. Your election cycle is over; you and your man lost. You picked a loser but that's understandable because you are a loser.

Dude, where's your candidate?

It's really simple:

You ate him.

Maybe it's time to go on a diet?

[Prodigal Son]

bookmark for self

[kattracks]

BTTT

[Vigilantcitizen]

Ya know....in a sick, sarcastic way...I almost feel sorry for Moore.

Fat, ugly, and stupid....That's a bad way to go through life.

[KentTrappedInLiberalSeattle]

ROTFLMAO!!! A+++++!!! Excellent!

Just too bad we can't... you know... cross-post this over to the DU boards, as well; where the DUmmies are all sobbing disconsolately over their "brave, brave general" being laid out like a Thai schoolgirl last night.

... or is that just mean and petty of me, really...? :)

[Prodigal Son]

Oh, this time of night in the US, the DUmmies have nothing going on their board and troll on FR a lot to get news. They'll see it ;-)

Actually, I'd be happier if M. Moore were to read it. I can't stand that jack-ass.

Thanks, BTW.

[Caipirabob]

Excellent post.

[KentTrappedInLiberalSeattle]

Oh, this time of night in the US, the DUmmies have nothing going on their board and troll on FR a lot to get news. They'll see it ;-)

Life is good that way, sometimes. :)

[Ramcat]

Funny.
Thanks for the morning laugh.

[Ramcat]

Unfortunatley it: Fat, ugly, stupid, rich and happy.

[Michael81Dus]

I loved the most "election thief" when he referred to Bush and "where´s my candidate?" "You ate him." LOL!

Seriously, why doesn´t the President file a lawsuit against Moore? What Moore stated is absolutely defamatory, a libel.

[maggief]

Email him a copy.

mmflint@aol.com

[Prodigal Son]

Seriously, why doesn´t the President file a lawsuit against Moore?

Politically impossible even if it is libel. You'd have people screaming that the President was trying to suppress dissent.

[KentTrappedInLiberalSeattle]

Make certain you title it 1,001 Super-Yummy Donut Recipes in the e-mail header, or something along similar lines. That way, he's sure to open it first. :)

[Vigilantcitizen]

"Unfortunatley it: Fat, ugly, stupid, rich and happy."

I'll give ya the rich part, but happy?

Probably when he's eating, but that's about it.

Being rich doesn't guarantee happiness.

[Prodigal Son]

LOL.

[Vigilantcitizen]

"I can't stand that jack-ass."

I can't either. I'm a little fella, and I'm usually very easy going and peaceful....

But for some reason, I'd love nothing more than to b$tch slap Moore around some.

[Michael81Dus]

Sure, the Prez doesn´t want to look like a crybaby, but being called a murder, deserter, etc is a bit heavy. Politicians must accept more (just like Fischer & Trittin who have been called "Öko-Stalinisten" and "former terrorists" by Michael Glos, CSU, yesterday), but this would go beyond my understanding.

[Prodigal Son]

Yeah, the things Moore said were terrible and I don't think he should say those things at all. I know if I said those sorts of things about Moore on a public platform, he would definitely sue me.

But in the long run, the President probably looks better just ignoring his comments and kicking a$$ in November. No better way to shut Moore up than to win.

[Prodigal Son]

"But for some reason, I'd love nothing more than to b$tch slap Moore around some."

Well, here's some more reasons. This is an email Moore has just sent out to his admirers:

An Open Letter from Michael Moore to George "I'm a War President!" Bush

February 11, 2004 (67th anniversary of the Great Flint Sit-Down Strike)

Dear Mr. Bush,

Thank you for providing the illegible Xeroxed partial payroll sheets (or whatever they were) yesterday covering a few of your days in the National Guard. Now we know that, not only didn't you complete your tour of duty, you were actually paid for work you never did. Did you cash those checks? Wouldn't that be, um, illegal?

Watching the press aggressively demand the truth from your press secretary -- and refusing to accept the deceit, the dodging, and the cover-up -- was a sight to behold, something we really haven't seen since you took office (to watch or listen to the entire press conference, or to read the full transcript, go here).

More than one reporter pointed out that those pieces of paper your press secretary waved at them yesterday mean nothing. Even if they aren't forged documents, getting paid does not necessarily mean you showed up to do your duties. As retired Army Col. Dan Smith, a 26-year veteran, told the AP:



"Pay records don't mean anything except that you're in or you're out," said Smith. "It doesn't necessarily reflect what duty you've actually performed because pay records simply record your unit of assignment and then all of your pay and benefits per pay period."

Mr. Bush, this issue is not going to go away -- and I think yesterday's actions just dug you into a deeper hole. You're probably wondering why the heck this story won't just die. You probably thought that after I brought it up last month and then got slammed by Peter Jennings for uttering the "d" word, the whole matter would just disappear as fast as bag of blow being thrown out the window of a speeding car on a deserted Maine highway.

But your "desertion" didn't go away -- and here's the reason why. You have sent countless numbers of our sons and daughters in the National Guard to their deaths in the last 11 months. You did this while misleading their parents and the nation with bogus lies about weapons of mass destruction and scary phony Saddam ties to al Qaeda. You sent them off to a never-ending war so that your benefactors at Halliburton and the oil companies could line their pockets. And then you had the audacity to prance around in a soldier's uniform on an aircraft carrier proclaiming "Mission Accomplished" -- while the cameras from your re-election campaign ad agency rolled.

THAT is what makes this whole business of you being AWOL so despicable, and makes the grief-stricken relatives want to turn away from you in disgust. The reason your skipping-out on your enlistment didn't matter in the 2000 election was because we were not at war. Being stuck in a deadly, daily quagmire now in 2004 makes your military history-fiction and your fly-boy costume VERY relevant.

You still have not answered the questions surrounding your National Guard "service." Let me repeat them as simply as I can for you (all of them based on the investigative work of the Associated Press and the Boston Globe):

1. How were you able to jump ahead of 500 other applicants to get into the Texas Air National Guard, thus guaranteeing you would not have to go to Vietnam? What calls did your father (who was then a United States Congressman representing Texas) make on your behalf for you to get this assignment?

2. Why were you grounded (not allowed to fly) after you either failed your physical or failed to take it in July 1972? Was there a reason you were afraid to take the physical? Or, did you take it and not pass it? If so, why didn't you pass it? Was it the urine test? The records show that, after the Guard spent years and lots of money training you to be a pilot, you never flew for the rest of your time in the Guard. Why?

3. Can you produce one person who can verify that he served with you in the Guard during the year that your Texas commanders said you did not show up? Why have you failed to bring forth anyone who served with you in the Guard while you were in Alabama? Why hasn't ONE SINGLE PERSON come forward?

4. Can you tell us what you did when you claim to have shown up in Alabama for Guard duty? What were you duties? You were grounded, so what did they have you do instead?

5. Where are the sign-up sheets that would have your name and service number on them for each weekend you showed up? Aaron Brown on CNN told us how, when he was in the reserves, he had to sign in each time he reported, and his guest from the Washington Post said, that's right, and there would be "four copies of that record" in the files of various agencies. Will you ask those agencies to release those records?

6. If you were in fact paid for that time when you apparently went AWOL, will you authorize the IRS to release your 1972-73 tax returns?



7. How did you get an honorable discharge? What strings were pulled? Who called who?

Look, I'm sorry to have put you through all this. I was just goofing around when I made that comment about wanting to see a debate between the general and the deserter. I had no idea that it would lead to this. And there you were, having to suffer through Tim Russert on Sunday, saying weird things like "I'm a war president!" I guess you believe that, or you want us to believe that. Americans have never voted out a Commander-in-Chief during a war. I guess that's what you're hoping for. You need the war.

But we don't. And our troops in the National Guard don't either. I know you see the writing on the wall, so why not come clean now? We are a forgiving people, and though you will not be returned to White House, you will find us grateful for a little bit of truth. Answer our questions, apologize to the nation, and bring our kids home.

Yours,

Michael Moore

[KentTrappedInLiberalSeattle]

This is my favorite weeper so far, from... ummmmmmm... That Certain Board, re Michael Moore's sock puppet going down harder than a two-dollar hooker last night:

"We are grieving and mourning. This is much harder than I ever thought. Truth is, my divorce was not this painfull."

Man... can you even imagine what that one's poor, suffering ex must have had to live with, all those years...? :)

[NYCVirago]

Good stuff. No, scratch that -- this is GREAT! Nice job.

[Prodigal Son]

Why thank you ;-)

[Prodigal Son]

Truth is, my divorce was not this painfull.

Good Lord. I think someone needs a bit of perspective. Can you imagine what it's going to be like over there in November?

[NYCVirago]

And there you were, having to suffer through Tim Russert on Sunday, saying weird things like "I'm a war president!" I guess you believe that, or you want us to believe that. Americans have never voted out a Commander-in-Chief during a war. I guess that's what you're hoping for. You need the war.

Um, we are at war, you moron. I know that on 9/11, you were bemoaning the fact that the terrorists hit the blue states, instead of targeting Bush voters, but yeah, we've been at war since.

[Prodigal Son]

Yeah, at least Wesley knew when to quit. Moore is going to ride this issue down like Slim Pickens did that nuke in Dr Strangelove ;-)

[KentTrappedInLiberalSeattle]

We are a forgiving people

How nice. You will soon find, however, Mr. Moore -- post the elections in November --that we are not.

and though you will not be returned to White House

Oh, that's right. This was (obviously) written before your boy, The Little General, got himself stripped, shaven and banished into the snows, last night. **snicker**

Yours,

Michael Moore

Up yours, Michael. More. :)

[beckysueb]

This has got to be the stupidest excuse for a human being in the world. Someone who has better writing skills than I do should come up with some questions for him and send them to him and hound him publicly for answers until he checks his stupid a** into a nuthouse!

[Ramcat]

I'll give ya the rich part, but happy?

Ignorance is bliss!

[beckysueb]

I was going to ask if anyone thinks that the Rats might be embarrassed by a jerk like this in their party but you just answered my question.

[no dems]

I agree. This is a masterpiece. Someone must find a way to get this into MM's hands.

By the way: Where is Al Gore's, Tom Harkin's and prune- faced Ann Richard's candidate, Dr. Howie? Boy, I bet they regret jumping on that bandwagon too soon; too stupid to know it was headed over a cliff. OH, I'M LOVIN' THIS.

[Prodigal Son]

Oh, that's right. This was (obviously) written before your boy, The Little General, got himself stripped, shaven and banished into the snows, last night. **snicker**

LOL. The thing that I really like now is that no democratic candidate that Moore wants to win has a chance of winning. He doesn't like anyone who voted for the war. He was somewhat miffed at Kucinich because Dennis abstained from that vote.

So, no matter what happens, the Dem nominee isn't going to be someone he wants to root for.

What I see happening is- Kerry will back off his statements about Bush needing to explain his service soon enough. That will leave no candidate pushing this agenda that Moore is pushing- leaving him (Moore) to rant and rave in the political desert alone.

I love it!

I have to say, Moore could've taken some lessons from Babs Streisand. I detest that woman as much as Moore, but she's been smart enough to play her cards close to her vest so far with her endorsements. I figure she'll wait to see who is most likely to win and then endorse him. This way, she doesn't have to see her endorsement go down the tubes the way Moore's just did. LOL, it's beautiful.

[KentTrappedInLiberalSeattle]

I agree. This is a masterpiece. Someone must find a way to get this into MM's hands.

Perhaps if we disguised it as a pot roast...? :)

[Prodigal Son]

OH, I'M LOVIN' THIS.

Me too ;-)

[Stallone]

If you're loving this, wait until Hanoi John, Kommie Kerry unravels. It won't be pretty for a pompous assh#le to go the way of the French.

The Dems are going down in flames.

[Stallone]

John FRENCH Kerry

[Stallone]

Or should I say,

John FRENCHIE Kerry

[cardinal4]

And I'm delighted to have the support of Michael Moore. ...

Like algores endorsement of Dean, Moores statement proved to be the kiss of death. I hope he endorses Kerry next..

[KentTrappedInLiberalSeattle]

You know, in some primitive tribes, long ago: it was traditional for survivng tribesmen to... well... eat the remains of a fallen fellow warrior.

If I were The Little General: I'd stay as far away from Michael "And Them's Good Eatin'!" Moore as humanly possible, for the next few days at least. :)

[cardinal4]

But your "desertion" didn't go away -- and here's the reason why. You have sent countless numbers of our sons and daughters in the National Guard to their deaths in the last 11 months. You did this while misleading their parents and the nation with bogus lies about weapons of mass destruction and scary phony Saddam ties to al Qaeda. You sent them off to a never-ending war so that your benefactors at Halliburton and the oil companies could line their pockets. And then you had the audacity to prance around in a soldier's uniform on an aircraft carrier proclaiming "Mission Accomplished" -- while the cameras from your re-election campaign ad agency rolled.

This guys hatred is starting to cloud the lefts message. People have already started trying to distance themselves from what this pig says and writes. Even one of the lefties at work says she can no longer stand him, becuase of the vitriol.

[Prodigal Son]

If I were The Little General: I'd stay as far away from Michael "And Them's Good Eatin'!" Moore as humanly possible, for the next few days at least. :)

LOL! Man, I wish I had talked to you before I wrote this, you've got some good zingers!

[no dems]

And by the way: Along these same lines but shifting gears just a bit, has anyone heard from Alec Baldwin? Remember he said he was going to leave the country if Bush was elected in 2000. I've not seen much of him. Did he in fact leave or is his career just in the toilet? Oh wait, I remember someone said he is now on Hollywood Squares. That's a sure sign your acting career is over.

[Prodigal Son]

People have already started trying to distance themselves from what this pig says and writes.

Exactly. He's painted himself right into a corner and pretty soon he will soon be politically untouchable.

[KentTrappedInLiberalSeattle]

You needed no help whatsoever from me, I assure you, PS.

I'm just riffing and noodling off the chord progression you already came up with... like (say) Jon Butcher, playing quietly in the background while Hendrix plays lead. :)

[Prodigal Son]

has anyone heard from Alec Baldwin?

From his website- an interview he did with New York Observer. He's talking about Bush and politics and the article reads:

"...And now Bush comes in. And right when you most want to question an administration, right when you most have a group of people who, more than any other group of people in American history, will use the power of the United States government. In cooperation with two other branches, it kind of is a magical moment."

"By the way, between now and a year from now, next November, is an eternity."

Then just as abruptly, Mr. Baldwin changed the subject.

"I just hiked to my house," he said. He sounded wide-awake, like a man who’d gotten his second wind.

Sounds to me like he's trying to discipline himself to keep his mouth shut before he sticks his foot in it again.

At any rate, I would pretty much guarantee he won't be making the 'If Bush wins, I'll leave the country" claim again.

[Prodigal Son]

Moore's got his 'Open Letter to President Bush' up on his website now. Wasn't there earlier when I posted number 20.

http://www.michaelmoore.com/

[chainsaw]

Clark was only in the race for name recognition, at the expense of gullable democrats. He will be in the running for VP with Hillary in 2008. For now the democrats will put up a Kerry-Fonda ticket, at the expense of more gullable, misled misfits-Democrats.

[cardinal4]

Hollywood commies like Baldwin are all mouth.

[omniscient]

Nobody deserves this kind of humiliation more than this slob Moore. It is so gratifying to see egg all over his porcine mug. Unfortunately, he is probably too stupid to realize what an ass he's made of himself.

By the way, let us also take a moment to savour the thought of Madonna succumbing to flop sweat as she also realizes how effective her glowing endorsement of the General has been.

[driftless]

Clark did himself in. I'm sure many Dems detected that something was wrong with this guy. Clark should have taken candidate lessons from some Dem strategist. His ahem problems would have most likely been outed anyway, but he would have stood a better chance. I'm wondering what those stupid Brit and Irish Marxist scribblers who were predicting he'd shellack Bush are saying now?