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-- Meet The Heinz Heiress Who Would Be First Lady!
| MARK STEYN
Posted on 02/28/2004 6:49:53 AM PST by clintonbaiter
But, incredible as it seems, Maria Teresa Thierstein Simoes-Ferreira Heinz Kerry is a real person. A decade ago, after the death of her first (Republican) husband, Mrs Heinz politely declined to run for his Senate seat. Well, not that politely. As she put it, "Political campaigns are the graveyard of real ideas and the birthplace of empty promises." And how! In the graveyard of ideas, for the last two years she's been interred in the biggest mausoleum in the grounds. He had enough money to hire top gun Bob Shrum, but Shrum could find nothing in his repertoire to palm off on Kerry except the same old populist platitudes that proved so successful for all his previous presidential candidates: President Dick Gephardt (1988), President Bob Kerrey (1992), President Al Gore (2000) and President Insert Namehere (2008). "We need to offer solutions, not just slogans," intones Senator Kerry portentously. That's how much a straight shooter he is. His slogan is a slogan about the inadequacy of slogans.....
(Excerpt) Read more at iconoclast.ca ...
TOPICS: Culture/Society; Editorial; Extended News; News/Current Events; Political Humor/Cartoons; Politics/Elections; US: Massachusetts
KEYWORDS: 2004; heinz; kerry; marksteyn; teresaheinz
Havent heard a solution issue forth from Kerry yet.
Just what is his platform?
posted on 02/28/2004 6:56:07 AM PST
(I aint wrong, I aint sorry , and I am probably going to do it again.)
Just what is his platform?
BRINGGGGG -- ITTT ---- ONNNNN!
That's his platform so far. I hear he is working on adding new words to it. Maybe "Bring it on Now!" or "Bring it on Right Now! if he really thinks boldly.
Comment #4 Removed by Moderator
Ah, the little people! How I love them.
posted on 02/28/2004 7:00:44 AM PST
("Oh, I can take it but I'd much rather dish it out.")
posted on 02/28/2004 7:10:13 AM PST
(The best days of America lie ahead GWB 2/23/04)
Is there a better line this campaign season than her response to White House jibes that her husband is French-looking? I bet they cant even speak French.
Funny, funny. Only...a small quibble. Surely the White House hasn't said anything of the kind. Republican wags, maybe, but even George W. isn't that colloquial on the campaign trail.
posted on 02/28/2004 7:10:41 AM PST
Comment #8 Removed by Moderator
Its said that she and John fell for each other at an environmental conference in Brazil
I thought he starting dating her during Heinz's funeral.
To: Republic If You Can Keep It
I thought he starting dating her during Heinz's funeral.
I thought that was just when he smelled the money...
posted on 02/28/2004 8:40:23 AM PST
(I wish I had time for a nervous breakdown.)
To: Republic If You Can Keep It
Its said that she and John fell for each other at an environmental conference in Brazil.
In a puff piece interview with People magazine, Teresa Heinz Kerry says she & John Kerry hit it off after they met at a restaurant (unclear if they were with the same party or just at the same restaurant), they knew each other only casually at the time. After dinner, he invited her on a moonlight walk to the Vietnam Veterans Memorial... she could tell this was "really important" to him. I am still wavering between which is the scarier interpretation: 1. the story is true, and John Kerry even used his Vietnam service to hit on a wealthy widow, or 2. the story is false and represents the John Kerry campaign's pathetic need to work Vietnam into even the most mundane, obligatory how-they-met anecdotes.
posted on 02/28/2004 8:52:33 AM PST
by The Wizard
(democrats are enemies of America)
I dunno, she reminds me too much of Michael Constantine.
2. the story is false and represents the John Kerry campaign's pathetic need to work Vietnam into even the most mundane, obligatory how-they-met anecdotes.
Bump for #2. . .
"a moonlight walk to the Vietnam Veterans Memorial... she could tell this was "really important" to him."
. . .guess he wanted to remember the names of the 'baby killers'. These people lie with every exhale. . ..
posted on 02/28/2004 9:11:09 PM PST
Teresa Hell - Mark Steyn
The antidote to John Kerry is Mrs John Kerry, if shell forgive the designation. Teresa Heinz is the last person on the Kerry team to remember the days when a John Kerry campaign appearance meant a campaign appearance by John Kerry. Now its like the title song of Hello, Dolly!, but even longer and with a bigger cast thousands of state officials, veterans, designated human-interest victims of the special interests and paunchy fellow Senators frantically prancing around the stage as they anticipate the arrival of the Great One. Eventually, after several hundred choruses of what a great President hell make, they trill, Well, well, hello, Kerry! and there he is. Then he goes into his solo five minutes of boilerplate populism which somehow manages, in Kerrys groggy delivery, to take the best part of an hour. And through it all, as she always is, Teresa stands by his side looking bored out of her skull. For Kerry, the good news is she doesnt look like a woman whod be bothered by an intern scandal. The bad news is she doesnt look like a woman who can be bothered with a spousal Presidential campaign.
The Kerry campaign is so cynical it wouldnt surprise me to discover that Teresa Heinz is a throaty sensual Continental actress the strategists spotted in some Miramax thing a couple of years back and hired to play the loose-cannon wife who cant stay on message. Look, fellers, we got the rubes and hicks wrapped up with the Im fighting for you against the powerful interests stuff. But how about we hook in the post-modern crowd by having a sophisticated European standing alongside rolling her eyes at the vapidity of modern vernacular politics? Tina Brownll lap it up! Well put her in one of those over-the-shoulder Isadora Duncan scarves and every time he drones BRING! IT! ON! she can lower her chin into it to look like shes suppressing her giggles. If she gets it right, the columnistsll go, Well, say what you like, but at least theres one element of the Kerry campaign which isnt just the usual populist pandering phony-baloney. Any ideas for the exotic background?
How about a Portuguese Mozambican ketchup heiress?
Hmm. The first Portuguese Mozambican ketchup heiress to serve as First Lady. Maybe its a little too obvious.
But, incredible as it seems, Maria Teresa Thierstein Simoes-Ferreira Heinz Kerry is a real person. A decade ago, after the death of her first (Republican) husband, Mrs Heinz politely declined to run for his Senate seat. Well, not that politely. As she put it, Political campaigns are the graveyard of real ideas and the birthplace of empty promises. And how! In the graveyard of ideas, for the last two years shes been interred in the biggest mausoleum in the grounds. He had enough money to hire top gun Bob Shrum, but Shrum could find nothing in his repertoire to palm off on Kerry except the same old populist platitudes that proved so successful for all his previous presidential candidates: President Dick Gephardt (1988), President Bob Kerrey (1992), President Al Gore (2000) and President Insert Namehere (2008). We need to offer solutions, not just slogans, intones Senator Kerry portentously. Thats how much a straight shooter he is. His slogan is a slogan about the inadequacy of slogans.
Teresa is supposed to be fluent in five languages, but, alas, populese is not one of them. When it gets to the singalong bits of the Kerry stump speech, when he warns Big Oil, Big Pharma, Big Ketchup (whoops) and the other powerful interests that own the current Oval Office that Were coming. Youre going. And dont let the door hit you on the way out!, Teresa mouths along randomly with every third or fourth word, with the evident distaste of Maria Callas if you asked her to join in with the Macarena.
Its said that she and John fell for each other at an environmental conference in Brazil, when Mrs Heinz noticed that the Portuguese interpreter was not translating the speech entirely accurately and offered to do it herself. How one longs for her to do the same at a Kerry event! Im on your side against the powerful special interests that stand in your way! Simultaneous translation for those who dont speak Shrumish: Hes saying hes on your side because he took in more money than any other Senator from the powerful special interests that stand in your way so he can afford to hire the most expensive campaign operatives who nevertheless found him so lacking in any kind of plausible political persona that they were unable to do anything for him other than fob him off with the same old generic fighting-for-the-little-man stuff that bombed for Prince Albert four years ago.
How one pines for her to do, as she did for the amusement of a Washington Post reporter, her impression of John having one of those Vietnam flashback nightmares that he claims he never has, a lively vignette ending with Teresa yelling Down, down, down! Perhaps in the event he gets unusually animated on stage admittedly a long shot she can leap forward to pat his head and soothe him back to sleep. Down, down, down!
Gazillionaire populists seem to be the only kind of Democratic candidate around these days, but that doesnt mean they come in one shade. John Edwards treats the electorate like a special-needs class. His message is: I pulled myself up out of poverty and believe me, its so difficult, you guys havent a hope in hell. But his condescension is entirely genuine. Howard Dean is a Park Avenue blueblood, but he turned his back on Wall Street to go and be a country doctor and whatever one feels about Vermont politics you dont go into it for the money or status. So its not just that Kerrys populism is bogus but that it seems bogus even by the standards of all the other bogus populists on the Democratic ballot. As Kerry would drawl in his best Brahmin Bostonian, That dog wont hunt.
In such a world, one treasures a woman who cant be bothered pretending shes on your side. At campaign stops in New Hampshire general stores, shed try on some goofy North Country headgear and roar with laughter about whether she should wear it to the inauguration. Is there a better line this campaign season than her response to White House jibes that her husband is French-looking? I bet they cant even speak French. In its exquisite tone-deafness to the demands of democratic politics, thats pure delight. Teresas on our side against the powerful special interests of Big Faux Populism that stand in our way.
I cant think why she married John Kerry, but love is a mysterious thing. If the current campaign slogan Dated Dean, Married Kerry prevails, she looks to be getting more fun out of the latter half of the equation than most Democratic voters. Then again, unlike them, she has a pre-nup.
Article posted in full.....(as reference once Kerry loses and we can reminisce about it)....
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