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Mother's Day Rocks for Break-the-Mold Moms [Drunks, Dopers, Sluts and Misfits]
WOMENSENEWS ^ | 05/07/04 | Molly M. Ginty

Posted on 05/09/2004 5:16:12 AM PDT by johnny7

A new generation of moms rocks convention and is defining for themselves what it means to be a mother and an adult human.

(WOMENSENEWS)--This Mother's Day, women across the United States will be celebrating the joys of motherhood: rock music, tattoos, skateboarding, belly dancing--and shattering stereotypes. Fed up with definitions of motherhood that they find oppressive and restrictive, a growing number of U.S. moms are kick-boxing and slam-dancing their way toward a new interpretation. They're wearing fishnet stockings and platform heels to the playground. They're taking up scuba diving and bringing their kids in tow.

But it's not just about the latest fashion or exercise trend. These moms are organized, forming coalitions and spreading the message that women can raise happy, healthy children and still be true to themselves. "We need to stop feeling like we have to check our personalities at the door when we have kids," says Ariel Gore, founder of the Oakland-based hipMama magazine. "Children need interesting mothers--not asexual '50s sitcom moms or superwomen." Across the country, mothers are finding ever-more creative ways to express their personalities and passions.

On Sunday in Laguna Niguel, Calif., they're launching the Mighty Mama Skate-O-Rama, an all-day sporting event featuring skateboarding moms. In late May in New York City, they're kicking off the Mamapalooza Festival, three days of "mom-music," "mom-art," and "mom-poetry." In mid-July in Minneapolis, they're convening for the Mama Gathering, a weekend parenting conference that will feature workshops on "How to Survive as an Artist Mom" and "How to Raise Feminist Sons."

This delight in redefining their roles is spreading quickly. "These events mark the beginning of a rebellion against the dictates of perfect motherhood and the idea that women have to always be subservient to their children," says Susan Douglas, the Michigan-based author of the 2004 book "The Mommy Myth: The Idealization of Motherhood and How It Has Undermined Women." "Mothers are rejecting societal pressure and finally saying 'enough is enough.'"

A New Mom Identity
Social commentators say these women break the mold because, while nurturing their children with every ounce of their love, they're not afraid to cut loose and be themselves. On the Web site for Minnesota's Mama Gathering, one of the organizers describes herself as a "queer 22-year-old single mama to an adorable turkey-baster baby." A second claims she is "the queen of applying perfect eye makeup at 70 mph." Demographically, these moms are different from their predecessors. They started to have children at age 25 and have an average of two kids each. Thus members of the new-mom rebellion are older--and have fewer children to look after--than their mothers or grandmothers did. Reared in the 1960s, 1970s and 1980s, they grew up taking feminism as a given. Since more women ages 25 to 44 hold bachelor's degrees than ever before (28 percent) and since women are making more money than ever (median income $20,000), they are more financially independent and more likely to set the family ground rules. As never before, these moms are networking and organizing. During the last decade, some have even penned resource books for like-minded moms. With titles like "Afro Mama," "Mamaphonic," "The Mother Trip: Hip Mama's Guide to Staying Sane in the Chaos of Motherhood," "Whatever Mom" and "Breeder: Real-Life Stories from the New Generation of Mothers," most of these books are published by small or independent presses but boast a devoted following.

Moms are also building formal and informal coalitions that take on topics from politics to public health. In Madison, Wis., there is Mothers Acting Up, a group that fights for better social services for women such as shelters for domestic violence survivors. In Elmhurst, Ill., there is Mothers and More, a networking and advocacy group for mothers and other caregivers. In New York City, there is Tots and Tonic, a cocktail hour for new mothers (Note the American Academy of Pediatrics approves moderate alcohol consumption while breastfeeding.) "Being a mother is a very difficult and selfless job," says Shara Frederick, the creator of Tots and Tonic. "To be the best moms we can be, we need to work together to achieve our goals. We also need social outlets so we don't feel so isolated." Finally--and most importantly--these moms are having fun. Take Housewives On Prozac, a rock band based in Hastings-on-Hudson, N.Y. Its members (who are mostly moms) have won the hearts of audiences nationwide with costumes that include feather boas and zebra-print leg warmers and songs that include "Fuzzy Slippers," "Eat Your Damn Spaghetti," and "I Broke My Arm Christmas Shopping at the Mall." Or, take Barb Odanaka and the scuff marks on her floor. "We definitely have a 'skateboards in the house' rule at my house," says Odanaka, founder of the International Society of Skateboarding Moms in Laguna Niguel, Calif. "My idea of fun is to see how many times I can skate around the kitchen table and into the living room and back without crashing. What else are hardwood floors for?"

Mothers Face Mounting Pressures
Why are these moms strapping on guitars and go-go boots? Pop psychologists say it's a backlash against the mounting pressures of motherhood. While higher education and a career are priorities for women today, many also find themselves obligated to be the primary caregiver once they have children. According to the last U.S. Census, 32 percent of all children under 15 now live with a stay-at-home mom, while only 3.6 percent of children live with a stay-at-home dad. According to the Washington-based Institute for Women's Policy Research, women still earn only 76 cents for every dollar earned by men, a figure that has barely changed since the 1970s. Politicians continue promoting "family values" while refusing to create paid maternity leave or nationalize the daycare system. Under the current "work for welfare" programs, low-income mothers are required to toil outside the home to collect federally subsidized child support payments even though they often can't afford childcare while they are away at their jobs.

Since the 1980s, the number of specialty magazines, books and products aimed at better mothering has skyrocketed. "While your children are still gestating, you're supposed to pipe Mozart into the womb," says Douglas. "When they're still toddlers, you're supposed to start teaching them how to read. You're expected to spend your days shuttling your kids from basketball practice to ballet. The message is that you can never do enough." Compounding this fear of mothering failure are newspaper headlines about child abductions, razors in Halloween apples and sexual abuse at day care centers. Then there are stories of mothers who cracked under the pressure and injured or killed their children. "The expectations are just too high," says Sonya Austin, one of the Mama Gathering's organizers. "We've been shown a standard that no one can live up to. We don't like any of the options we've been offered. So we're going to make our own path and screw what other people think."

Building a Better Generation
Women who are part of the new mom rebellion hope their bohemian, break-the-rules approach will free them--and their children--to lead more fulfilling lives. As they launch their own Web zines and dye their hair different shades of neon, these moms are encouraging their children to express themselves, too. They're allowing their sons to wear nail polish. They're cheering on their daughters as they tug on cleats and try out for the middle-school football team. "Every mother was someone before she had children," says Joy Rose, the lead singer of Housewives on Prozac. "She still is someone after she gives birth. She must impart something unique her sons and daughters: a special talent, lifestyle or passion."

Ann Crittenden, the Washington-based author of the 2002 book "The Price of Motherhood: Why the Most Important Job in the World is Still the Least Valued" predicts that as a result of this backlash, the next generation of mothers could be even more outspoken and independent. "There's still enormous pressure to sacrifice yourself for your kids," she says. "But the best thing in the world for children is to have mothers who are strong."

Molly M. Ginty is a freelance writer based in New York City.


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Front Page News; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: bohemians; motherhood; mothers; nicetiming
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Andrea Yates, Dianne Laney and Susan Smith t-shirts would sell big with these hags.
1 posted on 05/09/2004 5:16:12 AM PDT by johnny7
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To: johnny7
I thank God my mother isn't and never was "bohemian" in her approach to child-rearing. Those kinds of mothers are an embarrassment to their children.
2 posted on 05/09/2004 5:19:09 AM PDT by anniegetyourgun
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To: johnny7
On the Web site for Minnesota's Mama Gathering, one of the organizers describes herself as a "queer 22-year-old single mama to an adorable turkey-baster baby."

Geez! What a terrible way to describe your kid!

P.S. Love your headline..it says it all.....Mother's Day Rocks for Break-the-Mold Moms [Drunks, Dopers, Sluts and Misfits]

3 posted on 05/09/2004 5:22:16 AM PDT by Ragirl (Vote in '04 ! Those who sit on their hands end up with poop on them.)
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To: johnny7
"How to Raise Feminist Sons."

WTF ?

4 posted on 05/09/2004 5:22:20 AM PDT by csvset
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To: johnny7
I suppose there is no correlation between this B.S. and the EXPLOSION of ADD, childhood depression, etc.? Sheesh.
5 posted on 05/09/2004 5:28:43 AM PDT by Thom Pain (Quisling - from Vidkun Quisling (1887-1945), a synonym for "traitor")
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To: johnny7
But, to use a trite phrase, at the end of the day, they are still moms.

Happy Mother's Day.

6 posted on 05/09/2004 5:34:35 AM PDT by Archangelsk (All glory is fleeting.)
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To: johnny7; All
You can find all these types here on a daily basis. to FR mommies, it's actually a great site for baby info if oyu can stand the overwhelming LW population. it could use more Freepers.

http://newyork.urbanbaby.com/bbs/top.php3?category=3&city=New+York
7 posted on 05/09/2004 5:34:39 AM PDT by finnman69 (cum puella incedit minore medio corpore sub quo manifestus globus, inflammare animos)
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To: Thom Pain
"...hipMama" ?
8 posted on 05/09/2004 5:35:24 AM PDT by Eric in the Ozarks
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To: anniegetyourgun
At this bulletin board the women were bragging about wearing jeans so low it shows off their c-section scars. Niiiiiiiiiicccceeeeee.

http://newyork.urbanbaby.com/bbs/top.php3?category=3&city=New+York
9 posted on 05/09/2004 5:36:21 AM PDT by finnman69 (cum puella incedit minore medio corpore sub quo manifestus globus, inflammare animos)
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To: johnny7
"Andrea Yates, Dianne Laney and Susan Smith t-shirts would sell big with these hags."

Lets not forget the most recent. Carly Brucia's loving mom
sat drinking in Nicks Bar and Grill, while her daughter called
her 3 times for a ride home. The answer the daughter, now dead,
got was to wait, we'll be there soon.

That information came from a taxi driver setting next to the step-father.
who was setting next to Joe Smith, the murderer.

Carly's mom is the most recent entrant to this list.

10 posted on 05/09/2004 5:37:23 AM PDT by ThreePuttinDude (.19 out of 23 Swift Boat skippers can't be wrong.)
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To: johnny7
"But the best thing in the world for children is to have mothers who are strong."

Fathers who are present and involved help also.

11 posted on 05/09/2004 5:38:19 AM PDT by Gabz (Ted Kennedy's car has killed more people than my cigarettes)
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To: Thom Pain
"EXPLOSION of ADD,"

ADD is a modern, convenient excuse to pigeon hole Jr.'s behavior so that single Mom's (and undisciplined couples) don't have to discipline and be responsible for making sure homework and studies get done instead of allowing the kids to boob out on the tube or computer. Its an excuse for a general lack of hands-on parenting so that mom and dad don't feel guilty for their failure.

I don't doubt that dyslexia exists, I had it (still do when I'm really tired), but the cooperation by the child psychology community and educational institutions to further the acceptance of ADD as a valid affliction is all about the money and not helping the kids, IMO.
12 posted on 05/09/2004 5:41:08 AM PDT by Rebelbase
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To: ThreePuttinDude
and we need a few pics/mug shots of Courtney Love...
13 posted on 05/09/2004 5:41:20 AM PDT by ken5050 (Ann Coulter needs to have children ASAP to propagate her genes.....any volunteers?)
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To: ken5050

14 posted on 05/09/2004 5:56:35 AM PDT by finnman69 (cum puella incedit minore medio corpore sub quo manifestus globus, inflammare animos)
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To: finnman69

15 posted on 05/09/2004 5:58:24 AM PDT by finnman69 (cum puella incedit minore medio corpore sub quo manifestus globus, inflammare animos)
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To: anniegetyourgun
I thank God my mother isn't and never was "bohemian" in her approach to child-rearing.

My wife's mother was 'bohemian' and raised her in that lifestyle. My wife recognized it for what it was and never accepted it, and mom eventually came around. Mother and daughter now laugh about the 'stupid' stuff mom used to do.

16 posted on 05/09/2004 6:01:48 AM PDT by randog (Everything works great 'til the current flows.)
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To: ken5050
And Madonna...no pics please...
17 posted on 05/09/2004 6:02:28 AM PDT by anniegetyourgun
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To: finnman69
Ugh....I can't handle the mental picture of that either....
18 posted on 05/09/2004 6:03:58 AM PDT by anniegetyourgun
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To: johnny7
the next generation of mothers could be even more outspoken and independent. "There's still enormous pressure to sacrifice yourself for your kids,"

Yeah! I mean who cares what happens to those whinny brats! It's all about MEMEMEMMEMEMMEMEMEMEMEME!

I already called my mom to wish her Happy Mother's Day. After reading this I want to call her again and slobber all over her for being a real mom and not just a female that gave birth.

19 posted on 05/09/2004 6:09:01 AM PDT by Harmless Teddy Bear (Unionized employees are like broken guns, they won't work and you can't fire them)
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To: johnny7
These females are among the most disgusting human beings I have ever read about in my life. America will come to regret tolerance toward the attitudes propounded by these selfish, wholly immature, unqualified "mothers". No one should wonder what the effects will be on the US school system, the job market, indeed the entire society when this crop of children comes through. I believe we will begin to see the beginning of social anarchy in which there are no rules, there are no social norms, there really is no sense of society. Instead, these "people" are raising an entire generation of individuals whose only consideration will be themselves. I fear for the future when we have this going on. What has happened to the USA????
20 posted on 05/09/2004 6:21:54 AM PDT by astounded
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To: ThreePuttinDude
I did not hear this!
21 posted on 05/09/2004 6:24:02 AM PDT by angcat
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To: astounded
Don't worry there are lots of mothers like me that are doing the right thing. My mom did!
22 posted on 05/09/2004 6:25:06 AM PDT by angcat
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To: csvset
That's followed by "How to succumb to raving religeous fanatics"...
23 posted on 05/09/2004 6:30:20 AM PDT by Axenolith
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Comment #24 Removed by Moderator

To: johnny7
"These events mark the beginning of a rebellion against the dictates of perfect motherhood and the idea that women have to always be subservient to their children,"

Yeah! Those punks! Who do they think they are? Tryin' to keep a good woman down!
25 posted on 05/09/2004 6:41:28 AM PDT by kenth
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Comment #26 Removed by Moderator

To: johnny7
To you young women looking to enter the workforce soon......look at this way: less competition. These droolers are NO challenge to you whatsoever.
27 posted on 05/09/2004 6:45:56 AM PDT by RightOnline
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Comment #28 Removed by Moderator

To: johnny7
Is it just me, or are kids in today's society becoming less and less human beings whose parents are responisble for and more and more a toy for their parents?
29 posted on 05/09/2004 6:51:28 AM PDT by Sofa King (MY rights are not subject to YOUR approval http://www.angelfire.com/art2/sofaking/index.html)
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To: finnman69
At this bulletin board the women were bragging about wearing jeans so low it shows off their c-section scars. Niiiiiiiiiicccceeeeee.

Now that's class. < /sarcasm >

30 posted on 05/09/2004 6:53:27 AM PDT by kimmie7 (Are you a VETERAN voting for Kerry? Remember: The grass is always greener over the septic tank!)
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To: johnny7
lead singer of Housewives on Prozac.

Says it all for this me me me me ME ME generation.

31 posted on 05/09/2004 6:59:22 AM PDT by LowOiL (Christian and proud of it !)
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To: johnny7
...and the idea that women have to always be subservient to their children,"

This women has no idea what the purpose of motherhood is. Her mind has been corrupted my feminism thought.

My wife is first a women, second a wife, third a mother. Sometimes those roles move around based on her daily priorities, but raising child are only a relative short time period, 15 to 18 years out of a lifetime.

32 posted on 05/09/2004 6:59:26 AM PDT by JZoback
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To: astounded
"No one should wonder what the effects will be on the US school system, the job market, indeed the entire society when this crop of children comes through."

I think a lot of good will come from all of the publicity surrounding the humiliation of Iraqi prisoners.

I think the targeting of Lyndie England is purposefully being touted to open up the pandora's box (for the libs, the socialists, the queers, the NEA, SCOTUS .. etc.) that must be exposed when these cases come to trial.

33 posted on 05/09/2004 7:04:42 AM PDT by knarf (A place where anyone can learn anything ... especially that which promotes clear thinking.)
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To: LowOiL
Remembar they rode on the small school bus.
34 posted on 05/09/2004 7:09:30 AM PDT by Vaduz
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To: johnny7
All I can say is, " the nut does not fall to far from the tree." Wait til the children seek revenge on the Moms, with their " break-the-rules approach ", pay back will be hell.
35 posted on 05/09/2004 7:11:17 AM PDT by AmericanMade1776
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To: Rebelbase
Did you hear about the agnostic, dyslexic, insomniac who sat up all night wondering if there really is a Dog?
36 posted on 05/09/2004 7:16:44 AM PDT by Thom Pain (Quisling - from Vidkun Quisling (1887-1945), a synonym for "traitor")
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To: johnny7
Here is picture of one of the offsprings HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY NEW GENERATION MOMS!
37 posted on 05/09/2004 7:18:14 AM PDT by AmericanMade1776
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To: johnny7
mom your little "turkey baster" son is home


38 posted on 05/09/2004 7:21:10 AM PDT by AmericanMade1776
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To: csvset
"How to Raise Feminist Sons."

WTF ?

I've heard that this may result from ingesting large amounts of tofu. It has something to do with estrogen mimicking chemicals present in the soybean.

39 posted on 05/09/2004 7:25:32 AM PDT by Freebird Forever
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To: finnman69
Such a wonderful example for her child Frances Bean..


40 posted on 05/09/2004 7:25:50 AM PDT by pdfw
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To: pdfw
How about how this woman responded to the mounting pressures of motherhood..with her "go go boots"
41 posted on 05/09/2004 7:36:42 AM PDT by AmericanMade1776
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To: pdfw
Hootchie Mama!!
42 posted on 05/09/2004 7:37:15 AM PDT by johnny7 ( C'mon... put'm up... put'm up! -The Cowardly Lion)
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To: Sofa King
Is it just me, or are kids in today's society becoming less and less human beings whose parents are responisble for and more and more a toy for their parents?

It's not just you. Just you and me maybe. And it is usually rooted in the relationships adults have with each other.

We are taught that it is OK to use and abuse people as long as we get what we want. And if we leave lasting emotional scars so what? They should have been as cynical, manipulative and jaded as we are. Being loving, trusting or giving just means you're a sap.

It's a power thing. And, of course it is easy to do to kids and in the process turn out another generation of people who are just as unkind to others as you were to them.

43 posted on 05/09/2004 7:37:43 AM PDT by Harmless Teddy Bear (Unionized employees are like broken guns, they won't work and you can't fire them)
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To: johnny7
or..we have the bohemian parents...
44 posted on 05/09/2004 7:40:02 AM PDT by AmericanMade1776
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To: AmericanMade1776
He's gonna feel real good about that when he's sixty... if he makes it that far.
45 posted on 05/09/2004 7:52:38 AM PDT by metesky (You will be diverse, just like us.)
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To: ThreePuttinDude
Lets not forget the most recent. Carly Brucia's loving mom sat drinking in Nicks Bar and Grill, while her daughter called her 3 times for a ride home. The answer the daughter, now dead, got was to wait, we'll be there soon.

Where did you get that info? I had heard something completely different.

46 posted on 05/09/2004 7:56:07 AM PDT by TheSpottedOwl (Torrance Ca....land of the flying monkeys)
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To: johnny7
The leftists' ideal mother is someone like Marcia Lewis, Monica Lewinsky's mom. Rememeber her sage advice to her daughter when she got her internship in Sink's White House, to wear open-toed shoes so she would attract more guys?
47 posted on 05/09/2004 8:24:51 AM PDT by CFC__VRWC (AIDS, abortion, euthanasia - don't liberals just kill ya?)
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To: johnny7
"How to Raise Feminist Sons."

Why would a mom want someone mentally weak for a son? I hope that kid rebels bigtime for his own sake.

48 posted on 05/09/2004 8:33:25 AM PDT by Dan from Michigan ("There's no points for second place")
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To: johnny7
It's all about REBELLION. Rebellion is nothing to celebrate or exalt.
49 posted on 05/09/2004 8:35:49 AM PDT by nmh (Intelligent people recognize Intelligent Design (God).)
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To: johnny7
Happy Mothers Day to those that ARE Mothers !

I don't extend that to sluts, drug addicts, and the rebellious.
50 posted on 05/09/2004 8:37:45 AM PDT by nmh (Intelligent people recognize Intelligent Design (God).)
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