Skip to comments.THINGS YOU'D LIKE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK
Posted on 06/05/2004 10:16:56 PM PDT by carlo3b
THINGS YOU'D LIKE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK40. What liberal, candy-ass fool told you marrying a fat, rich, loud-mouthed, gas bag, automatically makes you right or smart.
1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don't work here I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying.
10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...
11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I'm not being rude, you're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
23. Do I look like a people person?
24. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
25. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
26. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
27. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
28. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
29. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
30. Wait! Wait! I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
31. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
32 Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
33. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
34. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
35. Chaos, panic, & disorder-my work here is done.
36. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
37. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.
38. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
39. Oh I get it... like humor... but different.
I needed a comic break.. :)
Tic. Tic. Tic.
Actually, I've used this one...unfortunately my "victim" was too young and stupid to get the message.
Yikes...Whats with the Tic, tic, tic.. do you know something???
Any one of these would make a great Tag Line. Cheers Carlo...
This is just too great! Thanks so much for stealing it. Now I am gonna steal it! ::::::
You do and I'll tell Stanz it was you that did it first>>:)
Take you pick.. they are free.. Stanz is out of town.. :)
However I love my job and have no desire to "say out loud at work" any of these things.
Old stuff ... except 35 thru 40 which is really bad ... but hey, it's the middle of the night and on FR anything goes.
Thanks! I needed a laugh or two!
I like this one a LOT:
"25. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left."
Please don't consign this post to chat hell. We all need to laugh at something right now.
Having said that, big BUMP! Thank you for making us laugh :-)
Outstanding !.........Stay safe !
Pssst...I think stanz leaves tomorrow....boy are YOU in trouble!!!
Bookmarking. I needed a laugh, thanks a million.
ROTFLMFAO! I'm seeing a new tag line here :-)
There are many to choose from :^)
I figured with the shit bomb in line 1, this would get pulled. Looks like the gloves are off this evening, and there's no bag limit...
Things bill clinton said at work
Shut up and put that thing back in your mouth
Well, they finally woke up and killed the "Boooo Hoooo" thing...
*sigh* Just after my best post...
hot dog any one
Laugh a little.. life is much too short.
Well, Kerry thinks he can win the elections, and if most voters are as smart as he is, he'll win.
I'll have ketchup, mustard and onions on mine, thanks!!!
Now it's gone international.
It's being passed aaround in Baghdad. Heck, all over Iraq. I've forwarded it to someone in Balad as well.
These are brilliant.
I'd tell you to go f**k yourself, but I see your head is in the way.
41. "You pretend to work, and we pretend to pay you."
I worked for a hermophdite i told it to f itself once and it did
Or the one adapted from an old lawyer joke:
If you took off your tie, would your foreskin smother you?
Thanks - I knew I bought this industrial grade keyboard for a reason. It's impervious to fluids.
Something that would be nice to YELL at work,( as you enter the workplace say about 3 hours late, handing out cigars to everyone, and as you hand one to your boss, yell....)
" I HIT THE LOTTO !!!"
There was this guy, Rick, who was a real jackass. I'd been saving this one for years, so I felt great satisfaction when I asked him if he spelled that with a silent P.
Thanks carlo3b...My heart is so heavy. It was nice to take a smile break!
Hey, they pretend to pay me so I feel obligated to pretend to work.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
What exactly is marrage
Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and dont have to give her back to her parents.- Eric, age 6
When somebodys been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, "Ill take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced, but you got to do one particular thing for me. Then she says yes, but shes wondering what the thing is and whether its naughty or not. She cant wait to find out.-Anita - age 9
How Does Person Decide Whom to Marry?
You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means you try the next one.- Kelly - age 9
My mother says to look for a man who is kind... Thats what Ill do... Ill find somebody whos kinda tall and handsome.- Carolyn - age 8
Concerning the Proper Age to Get Married.
Eighty four. Because at that age, you dont have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom.- Carolyn - age 8
Once Im done with kindergarten, Im going to find me a wife- Bert, age 5
How Did Your Mom and Dad Meet?
They were at a dance party at a friends house. Then they went for a drive, but their car broke down... It was a good thing, because it gave them a chance to find out about their values.- Lottie, age 9
My father was doing some strange chores for my mother. They wont tell me what kind.- Jeremy, age 8
What Do Most People Do On a Date:
On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.- Martin, age 10
Many daters just eat pork chops and french fries and talk about love.- Craig, age 9
When is Okay to Kiss Someone?
You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a ring and her own VCR, cause shell want to have videos of the wedding. Allan, age 10
Never kiss in front of other people. Its a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you... If nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours.- Kally, age 9
The Great Debate: Is it Better to Be Single or Married?
You should ask the people who read Cosmopolitan- Kirsten, age 10
Its better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them.- Anita, age 9
It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. Im just a kid. I dont need that kind of trouble.- Will, age 7
What Most People are Thinking When They Say "I Love You"
"The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day."- Michelle, age 9.
"Some lovers might be real nervous, so they are glad that they finally got it out and said it and now they can go eat."- Dick, age 7.
How Do People In Love Typically Behave?
"When a person gets kissed for the first time, they fall down and they don't get up for at least an hour."- Wendy, age 8.
"Mooshy...like puppy dogs...except puppy dogs don't wag their tails nearly as much."- Arnold, age 10.
"All of a sudden, the people get movies fever so they can sit together in the dark."- Sherm, age 8.
On What Falling In Love Is Like
"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life."- John, age 9.
"If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long."- Glenn, age 7.
Concerning Why Lovers Often Hold Hands
"They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they paid good money for them." -Gavin, age 8.
"They are just practicing for when they might have to walk down the aisle someday and do the holy matchimony thing."- John, age 9.
The Personal Qualities You Need to Have in Order to be a Good Lover
"One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills."- Ava, age 8.
Some Surefire Ways to Make a Person Fall In Love With You
"Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love."- Alonzo, age 9.
How Can You Tell if Two Adults Eating Dinner at a Restaurant Are in Love?
"Just see if the man picks up the check. That's how you can tell if he's in love."- Bobby, age 9.
"Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold...Other people care more about the food."- Bart, age 9.
"Romantic adults usually are all dressed up, so if they are just wearing jeans it might mean they used to go out or they just broke up."- Sarah, age 9.
How To Make Love Endure
"Don't forget your wife's name...That will mess up the love."- Erin, age 8.
"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash."- Dave, age 8.
A couple that gets used in my neck of the dungeon.
*Your parents must have been brothers.
*He's the best argument for supporting retrospective abortion.
*It's like a meeting of Idiots Unanimous
*Just in case stupidity is contagious... BACK OFF!!!!