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THINGS YOU'D LIKE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK
CookingWithCarlo.com ^ | June 6 2005 | Unknown

Posted on 06/05/2004 10:16:56 PM PDT by carlo3b

THINGS YOU'D LIKE TO  SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK

1. I can see your point, but  I still think you're full of shit.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but  I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good  for you?
4. I see you've set  aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once  you people learn to see it my way.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try  being smarter.
7. I'm out of my  mind, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don't work here   I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English,  but I can't understand a damn word you're saying.
10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has  visited us again...
11. I like you. You  remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent  mistrust of strangers.
13. I  have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape  over your mouth.
15. I will  always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you  doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality  and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I?   Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I'm  not being rude, you're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job,  but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion  would be...?
23. Do I look like  a people person?
24. This isn't an  office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
25. I started out with nothing &  still have most of it left.
26.  Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
27. If I throw a stick, will you  leave?
28. Errors have been  made. Others will be blamed.
29. Whatever kind of look you were going  for, you missed.
30. Wait!   Wait! I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
31. A cubicle is just a padded cell  without a door.
32 Can I trade  this job for what's behind door #1?
33. Too many freaks, not enough  circuses.
34. Nice  perfume. Must you marinate in it?
35. Chaos, panic, & disorder-my work  here is done.
36. How do I set a  laser printer to stun?
37. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I  just wanted a salary.
38. Who  lit the fuse on your tampon?
39. Oh I get it... like humor...  but different.

40. What liberal, candy-ass fool told you marrying a fat, rich, loud-mouthed, gas bag, automatically makes you right or smart.


TOPICS: Constitution/Conservatism; Crime/Corruption; Culture/Society; Editorial; Extended News; Miscellaneous; News/Current Events; Philosophy; Political Humor/Cartoons; Politics/Elections; Unclassified; Your Opinion/Questions
KEYWORDS: classless; funny; mean; pausefrompolitics; pullmyfinger; rude; unfunny; vulgarlanguage
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I stole this from Stanz, and I think she is out of town so hehe she won't see me rip it offf. If she knew, there would be Hell to pay...LOLOL
1 posted on 06/05/2004 10:16:57 PM PDT by carlo3b
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To: carlo3b

I needed a comic break.. :)


2 posted on 06/05/2004 10:17:49 PM PDT by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
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To: carlo3b

Tic. Tic. Tic.


3 posted on 06/05/2004 10:23:20 PM PDT by null and void (In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is clearly delusional - He's SEEING things...)
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Comment #4 Removed by Moderator

To: carlo3b
11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

Actually, I've used this one...unfortunately my "victim" was too young and stupid to get the message.

5 posted on 06/05/2004 10:24:02 PM PDT by Aracelis
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To: Jim Robinson; Bob J; christie; stanz; jellybean; Angelique; Howie; TwoStep; piasa; Exit148; ...
Live a little.. life is much too short..</B}
6 posted on 06/05/2004 10:24:45 PM PDT by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
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To: carlo3b
<Cartman>"Screw you guys. I'm going home."</Cartman>
7 posted on 06/05/2004 10:27:49 PM PDT by Liberal Classic (No better friend, no worse enemy. Semper Fi)
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To: null and void

Yikes...Whats with the Tic, tic, tic.. do you know something???


8 posted on 06/05/2004 10:27:58 PM PDT by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
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To: carlo3b

Any one of these would make a great Tag Line. Cheers Carlo...


9 posted on 06/05/2004 10:29:13 PM PDT by tubebender
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To: carlo3b

This is just too great! Thanks so much for stealing it. Now I am gonna steal it! ::::::


10 posted on 06/05/2004 10:29:22 PM PDT by ladyinred (The leftist media is the enemy within. John Kerry even flips&flops with his finger!)
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To: null and void
You think this will get nuked when the thread "REAGAN DIED: Booooo Hoooooooo" is still going?? If it does, the mods can officially be deemed insane.
11 posted on 06/05/2004 10:30:15 PM PDT by Keith in Iowa (Reagan defeated communism while Kerry was kissing its arse.)
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To: ladyinred

You do and I'll tell Stanz it was you that did it first>>:)


12 posted on 06/05/2004 10:30:50 PM PDT by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
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To: tubebender

Take you pick.. they are free.. Stanz is out of town.. :)


13 posted on 06/05/2004 10:32:54 PM PDT by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
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To: carlo3b
This is funny. It was posted by our company coffee maker months ago.

However I love my job and have no desire to "say out loud at work" any of these things.

14 posted on 06/05/2004 10:35:46 PM PDT by Jorge
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To: glock rocks; Squantos; TexasCowboy; Pete-R-Bilt

ping


15 posted on 06/05/2004 10:36:15 PM PDT by B4Ranch (Ignore your rights and they'll go away.)
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To: carlo3b

Old stuff ... except 35 thru 40 which is really bad ... but hey, it's the middle of the night and on FR anything goes.


16 posted on 06/05/2004 10:37:14 PM PDT by BluH2o
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To: carlo3b

Thanks! I needed a laugh or two!

I like this one a LOT:

"25. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left."


17 posted on 06/05/2004 10:37:46 PM PDT by little jeremiah (Take Back The Rainbow! Take back the word "GAY"!)
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To: carlo3b; stanz; christie; lowbridge; michigander
HA!! Another one stolen from stanz!!...excuse the language

  1. "Okay, okay! I take it back. Unf**k you".
  2. "You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing".
  3. "Well this day was a total waste of make-up."
  4. "Well aren't we a bloody ray of sunshine?"
  5. "Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after."
  6. "Do I look like a people person?"
  7. "This isn't an office. It's hell with fluorescent lighting."
  8. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left."
  9. "Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose."
  10. "Why don't you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control?"
  11. "I'm not crazy, I've been in a bad mood for 30 years."
  12. "Sarcasm is just one more service I offer."
  13. "Do they ever shut up on your planet?"
  14. "I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable".
  15. "Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't gone to sleep yet."
  16. "Back off!! You're standing in my aura."
  17. "Don't worry. I forgot your name too."
  18. "I work 45 hours a week to be this poor."
  19. "Not all men are annoying. Some are dead."
  20. "Wait... I'm trying to imagine you with a personality."
  21. "Chaos, panic and disorder... my work here is done."
  22. "Ambivalent? Well yes and no."
  23. "You look like s**t. Is that the style now?"
  24. "Earth is full. Go home."
  25. "Aw, did I step on your poor itty bitty ego?"
  26. "I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert."
  27. "A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth."
  28. "You are depriving some village of an idiot."
  29. "If a**holes could fly, this place would be a freaking airport!

18 posted on 06/05/2004 10:39:56 PM PDT by jellybean (I have learned that the most important thing in America is freedom. Freedom is worth any sacrifice.)
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To: carlo3b
40. What liberal, candy-ass fool told you marrying a fat, rich, loud-mouthed gas bag, automatically makes you right or smart.

John Kerry?

19 posted on 06/05/2004 10:39:57 PM PDT by TruthShallSetYouFree (Hey, Kerry! You don't need no stinkin' badges. I mean medals. I mean ribbons.)
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To: carlo3b; Admin Moderator

Please don't consign this post to chat hell. We all need to laugh at something right now.

Having said that, big BUMP! Thank you for making us laugh :-)


20 posted on 06/05/2004 10:42:27 PM PDT by TheSpottedOwl (Torrance Ca....land of the flying monkeys)
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To: carlo3b; B4Ranch

Outstanding !.........Stay safe !


21 posted on 06/05/2004 10:43:08 PM PDT by Squantos (Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.)
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To: carlo3b; stanz
they are free.. Stanz is out of town.. :)

Pssst...I think stanz leaves tomorrow....boy are YOU in trouble!!!

22 posted on 06/05/2004 10:45:09 PM PDT by jellybean (I have learned that the most important thing in America is freedom. Freedom is worth any sacrifice.)
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To: carlo3b

Bookmarking. I needed a laugh, thanks a million.


23 posted on 06/05/2004 10:46:51 PM PDT by Constitution Day (Rest In Peace, President Reagan. I wish that I had had the honor to have met you.)
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To: jellybean
"If a**holes could fly, this place would be a freaking airport!

ROTFLMFAO! I'm seeing a new tag line here :-)

24 posted on 06/05/2004 10:47:55 PM PDT by TheSpottedOwl (Torrance Ca....land of the flying monkeys)
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To: TheSpottedOwl

There are many to choose from :^)


25 posted on 06/05/2004 10:51:49 PM PDT by jellybean (I have learned that the most important thing in America is freedom. Freedom is worth any sacrifice.)
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To: carlo3b

I figured with the shit bomb in line 1, this would get pulled. Looks like the gloves are off this evening, and there's no bag limit...


26 posted on 06/05/2004 10:55:51 PM PDT by null and void (In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is clearly delusional - He's SEEING things...)
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To: Keith in Iowa
I guess not. It's Carnival!
27 posted on 06/05/2004 10:56:59 PM PDT by null and void (In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is clearly delusional - He's SEEING things...)
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To: TheSpottedOwl; carlo3b; stanz; christie; Teacup; Billie; lowbridge; michigander
Let's take a break and have a bite to eat at The Peking Moon
28 posted on 06/05/2004 10:57:09 PM PDT by jellybean (I have learned that the most important thing in America is freedom. Freedom is worth any sacrifice.)
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To: carlo3b

Things bill clinton said at work


Shut up and put that thing back in your mouth


29 posted on 06/05/2004 10:58:31 PM PDT by al baby (Hope I don't get into trouble for this)
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To: null and void

Well, they finally woke up and killed the "Boooo Hoooo" thing...


30 posted on 06/05/2004 10:58:55 PM PDT by Keith in Iowa (Reagan defeated communism while Kerry was kissing its arse.)
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To: Keith in Iowa

*sigh* Just after my best post...


31 posted on 06/05/2004 10:59:24 PM PDT by null and void (In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is clearly delusional - He's SEEING things...)
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To: jellybean

hot dog any one

32 posted on 06/05/2004 11:01:59 PM PDT by al baby (Hope I don't get into trouble for this)
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To: Squantos

Laugh a little.. life is much too short.


33 posted on 06/05/2004 11:07:00 PM PDT by B4Ranch (Ignore your rights and they'll go away.)
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To: carlo3b
40. What liberal, candy-ass fool told you marrying a fat, rich, loud-mouthed, gas bag, automatically makes you right or smart.

Well, Kerry thinks he can win the elections, and if most voters are as smart as he is, he'll win.

34 posted on 06/05/2004 11:08:47 PM PDT by Victoria Delsoul (I've noticed that everyone who is for abortion has already been born ~ Ronald Reagan)
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To: al baby

I'll have ketchup, mustard and onions on mine, thanks!!!

35 posted on 06/05/2004 11:12:43 PM PDT by jellybean (I have learned that the most important thing in America is freedom. Freedom is worth any sacrifice.)
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To: ladyinred; carlo3b
This is just too great! Thanks so much for stealing it. Now I am gonna steal it! ::::::

Now it's gone international.

It's being passed aaround in Baghdad. Heck, all over Iraq. I've forwarded it to someone in Balad as well.

These are brilliant.

36 posted on 06/05/2004 11:14:36 PM PDT by Allegra
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To: carlo3b
Or in the case of my ex boss:

I'd tell you to go f**k yourself, but I see your head is in the way.

37 posted on 06/05/2004 11:15:05 PM PDT by TheLurkerX (Liberals are the champions of every individual's right to agree with them.)
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To: carlo3b

41. "You pretend to work, and we pretend to pay you."


38 posted on 06/05/2004 11:15:26 PM PDT by ExtremeUnction
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To: jellybean
Heres my Bitch cooking dinner


39 posted on 06/05/2004 11:15:53 PM PDT by al baby (Hope I don't get into trouble for this)
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To: TheLurkerX

I worked for a hermophdite i told it to f itself once and it did


40 posted on 06/05/2004 11:17:21 PM PDT by al baby (Hope I don't get into trouble for this)
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To: carlo3b
Missed a couple:
41 posted on 06/05/2004 11:18:44 PM PDT by irv
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To: al baby

Or the one adapted from an old lawyer joke:

If you took off your tie, would your foreskin smother you?


42 posted on 06/05/2004 11:19:00 PM PDT by TheLurkerX (Liberals are the champions of every individual's right to agree with them.)
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To: TheLurkerX

Thanks - I knew I bought this industrial grade keyboard for a reason. It's impervious to fluids.


43 posted on 06/05/2004 11:38:47 PM PDT by datura (Battlefield justice is what our enemies deserve. If you win, you live. If you lose, you die.)
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To: carlo3b

Something that would be nice to YELL at work,( as you enter the workplace say about 3 hours late, handing out cigars to everyone, and as you hand one to your boss, yell....)

" I HIT THE LOTTO !!!"


44 posted on 06/05/2004 11:42:06 PM PDT by musicman
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To: datura
Thanks. A few years ago, I got to use one of those insults that only work in rare selective cases.

There was this guy, Rick, who was a real jackass. I'd been saving this one for years, so I felt great satisfaction when I asked him if he spelled that with a silent P.

45 posted on 06/05/2004 11:45:19 PM PDT by TheLurkerX (I weep for the stupid.)
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To: carlo3b

Thanks carlo3b...My heart is so heavy. It was nice to take a smile break!


46 posted on 06/06/2004 12:12:02 AM PDT by lainde (Heads up...We're coming and we've got tongue blades!!)
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To: carlo3b

Hey, they pretend to pay me so I feel obligated to pretend to work.


47 posted on 06/06/2004 1:14:43 AM PDT by Feckless
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To: carlo3b

14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

Good one.


48 posted on 06/06/2004 2:15:30 AM PDT by beaversmom (Michael Medved has the Greatest radio show on GOD's Green Earth)
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To: carlo3b
What exactly is marrage

Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don’t have to give her back to her parents.- Eric, age 6

When somebody’s been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, "I’ll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced, but you got to do one particular thing for me.’ Then she says yes, but she’s wondering what the thing is and whether it’s naughty or not. She can’t wait to find out.-Anita - age 9

How Does Person Decide Whom to Marry?

You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means you try the next one.- Kelly - age 9

My mother says to look for a man who is kind... That’s what I’ll do... I’ll find somebody who’s kinda tall and handsome.- Carolyn - age 8

Concerning the Proper Age to Get Married.

Eighty four. Because at that age, you don’t have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom.- Carolyn - age 8

Once I’m done with kindergarten, I’m going to find me a wife- Bert, age 5

How Did Your Mom and Dad Meet?

They were at a dance party at a friend’s house. Then they went for a drive, but their car broke down... It was a good thing, because it gave them a chance to find out about their values.- Lottie, age 9

My father was doing some strange chores for my mother. They won’t tell me what kind.- Jeremy, age 8

What Do Most People Do On a Date:

On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.- Martin, age 10

Many daters just eat pork chops and french fries and talk about love.- Craig, age 9

When is Okay to Kiss Someone?

You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a ring and her own VCR, ‘cause she’ll want to have videos of the wedding. Allan, age 10

Never kiss in front of other people. It’s a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you... If nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours.- Kally, age 9

The Great Debate: Is it Better to Be Single or Married?

You should ask the people who read Cosmopolitan- Kirsten, age 10

It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them.- Anita, age 9

It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I’m just a kid. I don’t need that kind of trouble.- Will, age 7

What Most People are Thinking When They Say "I Love You"

"The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day."- Michelle, age 9.

"Some lovers might be real nervous, so they are glad that they finally got it out and said it and now they can go eat."- Dick, age 7.

How Do People In Love Typically Behave?

"When a person gets kissed for the first time, they fall down and they don't get up for at least an hour."- Wendy, age 8.

"Mooshy...like puppy dogs...except puppy dogs don't wag their tails nearly as much."- Arnold, age 10.

"All of a sudden, the people get movies fever so they can sit together in the dark."- Sherm, age 8.

On What Falling In Love Is Like

"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life."- John, age 9.

"If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long."- Glenn, age 7.

Concerning Why Lovers Often Hold Hands

"They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they paid good money for them." -Gavin, age 8.

"They are just practicing for when they might have to walk down the aisle someday and do the holy matchimony thing."- John, age 9.

The Personal Qualities You Need to Have in Order to be a Good Lover

"One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills."- Ava, age 8.

Some Surefire Ways to Make a Person Fall In Love With You

"Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love."- Alonzo, age 9.

How Can You Tell if Two Adults Eating Dinner at a Restaurant Are in Love?

"Just see if the man picks up the check. That's how you can tell if he's in love."- Bobby, age 9.

"Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold...Other people care more about the food."- Bart, age 9.

"Romantic adults usually are all dressed up, so if they are just wearing jeans it might mean they used to go out or they just broke up."- Sarah, age 9.

How To Make Love Endure

"Don't forget your wife's name...That will mess up the love."- Erin, age 8.

"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash."- Dave, age 8.


49 posted on 06/06/2004 3:23:29 AM PDT by carlo3b (http://www.CookingWithCarlo.com)
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To: carlo3b

A couple that gets used in my neck of the dungeon.

*Your parents must have been brothers.

*He's the best argument for supporting retrospective abortion.

*It's like a meeting of Idiots Unanimous

*Just in case stupidity is contagious... BACK OFF!!!!


50 posted on 06/06/2004 3:25:08 AM PDT by Dundee (They gave up all their tomorrows for our today’s.)
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