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Is Marriage Worth It? (Advice To A Single Man On Finding The Right Woman) MUST READ!!!
Worldnetdaily.com ^ | 06/14/04 | Vox Day

Posted on 06/13/2004 10:24:43 PM PDT by goldstategop

Vox Day

Is marriage worth it?

A reader, who happens to be a single man of marriageable age, wrote in to ask me a simple question: "Does anyone out there feel that marriage is worth it?"

After some reflection, I decided to answer him thusly: A marriage to the right person is worth it. A marriage to the wrong person is not. How does one decide who the right person is? Aye, there's the rub ...

This is not to say that one cannot determine who the right person is, only that it requires a certain amount of analytical detachment about the relationship that is difficult for most people. Some of the more important factors for a man to consider, in my opinion, are as follows:

1. Is she a woman of genuine faith? A woman who seriously believes that marriage is a sacrament – be she Christian, Jew or Muslim – will have a very different view of the institution and the commitment she is making than will a secular or casually religious woman. As for irreligious men, I see no purpose in marrying whatsoever – why put oneself at serious risk for a sacrament in which one does not believe? If you're marrying her simply because she demands it, don't be surprised when you're forced to accede to other, even less palatable demands, like a divorce.

2. Does she accept the notion of personal responsibility? A woman who is constantly blaming others for her problems in life will soon begin to see her husband as the source of all her problems. These women always blame whoever they are around the most instead of themselves – if she's constantly complaining about her coworkers or her family, don't even continue to date her. If you do, soon enough you'll discover that she has a new target at which to aim her barbs.

3. Are you comfortable with her? Passion is no substitute for genuine compatibility. Hot sex is delightful, but there is the other 99 percent of the time to consider, too. If you and your potential wife are not capable of several hours in the same room together without talking or otherwise interacting directly, you may not be comfortable enough with one another.

4. Can she entertain herself? Men need their downtime. This becomes problematic if she sees your free time as a violation of her time with you.

5. Does she genuinely put the interests of others first? I love a beautiful, self-centered drama queen as much or more than the next guy, but I would never want to marry one. They're fun to watch ... from a distance. Keep your distance.

6. Do your friends and family think she's good for you? Those around you are not likely to be blinded by the rose-tinted lenses of infatuation and will often have a better read on her true personality than you do. If you find yourself defending her by saying things like "Oh, but you just don't know her," then you are flirting with long-term trouble.

7. Does she attempt to control you? This tendency will only get worse with marriage, so any sign of this in a dating relationship is a red flag. Women have a strong maternal instinct and have a hard time grasping that most men loathe being mothered – can she back off when you tell her to?

8. Does she treat you with respect, in public and in private? If she does, this is an excellent sign. If she's always putting you down, just "giving you a hard time" and "keeping you in your place," better find someone else. Marriage is not a buddy-cop movie.

9. Are you in agreement on the larger issues? If she wants kids and you don't, forget it. If she wants to keep up with the Joneses and you want to save for the future, there is a seed of much future conflict already embedded in the relationship.

10. Finally, do you know her? Really, truly know her? Do you know what she hopes her future will hold, even if she can't articulate it?

Marriage and family are definitely good things. But they are important and life-altering, and are not to be entered into lightly. If you are so fortunate as to find the right woman, don't let shallow concerns get in the way, pursue her and see it through. If neither you nor those close to you harbor any serious doubts about her, then marriage is likely the right decision.


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Editorial; Philosophy
KEYWORDS: marriage; singlemen; singles; voxday
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Is marriage worth it? After what we witnessed happen to Rush and Marta Limbaugh this weekend, a lot of single men wonder whether they will find a love that lasts a lifetime. You need to know plenty about a woman before tying the know and this article let's you know what's involved before the "I do's" ever come up. Marriage is worth it, but like a lot of things in life, the homework needs to be attended to first. Good luck to you single guys out there in finding the love of your life.
1 posted on 06/13/2004 10:24:44 PM PDT by goldstategop
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To: goldstategop
Is marriage worth it?

Mine sure weren't...

2 posted on 06/13/2004 10:31:32 PM PDT by AntiGuv (When the countdown hits zero - something's gonna happen..)
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To: goldstategop

This is really, really good advice. I'm not one of the mail-order bride posse, but marriage in North America is something you want to think LONG AND HARD about. A lot people really shouldn't get married, and suffer horribly as a consquence.


3 posted on 06/13/2004 10:33:22 PM PDT by Threepwood
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To: goldstategop

Bump for later reading.


4 posted on 06/13/2004 10:33:38 PM PDT by jamaly
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To: qam1; ItsOurTimeNow; PresbyRev; tortoise; Fraulein; StoneColdGOP; Clemenza; malakhi; m18436572; ...
Xer Ping

Ping list for the discussion of the politics and social aspects that directly effects Generation Reagan / Generation-X (Those born from 1965-1981) including all the spending previous generations (i.e. The Baby Boomers) are doing that Gen-X and Y will end up paying for.

Freep mail me to be added or dropped. See my home page for details.  

5 posted on 06/13/2004 10:35:18 PM PDT by qam1 (Tommy Thompson is a Fat-tubby, Fascist)
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To: goldstategop
Bump
To read later
6 posted on 06/13/2004 10:36:33 PM PDT by Fiddlstix (This Tagline for sale. (Presented by TagLines R US))
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To: goldstategop

Good advice.


7 posted on 06/13/2004 10:37:36 PM PDT by GVnana
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To: goldstategop

If you are a guy and thinkinking about marriage, DO NOT & I repeat DO NOT go to this web page!

http://www.nomarriage.com


8 posted on 06/13/2004 10:39:19 PM PDT by NYTexan
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To: goldstategop
Good advice here, but...

People change. And even worse, sometimes they change back.

9 posted on 06/13/2004 10:40:56 PM PDT by BikerTrash (Enough already with the carnival freak show...bring back COOL!)
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To: goldstategop

Very good list. I think I'll pass it out to my psych students.


10 posted on 06/13/2004 10:41:01 PM PDT by Quix (Choose this day whom U will serve: Shrillery & demonic goons or The King of Kings and Lord of Lords)
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To: goldstategop

Excellent article no matter which side of the Bridal Aisle you're on.


11 posted on 06/13/2004 10:44:36 PM PDT by ETERNAL WARMING (He is faithful!)
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Comment #12 Removed by Moderator

To: goldstategop
"Men need their downtime"

so do women, guys...so do women.....

about marriage:.......did you get anything out of the Reagan funeral?

to see two people grow old together and have that much devotion for one another thru the years.....amazing.....

I work with lots of people, many elderly, and I can tell you the happiest people are the ones that have long and loving marriages....

I look at other people our age.....sometimes they live more exciting lives....out to bars and parties....but none of them seem really happy and content....

happy and content will see you through a livetime.....

We come from a long line of "lovers" and longtime married people...on both sides of our family......

I just hope that my children can get thru the mucky-muck of our insane culture and see that true happiness and contentment comes from the committment to fall in love, and stay in love, with that one companion that shares your values.....

But I do feel sorry for young people today.....they are chasing shadows, and they don't even realize it....

just look at who our culture exults.....both male and female...and you can see how difficult it is for them to take the time to find a real companion to love......

13 posted on 06/13/2004 10:45:32 PM PDT by cherry
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To: goldstategop

Too late, I'm already there.


14 posted on 06/13/2004 10:46:11 PM PDT by BBell
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To: goldstategop

http://www.americanwomensuck.com

Read about horror stories from men who have been married or dated feminist american women.


15 posted on 06/13/2004 10:46:57 PM PDT by Chewbacca (There is a place in this world for all of God's creatures.....right next to the mashed potatoes.)
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To: NYTexan

I took a look at it. I think the guy who started it must have had a really bad experience, and now has a chip on his shoulder the size of a boulder.


16 posted on 06/13/2004 10:47:36 PM PDT by Huntress
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To: goldstategop
Is marriage worth it?

Only if you marry a Republican woman sir.

...are not to be entered into lightly.

DUH! The rats have convinced too many people marriage is some sorta social soiree that you can taxi out of if you don't like one of the songs on it's radio.

Hitting a pothole doesn't mean it's time to ditch the car, it means it time to grab the asphalt and a shovel

17 posted on 06/13/2004 10:49:22 PM PDT by lizma
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To: goldstategop

And the same warnings should be issued to women, too. ;)


18 posted on 06/13/2004 10:50:08 PM PDT by NYC GOP Chick (Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall! -- RIP, President Reagan)
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To: goldstategop

I think Vox Day also forgot one other thing:

Can she cook?

Why marry a woman if the man is the one going to have to cook all the time. Shoot I do that now, and if a wife isn't going to cook then what was the point in even marrying her?

Most of the girls I meet can't cook worth a damn.


19 posted on 06/13/2004 10:52:28 PM PDT by Chewbacca (There is a place in this world for all of God's creatures.....right next to the mashed potatoes.)
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To: Huntress

I think that's safe to say.


20 posted on 06/13/2004 10:53:22 PM PDT by NYTexan
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To: goldstategop

Why get married? Just find someone you hate and give them a house.


21 posted on 06/13/2004 10:53:34 PM PDT by paul51
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To: Chewbacca
Hi! The wrong woman (man) sucks! The right one is divine. Ask my mom and dad.
22 posted on 06/13/2004 10:55:48 PM PDT by Chgogal (Sad commentary when NYT, Washington Post, Chgo Trib, etc. are left of the Old Soviet Guard.)
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To: goldstategop
9 of 10 are excellent,

Though this one is bogus,

1. Is she a woman of genuine faith? A woman who seriously believes that marriage is a sacrament – be she Christian, Jew or Muslim – will have a very different view of the institution and the commitment she is making than will a secular or casually religious woman. As for irreligious men, I see no purpose in marrying whatsoever – why put oneself at serious risk for a sacrament in which one does not believe? If you're marrying her simply because she demands it, don't be surprised when you're forced to accede to other, even less palatable demands, like a divorce.

You don't have to be religious to take marriage seriously and there is no evidence that Non-religious people are any more prone to divorce than religious people.

Actually Baptist (12%), Pentecostals(14%), Episcopalian/Anglican (12%) and Seventh Day Adventist (11%) all have higher divorce rates than people who have No religion(9%). The only Christians that have a lower divorce rate than people with No Religion are Born Agains(7%), Lutherans (7%)and Jehovah's Witnesses (6%)

Link Here (Large PDF warning!)on page 28

23 posted on 06/13/2004 10:55:53 PM PDT by qam1 (Tommy Thompson is a Fat-tubby, Fascist)
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To: cherry
"....I can tell you the happiest people are the ones that have long and loving marriages...."

Maybe so, but there is a HUGE roll of the dice between achieving one and reality.

24 posted on 06/13/2004 10:57:45 PM PDT by nightdriver
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To: AntiGuv

Good set of criteria for prospective mates. Personally, after what I've been through, a bolt of lightning has a better shot at me. Usually, though, marriage is well worth it.


25 posted on 06/13/2004 10:58:57 PM PDT by Graymatter (Let's issue a new $40 bill to honor our 40th president)
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To: goldstategop




Good thing I knew this in the back of my head. I think I would be living a tragic marriage right now.

>>>2. Does she accept the notion of personal responsibility? A woman who is constantly blaming others for her problems in life will soon begin to see her husband as the source of all her problems. These women always blame whoever they are around the most instead of themselves – if she's constantly complaining about her coworkers or her family, don't even continue to date her. If you do, soon enough you'll discover that she has a new target at which to aim her barbs.


26 posted on 06/13/2004 11:01:09 PM PDT by BurbankKarl
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To: goldstategop
I'm a firm believer in Asimov's Law.

Issac Asimov was once asked about going into a career in writing.

He replied: "Going into a career in writing is like getting married, anyone who can be talked out of it should be!"

27 posted on 06/13/2004 11:02:05 PM PDT by null and void (History is not a tale of self-restraint, and change is accelerating all the time.)
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To: goldstategop
Is marriage worth it?

What's Marriage Worth?

"Single men have the same total family income [per family member], regardless of whether they are single, cohabiting or married," she wrote, adding that "marriage and cohabitation confer sizable -- and identical -- financial benefits on women while men break even upon entering either type of union."

'Nuff said!

28 posted on 06/13/2004 11:07:06 PM PDT by Dick Holmes
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To: qam1
You don't have to be religious to take marriage seriously and there is no evidence that Non-religious people are any more prone to divorce than religious people.

If you actually control for people who go to church every week--and especially more than once a week--there is huge difference.

29 posted on 06/13/2004 11:07:39 PM PDT by The Old Hoosier (Right makes might.)
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To: goldstategop; Room 101; AntiGuv; qam1

"Is marriage worth it? After what we witnessed happen to Rush and Marta Limbaugh this weekend, a lot of single men wonder whether they will find a love that lasts a lifetime..." ~ goldstategop

Check it out:

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/1152065/posts?page=963#963


30 posted on 06/13/2004 11:10:12 PM PDT by Matchett-PI (Entrenched DemocRAT union-backed bureaucrats quietly sabotage President Bush every day.)
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To: goldstategop

I knew my wife for over 5 years before we med. She meets each of your 10 tests (and I hope I do to). We have been married for almost 20 years now. The red hot passion of our youth has cooled, but I love her now more than I ever have before. I would give up both of my arms before I would give her up. I am blessed.


31 posted on 06/13/2004 11:21:42 PM PDT by Bubba_Leroy
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To: goldstategop
If she's from Texas, you've got a damn good chance of making a go of it. If she's from California, good luck.

When Valentine's day comes around, make sure you've got a box of chocolates. Not too much to ask.

Oh, and when you've got a minute, check the oil level and tire pressures on her car. It's a lot easier than doing dishes and could save you a bunch of trouble if they're out of line.

Bottom line: women do a lot around the house and we guys can do a lot elsewhere (while having a beer or two). Not sure I'd trade my knowledge of starters and alternators with their knowledge of infants and diapers to be honest. But I am jealous when they go to their 'tool chest' and the baby suckles and coos away. Man, I've got to get another tool chest.

32 posted on 06/13/2004 11:22:50 PM PDT by budwiesest
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To: goldstategop

I have been married for over 37 years now and I can honestly say it was the best moves I ever made. The first time I saw my wife she was 12 and I was 17. She was this quiet little person sitting on her couch reading a book. I took one look at her and I KNEW we would be married. Six years later, we were married. She is my whole life. I KNOW how President Reagan felt about Nancy. When you love someone that deeply your love is unconditional. I am blessed to have my wife by my side.


33 posted on 06/13/2004 11:23:11 PM PDT by teletech (Friends don't let friends vote DemocRAT!)
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To: goldstategop

Would have been useful reading before I wed the soon-to-be-ex-mrs.-malakhi.


34 posted on 06/13/2004 11:25:15 PM PDT by malakhi
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To: goldstategop

Rush and Marta???? you must surely mean Rush and the pain pills he was addicted to....It is not at all unusual that when one spouse enters rehab and decides to live a different kind of life that the other spouse leaves or that mutually it is decided that the marriage ain't what either one of them thought it was....This is NOT the way to decide if marriage is worth it. Look to yourownself and your own life. That is where the answers are....not in RUsh's


35 posted on 06/13/2004 11:41:13 PM PDT by jnarcus
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To: Room 101

Or maybe he is leaving her....and since when is Rush on the way down? No one knows what goes on behind closed doors except the two people involved....not a one of us can say anything about his divorce because we don't know


36 posted on 06/13/2004 11:42:57 PM PDT by jnarcus
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To: AntiGuv
Is marriage worth it?

Hell yes.

Think about Ronald and Nancy Reagan.

37 posted on 06/13/2004 11:43:15 PM PDT by Jeff Gordon (LWS - Legislating While Stupid. Someone should make this illegal.)
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To: nightdriver

It isn't a roll of the dice...Marriage..the selecting of a mate and the living for each other part is hard work. If marriage is approached from more than just the heart one will be successful. Interestingly enough Dr Laura's new book The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands has much to say about how and why a amarriage is successful


38 posted on 06/13/2004 11:46:06 PM PDT by jnarcus
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To: goldstategop

bump for later


39 posted on 06/14/2004 12:03:26 AM PDT by quietolong
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To: goldstategop
After what we witnessed happen to Rush and Marta Limbaugh this weekend, a lot of single men wonder whether they will find a love that lasts a lifetime.

It's hard to see how anyone like Limbaugh could find happiness in marriage. He's a great conservative commentator, but he's egocentric, materialistic, and probably doesn't sit still for a minute. I'm sure he's constantly in the company of interesting, high-profile people with whom a typical wife could never compete for his attention, and with whom she would forever be comparing herself, and never, in her own mind, measuring up.

40 posted on 06/14/2004 12:21:24 AM PDT by Agnes Heep (Solus cum sola non cogitabuntur orare pater noster)
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To: goldstategop

SEX is a big one the article ignores. Marital celibacy will kill a marriage just as easily as an affair alone.


41 posted on 06/14/2004 12:29:07 AM PDT by longtermmemmory
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To: longtermmemmory

The author does mention sex. But there's more to a relationship than how great you are with your mate between the sheets. If you don't have things in common beyond the bedroom, a marriage won't have the depth it needs to grow and stay alive in stressful times.


42 posted on 06/14/2004 12:31:29 AM PDT by goldstategop (In Memory Of A Dearly Beloved Friend Who Lives On In My Heart Forever)
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To: goldstategop

All true, but like an automobile if you take a vital part away, it does not matter how perfect everything else is.

If we had a perfect way to measure love and relationships and marriage, we would have alot fewer books and articles.


43 posted on 06/14/2004 12:37:45 AM PDT by longtermmemmory
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To: longtermmemmory
>>>SEX is a big one the article ignores. Marital celibacy will kill a marriage just as easily as an affair alone.

Sex is like frosting on a cake. Frosting makes a great cake better...but all the frosting in the world can't make a bad cake any better.
44 posted on 06/14/2004 12:37:57 AM PDT by Keith in Iowa (Reagan defeated communism while Kerry was kissing its arse.)
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To: Keith in Iowa

without frosting its just bread.


45 posted on 06/14/2004 12:39:17 AM PDT by longtermmemmory
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To: NYTexan
Been to Texas lately??

We are not all money-grubbers, whinny, and lazy. I hope that the website you linked does not represent most single guys feelings of women/marriage.

Wishing y'all better fortune in the future!! ;)
46 posted on 06/14/2004 12:44:06 AM PDT by jasminex10
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To: goldstategop

Appreciate the article...

Applies to women looking for suitable guys as well!!


47 posted on 06/14/2004 12:52:45 AM PDT by jasminex10
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To: jnarcus
"Interestingly enough Dr Laura's new book The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands has much to say about how and why a amarriage is successful"

It's a good book, too.

Finding women who are interested enough to read it and take Dr. Laura's advice is another matter, however.

All the arguments I've seen, pro and con, about marriage leave out the most important item, in my estimation. Marriage is instituted by God and it is important to Him because it is part of His own image that he has entrusted to mankind.

We humans muck it up at our own peril!

48 posted on 06/14/2004 12:53:16 AM PDT by nightdriver
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To: NYC GOP Chick
And the same warnings should be issued to women, too. ;)

You wrote exactly what I was thinking. Change the gender definitives in that article, and I think we'd have an article aimed at "us girls".

Then again, I'm still in mourning for my first husband (RIP Chris), so I don't think this stuff really applies to me at the moment anyway (if ever again).
49 posted on 06/14/2004 1:23:54 AM PDT by KangarooJacqui ("Those who say that we're in a time when there are no heroes, they just don't know where to look.")
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To: qam1
You don't have to be religious to take marriage seriously and there is no evidence that Non-religious people are any more prone to divorce than religious people.

Hurrah. I'm not religious, and I take marriage VERY seriously. I expected to be married for life. Alas, someone had other plans...
50 posted on 06/14/2004 1:26:38 AM PDT by KangarooJacqui ("Those who say that we're in a time when there are no heroes, they just don't know where to look.")
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