Skip to comments.When One (baby) Is Enough (ultimate in cold selfishness)
Posted on 07/18/2004 11:39:14 AM PDT by dennisw
July 18, 2004 LIVES When One Is Enough By AMY RICHARDS as told to AMY BARRETT
I grew up in a working-class family in Pennsylvania not knowing my father. I have never missed not having him. I firmly believe that, but for much of my life I felt that what I probably would have gained was economic security and with that societal security. Growing up with a single mother, I was always buying into the myth that I was going to be seduced in the back of a pickup truck and become pregnant when I was 16. I had friends when I was in school who were helping to rear nieces and nephews, because their siblings, who were not much older, were having babies. I had friends from all over the class spectrum: I saw the nieces and nephews on the one hand and country-club memberships and station wagons on the other. I felt I was in the middle. I had this fear: What would it take for me to just slip?
Now I'm 34. My boyfriend, Peter, and I have been together three years. I'm old enough to presume that I wasn't going to have an easy time becoming pregnant. I was tired of being on the pill, because it made me moody. Before I went off it, Peter and I talked about what would happen if I became pregnant, and we both agreed that we would have the child.
I found out I was having triplets when I went to my obstetrician. The doctor had just finished telling me I was going to have a low-risk pregnancy. She turned on the sonogram machine. There was a long pause, then she said, ''Are you sure you didn't take fertility drugs?'' I said, ''I'm positive.'' Peter and I were very shocked when she said there were three. ''You know, this changes everything,'' she said. ''You'll have to see a specialist.''
My immediate response was, I cannot have triplets. I was not married; I lived in a five-story walk-up in the East Village; I worked freelance; and I would have to go on bed rest in March. I lecture at colleges, and my biggest months are March and April. I would have to give up my main income for the rest of the year. There was a part of me that was sure I could work around that. But it was a matter of, Do I want to?
I looked at Peter and asked the doctor: ''Is it possible to get rid of one of them? Or two of them?'' The obstetrician wasn't an expert in selective reduction, but she knew that with a shot of potassium chloride you could eliminate one or more.
Having felt physically fine up to this point, I got on the subway afterward, and all of a sudden, I felt ill. I didn't want to eat anything. What I was going through seemed like a very unnatural experience. On the subway, Peter asked, ''Shouldn't we consider having triplets?'' And I had this adverse reaction: ''This is why they say it's the woman's choice, because you think I could just carry triplets. That's easy for you to say, but I'd have to give up my life.'' Not only would I have to be on bed rest at 20 weeks, I wouldn't be able to fly after 15. I was already at eight weeks. When I found out about the triplets, I felt like: It's not the back of a pickup at 16, but now I'm going to have to move to Staten Island. I'll never leave my house because I'll have to care for these children. I'll have to start shopping only at Costco and buying big jars of mayonnaise. Even in my moments of thinking about having three, I don't think that deep down I was ever considering it.
The specialist called me back at 10 p.m. I had just finished watching a Boston Pops concert at Symphony Hall. As everybody burst into applause, I watched my cellphone vibrating, grabbed it and ran into the lobby. He told me that he does a detailed sonogram before doing a selective reduction to see if one fetus appears to be struggling. The procedure involves a shot of potassium chloride to the heart of the fetus. There are a lot more complications when a woman carries multiples. And so, from the doctor's perspective, it's a matter of trying to save the woman this trauma. After I talked to the specialist, I told Peter, ''That's what I'm going to do.'' He replied, ''What we're going to do.'' He respected what I was going through, but at a certain point, he felt that this was a decision we were making. I agreed.
When we saw the specialist, we found out that I was carrying identical twins and a stand alone. My doctors thought the stand alone was three days older. There was something psychologically comforting about that, since I wanted to have just one. Before the procedure, I was focused on relaxing. But Peter was staring at the sonogram screen thinking: Oh, my gosh, there are three heartbeats. I can't believe we're about to make two disappear. The doctor came in, and then Peter was asked to leave. I said, ''Can Peter stay?'' The doctor said no. I know Peter was offended by that.
Two days after the procedure, smells no longer set me off and I no longer wanted to eat nothing but sour-apple gum. I went on to have a pretty seamless pregnancy. But I had a recurring feeling that this was going to come back and haunt me. Was I going to have a stillbirth or miscarry late in my pregnancy?
I had a boy, and everything is fine. But thinking about becoming pregnant again is terrifying. Am I going to have quintuplets? I would do the same thing if I had triplets again, but if I had twins, I would probably have twins. Then again, I don't know.
More civilized times.
Now there is zero shame in announcing to the the world, via the New York Times, that you legally killed (OK, she hired an MD hit man) two of your babies and let the third one live so you could love it and raise it.
Dennis, I wonder if she really "loves" the one she spared. It's so common nowadays amongst modern-minded types that they see their children not as children, but merely as objects of gratification with no more intrinsic value that a Monopoly board game. They see their children as pets, playmates, playthings, possessions, status symbols, accessories, everything but children. Eventually, "parents" who think this way lose whatever interest they ever had in their children and completely ignore them, leaving the children to fend for themselves or fobbed off on relatives, nannies, teachers, coaches, anyone but the parents.
well most abortions are done when they're embryos. I think this woman had a reduction at 8 weeks. After that most are done because the fetus very defective or whatever. To me embryos are morally equivalent to sperm and egg. They're both primitive cellular life. Once the fetus attains all human being characteristics it qualifies as a human being to me.
Here's my e-mail to her. Think she'll respond?
Subject: Is it okay to have a baby and still be a feminist?
I just read the fabulous article in the NY Times about how you sacrificed your womb for one lucky little boy! How does that jive with being a feminist? Webber is one blessed little boy to have such a wonderful mother as yourself to have offered him the warm environment of your uterus to protect him for nine months. Hopefully, he will have nothing ever go wrong in his little life that you won't be able to control or fix, because, gosh darn it, what if something happens to him when you are earning your big paycheck? Will you possibly have time to take care of him?
Thank the Lord, too, that you won't ever have to live on Staten Island, because you did the practical thing by having two of your babies removed from your womb! I mean, God forbid, your life would be a living hell were you to ever have to stoop so low as to have to live on Staten Island, or ever shop at Costco!! You are so smart, and I am so impressed by your composure to have undergone such a procedure, with nary a quiver about how you will one day explain to your son that it was his good fortune to be the "stand-alone". I'm sure he will be forever grateful that he was such a lucky son-of-a-bitch to have been the one who didn't get offed with death serum injected into his precious little heart!
I recommend Amy Richards. No doubt she will get the base really fired up!
Thanks for the ping... I actually really like S.I., though I can't imagine ever leaving the city for it
She was too upset about not being able to fly with triplets in utero.
A few years ago I covertly attended a speech by this man-hating ho's mentor, Ms. Gloria Steinem. In her speech she actually said, very calmly and deliberately, that heterosexual marriage was the basis for all violence and that monotheism was the the root of all evil. It was then I realized that demonic possession took unconventional forms. Although I pray that these people might reform their sinister ways, until that time they remain the enemy of all that is good.
Thanks for answering my question so thoughtfully. Now here's something I think you might be interested in knowing, though perhaps not. From the VERY MOMENT the sperm fertilizes the egg, the genetic makeup will tell you that this is a human being...EVERY characteristic that makes it human vs. any other living organism is attained. It's really simple. Before fertilization, they're just a sperm and an egg with 23 chromosomes each (most of the time). After fertilization - 46 chromosomes - it's a human being. ALL the characteristics are there, all of them, whether or not we have scientifically learned how to "see" them or not. Ask any geneticist if you don't believe me.
At one time, there was a common folk belief (not a Christian one) that the baby wasn't alive until quickening (at about 5 months) so abortion wasn't really murder. In the 19th century, doctors discovered that the baby moves and is alive even before it can be felt by the mother.
If members of a society honestly believe that the baby is not alive, then abortion can be legal without it corrupting society. But if they know its alive, but don't care ... what's next and who's next? Every good reason for abortion is an equally good reason for infanticide and euthanasia. Societies that permit infanticide invariably see their children as mere possessions who can be abused or sold into slavery at the parents' whim.
This is the sad state that more than a few American (even perhaps Western women in general) have come to.
They were had more damned heart when they were oppressed by my male ancestors.
So much for freedom and rights...
sickening....evil walks this land.
Those two words sum it up quite well.
That's this whole thing in a nutshell, isn't it?
there will be a reckoning for this harridan.
This has GOT to be the ultimate in PC phrasing!
I can't imagine having an abortion in order to live in a bigger house,etc. Karma can be a real bitch.
This is what happens when you, ".....let the woman choose!".
I just had supper and just thought I'd do an FR drive-by and saw this ping from bourbon.
most disturbing thread I've seen in a while....and to think there are folks who could read the same thing we did and feel total empathy with her...
...nay, they will applaud her CHOICE!
...and folks say that those like me who fear civil unrest here down the road are loons....we'll see.
i'd fight this battle if it came down to that
one day hopefully folks will look at this like we do the nazis or pol pot and say how did we let it happen?
oh no....men pressure women to have abortions usually remember?
I guess I wasn't clear. It isn't ANYBODY's choice!
I don't applaud her choice. She's a selfish bitch, and I'd tell her so to her face. I hope that when she's an old lady that she's raked with guilt. If my mother told me she had an abortion because she wanted a new car I'd find a new mother.
I've read stories about twins possessing some sort of psychic or telepathic bond, as well as tales of twins separated at birth living remarkbly similar lives. If these stories are true, I wonder if the surviving triplet somehow senses (without his mother telling him about the abortions) that something is wrong, that something or someone (two someones, to be exact) is missing, that he isn't complete. I don't know and I can't explain it.
I CAN'T FIX MYSELF SO I"LL FIX THE WORLD INSTEAD"
I was being sarcastic Fix.
This stuff really gets me going.
This and gun grabbing stir primal instincts in this alpha male and daddy.
or, "Johnny, I killed your sisters so you could have more toys. Don't you just love Mommy?"
I'm sorry.....I didn't mean to infer anything negative about this thread on you.
I know where you have always claimed your heart lies on this issue.
PS. I agree with your take on Cosby. He knows what's going on.
33 years ago I went through a very similar thing. My girlfriend, later my wife, decided at the last minute that having a baby and getting married was not going to work for her and her life goals at that time. So against my wishes, but sadly with my assistance, she aborted, what we later would realize, was our only child. 14 years later she decided maybe she was finally ready to get pregnant. We tried desperately for 5 month without success. 4 years later we got a divorce. 8 years later, God rest her soul, she died of what I believe was abortion induced breast cancer.
My point? Everyone talks about this being a choice, but the choice is always about what the woman wants. I think that in more instances than people want to admit the father wants the child, but the mother doesn't. Trust me that is an argument that the father always loses.
I not only feel terribly sorry for the unfortunate twins who were too big of an inconvenience of this modern hip and with it woman, but also the son who will never know his siblings. But most of all I feel so sorry for the father whose wishes were totally ignored, and who will always live with the memory of what he lost to make his girlfriend happy.
Having been in a similar situation years ago I agree. He as the father has no say in the situation.
God gives her 3 babies and she kills 2 of them. What a terrible thing she has done.
I'm catching a hint of sarcasm here, wardaddy. Sincere question: Do you think this scenario (man wants babies, woman wants no part of them) is the usual one? While I don't suppose there's any way of knowing for sure, I have known a number of women who have had abortions, and not one of them had it against the will of the father. I know it happens, but I tend to believe the more typical scenario is that a) neither want the baby, or b) he doesn't, and she doesn't want to do it alone.
I could be wrong, but that's what I've seen.
If you know something I don't know, please enlighten me. (I'd say "hit me", but I know you're a cro-mag and you'd probably take me literally. ; )
No I didn't get that from your post at all. These women want people to think that having abortions is a blessed sacrament for all females. All females should agree nay LOVE to get as many as possible, treat their husbands like crap.. I mean having abortions without even a word to one's husband is below low.
Ouch. I'm so sorry.
Very true. The father gets no choice. Once a woman is pregnant his choice ends. If she wants to abort but he's willing to raise the child, then too bad. On the other hand, if he wants out of the pregnancy, but she doesn't he'll be paying child support until the kids 18.
The lesson here is, for the guys, if you want to sleep around, you won't escape the consequences and don't expect any "activist" groups to come to your aid.
"I'm John Kerry, and I approved this message."
I really hope you can help me with my dilemma. I'm not sure where else to turn and I thought I'd ask another woman for help. I recently read an article by you in the New York Times, otherwise I would never have known about you. What a find!
I'm not sure where to start. Here is my question. How far should a reasonable person go to avoid giant jars of mayonnaise? I know some people think there are worse things in the world, like infanticide, parents not loving their children, selfishness, cruelty and that old stand-by, murder. But those things have been with us for thousands of years. My dilemma is a relatively new one.
I thought about posing this question to a close girlfriend of mine who is childless, but perhaps her heartbreak is more significant than my fear of mayonnaise. In my defense, I'm not afraid of just any jar of mayonnaise, I'm not so unreasonable. It's the GIANT kind that disturb me. I feel like I'd do anything to avoid one of those jars. Do you think I am being reasonable?
Thank you for your consideration.
All very true, but it is not always a matter of sleeping around. In my case it a was mistake made by two young(20y/o) college kids who were terribly in love and had never been with anyone else. That of course didn't stop the first mistake from ultimately being compounded by a much greater one.
Daughter, could you download and email this to this heartless woman? I CANNOT believe the depth of her selfishness (mayonnaise and apartment stairs, by God!). This needs to be widely publicized. It shows the utter immorality of the "pro" choice movement.
LOL! That's priceless! Why don't you send it to her for real?
Here is a picture at 8 weeks. Is this enough "human being characteristics" for you? I remember my son's eight week ultrasound--how amazing to see those little limbs moving!
Baby Webber had two choices of tee shirt for the big abortion rally: "Reproductive Rights are Human Rights" and "Parenthood. Plan it." His siblings had no choice and no rights--neither reproductive nor human.
It is amazing how small they are, and how early they begin to look like a little person.
I'm in the medical field and work in an OR. At the time of this event I worked at a Catholic Hospital so clearly we did not do elective terminations. One Sunday morning I was called in to help do a termination on a 13-14 week pregnancy.
This particular pregnancy was not inside the uterus, but was intra-abdominal and the placenta had attached and was infiltrating the broad ligament that attaches the uterus to the side wall of the abdomen. The mother was starting to bleed into the abdomen. the Ethics powers that be in the hospital met and decided that the bleeding was significant enough that the mothers life was at risk and the termination could proceed.
That day made quite an impact on me. A small little person was taken out of the mother's abdomen that day. The room was silent and there wasn't a dry eye among the OB/Gyn, 2 nurses or Anesthesiologist. There was a chaplain around too. I pray over that day often.
I hope he leaves her and takes his son with him. It could be that by publishing this article she's given him all the evidence he needs to prove she's an unfit mother in a court of law... maybe. (But, then again with the rulings some judges have been pulling out of their butts these days, who knows?) Perhaps that's why this article was strangely titled "written by... as told by": Plausible Deniability (in the event it ever ends up being used as evidence in family court.)
He better be afraid... very afraid. She's already "discarded" the children she had no use for. What happens once she decides he's become an inconvenience too? For all he knows, he may've already served his "purpose" (as a sperm donor) and now she has no more use for him either. She's made it clear enough that she doesn't view a father as being really necessary in the rearing of a child. And, I'm sure jettisoning him and raising the child alone would be a "great career move" for her. She could write all about it ("written by... as told by" of course) in her next article and be hailed as a feminist "hero".
We know very little about this man except what we were told about him from her point-of-view. Maybe, he isn't quite the nancyboy she portrayed him to be. Maybe, they had heated arguments over the fate of the twins. Maybe, she even threatened to abort all three if he didn't shut up about it. I don't know. I just hope for his son's sake that the father isn't as easily led around by the nose as this article makes him appear to be. Otherwise, she'll end up with everything. The father will end up with nothing (except large child support payments for a son he's rarely if ever allowed to see). And, the little boy will end up being raised by the rabid feminist, man-hating, single mom, who killed his siblings.
It's hard to believe this shallow, petty woman is 34 years old. I know pre-teens who are more mature and less self-absorbed. Some of the flippant and indecisive statements she makes regarding her already conceived (as well as future) offspring sound as if she places such matters in the same category as choosing what outfit she's going to wear. It's horrifying. I don't see how she could possibly think this article will help her cause. If anything, she's made herself look like the equivalent of a Ted Bundy or a Charles Manson (except the laws are all on her side).
2 twins and one "stand-alone". How convenient. Too bad they weren't identical triplets. Then she could spend the rest of her life looking at a face exactly like the two she'd killed. I wonder how much pain her "right to choose" has inflicted upon the father? How badly will her son be scarred upon learning the truth? I have a feeling that she will reap the whirlwind from what she's sown... from her son. I think he'll grow to despise her... that the fecal matter will really hit the fan 16 years from now, when she's a single mom (father long discarded) at the height of her career (which she worships above all else) and with a seething teenaged boy on her hands.
What a disgusting woman. Instead of feeling blessed that she was given triplets, she chose to kill two of them to make her life more "convenient." She does not deserve to be a mother, IMO.
I'm pro-life and I consider myself a feminist. Feminism to me is helping to make sure women have quality in pay and opportunity in the workforce, and that women (and men) are given the choice to either be working parents or full-time caregivers to their children. Feminism is not about allowing women to kill their babies! Radical feminists have distorted the aims of the feminist movement to suit their wacko ideas - feminazis make me sick.
The founders of the feminist movement (Susan B. Anthony, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, etc.) were very pro-life and to read how the feminazis (including this beastly Amy woman) have twisted their words for a pro-choice meaning is really pathetic.
"This gal is the ultimate anti-Laura. As I recall, Laura Bush was on bed rest for quite some time to ensure a healthy birth for Barbara and Jenna."
Laura Bush is Pro-Abortion. She said on the TODAY Show a few years back that she believes Roe v Wade should not be overturned. Barbara Bush agrees.
I really wouldn't be surprised if this beast took fertility pills so she could have some 'good story material' to write about later.
I did send it to her!