Skip to comments.When One (baby) Is Enough (ultimate in cold selfishness)
Posted on 07/18/2004 11:39:14 AM PDT by dennisw
July 18, 2004 LIVES When One Is Enough By AMY RICHARDS as told to AMY BARRETT
I grew up in a working-class family in Pennsylvania not knowing my father. I have never missed not having him. I firmly believe that, but for much of my life I felt that what I probably would have gained was economic security and with that societal security. Growing up with a single mother, I was always buying into the myth that I was going to be seduced in the back of a pickup truck and become pregnant when I was 16. I had friends when I was in school who were helping to rear nieces and nephews, because their siblings, who were not much older, were having babies. I had friends from all over the class spectrum: I saw the nieces and nephews on the one hand and country-club memberships and station wagons on the other. I felt I was in the middle. I had this fear: What would it take for me to just slip?
Now I'm 34. My boyfriend, Peter, and I have been together three years. I'm old enough to presume that I wasn't going to have an easy time becoming pregnant. I was tired of being on the pill, because it made me moody. Before I went off it, Peter and I talked about what would happen if I became pregnant, and we both agreed that we would have the child.
I found out I was having triplets when I went to my obstetrician. The doctor had just finished telling me I was going to have a low-risk pregnancy. She turned on the sonogram machine. There was a long pause, then she said, ''Are you sure you didn't take fertility drugs?'' I said, ''I'm positive.'' Peter and I were very shocked when she said there were three. ''You know, this changes everything,'' she said. ''You'll have to see a specialist.''
My immediate response was, I cannot have triplets. I was not married; I lived in a five-story walk-up in the East Village; I worked freelance; and I would have to go on bed rest in March. I lecture at colleges, and my biggest months are March and April. I would have to give up my main income for the rest of the year. There was a part of me that was sure I could work around that. But it was a matter of, Do I want to?
I looked at Peter and asked the doctor: ''Is it possible to get rid of one of them? Or two of them?'' The obstetrician wasn't an expert in selective reduction, but she knew that with a shot of potassium chloride you could eliminate one or more.
Having felt physically fine up to this point, I got on the subway afterward, and all of a sudden, I felt ill. I didn't want to eat anything. What I was going through seemed like a very unnatural experience. On the subway, Peter asked, ''Shouldn't we consider having triplets?'' And I had this adverse reaction: ''This is why they say it's the woman's choice, because you think I could just carry triplets. That's easy for you to say, but I'd have to give up my life.'' Not only would I have to be on bed rest at 20 weeks, I wouldn't be able to fly after 15. I was already at eight weeks. When I found out about the triplets, I felt like: It's not the back of a pickup at 16, but now I'm going to have to move to Staten Island. I'll never leave my house because I'll have to care for these children. I'll have to start shopping only at Costco and buying big jars of mayonnaise. Even in my moments of thinking about having three, I don't think that deep down I was ever considering it.
The specialist called me back at 10 p.m. I had just finished watching a Boston Pops concert at Symphony Hall. As everybody burst into applause, I watched my cellphone vibrating, grabbed it and ran into the lobby. He told me that he does a detailed sonogram before doing a selective reduction to see if one fetus appears to be struggling. The procedure involves a shot of potassium chloride to the heart of the fetus. There are a lot more complications when a woman carries multiples. And so, from the doctor's perspective, it's a matter of trying to save the woman this trauma. After I talked to the specialist, I told Peter, ''That's what I'm going to do.'' He replied, ''What we're going to do.'' He respected what I was going through, but at a certain point, he felt that this was a decision we were making. I agreed.
When we saw the specialist, we found out that I was carrying identical twins and a stand alone. My doctors thought the stand alone was three days older. There was something psychologically comforting about that, since I wanted to have just one. Before the procedure, I was focused on relaxing. But Peter was staring at the sonogram screen thinking: Oh, my gosh, there are three heartbeats. I can't believe we're about to make two disappear. The doctor came in, and then Peter was asked to leave. I said, ''Can Peter stay?'' The doctor said no. I know Peter was offended by that.
Two days after the procedure, smells no longer set me off and I no longer wanted to eat nothing but sour-apple gum. I went on to have a pretty seamless pregnancy. But I had a recurring feeling that this was going to come back and haunt me. Was I going to have a stillbirth or miscarry late in my pregnancy?
I had a boy, and everything is fine. But thinking about becoming pregnant again is terrifying. Am I going to have quintuplets? I would do the same thing if I had triplets again, but if I had twins, I would probably have twins. Then again, I don't know.
Having been in a similar situation years ago I agree. He as the father has no say in the situation.
God gives her 3 babies and she kills 2 of them. What a terrible thing she has done.
I'm catching a hint of sarcasm here, wardaddy. Sincere question: Do you think this scenario (man wants babies, woman wants no part of them) is the usual one? While I don't suppose there's any way of knowing for sure, I have known a number of women who have had abortions, and not one of them had it against the will of the father. I know it happens, but I tend to believe the more typical scenario is that a) neither want the baby, or b) he doesn't, and she doesn't want to do it alone.
I could be wrong, but that's what I've seen.
If you know something I don't know, please enlighten me. (I'd say "hit me", but I know you're a cro-mag and you'd probably take me literally. ; )
No I didn't get that from your post at all. These women want people to think that having abortions is a blessed sacrament for all females. All females should agree nay LOVE to get as many as possible, treat their husbands like crap.. I mean having abortions without even a word to one's husband is below low.
Ouch. I'm so sorry.
Very true. The father gets no choice. Once a woman is pregnant his choice ends. If she wants to abort but he's willing to raise the child, then too bad. On the other hand, if he wants out of the pregnancy, but she doesn't he'll be paying child support until the kids 18.
The lesson here is, for the guys, if you want to sleep around, you won't escape the consequences and don't expect any "activist" groups to come to your aid.
"I'm John Kerry, and I approved this message."
I really hope you can help me with my dilemma. I'm not sure where else to turn and I thought I'd ask another woman for help. I recently read an article by you in the New York Times, otherwise I would never have known about you. What a find!
I'm not sure where to start. Here is my question. How far should a reasonable person go to avoid giant jars of mayonnaise? I know some people think there are worse things in the world, like infanticide, parents not loving their children, selfishness, cruelty and that old stand-by, murder. But those things have been with us for thousands of years. My dilemma is a relatively new one.
I thought about posing this question to a close girlfriend of mine who is childless, but perhaps her heartbreak is more significant than my fear of mayonnaise. In my defense, I'm not afraid of just any jar of mayonnaise, I'm not so unreasonable. It's the GIANT kind that disturb me. I feel like I'd do anything to avoid one of those jars. Do you think I am being reasonable?
Thank you for your consideration.
All very true, but it is not always a matter of sleeping around. In my case it a was mistake made by two young(20y/o) college kids who were terribly in love and had never been with anyone else. That of course didn't stop the first mistake from ultimately being compounded by a much greater one.
Daughter, could you download and email this to this heartless woman? I CANNOT believe the depth of her selfishness (mayonnaise and apartment stairs, by God!). This needs to be widely publicized. It shows the utter immorality of the "pro" choice movement.
LOL! That's priceless! Why don't you send it to her for real?
Here is a picture at 8 weeks. Is this enough "human being characteristics" for you? I remember my son's eight week ultrasound--how amazing to see those little limbs moving!
Baby Webber had two choices of tee shirt for the big abortion rally: "Reproductive Rights are Human Rights" and "Parenthood. Plan it." His siblings had no choice and no rights--neither reproductive nor human.
It is amazing how small they are, and how early they begin to look like a little person.
I'm in the medical field and work in an OR. At the time of this event I worked at a Catholic Hospital so clearly we did not do elective terminations. One Sunday morning I was called in to help do a termination on a 13-14 week pregnancy.
This particular pregnancy was not inside the uterus, but was intra-abdominal and the placenta had attached and was infiltrating the broad ligament that attaches the uterus to the side wall of the abdomen. The mother was starting to bleed into the abdomen. the Ethics powers that be in the hospital met and decided that the bleeding was significant enough that the mothers life was at risk and the termination could proceed.
That day made quite an impact on me. A small little person was taken out of the mother's abdomen that day. The room was silent and there wasn't a dry eye among the OB/Gyn, 2 nurses or Anesthesiologist. There was a chaplain around too. I pray over that day often.
I hope he leaves her and takes his son with him. It could be that by publishing this article she's given him all the evidence he needs to prove she's an unfit mother in a court of law... maybe. (But, then again with the rulings some judges have been pulling out of their butts these days, who knows?) Perhaps that's why this article was strangely titled "written by... as told by": Plausible Deniability (in the event it ever ends up being used as evidence in family court.)
He better be afraid... very afraid. She's already "discarded" the children she had no use for. What happens once she decides he's become an inconvenience too? For all he knows, he may've already served his "purpose" (as a sperm donor) and now she has no more use for him either. She's made it clear enough that she doesn't view a father as being really necessary in the rearing of a child. And, I'm sure jettisoning him and raising the child alone would be a "great career move" for her. She could write all about it ("written by... as told by" of course) in her next article and be hailed as a feminist "hero".
We know very little about this man except what we were told about him from her point-of-view. Maybe, he isn't quite the nancyboy she portrayed him to be. Maybe, they had heated arguments over the fate of the twins. Maybe, she even threatened to abort all three if he didn't shut up about it. I don't know. I just hope for his son's sake that the father isn't as easily led around by the nose as this article makes him appear to be. Otherwise, she'll end up with everything. The father will end up with nothing (except large child support payments for a son he's rarely if ever allowed to see). And, the little boy will end up being raised by the rabid feminist, man-hating, single mom, who killed his siblings.
It's hard to believe this shallow, petty woman is 34 years old. I know pre-teens who are more mature and less self-absorbed. Some of the flippant and indecisive statements she makes regarding her already conceived (as well as future) offspring sound as if she places such matters in the same category as choosing what outfit she's going to wear. It's horrifying. I don't see how she could possibly think this article will help her cause. If anything, she's made herself look like the equivalent of a Ted Bundy or a Charles Manson (except the laws are all on her side).
2 twins and one "stand-alone". How convenient. Too bad they weren't identical triplets. Then she could spend the rest of her life looking at a face exactly like the two she'd killed. I wonder how much pain her "right to choose" has inflicted upon the father? How badly will her son be scarred upon learning the truth? I have a feeling that she will reap the whirlwind from what she's sown... from her son. I think he'll grow to despise her... that the fecal matter will really hit the fan 16 years from now, when she's a single mom (father long discarded) at the height of her career (which she worships above all else) and with a seething teenaged boy on her hands.
What a disgusting woman. Instead of feeling blessed that she was given triplets, she chose to kill two of them to make her life more "convenient." She does not deserve to be a mother, IMO.
I'm pro-life and I consider myself a feminist. Feminism to me is helping to make sure women have quality in pay and opportunity in the workforce, and that women (and men) are given the choice to either be working parents or full-time caregivers to their children. Feminism is not about allowing women to kill their babies! Radical feminists have distorted the aims of the feminist movement to suit their wacko ideas - feminazis make me sick.
The founders of the feminist movement (Susan B. Anthony, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, etc.) were very pro-life and to read how the feminazis (including this beastly Amy woman) have twisted their words for a pro-choice meaning is really pathetic.
"This gal is the ultimate anti-Laura. As I recall, Laura Bush was on bed rest for quite some time to ensure a healthy birth for Barbara and Jenna."
Laura Bush is Pro-Abortion. She said on the TODAY Show a few years back that she believes Roe v Wade should not be overturned. Barbara Bush agrees.
I really wouldn't be surprised if this beast took fertility pills so she could have some 'good story material' to write about later.
I did send it to her!