Skip to comments.When One (baby) Is Enough (ultimate in cold selfishness)
Posted on 07/18/2004 11:39:14 AM PDT by dennisw
July 18, 2004 LIVES When One Is Enough By AMY RICHARDS as told to AMY BARRETT
I grew up in a working-class family in Pennsylvania not knowing my father. I have never missed not having him. I firmly believe that, but for much of my life I felt that what I probably would have gained was economic security and with that societal security. Growing up with a single mother, I was always buying into the myth that I was going to be seduced in the back of a pickup truck and become pregnant when I was 16. I had friends when I was in school who were helping to rear nieces and nephews, because their siblings, who were not much older, were having babies. I had friends from all over the class spectrum: I saw the nieces and nephews on the one hand and country-club memberships and station wagons on the other. I felt I was in the middle. I had this fear: What would it take for me to just slip?
Now I'm 34. My boyfriend, Peter, and I have been together three years. I'm old enough to presume that I wasn't going to have an easy time becoming pregnant. I was tired of being on the pill, because it made me moody. Before I went off it, Peter and I talked about what would happen if I became pregnant, and we both agreed that we would have the child.
I found out I was having triplets when I went to my obstetrician. The doctor had just finished telling me I was going to have a low-risk pregnancy. She turned on the sonogram machine. There was a long pause, then she said, ''Are you sure you didn't take fertility drugs?'' I said, ''I'm positive.'' Peter and I were very shocked when she said there were three. ''You know, this changes everything,'' she said. ''You'll have to see a specialist.''
My immediate response was, I cannot have triplets. I was not married; I lived in a five-story walk-up in the East Village; I worked freelance; and I would have to go on bed rest in March. I lecture at colleges, and my biggest months are March and April. I would have to give up my main income for the rest of the year. There was a part of me that was sure I could work around that. But it was a matter of, Do I want to?
I looked at Peter and asked the doctor: ''Is it possible to get rid of one of them? Or two of them?'' The obstetrician wasn't an expert in selective reduction, but she knew that with a shot of potassium chloride you could eliminate one or more.
Having felt physically fine up to this point, I got on the subway afterward, and all of a sudden, I felt ill. I didn't want to eat anything. What I was going through seemed like a very unnatural experience. On the subway, Peter asked, ''Shouldn't we consider having triplets?'' And I had this adverse reaction: ''This is why they say it's the woman's choice, because you think I could just carry triplets. That's easy for you to say, but I'd have to give up my life.'' Not only would I have to be on bed rest at 20 weeks, I wouldn't be able to fly after 15. I was already at eight weeks. When I found out about the triplets, I felt like: It's not the back of a pickup at 16, but now I'm going to have to move to Staten Island. I'll never leave my house because I'll have to care for these children. I'll have to start shopping only at Costco and buying big jars of mayonnaise. Even in my moments of thinking about having three, I don't think that deep down I was ever considering it.
The specialist called me back at 10 p.m. I had just finished watching a Boston Pops concert at Symphony Hall. As everybody burst into applause, I watched my cellphone vibrating, grabbed it and ran into the lobby. He told me that he does a detailed sonogram before doing a selective reduction to see if one fetus appears to be struggling. The procedure involves a shot of potassium chloride to the heart of the fetus. There are a lot more complications when a woman carries multiples. And so, from the doctor's perspective, it's a matter of trying to save the woman this trauma. After I talked to the specialist, I told Peter, ''That's what I'm going to do.'' He replied, ''What we're going to do.'' He respected what I was going through, but at a certain point, he felt that this was a decision we were making. I agreed.
When we saw the specialist, we found out that I was carrying identical twins and a stand alone. My doctors thought the stand alone was three days older. There was something psychologically comforting about that, since I wanted to have just one. Before the procedure, I was focused on relaxing. But Peter was staring at the sonogram screen thinking: Oh, my gosh, there are three heartbeats. I can't believe we're about to make two disappear. The doctor came in, and then Peter was asked to leave. I said, ''Can Peter stay?'' The doctor said no. I know Peter was offended by that.
Two days after the procedure, smells no longer set me off and I no longer wanted to eat nothing but sour-apple gum. I went on to have a pretty seamless pregnancy. But I had a recurring feeling that this was going to come back and haunt me. Was I going to have a stillbirth or miscarry late in my pregnancy?
I had a boy, and everything is fine. But thinking about becoming pregnant again is terrifying. Am I going to have quintuplets? I would do the same thing if I had triplets again, but if I had twins, I would probably have twins. Then again, I don't know.
No she won't. Not in the context you're thinking of, anyway.
Yep. She took fertility drugs, alright. What ya wanna bet?
I loudly expressed my outrage about this article among my NAARL-supporting in-laws this morning.
Working on adopting a kid puts this sort of thing in an entirely different perspective, my wife and I agreed. "Oh boo hoo, birth control makes my tummy hurt, boo hoo, I live on a fifth-floor walk-up, boo hoo, my budget will be pinched, let's kill off two of them."
What I found interesting was the doctor's refusal to allow the boyfriend to witness the hired killing of his unborn children. You can have "choice," apparently, as long as you don't look too hard at what you're choosing.
I'm sure we would all agree that such a scenario would be terribly difficult to deal with - but to me an intra-abdominal pregnancy is the same as an ectopic, the baby cannot survive to term and it would likely kill the mother if allowed to progress. What a sad thing...the handful of women I know who have had ectopics had wanted their babies very much and terminating them to save their own lives and future fertility was a crushing thing nonetheless.
If only science could find a way to transplant the little one into the uterus...until then, there is no other choice in such a situation.
I was referring specifically to Laura's concern for her own children in utero, but your point is well-taken. I wonder if anyone has asked her lately, or if she has expressed her opinion on this subject more recently than your citation. I do find it troubling, as I'm sure you do as well, that some if not many pro-life politicians have pro-choice wives. That has always bothered me; but as long as the candidate is pro-life, what choice do we have? The alternative is much worse.
Sterilize liberals should be our mantra.
So, she doesn't have to "give up her life[style]" for one kid? She had no business having child
I pity this child growing up. "Mommy really has to work, Honey. Go play with the nanny"
What a murdering wench.
In intra-abdominal or ectopic pregnancies, the unborn child falls into the category of rodef, one pursuing the mother to kill her.
Great! I really hope her mailbox is chock full of responses from this article!
I think I'm going to be sick....
Intellectually I know what you say is true, but with an ectopic the ectopic (at least the ones I've seen) they were usually earlier (smaller) and not removed intact.
It was a lot more bothersome to me to see an about 3.5 inch or so formed (and still moving) being removed.
You're talking to one actually from a long time ago and I know plenty others.
Of course there are men who a) don't care anyway or b) do want the woman to "get rid of it" but that was not what I was adressing nor was that the gist of this article. In this article the man is the only one described as maybe not wanting this and is told to leave.
Now I'm not pointing out this to you specifically but as you know I am indeed very old school and do hold opinions that indeed do have exceptions and I do sometimes generalize but I can remember when it was okay to do that without having to equivocate every alternative example.
I don't beat up chicks as a rule but the worst fight i ever saw was in 12th grade between two huge black chicks who tore each other's clothes off and stabbed one another with pencils.
I think abortion is killing and in the end unless a man is holding a gun to the woman's head.....she and the abortionist are doing the killing. So much for kinder and gentler.....nearly 40 million dead babies later and not one ever aborted by a pregnant man.
just calling a spade a spade...can I say that?
lots of folks are to blame for infanticide but in the end it's mom's "choice" almost always.
after thinking about it and responding to DOIJV, I now think in hindsight this double murderer should have hired a handmaiden for her beau.
....in fact, I know more than a few gals including some spoiled shop and tennis only soccer moms on my street who could use one as well.
...we could end up that way one day....I truly know a few DINK couples where I betcha the woman would consider it if the scorn factor were absent.
Maybe you didn't read the entire thread, but if you did, you may have noticed that I defended the man in this story (as much as he could be defended). And I think that ultimately, yes, it is the woman who does the real deciding.
The "hit me" thing was a joke. I'm not a-scared of you, wardaddy. ; )
Do you mean the whole thread?
In reading this story again, I find this woman unbelievable. How much could a nanny have possibly cost? I'm not a betting woman but I'll say she and boyfriend don't stay together long.
I am harmless and have been ruled by your gender voluntarily for several decades.
Oddly, now with 2 manchildren in the household growing up and strutting around, I've found I have to be more alpha than I used to with only daughters.
Dad has to be a loving hombre for young lads or else they will run the house in short order.
I'm taking the 4 year old with me on business scouting for two nights tommorow and leaving the 18 month old with mom. Hope he doesn't get too homesick away from mommy. Mommies are everything at that age no doubt.
Not that I would know, but I hear raising boys is harder than raising girls.