Army officer survives 3,500ft fall after parachute fails to open

Telegraph ^ | 11/14/2004 | Sean Rayment

[RandallFlagg]

He should be awarded the Wiley Coyote Acme Award.

ROTFL!!!

There's SO many jokes in this. Not to belittle this guy's experience, but WOW! Give this fella an award for surviving.

Now, on to the jokes:

Bush's fault.

Helluva way to visit lovely Kenya.
Kinda hard to light your last cigarette in freefall.

OK, continue the wisecracks. I'm done.

[RandallFlagg]

I forgot one:

That's common when you DON'T make sure the door doesn't hit you on the a$$ on the way out.

[bushisdamanin04]

We had people breaking legs and ankles when their 'chutes opened!

[ElkGroveDan]

[Libloather]

What's this?

That's just gas. Happens every time...

[45semi]

"He was just a rookie trooper and he surely shook with fright.
He checked off his equipment and made sure his pack was tight.
He had to sit and listen to those awful engines roar.
You ain't gonna jump no more".

Chorus:
Gory, gory, what a hell of way to die.
Gory, gory, what a hell of way to die.
Gory, gory, what a hell of way to die.
He ain't gonna jump no more.

Blood On The Risers

[Excuse_My_Bellicosity]

Excellent!

[connectthedots]

Same slogan at the Otis Elevator Company.

[mamc]

My brother ejected when the plane next in formation told him his taiil was on fire. His chute never opened. They said he prob. never was conscious before he hit ground but after reading this story, I wonder. This guy was one lucky guy!!

[Rockpile]

You lost your brother in an ejection? Well, just damn.

You know though, he could very well have been knocked out. Had he been conscious he might have gotten the chute open manually.

[RichInOC]

The luck of the Irish in action.

So who buys the drinks...him, his platoonmates, or the parachute rigger?

[armymarinemom]

My suggestion to his mom is that she not visit the site. One of my sons had a hard landing from a partial deployment of a parachute. His reserve tangled around his foot and also only partially deployed. He took me to the site where he happened to land in a sand pit. I wanted to puke just noticing the sand pit surrounded by land. There is a God and he does watch out for us a lot.

[Billthedrill]

"Leftenant Williams, there's a call for you on line one."
"Who is it, ma'am?"
"Royal Navy recruiter, sir."

[calljack]

Crewman, Idaho Nat. Guard, late 60's. Fell out of the door of a helicopter. 1500 ft to the desert floor,no parachute. Got up and walked back to base. True story. Flight attendent,late 70's airplane exploded at 30,000 ft strapped in a chair landed on a steep snow covered hill. Slid 2 1/2 miles into the valley. Hurt bad but lived. Friend of mine fell off of an 8 foot ladder, hit his head and died. It's a crazy world.

[BIGLOOK]

In my thirties, I fell five feet onto a paved road from the back of a truck, did the roll but still broke my ankle in two places. Never had a broken bone before.

Go figure.

BTW, I've sworn off falling down.

[Snoopers-868th]

Bump

[Freedom4US]

There is a story, probably apocryphal (OK, I just wanted to use that word) about a fellow out east who was an experienced jumper. He was the video guy during group jumps.

Well, as it happens - he *forgot* his parachute during one of the myriad jumps during the day. His last. The video supposedly shows the normal routine as he exits the plane, then frantic movements as he reaches in vain for his rip-cord. I did search the 'net once for corroboration and came up with a local news release iirc.

[Excuse_My_Bellicosity]

Flight attendent,late 70's airplane exploded at 30,000 ft strapped in a chair landed on a steep snow covered hill. Slid 2 1/2 miles into the valley.

I've heard of this, too. If I saw it in a James Bond movie, I'd be saying, "Get the hell out of here, they've gone too far this time!"