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WORST HOLIDAY SONGS (Streisand at #4, just behind the "Jingle Bells" dogs)
NY Post ^ | December 7, 2004 | JOHN MAINELLI

Posted on 12/08/2004 8:50:15 AM PST by presidio9

EVER been driven up the chimney by a Christmas song that you really, really hate? New Jersey researchers have named the six worst Christmas songs of all time, as picked by holiday-music fans who were asked to rate more than 600 yule tunes.

The biggest lump of coal goes to "O Holy Night" as sung by the foul-mouthed Cartman from "South Park," according to Edison Media Research.

Close behind are Seymour Swine & the Squealers' butchered "Blue Christmas," "Jingle Bells" by The Singing Dogs and, separately, Barbra Streisand — and "12 Days of Guido Christmas" by the Ha Ya Doin' Boys.

"We play — very lightly — the Barbra Streisand version of 'Jingle Bells' because she's got a following in New York," says Jim Ryan, programmer of top-rated Lite FM (WLTW/106.7).

"People tend not to like it because it's a really fast, up-tempo version of 'Jingle Bells' — almost like she did it as a goof," Ryan told The Post.

WPLJ (95.5 FM) music director Tony Mascaro says his research turned up a sixth song that listeners can't stand: Elmo & Patsy's "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer."

(Excerpt) Read more at nypost.com ...


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Extended News
KEYWORDS: barbrastreisand; christmascarols; music; thewaitresses; topten
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To: presidio9

Walking Around In Women's Underwear
by Bob Rivers

"Lacey things, the wife is missing.
Didn't ask, for her permission
I'm wearing her clothes,
her silk panty hose.
Walking around in women's underwear.

In the store, there's a teddy.
With little straps, like spagetti.
It holds me so tight,
like handcuffs at night.
Walking around in womens underwear

In the office there's a guy named Melvin.
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown.
He'll say "Are you ready?"
I'll say, "Woah man! Lets wait untill the wife is out of town."
Later on, if you wanna,
We can dress, like Madonna.
Put on some eye shade, and join the parade.
Walking around in women's underwear.

Lacey things, missing.
Didn't ask, permission.
Wearing her clothes, silk panty hose.
Walking around in women's underwear.
Walking around in women's underwear.
Walking around in women's underwear......"


101 posted on 12/08/2004 9:32:12 AM PST by Recovering Hermit
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To: Nowhere Man
A side note, everytime Linus reads from the Bible about the true meaning of Christmas in the auditorium, I get a tingle in my spine and a warm feeling in my heart.

Yep, me too. I did not know until recently that the television network execs back when that special first aired really objected to the "highly religious content" of the program.

I would've thought that it pre-dated such nonsense, but apparently not. I'm a bit surprised that nobody has tried to stick an advertising break in that particular spot.

102 posted on 12/08/2004 9:33:35 AM PST by Charles Martel ("Diplomats. The best diplomat I know of is a fully loaded phaser bank" - Cdr. Montgomery Scott)
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To: FrankWild

It seems Lennon and McCartney needed each other to limit each other's worst tendencies; after they split, McCartney got sappier and Lennon got more pretentious lyrically and minimalist musically.


103 posted on 12/08/2004 9:34:43 AM PST by Steve_Seattle
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To: CougarGA7

There's also this:

"IT'S THE MOST FATTENING TIME OF THE YEAR"

Copyright Bob Rivers


It's the most fattening time of the year
With that pumpkin pie filling
and everyone swilling down eggnog and beer
it's the most fattening time of the year

It's the lip smackingest season of all
while you're shopping you're cheating
impulsively eating that junk at the mall
it's the heav-heaviest season of all

There'll be turkeys for basting
and stuffing for tasting
and giblets and gravy will flow
there'll be cookies that mom baked
and leftover fruitcake
from a Christmas a long time ago

It's the scale flattening time of the year
while your diet you're blowing
there's calories going
straight down to your rear
it's the scale flattening time of the year

There'll be after meal dozing and arteries closing
cholesterol levels will grow
it's too cold to jogging
too brisk for tobogganing
so pass me a hot buttered roll

It's the most fattening time of the year
all those gingerbread shingles
and chocolate Kris Kringles will tremble in fear
it's the most fattening time -
it's the belt loosening time -
it's the most fattening time of the year!


104 posted on 12/08/2004 9:35:17 AM PST by mom3boys (God bless the USA!)
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To: NEPA

Oh I agree it makes sense. I just can't imagine they are the most attractive of accessories. Probably more practical then stylish. :-)


105 posted on 12/08/2004 9:35:43 AM PST by retrokitten (Do you want to hear the horrifying truth or see me hit a few zingers??)
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To: JCEccles; Alouette

Maybe she is referring to Yeshiva the way Christians talk about Sunday school.

She attended Erasmus Hall HS. Which is where I would have had to go if I had attended public school.


106 posted on 12/08/2004 9:36:07 AM PST by Gabz
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To: Recovering Hermit

Ooohhh! I love that one!

And "The Restroom Door Said Gentlemen"
(need to go find the lyrics)


107 posted on 12/08/2004 9:36:12 AM PST by najida (Aunt to Miss Emily Ann- Cutest Baby in the World.)
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To: Alouette

Kinda like the songs on your worst list!


108 posted on 12/08/2004 9:36:50 AM PST by altura
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To: presidio9

"Jingle Bells" is one of my favorite carols, probably my first favorite, in the sense that I was trying to sing it even before I could pronounce "jingle"...I kept singing "doo-wah", Mom says. I even like Barbra's version. I do still stand by my contention that that recording should be declared the official Christmas carol for the hyperactive.


109 posted on 12/08/2004 9:37:07 AM PST by RichInOC (Barbra Streisand...one of the few people on earth who's actually capable of sneezing her brains out.)
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To: mom3boys

LOL! I like that one.


110 posted on 12/08/2004 9:39:42 AM PST by TXBubba ( Democrats: If they don't abort you then they will tax you to death.)
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To: retrokitten
I just can't imagine they are the most attractive of accessories.

No, that's why it was a perfect "Grandma" purse!

Even worse though were the ugly Army issued eye glasses. They were black frames and were known as "RPGs" or "rape prevention glasses".

111 posted on 12/08/2004 9:42:32 AM PST by NEPA
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Comment #112 Removed by Moderator

To: presidio9

I have another besides that annoying Feed The World song by Band Aid.

It is: anything by Manheim Steamroller

My oppologies to Rush Limbaugh because I know he like their music, but I H-A-T-E- Manheim Steamroller. I find their Christmas music very annoying. To me it's like dragging your nails across a chalk board.


113 posted on 12/08/2004 9:43:51 AM PST by NavyCanDo
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To: VRWCmember
...even worse is that hideous piece of tripe from Paul McCartney "Simply Havin' a Wonderful Christmas Time".

Yeah, that one *is* a steaming pile. So is Springsteen's version of Santa Claus Is Coming To Town.

I've also got to mention Stevie Nicks' version of Silent Night. Her voice is well suited to the song, and the arrangement is fairly traditional, but she just *had* to go and cut out the third stanza. You know, the part that goes:
"Son of God, love's pure light. Radiant beams from Thy holy face, with the dawn of redeeming grace.".

I guess that part was offensive to her.

114 posted on 12/08/2004 9:44:30 AM PST by Charles Martel ("Diplomats. The best diplomat I know of is a fully loaded phaser bank" - Cdr. Montgomery Scott)
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To: anonymous_user

How about Mr. Garrison's "Merry F'ing Christmas?"


115 posted on 12/08/2004 9:44:35 AM PST by dfwgator (It's sad that the news media treats Michael Jackson better than our military.)
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To: NEPA

LOL!!!


116 posted on 12/08/2004 9:44:52 AM PST by retrokitten (Do you want to hear the horrifying truth or see me hit a few zingers??)
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To: VRWCmember
The Top 5: Nat King Cole's "The Christmas Song," Burl Ives' "Holly Jolly Christmas," Celine Dion's "O Holy Night," Bobby Helms' "Jingle Bell Rock" and John Lennon's "Happy Christmas (War Is Over)."

I would have had Darlene Love's "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)" in there. Especially ahead of ANYTHING by Celine Dion.

117 posted on 12/08/2004 9:45:59 AM PST by presidio9 (Islam is as Islam does)
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To: presidio9

Where I work, I hear so many bad renditions of Christmas songs, it is not funny. I am just glad that I do not know all of the performers. Among the more annoying ones are Celine Dion shouting, Ann Murray singing her consonants, (O commmmmme all ye faithful-a big no-no for anyone that has ever sung in any good choir) and some black performer (Whitney Houston perhaps?)shouting, grunting and howling like a sick coyote through several Christmas standards. Hearing butchered Christmas songs by serious performers only serves to point out the general lack of real talent in pop music today.


118 posted on 12/08/2004 9:46:46 AM PST by yawningotter
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To: Skooz

FIVE GOLDEN TOUKES!!!


119 posted on 12/08/2004 9:47:52 AM PST by presidio9 (Islam is as Islam does)
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To: Skooz
My favorite song of all time, when performed by the songwriter, Don Francisco.

Is that the same guy that does "Sabado Gigante?"

120 posted on 12/08/2004 9:48:00 AM PST by dfwgator (It's sad that the news media treats Michael Jackson better than our military.)
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To: presidio9

Oh, you better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout I'm tellin you why...Santa Claus is DEAD!

My favorite!


121 posted on 12/08/2004 9:50:35 AM PST by cyclotic (Cub Scouts-Teach 'em young to be men, and politically incorrect in the process)
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To: N. Theknow

I really enjoy them.


122 posted on 12/08/2004 9:51:00 AM PST by MamaB (mom to an angel)
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To: JCEccles

Shouldn't the word "Lamb" be capitalized in your post?


123 posted on 12/08/2004 9:51:03 AM PST by presidio9 (Islam is as Islam does)
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To: FrankWild
"What did he [Lennon] find in her [Yoko] anyway?"

She was an Asian woman with big tits.
124 posted on 12/08/2004 9:51:28 AM PST by Steve_Seattle
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To: FrankWild

Awful..every one of them.


125 posted on 12/08/2004 9:51:28 AM PST by jusduat (I am a strange and recurring anomaly)
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To: Steve_Seattle

"Christmastime Is Here Again" by the Beatles! Still gear & fab to me!


126 posted on 12/08/2004 9:52:54 AM PST by MrLee
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To: tahoeblue

speaking of American Idol (I mean you were, right?), I just got Clay Aiken's new Christmas album and it's greeeeeaaaaatttt! of course, I'm a huge Clay fan...but I agree with the dogs barking jingle bells - it drives me nuts!


127 posted on 12/08/2004 9:53:22 AM PST by BamaDi
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To: presidio9

Nothing like traditional Christmas carols sung by Jewish singers like Brbra or Neil Diamond!


128 posted on 12/08/2004 9:53:26 AM PST by Revolting cat! (//?/)
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To: dfwgator
My favorite song of all time, when performed by the songwriter, Don Francisco.

Is that the same guy that does "Sabado Gigante?"

That was my thought, too! LOL!! That show has everything.

129 posted on 12/08/2004 9:53:28 AM PST by retrokitten (Do you want to hear the horrifying truth or see me hit a few zingers??)
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To: Muzzle_em; hchutch
My favorite is Weird Al Yankovic's Christmas at Ground Zero.
130 posted on 12/08/2004 9:53:33 AM PST by Poohbah (Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of their women!)
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To: Steve_Seattle
"What did he [Lennon] find in her [Yoko] anyway?"

Also, she was part of that international, left-wing, avant-garde artsy crowd that Lennon always wanted to be part of.
131 posted on 12/08/2004 9:53:56 AM PST by Steve_Seattle
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To: fritzz
Let me guess, your favorite is the Nutcracker.

Close. It's the Handel "Messiah."

I'm not Christian, I just enjoy good music.

132 posted on 12/08/2004 9:54:50 AM PST by Alouette ("Who is for the LORD, come with me!" -- Mattisyahu ben Yohanon, father of Judah Maccabee)
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To: presidio9

The Chipmunks sing a very annoying Christmas song, and let's not forget about "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer"! Those are my top two contenders for most annoying Christmas song.


133 posted on 12/08/2004 9:55:15 AM PST by tob2 (Old fossil and proud of it.)
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To: Nowhere Man
everytime Linus reads from the Bible about the true meaning of Christmas in the auditorium, I get a tingle in my spine and a warm feeling in my heart. BTW, that reminds me, had to pull a 12 hour day yesterday but taped "Peanuts," I got to watch it

Good thing you taped it. It is only a matter of time before that scene gets cut from the original.

134 posted on 12/08/2004 9:55:39 AM PST by presidio9 (Islam is as Islam does)
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To: Skooz
Paul McCartney "Simply Havin' a Wonderful Christmas Time".

Actually, I like that one. Very much a McCartney type of simple, but catchy song. Maybe I'm the only one who likes it.

135 posted on 12/08/2004 9:56:53 AM PST by IonInsights
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To: Poohbah

There was a Christmas song out a while back where the whole song was someone laughing ho ho ho ha ha ha, or something like that! Anyone remember the same & "artist"?


136 posted on 12/08/2004 9:57:08 AM PST by MrLee
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To: cyclotic

What about Weird Al's all time classic about a Nuclear Winter...Christmas at Ground Zero.


137 posted on 12/08/2004 9:57:16 AM PST by cyclotic (Cub Scouts-Teach 'em young to be men, and politically incorrect in the process)
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To: Hoodlum91
(it either ruins the myth for the kiddies or convinces them mommy is cheating on daddy.UGH!)

< snif > ... you mean there's no Santa Claus?

138 posted on 12/08/2004 9:57:41 AM PST by Colonel_Flagg ("There's nothing more dangerous than a wounded mosquito." - Roy Spim, AKA Eric Idle)
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To: tahoeblue

Oh no!


139 posted on 12/08/2004 9:57:58 AM PST by tob2 (Old Fossil and Proud of It!)
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To: Poohbah

Great, I read to 129 and saw that nobody mentioned ground zero, so I thought, Gee, I should put that one in. Refreshed and see that you beat me to it on post 130.

Thanks for ruining my day...or, sick minds think alike.


140 posted on 12/08/2004 9:59:16 AM PST by cyclotic (Cub Scouts-Teach 'em young to be men, and politically incorrect in the process)
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To: dfwgator
Is that the same guy that does "Sabado Gigante?"

No. This one is a Gospel singer/songwriter. He's from Colorado.

141 posted on 12/08/2004 9:59:30 AM PST by Skooz (The "holiday" has a name.)
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To: Aeronaut; fritzz
Oooh, I was just about to add that one. For me, fingernails on the blackboard.

I'll one-up you: Madonna's version of Santa Baby.

142 posted on 12/08/2004 9:59:49 AM PST by presidio9 (Islam is as Islam does)
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To: presidio9
The worst has got to be this one, I cring everytime I hear it.
I farted on Santa's knee

Mom made beans for dinner
you know i ate em all
said come get your coat on
goin to the mall gona visit santa
and sit apon his knee
but all that I could think about
was how not to cut the cheese
waiting there for santa
thought that id explode
the gas bubble grew bigger
with every ho ho ho
try my best to hide that I was doing swell
but when Isat down on santas lap he hollard whats that smell !
~chorus~
I farted on santas lap
now Christmas is gonna stink for me I farted on santas lap

now ill get &*&*&*& under my Christmas tree
I asked him for a baseball
I asked him for a bat
I asked him for some ice skates
but I'll get none of that
I asked him for a lot of things
I'll have to do with out
when i sat down on santas lap
I let one slip out
~chorus~
On Christmas eve I snuck out
of my bed with out a sound
went down to the living room to take a look around
and then I saw santa next to the Christmas tree
his arms were full of presents and they were all for me
put them in a pile got up to turn around
then blew a fart with such great force our tree all most
so I'll always charish that special moment when
I realized even old saint nick rips one now and then
~chorus~

143 posted on 12/08/2004 9:59:55 AM PST by boxerblues
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To: presidio9
I just heard a female redition of "Happy Holidays", while shopping at a variety store. Very unobtrusive and forgetable...'til the end. She quits singing and says "Happy Holidays" a couple of times, then starts singing "Happy etc" again. The song mercifully ends there.

About a 7 on the Yikes scale.

144 posted on 12/08/2004 10:00:48 AM PST by muleskinner
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To: CougarGA7
"...its on his "Twisted Christmas" album."

Is that the one that also has "Police Stopped my Car" sung to the tune of "Feliz Navidad"? I kind of like that one.

145 posted on 12/08/2004 10:01:15 AM PST by Hatteras
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To: FrankWild
"Lennon also became more lazy."

Anyone with a guitar can sit down and in a couple of hours crank out songs as good as "My Mommy's Dead", "Working Class Hero," "God", or "Well, Well, Well." If Lennon didn't already have a reputation and a ready audience - if he was just some guy starting out - those songs never would have been published or recorded.
146 posted on 12/08/2004 10:01:17 AM PST by Steve_Seattle
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To: jwfiv
I've got a weak spot for the Jingle Cats Go Tell It on the Mountain. But then again, I have no taste.

Best Christmas song ever?


147 posted on 12/08/2004 10:01:46 AM PST by Serb5150 (Christlich leben selig sterben ist das beste das wir erben.)
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To: NavyCanDo

For me it's "Merry Christmas" by the waitresses. Makes me want to run out and buy them some tranquilizers.


148 posted on 12/08/2004 10:01:47 AM PST by presidio9 (Islam is as Islam does)
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To: VRWCmember

Actually, I like Paul McCartney's "Simply Having A Wonderful Christmas Time". Makes me feel happy.


149 posted on 12/08/2004 10:02:12 AM PST by Ciexyz (I use the term Blue Cities, not Blue States. PA is red except for Philly, Pgh & Erie.)
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To: Gabz
Maybe she is referring to Yeshiva the way Christians talk about Sunday school.

That's a sensible explanation.

The larger substantive point remains that under liberal pressure Christmas has been methodically gutted of any spiritual significance that once bound most Americans to its common public cultural focus. The only "Christmas" music really allowed without protest in the public sphere today is the puerile and the profane.

Even many conservatives are complicit in the destruction of the tradition. Sing "O Holy Night" with reverence in public and the ACLU will seek an injunction before you get to the word "stars." But allow cartoon character Eric Cartman to take the public stage and spew the most foul and corrupted version of it that can be imagined and we guffaw, applaud, and whistle our approval while the ACLU turns blithely away with tacit approval.

I can enjoy a good joke and a funny song or Christmas sketch as well as the next person. In the 70s Cheech & Chong did a very funny bit about Santa using magic dust to get "real small"; the restaurant scene in "A Christmas Story" in which a Chinese crew sings "deck the hawrs with berrs of horry, fa ra ra ra ra ra" always cracks me up too. But that silly stuff was adjunct to the Christmas season when I was a child. The underlying foundation of the season remained the birth of Jesus Christ, an event that most of us celebrated and shared communally in a reserved and dignified fashion.

Now all that's left is the profane and silly stuff lest our quiet, dignified cultural celebration offend atheists and other Christophobe liberals.

150 posted on 12/08/2004 10:03:30 AM PST by JCEccles
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