Married, without children: Finding fulfillment with no kids

Rocky Mountain News ^ | 1/3/05 | Mark Wolf

[wardaddy]

Your's and many others expediency and survival exceptions are noted.

I do however know plenty of women...mostly non-Southern who need validating outside the home.

Another trend I've noticed are stay at home moms who do not raise their kids (and some are Southern). They play tennis, shop and join women's groups to talk about being women. I have a number of them on my street. Wives of doctors and lawyers and such.

Regards and good luck with the keyboard.

[Abigail Adams]

I am not a fem-bot. But I do not want to be told that as a woman, my only contribution to society is to breed.

Some women have brilliant minds, special skills, wonderful ideas. And it would be a shame if we returned to the days were women were relegated to the kitchen and nursery.

Certainly there is something to be said for a woman staying at home with young children, if it is possible and if she wants to. But that doesn't mean she can't have a rewarding career if she wants one.

This is the twenty-first century, is it not?

I'm still waiting for someone to explain how not having kids is selfish.

Obviously, I feel strongly about this topic because we have decided not to have kids. If women's only value to society is to breed, and I'm not breeding, then I guess my life is worthless. (sarcasm off)

[ThinkDifferent]

Wages would then increase.

Lump of labor fallacy.

[Abigail Adams]

I looked it up and you are right. In 1915 the death rate was 6% in childbirth. I think I was recalling a statistic I heard on a program about the time of Henry VIII, which was a few hundred years ago.

[k2blader]

Well, it's probably just one of the many reasons some married folks don't want kids. I don't see anything wrong with it.

And tantrums I'm familiar with to a certain degree. My little niece, whom I love more than any other child in the world, has lately been attempting to get somewhat expert at them...

And please don't get me wrong. I understand that even the best parents sometimes can't control their kids' behavior. It seems a safe bet that all of us were brats in public at one time or another when we were kids. :-)

And then there are probably at least a few downright evil children out there who may never have the capacity to learn to control themselves. But that might be veering a bit off topic...

[k2blader]

What we see when we see that, is the result of bad choices by parents. It is not ipso facto proof that bringing children into the world is a bad thing.

I never argued it is.

I bet a dollar, not a one of them had a stay at home mama; nor was one home schooled.

You're probably right about home-schooled kids being well-behaved. But substitute "stay at home mama" with "stay at home welfare mama" and the picture changes a bit...

[zoobee]

Did I say having kids would guarentee companionship? Nope, I didn't. The only thing it does is increase your chances.

So does being outgoing and liking people.

[whd23]

I wish I had my son earlier!

[whd23]

I am a Hospice nurse...

My father passed away at home in July. We had some wonderful help from the Hospice. You are doing a great service to the dying and their families. Thank you very much!

[A Ruckus of Dogs]

There have always been people who were unsuitable as parents, even fifty years ago. Children did get beat up or abused by bad parents. HOwever, the social pressure back then was far greater to have children. That the pressure has been ameliorated, that we acknowledge some people should not be parents, speaks to progress, not scandal.

[PGalt]

Interesting comments. Thanks for the post.

[A Ruckus of Dogs]

You don't need to justify yourself to anyone. Ignore the "you're selfish" crowd as they cannot accept anything outside their narrow worldview and must resort to judgements and insults. It's a shame that there's so much of that on FR.

I am glad you've made the best peace possible with your situation.

[exnavychick]

I think that might be covered on a thread or two around here, if I'm not mistaken. :)

[WolfRunnerWoman]

It warms the cockles of my “selfish, immature” heart to know that people like
you fret over people like me living a long time and your kids having to be taxed
to death to pay for it. (-;

Here’s a clue for you. My grandmother lived to be 95 and my mother is 70
and still goes hiking.

[hopespringseternal]

It warms the cockles of my “selfish, immature” heart to know that people like you fret over people like me living a long time and your kids having to be taxed to death to pay for it. (-;

Why? I won't give it another thought. But I guess there go your conservative credentials.

[WolfRunnerWoman]

Bwahahaha.
I'm not worried about my "conservative credentials" and neither am I expecting anything from social insecurity and have planned accordingly. I'm just glad that some of the folks taking people to task for remaining childfree are worried about it.

[CSM]

"At eighteen, I got to watch my daughter walk down the aisle."

WOW! You must have been a miracle baby to have had the ability to procreate!

[EternalVigilance]

I guess you missed the context! ;-)

I was responding to the poster who was talking about the joys associated with their sixteen year-old dog! LOL...

[Aquinasfan]

Why do parents think they need to pay for college in the first place?

Good point. It's often simply assumed.

[Sam Cree]

Thanks for your reply.

I saw a statistic that said that in 1900 there were 850 deaths of mothers in childbirth per 100,000 births. Apparently in those days some women, on discovering their pregnancy, would write heart wrenching letters (to be opened in case of death) of goodbye to their loved ones.

Actually, I happen to think that lots of people shouldn't even get married (at least to each other), much less have kids. OTOH, when it all comes together, it is precious beyond description.

My mother, who was quite religious, often said that our main reason for being on earth was perpetuation of the species. I personally don't argue with that.

Still, being a parent is not the right thing for many.