Downcast Democrats turn to Hillary as Mideast Dominoes Tumble
by JohnHuang2
Can you believe what they've been saying about her lately? Boy, oh boy. They tell us she's smart. That's she's independent. Savvy. Articulate. That she's tough. Unflinching. Strong-willed. Well-read. Very experienced in government. Has great people skills. Can frame issues brilliantly. Knows her mind. Drives her enemies into paroxysms of babbling fury, while she remains poised and secure. Just look at the way she carries herself!
But enough about Condi. Just mention her name, and Hillary gets fainting spells. (On a more positive note, Hillary nabbed best actress Oscar as co-star in the fake Bill Clinton marriage.)
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Take the dizzying four weeks since Condi Rice was sworn into her new job at State. Eight million Iraqis, braving bombs and bullets, turn out to vote for Bush's evil oil buddies, a massive show of defiance against Saddam's Baathist holdouts, al-Qaeda and the New York Times; in Lebanon, demonstrators take to the streets in huge numbers to protest Syrian occupation, demanding democracy modeled after the Great Satan's; Condi embarks on a hugely successful tour overseas, prompting a massive attack by Baathist holdouts at the Washington Post, calling her a 'Dominatrix', with her "pair of knee-high boots" with the "high, slender heel," her "black skirt that hit just above the knee" and "black coat that fell mid-calf"; Bush's European trip last week proved a smashing success; then, over the weekend, Egypt's Hosni Mubarak announces plans to hold open, multiparty elections for president and on Monday Syria's puppet government in Lebanon resigns, saying it wants to spend more time with its family. Never underestimate the impact of Condi's boots.
All of this on the heels of Damascus's recent announcement that it will pull all remaining troops from Lebanon and work to implement Security Council resolution 1559 which calls for withdrawal of all foreign troops from Lebanon -- obviously the result of pressure from Dominatrix.
On the other hand, Russia and Iran did sign a nuclear deal this week and a suicide car bomber blasted a throng of Iraqi police and national guard recruits on Monday, so it's not like all the news has been bad for Democrats.
Yet, even Bush's harshest critics concede there's been a sea-change since the Iraqi elections. Bush's visit to Europe was cast as 'fence- mending', but anyone with two synapses firing could see it was really a victory lap (though things got a bit testy at one point when Bush refused even a sip of Putin's Ukrainian soup). Saddam never purported his elections were democratic -- only American reporters did that -- so the sight of millions of Iraqis casting ballots freely, holding up purple fingers and dancing in the streets gave Hillary heartburn. Two years ago, during her tour of Iraq to boost morale, Hillary told a group of soldiers they were losing support back home and she wasn't convinced they could win. "We have to exert all of our efforts militarily, but the outcome is not assured," she told soldiers, patting them on the head. What a difference an election makes. Two years later, touring Iraq with John McCain, she pronounced the 'insurgency' a failure, meaning she's racked up more positions on Iraq than Kerry.
Speaking to reporters, Hillary made it clear she's rooting for America, rooting for our soldiers, and hoping for total victory in Iraq (a performance which won her a second best actress Oscar Sunday.)
Then, inserting her foot in mouth on Meet the Press, she said Iran may be influencing Iraq. But the 'problem', as the dimmest Iranian Mullah will tell you, appears to be the other way around: Iraq's fledgling democracy influencing the neighborhood. Freedom, striking at first in limited, contained outbreaks, mostly in Afghanistan, Palestine and Iraq, now threatens to spread to the whole Arab population. The epidemic is advancing so quickly, it's hard to keep up, even on an hour-to-hour basis. (At this pace, democracy could even reach the U.S. Senate, allowing votes on Bush's judges.) And to think this whole thing was cooked up by a 'dummy' who's been beating Democrats like rented Maureen Dowds for 10 years.
And the irony here. While Zarqawi and Teddy Kennedy hope car bombs in Baghdad halt the march of democracy there, a car bomb paves the way for democracy in Lebanon. The tumble of Mideast dominoes is every liberal's worse nightmare.
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In fact, things are so bleak for Democrats, they're still talking about GANNONGATE. While Bush hunts down terrorists, Democrats hunt down Jeff Gannon. While Bush gives dictators dental exams, Democrats examine Gannon's sex life. Democrats say the problem isn't just that Gannon's gay, that he's also a security issue -- Democrats only want George Bush to be safe (if you believe that, I won an Oscar for . . . ) . That a "nut-job" like Gannon is such a threat to the President, Bush would be safer in the company of Howard Dean. And that Gannon is nothing but a 'mouthpiece' for Bush. Soooooo, Gannon is a threat to Bush and a stooge for Bush who should've been background checked for gayness and government should stay out of the bedroom (just in case you're confused).
And when not peeking through Gannon's bedroom window, Democrats are talking about Hillary '08. Hillary, who tried to take the White House with her to Chappaqua, thinks that America can't wait to have Clinton back in the White House. And her husband. In '04, Democrats ran a Northeastern liberal and lost, so the party could really use a Northeastern liberal. Hillary's already positioning herself as the Clinton who can keep her zipper zipped.
"I don't know if she'll run or not," Bill told reporters over the weekend (the subject never comes up!), adding that if you want someone who's "at least as good as I was," Hillary's your man. Bill can't find Hillary's presidential aspirations, but it was hard to find her billing records too, if I recall. Hillary wouldn't know where her private memos went, but she could find Osama. Didn't have a clue how she got into Whitewater, so she'd be great reforming intelligence. She made truckloads in cattle futures, doesn't know where the money went, so she'd be a natural with the budget. (Michael Jackson doesn't know how porno mags got into Neverland, so he can be Hillary's running-mate.)
"If she did run and she was able to win, she'd make a very, very good president," said Bill. He made his remarks while on a three-day visit to Japan last week. He then went to Singapore and Taiwan (after getting an 'ok' from his probation officer).
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Democrats are confident that Hillary's candidacy means the next Commander-in-Chief will be a woman. And for once I agree. The woman's name is Condi Rice.
Anyway, that's...
My two cents
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Let's see. What is the crisis of the day? It could be terrorism and its random threat. Or the economy and the fear that we will run out of money before we run out of time. Maybe it's a personal crisis with no foreseeable solution-a tragedy or a failure too great to bear. 
