Skip to comments.Why VERY INTELLIGENT Men Fail With Women
Posted on 04/10/2005 3:32:35 PM PDT by paltz
The Ten Reasons Why HIGHLY INTELLIGENT Men Fail With Women... AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT... You know that you're a little different than other guys. And when you're RIGHT more often than others, you can get ahead in many situations. They find a new situation... one that fits their strength. They know they'll be right next time, so they just walk away... knowing that it won't be long before they're right again. In short, many smart guys refuse to accept that a good, solid, workable answer could come from someone "dumber" than them, so they discount any idea that comes from an "obviously less intelligent person" before trying it. It's as if they have logically reasoned that social skills are for lower beings who need to play games... and not worth the time it would take to learn them. REASON #4: THEY PSYCH THEMSELVES OUT If you're trying to fix something, you can keep working on it until it's fixed. "physical" level smoothly and easily.
I've been teaching men how to become more successful with women and dating for a several years now... and one "problem scenario" just keeps coming up OVER AND OVER... and OVER and OVER and OVER again...
...and it really amazes me.
I'm going to refer to it as "The Genius Failure Paradox".
"The Genius Failure Paradox" is the tendency for UNUSUALLY intelligent men to have very LOW levels of success with women and dating.
After contemplating this particular paradox, discussing it, and working on it for an awesome amount of time, I'd like to share my thoughts about it with you.
I assume that if you've read this far, then you see probably yourself as smarter than the average guy.
You probably realized at a young age that you saw things differently, and thought differently than others in school...
And you've probably realized that your smart mind gives you an advantage over others in many areas of life...
Your smart mind gives you a particular type of advantage that can be very, very powerful in life: YOU'RE USUALLY RIGHT.
Smart people get used to being "right", because they usually ARE right.
But unfortunately, this smart mind of yours can actually be WORSE than USELESS when it comes to a key area of life:
WOMEN AND DATING.
By the way, I did say WORSE than useless.
It can actually be like having a hammer when you need to tighten a bolt. If you use the tool you have for the job, you'll most likely make the situation WORSE.
Of course, it's hard for a smart guy to even IMAGINE a situation where his smart mind could HURT his chances for success...
But trust me, this is one of those situations.
So relax, open your smart mind, and let me share with you the ten reasons why smart guys fail with women... and what to do about it.
REASON #1: THEY'RE WRONG, BUT THEY CAN'T OR WON'T SEE IT OR ADMIT IT
I mentioned that smart guys are used to being RIGHT in most situations.
And what do most smart guys do when they come across a situation where they're WRONG?
(OR they let the "problem situation" destroy them... more on that later.)
Well, the BITCH about being wrong when it comes to women and dating is THERE'S NOWHERE TO RUN AND HIDE.
There's no quick "I'm right" around the next corner to make you feel better.
It only takes "failing" with a few women in a row for a smart guy to see the pattern... and realize that something isn't working.
Solution? Think harder.
A smart guy just assumes that his logic must be good... so he just keeps thinking harder.
But when no success comes, it really starts to become mentally difficult.
Accepting that you're wrong is a VERY hard thing for a "smart guy".
Accepting that you're not only wrong, but you have NO CLUE WHERE TO EVEN START is even more difficult.
Ultimately, many smart guys come up with the following logical conclusion:
I AM A SMART GUY, THEREFORE IF I CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO BE SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN AND DATING, THEN THE PROBLEM MUST NOT BE SOLVABLE OR WORTH SOLVING.
Try that on for a self-defeating idea.
REASON #2: THEY'RE BLIND AND ARROGANT
Let me ask you a question:
If you were going to be walking across Africa on foot, would you rather have your guide be the guy on this planet with the highest I.Q., or a caveman who lived a million years ago that had an I.Q. of about 50... but who grew up being chased by lions and all kinds of animals that wanted to eat him all his life?
It's an interesting question.
Now, hopefully you'd like to have the guide who isn't the smartest guy around... but who has escaped from many, many dangerous situations with deadly animals...
But now let me ask you:
If you'd like to learn how to be more successful with women and dating, would you take advice from a guy who isn't very intelligent, but who knows how to attract women?
There's something about being smart that makes some guys unwilling to accept input, ideas, or instruction from anyone who isn't either as smart or smarter than them.
Well, any SMART GUY can see the folly in this particular approach... once it's examined closely.
If you've been making this mistake, then you need to STOP IT. Stop being an arrogant bastard, and open your eyes.
Learn from some "dumb" guys... and let them teach you how to get what you REALLY want.
REASON #3: POOR SOCIAL SKILLS
It BLOWS MY MIND how many smart guys I meet that just don't GET IT when it comes to basic social skills.
In fact, I believe that there are a lot of smart guys running around this planet who don't even have "social skills" and "be a cool guy that people like" in their "MENTAL MODEL" of what it could possibly take to be successful with women and dating.
Social skills are just that... SKILLS.
They're not social INFORMATION.
They're not social THEORIES.
They're social SKILLS.
And you don't get them by THINKING about them. You get them by GETTING them.
Excellent social skills are the foundation for good communication with other humans... and if you don't have good social skills, you dramatically lower your chances for success with women.
Smart guys do something that fascinates the hell out of me...
They come up with all the reasons why everything WON'T WORK when it comes to women and dating.
They actually figure out why what they would like to do will probably fail...
They use their amazing creative imaginations to imagine all kinds of horrible pictures and scenes... and then they use those imaginary outcomes to create negative emotions... which ultimately stop them from having success with women and dating.
THEY DON'T EVEN TRY.
Now, if you've thought something through and come up with a good reason why it would fail, it makes sense to not do it, right?
I mean, why would you want to do things that are going to fail?
It's sound logic, but HORRIBLE thinking when it comes to the REAL WORLD... and success with women.
Because smart guys don't UNDERSTAND women, and they don't UNDERSTAND what it takes to be successful with women, they are working with bad figures. They're wrong before they even start figuring!
Using your mind to come up with all the reasons why things won't work in this area of your life leads to ULTIMATE FAILURE.
You must learn to overcome this habit if you have it.
REASON #5: THEY SEEK ONLY "INFORMATIONAL SOLUTIONS"
What does a smart guy do when he runs into a problem... or he needs to figure something out?
He looks for INFORMATION to help him solve the problem.
MORE INFORMATION is always the answer.
Information is the friend of a smart guy.
Got a strange virus on your computer? Just hop on the internet and search for how to eliminate it.
Don't know how to change the alternator on your car? No prob. Just buy the manual and turn to page 147.
Don't know the definition of a word? Open up your dictionary.
MORE INFORMATION solves the problem.
So what do smart guys do when it comes to overcoming a problem with women?
They want MORE INFORMATION.
They think the answer lies in learning just ONE MORE TECHNIQUE... or one more magic concept.
Well what if there were a situation in life where the "get more information" strategy actually made things WORSE?
How would you even know that it was making things worse?
Now, I don't want to suggest that learning more about how to be successful with women is a bad thing. It's not.
But if you have a problem that is EMOTIONAL or PHYSICAL in nature, then reading five million theories on it probably isn't going to help you very much.
You need to get out in the real world and try some stuff!
You need to look at the REAL problem... the ROOT of the problem.
When it comes to women and dating, there's a very good chance that you have MORE than enough "information".
Smart guys often use "more information" to distract them from TAKING ACTION.
I've heard this referred to as "Creative Avoidance".
Nod silently if you've ever figured out a creative way to avoid facing something in your life.
Good, thank you.
REASON #6: THEY FOCUS ON LOGIC INSTEAD OF EMOTION
NEWS JUST IN: Women don't feel ATTRACTION for men who make them THINK.
Women feel ATTRACTION for men who make them FEEL.
So what do most smart guys do when they first meet a woman?
They get into a LOGICAL CONVERSATION.
I'm shaking my head right now...
Smart men try to engage women in LOGICAL conversations and interactions because that's where THEY feel comfortable... not knowing that they're SHOOTING THELSEVES IN THE FOOT by doing it!
Get this: A monkey sitting at a typewriter will type the collected works of Shakespeare before you will make a woman feel ATTRACTION for you by engaging her in logical conversation.
When you start a logical conversation with a woman you've just met, you are basically taking out a NEON SIGN that says "I don't get it when it comes to women" and putting it on your head.
Typical "logical" conversations include talking about work, family, school, and jobs... discussing politics, religion, weather... and anything that has to do with math, science, or INTELLIGENCE.
On the other hand, if you start talking to a woman and you say "OK, so tell me something... Why is it that all women say that they want sweet, nice guys... but they all date sexy, selfish bad boys?" (and then make fun of any answer she gives) you're having an EMOTIONAL conversation.
If you don't know what I'm talking about, keep reading. You need more help than I thought.
REASON #7: THEY'RE NOT USED TO THE CHALLENGE OF THE MOMENT
Smart people usually have time to THINK about things.
If you're taking a test, you can sit there and work out the answers.
If you have a math problem, you can work on it until you've figured it out.
Smart guys are used to being able to take at least a LITTLE bit of time to prepare and show off their "good sides" in most situations.
Not so with women...
If you don't know what to do at every step along the way, you'll be shut down very quickly.
Women have an AMAZING "He doesn't get it" radar system.
Women have all kinds of subtle and ingenious tests that they throw at men to separate the "get its" from the "don't get its".
And if you don't get it, then you're going to fail one of these tests VERY quickly.
But the worst part is that you won't ever KNOW that you were being tested... OR that you failed.
Smart guys aren't used to dealing with complex EMOTIONAL and COMMUNICATION challenges in the moment... and especially the "women and dating" kind.
One of they keys to becoming more successful with women and dating is learning to handle all of the tests that women throw at you effortlessly.
But before you can learn how to deal with the tests, you must first learn how to communicate on an emotional level, how to demonstrate that you have fundamental social skills, and how to keep your cool in the moment.
REASON #8: THEY THINK THAT DOING "NICE" THINGS IS THE "SMART WAY"
OK, let me ask you a trick question:
If I told you that you were going to have a date with the supermodel of your choice, which of the following would you choose as a "smart" way of preparing:
1) Find out what her favorite type of flowers are, and show up with a dozen of them so she would be "wowed".
2) Learn about her favorite travel destination so you could discuss it with her.
3) Find out what her favorite type of food is so you could take her to dinner... and she could see that you cared enough to choose something that she enjoyed.
OK, time's up. Which did you choose?
Now, I already mentioned that this was a TRICK question.
The answer is NONE OF THE ABOVE.
These three options all seemed logical, right?
I mean, why WOULDN'T you want to show up with her favorite flowers?
Why WOULDN'T you want to talk about her favorite places to travel?
Why WOULDN'T you want to take her to eat her favorite foods so she enjoyed herself?
Go with me here...
Smart guys think that they're being CLEVER when they do things like buying a woman her favorite flowers... and bringing them to the FIRST DATE.
In their minds, they're thinking "I'm going to be the guy who is thinking ahead... and I'm going to show up with the flowers that I KNOW she loves... and she's going to see them and like me more because of it".
Makes sense... good math, right?
Well the one teensy-weensy mistake that these "smart" guys make is not realizing that it doesn't actually take a smart person to think like this!
In fact, ANY jackass can figure out how to kiss a woman's ass.
And guess what?
WOMEN KNOW THIS!
And guess what else?
EVERY WUSSBAG DOES THIS STUFF.
An intelligent guy, in his proud arrogance, will think he's being such the charmer by using this "thoughtful" approach...
...and the woman he is chasing will interpret it as just another Wussy who's trying to MANIPULATE her.
Ouch. Another blow to intelligence.
Reason #9: ALWAYS NEEDING TO BE THE EXPERT
Have you ever met a smart guy who always needed to be "right"?
Have you ever met someone who would actually argue with you about something they knew nothing about... and make a fool of themselves because they just couldn't shut their "smart mouths"?
Over the last few years helping guys improve their success with women, I see this one pattern over and over again...
Smart guys don't like to be "beginners" at ANYTHING.
They don't like the idea of screwing up... especially if others are watching.
They want to maintain this "smart guy" image of themselves... so they try to always be "The Expert" at whatever they do.
Instead of saying "Hey, you know what? I'm a beginner at this... how do I do it? What should I do first? What next?"... and instead of being totally OK with screwing up, making mistakes, and making a fool of themselves in front of others in order to LEARN...
...they won't risk embarrassment, failure, or others thinking that they're beginners... so they wind up ultimately FAILING.
MORE NEWS JUST IN: It's OK to be a beginner.
Reason #10: THEY CAN'T DEAL WITH FEAR AND OTHER EMOTIONS
A smart guy's STRENGTH is his MIND.
His WEAKNESS is often his EMOTIONS.
Smart guys are often IMMOBILIZED by FEAR.
And since many smart guys aren't comfortable dealing with things they're not good at, they just repress or RUN away from fear.
Many men would rather DIE in lonely isolation than admit that they don't know how to deal with their emotions... or, GODFORBID, ask for help!
Hey, I went for YEARS like this.
I know what it's like.
But the reality is that any guy can learn to handle and even MASTER his emotions (even fear)... if he just takes the time and effort to learn HOW to do it.
If this is you, then do yourself a big favor... take the time. Take the effort.
Don't worry about what anyone else thinks of you... it doesn't matter.
What matters is you doing the things that YOU need to do FOR YOU.
...I think the reason why I'm so fascinated with "The Genius Failure Paradox" is because I have had to struggle with all of these issues for a lot of years of my life.
Now, I'm not saying that I'm the smartest guy on the planet...
But I don't think mamma raised no fool.
And it always bothered the hell out of me that even though I was so good at figuring things out, I couldn't figure WOMEN out.
Something tells me that you know what I'm talking about.
Well, after beating my head against the wall for a few years... trying all kinds of crazy "logical" stuff... I finally got the "bright" idea to start studying guys who were "naturally" good with women.
Of course, I found out that you could be both NOT SMART, and VERY SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN at the same time.
I also learned that you can be SMART and VERY SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN too.
By carefully studying what the "naturals" did with women... and learning how they "thought" about the topic, I began to realize that success with women wasn't entirely LOGICAL.
Much of what I learned was very tough for me to accept... because my logical brain just didn't want to buy into it.
One thing I saw was guys pushing women away from them... and having the women then chase them in response.
Made no sense at all.
I saw guys tease beautiful women and make jokes about them to their faces... and then watched those women become "little girls" in response... unable to maintain their composure, and therefore unable to maintain their manipulative power...
It took me quite a long time, but I continued to learn, test, and refine what I was learning until I personally figured out how to approach women in any situation... get any woman's number I wanted anytime I wanted... date any type of woman I wanted...
...and most importantly, GET RID of that "empty" feeling that I carried around my whole life because I didn't know how to attract women.
And once I got this area of my own life together, I decided to help other guys get this area of THEIR lives together.
The ultimate result of all this time, effort, and energy is my free Dating Tips Newsletter.
And I'd like to invite you to sign up.
It's free, there's no obligation, I'll never share your email address with anyone, and you can easily remove yourself anytime with no hassles (and no, I'll never pull any of these tricks where I send you a bunch of unwanted junk email when you try to remove yourself).
Of course, it even gets better than that...
In addition to my free Dating Tips newsletter, I also have a killer downloadable eBook that you can download right now and be reading in literally MINUTES from right now.
It's JAM PACKED with dozens and dozens of specific strategies for overcoming fear, approaching women, getting phone numbers and email address from women quickly, great inexpensive or even free date ideas, and how to take things to a
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You know that you're a little different than other guys.
And when you're RIGHT more often than others, you can get ahead in many situations.
They find a new situation... one that fits their strength. They know they'll be right next time, so they just walk away... knowing that it won't be long before they're right again.
In short, many smart guys refuse to accept that a good, solid, workable answer could come from someone "dumber" than them, so they discount any idea that comes from an "obviously less intelligent person" before trying it.
It's as if they have logically reasoned that social skills are for lower beings who need to play games... and not worth the time it would take to learn them.
REASON #4: THEY PSYCH THEMSELVES OUT
If you're trying to fix something, you can keep working on it until it's fixed.
"physical" level smoothly and easily.
There's something paradoxical about a "how-to" book for geniuses that reads as if it's written for six-year-olds.
Intellectuals that need this guide have never been cut by Occam's razor.
Well, its marketing. He is buttering up his client base by reassuring them how smart they are (that they are in fact superior males), validating their lack of success with women, and then presenting himself as the solution to their problem.
David D'Angelo is nothing special at all.
Best of both worlds.
I'm an evil genius.
Well, I do know that back in 1998 I did just about everything wrong when dating a certain woman, and yet somehow she fell in love with me and I fell in love with her and we were happily married until parted by death. Unfortunately, with the woman I've met since then, stupid mistakes (and I still make a lot) seem to send them running.
I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken ;-).
Without strong MORAL VALUES so called "smart men" are pretty dumb....(the same goes for so called "smart women" too.)
I turned out fine with the ladies.
...I think you have the answer right there....
A very intelligent male friend of mine has this problem. He is a nice man, but his lack of social skills turns off people in droves, and has gotten him fired from several jobs.
The "smart guys" referred to in this post aren't very smart. Maybe they are even stupid enough to listen to this guy and buy his materials.
I have always found intelligent men attractive, and am now engaged to one. I call my Common Tator the most intelligent man I've ever met. He has taught me so much, sometimes I feel like I'm Eliza and he's Henry Higgins...:)
Dumb men are a turn off.
Smart men are sexy!
What do you think the odds are that David has never had a date?
I've never understood this phenomenon. I've always thought that "bad boys" is just a euphemism for losers.
#12 Make stallions blush
I was going to say the same thing, except She Who Must Be Obeyed gave me the evil eye about posting something like that.
I've had several women tell me "You're too nice."
So I turned around and said "What the #&^! are you talking about, b*tch?"
Since you're always right, perhaps you could tell us how you fare with the ladies. Or perhaps you are always right because you are a lady?
Proof enough that you are a very smart man...;-)
This sounds like it's a follow-up for that poor guy who finally had a date in DU funnies.
Ewww...that looks like Al Franken.
You're engaged to Common Tator? Seriesly?
Congratulations! I agree with you on Common Tator's intellect. I noticed that some time ago. To me, he's in the top dozen of smarties here. Good on ya! :)
Yep. It's the same marketing approach that made extra-large condoms such a hot item.
There is only ONE mistake that men make when it comes to women. Okay, men. Here is a freebie from Pukin Dog. Do you want to do better with women?
Okay, here it is.
Shut the F&%K up! Stop talking. Let her talk and keep your mouth shut until she invites you to say something. Say it quick, make sure whatever you say is about her; preferably a question about her, then shut up again until the next time she stops talking long enough for you to say something else about her.
Do not talk about yourself at all. It is not about you. Do this, and you cannot fail with women. And pick up the check, you loser.
Hmmmm.....no wonder I'm single. I never talk much at all.....I am naturally very quiet....so this certainly wouldn't work with me.
Don't oversimplify it - a lot of very men who are unsuccessful with women who have overdone the 'let her talk' advice and have just been percieved as girlfriends with a penis - nonthreatening sounding boards that seldom if ever get rewarded with sexual affection.
Without some sexual tension, a good listener becomes the last thing a horny male wants to be: 'a friend.'
Your analysis has some truth; however, there comes a time when a woman WANTS a man to initiate good conversation. This will show her you can initiate OTHER things correctly as well.
Is this board now open for everyone who wants to spam us for a newsletter or a website? Yesterday, there's somebody named Retirement Tim hawking his retirement strategies, which was immediately replied to by some guy pimping organ donations.
Did FR turn into some sort of back-of-the-cheesy-magazine marketplace while I wasn't watching?
What's next? Condom ads? Visectomy Reversal?
All the smart men that I know including the one that I look at in the mirror when I get up in the morning have their feet solldly planted in the nineteenth century. This is a problem because most women have their feet planted in the last half of the twentieth century as well as the century that we are all presently living in. This transcends the red state, blue state thingy. Smart men looking for women who have not progressed are going to have follow the telemarketers and look to outsource from Asia.
Exactly. This is a classic case of a solution in search of a problem. Most smart men I know are happily married and at the risk of sounding presumptous, I include myself among the smart men who are happily married.
There's a lot of "over-explaining" going on in this article!
Of course, but not bad engineers. I think its an oxymoron. Here's an entry I made to the Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.( which didn't win LOL)
She regarded Marvin as he grazed through the salad and smiled weedily at her with the green stuff still stuck in his teeth, explaining as he broke and joined the little oil globules in the vinaigrette that sexual attraction was just about getting close enough to break surface tension, complete with a discussion about miscible properties and formulas detailing the inevitable merging of their globs that left her wondering, how do engineers ever get laid?
I don't disagree with you - I'm just saying that the being a good listener advice, in itself, isn't a good strategy.
Only on Valentines Day, her Birthday and Christmas.
On those days, an 'intelligent man' is sitting in a sports bar with his buddies with a beer in hand, and his cell phone turned OFF.
Most women want someone who is empathetic, yet who know when to drop it and take charge of the situation when necessary. Good looks and money also help a lot, the former more than the latter, though.
Why would a smart man want to?
The old saying "Don't marry out of your class" applies to dating and intelligence too.
The only 'secret' to a smart man being successful with women is to stick to the smart ones.
And fortunately we have come to the right place, because any woman smart enough to hold her own on FR is smart enough to be beyond being 'managed' by a technique or skill set.
Bump to that.