Woman in power is powerless when it comes to meeting men

http://www.mcall.com/ ^ | September 17, 2005 | Amy Alkon

[teldon30]

Dear Amy: I'd like to be in a relationship again, but I never even get asked out (unless you count frisky 85-year-olds and drunks at the corner bar). I'm a 32-year-old woman who's happy, sociable, and attractive. (I paid for college by modeling and continue to take care of myself.) I'm second-in-command at a big company, financially secure, and own a beautiful home. How can I meet men in general, and more specifically, men I'd actually want to date?

Deluxe Chopped Liver

Dear Deluxe: To scare away vampires, it takes garlic and crosses, which make ugly bulges in sleek, satin evening bags. Luckily, all you have to do to scare away men is pull out a business card that says ''senior vice president.''

''Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac,'' said Henry Kissinger. Sure it is — unless you're a woman. Research by Stephanie L. Brown and Brian P. Lewis, published in Evolution and Human Behavior (Nov. '04), seems to confirm what many lonely women at the top already know: When guys go for the woman in the boardroom, it isn't the woman running the meeting but the secretary who wheeled in the coffee and croissants before it started.

Sure, plenty of men will scamper up the corporate ladder for a one-night stand. But, according to Brown and Lewis' study, men looking for dates or relationships tend to prefer their subordinates to their colleagues or bosses. The researchers hypothesize that men evolved to want women they can control as a means of guarding against ''parental uncertainty'' — unwittingly raising kids fathered by the Neanderthal next door as their own. Brown and Lewis think this may also explain why men are suckers for ''behavioral expressions of vulnerability'' — women who act like they might not be able to make it across the street

[apackof2]

I guess we just don't "fit" anywhere, eh?

I think you & I might have to take a road trip...LOL

[bert]

Realization of the futility of her life hits a JAP

[apackof2]

Are you married?

[SauronOfMordor]

Gee I never looked at it that way...I wondered why a man 15 years younger would be hitting on me, considering most men like women younger than themselves.....I guess that could explain it

Back when I was 24 I was dating a woman of 39. What I liked was that she did not play games, knew what she wanted, and was satisfied with what I could do for her. It felt very comfortable

[brbethke]

I get tapped by men 15 yrs younger...

I hate to be the one to tell you, but the young guys who are hitting on you are probably desperately seeking Mommy. Talk to 'em for five minutes and you'll probably discover that they're the sons of divorce, who spent their entire childhoods bouncing back and forth between mom's place, dad's place, and the daycare center.

That's the *good* possibility. The other possibility is -- well, that they see you as a "MILF." That is, there's an idea that has a certain amount of currency among young men, that middle-aged women are easy, because they're so desperate, and they're so grateful for any attention that they won't expect any of that messy commitment stuff along with the sex.

For more information, see "Desperate Housewives," Sundays on ABC.

[FOG724]

The men at the top are marrying down 'cuz they don't want to deal with the female VPs at home as well as at work!

Not true. A lot of exec are tired of being the leader when they get home and want to be dominated. Whips and chains are optional.

[MadIvan]

Anybody who could write something that beautiful and profound should be able to get a lady! Surely there are women in England other than the type you went out with who wanted the fancy watch. Maybe try online dating to weed out the wrong types?

I have tried it in the past, with limited results. I have turned the problem inside and out, and really the only conclusion I can come to is that finding the right person is not entirely within our power. It is rather like walking along the beach and waiting to see what the tide brings in; one must wait for the currents of Fate to bring one to one's beloved. The task in the meantime is to strive to be the best people we can be in every respect possible; so when that tide does wash in, and the right person crosses the threshold, they will recognise you more readily.

Regards, Ivan

[fqued]

However thanks for your male insight, something to consider but I really prefer the type of man who see something he wants and has enought confidence to go after it without being afraid of rejection but then that's just me

Well, I did just that 29 years ago. A year ago I was diagnosed with a class four brain tumor, was totally out of commission for months and still am on chemo and recouperating. My wife took the massive burden upon her shoulders with nary a complaint.

[brbethke]

John Wayne TODAY could still find his Maureen O'Hara

But after he got slapped with the second sexual harassment complaint, he'd stop looking for her in any place even remotely tangentially related to work.

[FOG724]

Ah, yes, but quantity isn't quality :)

Nothing wrong with looking over the barrel before you decide on an apple.

[Mama25]

Wait. I think we agree...I don't mean the dazzling things...I mean that mutual courtship is a GOOD thing. I like to see my man going to some extra effort for me, and I respond by going to extra effort to please him. (mine happens to really love pie, so that's one way I do that)

The MUTUALITY of the courtship is important. And his willingness to pursue me tells me I am important to him, as my willingness to respond tells him he is important to me.

I am not talking about Dior watches - i'm talking about bringing me an air tank when I have a slow leak in my tire so that I can get to the tire repair place safely in the morning.

[lillybet]

What happened to you you sound so bitter, some of these comments s men make always make me laugh, as for desirable I think you need some real love attention nursing ect. thaw a little why don't you. ,

[roaddog727]

"Nice to know I am not out of style!"

For the "real man", curves are NEVER out of style.

There is a good german expression for this curvaciousness. It is called "Saftig", {pronounced ZAF-TICH}

[JasonC]

And I beat most of them are happily married.

[fqued]

first saw my wife of 29 years at a Bible Study. Church and work are the main places that people find mates. If you want a good man or woman, join a good church.

[SauronOfMordor]

For lonly female executives looking for a mate: they won't find the kind of man they want in a dim bar. They might try leaving their attitudes and desperation at home, getting out of their cars and expensive clothing and walking their pet dog and/or taking up a hobby such as golf, horsebacking, sailing, etc.......activities that real men like.

If you REALLY want to meet guys -- take up shooting. Then at the range ask a cute guy if he could please help you with your stance...

[olezip]

Have you seen the movie, "Fever Pitch?" Or, read the book, "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands?" Maybe that is what the female exec needs to do.

The best advice I've seen involves the Church attendance and participation scenario.

[FreedomAvatar]

Don't make me have to hit the abuse button :-)

[MarkL]

I disagree. I'd be more than happy to find an intelligent, caring, self assured, successful business woman. Unfortunately, it's been my experience that they only exist in the "I hate men" movies shown on the Lifetime and Oxygen networks.

Mark

What? Do I seem bitter?

[corkoman]

...More like gutter glitter

I'm getting a better pic of the situation.

You pen verses like that in your head? - I am truly ideling 95% of my cortex.

I'm sitting out this season after 1 year of post-divorce from a "professional, glass ceiling smasher, go-getter, smarter-than-I" knock-out.

Actively avoiding professional/accomplished women is working for me.