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Most awful movies (in celebration of Hollywood's fourth declining revenue year in a row)
9/28/05 | ltn72

Posted on 09/28/2005 9:11:34 AM PDT by pabianice

Movie theater revenues are down 10% in the past three years because of home video technology and because movie quality has objectively continued to decline. We Freepers occasionally review a movie here for fun and to warn others not to waste their money.

So, for a change of pace, let's discuss really bad movies we've seen for one reason or another. I propose three classes of bad movie:

Class 1. A bad movie you sit through because of peer pressure

Class 2. A really bad movie you force yourself to watch because, darn it, you paid for it!

Class 3. Horrifyingly bad movies you simply leave, dragging yourself up the aisle with your arms because your legs have gone numb from shock.

Examples:

Class 1: "The Incredible Lightness of Being" -- stupifyingly bad writing and performances, polished off by a plot involving a serial adulterer physician ruining the lives of all around him for his own sexual gratification – won numerous awards in Europe

Class 2: "The Strawberry Statement" -- I still remember the poster: "The Vibes Were Good, but the Times Were Bad" -- horrifyingly bad performances around a story of beautiful, gentle hippies going to college in San Francisco and lovingly protesting the Vietnam War, only to have the experience ruined by Cylon-like police in riot gear gassing and clubbing them to death during a sit-in for peace; also includes some of the worst dehumanization of women ever portrayed on the screen

"Coming Home" -- what can you say about a movie with Jane Fonda that tells the tale of a maimed vet coming home from the Illegal Vietnam War on Terror to win the heart of a military officer's wife who realizes that her Marine husband is actually a monster (who's also lousy in bed, of course) and so leaves him for the maimed (but good in bed despite the loss of most of his appendages) and virtuous war-protesting vet; movie ends with Marine drowning self by walking into the ocean to atone for his evil acts of national defense

“War of the Worlds” (2005) – This is one big mess of a movie; Aliens have already visited Earth in the distant past to leave their Tripods but then wait until we have atomic weapons and armies before they decide to come back and wipe us out; they arrive at nearly the speed of light in capsules that burrow underground and would be instantly vaporized by the impact; they need human blood to fertilize their Martian Kudzu (“Soilent Red is People!”); it never occurs to the Martians that they need to get flu shots before invading another planet; as the aliens sicken, they conveniently lower their shields so as to be suddenly defenseless against anti-tank rockets; the list is almost endless; the 1954 movie was far superior

"Getting Straight" -- yet another Vietnam vet comes home to attend college and is faced with a school faculty who are all repressed homosexuals and psychotics who determine to drive him out of college; he's saved by heroine who encourages him to Stiock it To the Man!; story ends with the vet kissing his male teacher on the mouth, creating a riot on campus, and then having sex with the heroine on the staircase as the riot and tear gas swill about them in a wonderful collage of color and self-congratulation -- ah!

Class 3: "The Happy Hooker" -- no plot, no production, no acting, but lots of frontal nudity and smashed beds

"Darling" -- critically acclaimed piece of crap about a beautiful, talented, rich woman with the IQ of an end table struggling to make her way in a world of rich men who throw themselves at her feet and take her to fabulous vacation spots

Special Category – What Would Have Been Good Movies But Ruined by One Bad Scene: “A Few Good Men” – Very entertaining story about good and evil in uniform ruined in the courtroom climax, when LTJG Caffee says to the colonel: “I’m a Navy officer, and you are under arrest, you son of a bitch!” Those last five gratuitous words by a screenwriter clueless about the military instantly makes Caffee guilty of disrespect towards a superior officer (a court martial offense) and lower him to Jessup’s level


TOPICS: Your Opinion/Questions
KEYWORDS: hollyweird; hollywoodsucks
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This is just my initial list. I'm sure others can add many more as we help celebrate the end of Hollywood...
1 posted on 09/28/2005 9:11:35 AM PDT by pabianice
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To: pabianice
Special Category – What Would Have Been Good Movies But Ruined by One Bad Scene: “A Few Good Men” – Very entertaining story about good and evil in uniform ruined in the courtroom climax, when LTJG Caffee says to the colonel: “I’m a Navy officer, and you are under arrest, you son of a bitch!” Those last five gratuitous words by a screenwriter clueless about the military instantly makes Caffee guilty of disrespect towards a superior officer (a court martial offense) and lower him to Jessup’s level

With all due respect, if you let that one, admittedly gratuitous and wrongheaded point, mar an otherwise good movie, I think you've gotten too picky.

2 posted on 09/28/2005 9:13:13 AM PDT by Behind Liberal Lines
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To: pabianice
Class 1: "The Incredible Lightness of Being" -- stupifyingly bad writing and performances, polished off by a plot involving a serial adulterer physician ruining the lives of all around him for his own sexual gratification – won numerous awards in Europe

I couldn't agree more. ARCHTYPICAL Lousy Movie.

Also getting my vote is any flick with Jeremy Irons in it.

3 posted on 09/28/2005 9:15:04 AM PDT by martin_fierro (Randle-El is a freakin' IDIOT)
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ARCHTYPICAL = ARCHETYPICAL


4 posted on 09/28/2005 9:15:43 AM PDT by martin_fierro (Randle-El is a freakin' IDIOT)
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To: pabianice

September has actually been smokin. Higher grosses then recent Septembers.


5 posted on 09/28/2005 9:15:51 AM PDT by Borges
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To: pabianice

Class 3: AI (Artificial Intelligence) The worst movie ever made. I've never been so depressed after watching a "movie."


6 posted on 09/28/2005 9:16:05 AM PDT by americanMel
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To: pabianice
Class One: Joe Versus the Volcano (I was on a date), Ishtar, Twister, the Neverending Story (babysitter refused to leave).

Class Two: Mars Attacks, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Can't Stop the Music (the last one only because I kept waiting for it to get cheesier).

Class Three: Krippendorf's Tribe, Broken Arrow, Young Einstein

7 posted on 09/28/2005 9:16:27 AM PDT by Clemenza (Giuliani endorsed Clinton and Cuomo)
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To: pabianice

The "War of the Worlds" remake was a big hit, while the superb "The Great Raid" bombed.


8 posted on 09/28/2005 9:17:05 AM PDT by Grand Old Partisan
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To: Clemenza
'Never ending Story 3' put an end to the 'Story' much quicker then the Producers probably hoped.
9 posted on 09/28/2005 9:17:17 AM PDT by Borges
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To: martin_fierro

C'mon! You didn't like Irons' creepy performance in Reversal of Fortune?


10 posted on 09/28/2005 9:17:18 AM PDT by Clemenza (Giuliani endorsed Clinton and Cuomo)
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To: Borges

There were actually sequals?


11 posted on 09/28/2005 9:17:42 AM PDT by Clemenza (Giuliani endorsed Clinton and Cuomo)
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To: Grand Old Partisan

WOTW was also superb though.


12 posted on 09/28/2005 9:17:47 AM PDT by Borges
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To: pabianice

All time worst: Less than Zero, followed closely by Sid and Nancy.


13 posted on 09/28/2005 9:18:14 AM PDT by LS (CNN is the Amtrak of news)
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To: LS

Sid and Nancy certainly had the courage of its convictions though.


14 posted on 09/28/2005 9:18:42 AM PDT by Borges
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To: pabianice
Class 1: "The Incredible Lightness of Being" -- stupifyingly bad writing and performances, polished off by a plot involving a serial adulterer physician ruining the lives of all around him for his own sexual gratification – won numerous awards in Europe

This class includes all movies given a four-star rating by the movie reviews at the Philadelphia Inquirer, epitomized by 1991's Europa.

15 posted on 09/28/2005 9:19:36 AM PDT by dirtboy (Drool overflowed my buffer...)
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To: LS
You can't have a thread like this and not mention last year's galactic stinker, Alexander.
16 posted on 09/28/2005 9:20:58 AM PDT by Uncle Vlad
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To: pabianice
Class 1: The Big Chill. Not so much peer pressure, but I was about to attend the University of Michigan and I felt it was a responsibility to see it -- the characters are former UM students. Luckily, I saw it on cable.

Class 2: The Matrix. So many of the fight scenes and special effects seemed -- and continue to seem -- so idiotic to me that I was fighting to keep from laughing aloud in the theater. But I don't walk out of movies I've paid for -- besides, I was with my wife and she might have been enjoying it -- so I stayed and suffered.

Young Nurses in Love.... My wife and meant to rent Young Doctors in Love and got crossed up. This was basically a porn flick with anything more than a naked breast cut out... But it was so bad it was entertaining... In particular there is one scene of a nurse walking though different parts of the hospital.... Only it was filmed at different times, resulting in her skirt being anywhere from just below the knee to miniskirt length.
17 posted on 09/28/2005 9:21:03 AM PDT by Celtjew Libertarian (Shake Hands with the Serpent: Poetry by Charles Lipsig aka Celtjew http://books.lulu.com/lipsig)
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To: pabianice
Don't know how to classify it, but I would have to go with the last installment of Star Wars. Dialog was lousy (especially at the end), plot was weak, and no suspense - we all know Anakin will be seduced by the dark side of the force, for crying out loud.
18 posted on 09/28/2005 9:21:03 AM PDT by Fudd
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To: pabianice
Class 2: "The Strawberry Statement" -- I still remember the poster: "The Vibes Were Good, but the Times Were Bad" -- horrifyingly bad performances around a story of beautiful, gentle hippies going to college in San Francisco and lovingly protesting the Vietnam War, only to have the experience ruined by Cylon-like police in riot gear gassing and clubbing them to death during a sit-in for peace; also includes some of the worst dehumanization of women ever portrayed on the screen

Which reminds me, what was that movie with Tippie Hedren and a young Don Johnson where Tippie runs some bizarre sex therapy clinic/cult?

Also from that era: How could I have forgotten Myra Breckenridge (even a hottie like Raquel couldn't save a film with Rex Reed). Wild in the Streets at least mocked the hippies.

19 posted on 09/28/2005 9:21:29 AM PDT by Clemenza (Giuliani endorsed Clinton and Cuomo)
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To: pabianice

Oliver Stone movies deserve a category listing here.


20 posted on 09/28/2005 9:22:30 AM PDT by BIGLOOK (I once opposed keelhauling but recently have come to my senses.)
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To: Clemenza

"Broken Arrow"

I hope you're talking about the one with John Travolta, and not the western with Jimmy Stewart and Jeff Chandler.


21 posted on 09/28/2005 9:23:02 AM PDT by Spok (Est omnis de civilitate.)
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To: pabianice

WORST MOVIE EVER: Dangerous Minds

good song by coolio though.


22 posted on 09/28/2005 9:23:09 AM PDT by pittsburgh gop guy (Be not afraid...)
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To: Grand Old Partisan

Nobody is really interested in war flicks anymore, particularly WWII.


23 posted on 09/28/2005 9:23:38 AM PDT by Clemenza (Giuliani endorsed Clinton and Cuomo)
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To: martin_fierro

Its called "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" from a book by Czech author Milan Kundera.

It featured the amazingly beautiful Juliet Binoche, along with the beautiful Lena Olin. It was filmed in Prague just after the velvet revolution. I had no problem with it.

As for movies that were a steaming pile? "Independence Day", the most hackneyed, brain cell losing, ham acted piece of crap film I've seen in years. Take any Tom Cruise or Julia Roberts flick in the last 20 years as well, formulaic, predictable garbage.


24 posted on 09/28/2005 9:23:45 AM PDT by Central Scrutiniser (Never pet a dog that is on fire)
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To: pabianice
American Beauty (Rose?)

Just god-awful...all of it. And "stuckonstupid-wood" gives oscars for this piece of trash!

25 posted on 09/28/2005 9:23:54 AM PDT by LilDarlin (Being very feminine got me this far; it will take me the rest of the way, too!)
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To: Uncle Vlad

You mean Alexander the Fabulous?


26 posted on 09/28/2005 9:24:14 AM PDT by Clemenza (Giuliani endorsed Clinton and Cuomo)
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To: pabianice

Class 3: napoleon dynamite


27 posted on 09/28/2005 9:24:40 AM PDT by Vision (When Hillary Says She's Going To Put The Military On Our Borders...She Becomes Our Next President)
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To: BIGLOOK
Oliver Stone movies deserve a category listing here.

I thought Platoon was decent (and at least he had the good sense to employ Captain Dale Dye as an adviser on the movie).

28 posted on 09/28/2005 9:24:46 AM PDT by dfwgator (Flower Mound, TX)
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To: pabianice; dead
Comin' at Ya!

Humongous

The Unseen

The Dark

I could go on....

Dan

29 posted on 09/28/2005 9:24:58 AM PDT by BibChr ("...behold, they have rejected the word of the LORD, so what wisdom is in them?" [Jer. 8:9])
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To: pabianice

Class 3 - The Babe Ruth Story starring William Bendix


30 posted on 09/28/2005 9:25:08 AM PDT by LilDarlin (Being very feminine got me this far; it will take me the rest of the way, too!)
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To: Central Scrutiniser
Its called "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" from a book by Czech author Milan Kundera.
It featured the amazingly beautiful Juliet Binoche, along with the beautiful Lena Olin. It was filmed in Prague just after the velvet revolution. I had no problem with it.

Yes, yes, I'm aware of all that.

And yet the movie still sucked.

31 posted on 09/28/2005 9:25:24 AM PDT by martin_fierro (Randle-El is a freakin' IDIOT)
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To: Spok

I wasn't alive to see the great Jimmy Stewart flick in the theatre. I was referring to the awful Travolta/Cage flick of a few years back.


32 posted on 09/28/2005 9:25:28 AM PDT by Clemenza (Giuliani endorsed Clinton and Cuomo)
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To: LS

Sid and Nancy was hilarious, IMO. I was never a fan of punk rock, but Gary Oldman and Chloe Webb were dead on in that flick.


33 posted on 09/28/2005 9:25:42 AM PDT by Woman on Caroline Street (Go sell crazy somewhere else. We're all stocked up here.)
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To: pittsburgh gop guy

GAH! I hated DM.


34 posted on 09/28/2005 9:25:59 AM PDT by Borges
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To: pabianice
Class 1. A bad movie you sit through because of peer pressure :
Pulp Fiction

Class 2. A really bad movie you force yourself to watch because, darn it, you paid for it!
Dune

Class 3. Horrifyingly bad movies you simply leave, dragging yourself up the aisle with your arms because your legs have gone numb from shock
Bridges Over Madison County

35 posted on 09/28/2005 9:26:07 AM PDT by kidd
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To: Clemenza
Nobody is really interested in war flicks anymore, particularly WWII.

I think pretty much "Pearl Harbor" sank that genre.

36 posted on 09/28/2005 9:26:11 AM PDT by dfwgator (Flower Mound, TX)
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To: pabianice
Class 1. A bad movie you sit through because of peer pressure :
Pulp Fiction

Class 2. A really bad movie you force yourself to watch because, darn it, you paid for it!
Dune

Class 3. Horrifyingly bad movies you simply leave, dragging yourself up the aisle with your arms because your legs have gone numb from shock
Bridges Over Madison County

37 posted on 09/28/2005 9:26:20 AM PDT by kidd
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To: Behind Liberal Lines
With all due respect, if you let that one, admittedly gratuitous and wrongheaded point, mar an otherwise good movie, I think you've gotten too picky.

While A Few Good Men had excellant acting it was a typical left wing Hollywood piece of crap

It was
ANTI--Military--White Male --Christian
Pro--black male --woman
38 posted on 09/28/2005 9:26:27 AM PDT by uncbob
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To: LilDarlin

Class 3: American Beauty


39 posted on 09/28/2005 9:26:52 AM PDT by Vision (When Hillary Says She's Going To Put The Military On Our Borders...She Becomes Our Next President)
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To: Clemenza

I gotta disagree with you on 'Twister'.

Maybe it was my love of storms and tornadoes that made me go - but I thought the acting was decent and the special effects and chase scenes to be second to none.


40 posted on 09/28/2005 9:26:52 AM PDT by MplsSteve
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To: pittsburgh gop guy
WORST MOVIE EVER: Dangerous Minds good song by coolio though.

An ever better Weird Al parody.

41 posted on 09/28/2005 9:26:54 AM PDT by dfwgator (Flower Mound, TX)
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To: dfwgator

Right before Platoon, Stone made a movie called Salvador with James Woods as a leftist journalist who's a real jerk. It may be his best film.


42 posted on 09/28/2005 9:27:19 AM PDT by Borges
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To: pabianice
because movie quality has objectively continued to decline



I don't agree. There has not been a year without a plentiful crop of bad movies. There will always be bad movies; there have always been bad movies. Good movies are a rarity. But most of all, mediocrity rules. The mediocre ones drive me up the wall. The stinkers are kind of fascinating in a way.
43 posted on 09/28/2005 9:27:32 AM PDT by macamadamia
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To: LilDarlin
Class 3 - The Babe Ruth Story starring William Bendix

That movie has some unintentionally funny scenes, such as when Bendix orders a glass of milk (!) when he enters a bar. My personal favorite, "Sue baseball?"

Let's also not forget that truly awful "Safe At Home" where Mantle and Maris tried acting. Their bats had more personality than they did in that flick.

44 posted on 09/28/2005 9:27:41 AM PDT by Clemenza (Giuliani endorsed Clinton and Cuomo)
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To: pabianice

The worst of all-time that I actually paid to see in a theater was "Speed 2." Two hours of my life that I'll never get back.


45 posted on 09/28/2005 9:28:19 AM PDT by dfwgator (Flower Mound, TX)
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To: martin_fierro

Even Die Hard III: With a Vengence?

"The Mission" is good, IMO.


46 posted on 09/28/2005 9:28:24 AM PDT by Conservomax (There are no solutions, only trade-offs.)
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To: pabianice
Class 3. Horrifyingly bad movies you simply leave, dragging yourself up the aisle with your arms because your legs have gone numb from shock.

Only one winner possible here: Battlefield Earth

47 posted on 09/28/2005 9:28:32 AM PDT by tx_eggman (If we had some bacon we could have bacon and eggs ... if we had some eggs.)
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To: pabianice
Let me add a class 4: Movies that were completely misrepresented by their trailers. Examples:


48 posted on 09/28/2005 9:28:38 AM PDT by kevkrom ("Political looters" should be shot on sight)
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To: pabianice

The really really REALLY bad movies that I have seen I forget before I get home. No sense crowding the memory space with useless crap. The bad movies that some people love but I think were awful sometimes stay with me like Titanic.


49 posted on 09/28/2005 9:28:43 AM PDT by Ditter
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To: uncbob
Reducing to Pro and Con like that is a bit reductionist. It was an Aaron Sorkin play.
50 posted on 09/28/2005 9:29:02 AM PDT by Borges
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