Skip to comments.This Coffee Tastes like ....t (Real Coffee Humor)
Posted on 12/09/2005 2:30:19 PM PST by StoneWallJack
The Palm Civet or marsupial luwak of Indonesia a tree climbing animal that ranges in weight from three to ten pounds uses its sense of smell and eyesight to seek out its favorite treat the ripest coffee cherries. The Palm Civet or Luwak passes the cherry through the digestive track where the beans exit the animal basically intact. The beans are then patiently harvested from the forest floor near coffee plantations carefully cleaned and roasted.
The beans are usually given a light to dark roast to avoid destruction of the complex flavors which have developed through the process. This unique processing is said to give the resulting coffee a rich, heavy flavor with some hints of caramel or chocolate. Some other words used to describe this cup of joe by those fortunate enough to try it have been earthy, musty and exotic with syrupy body and smooth flavor.
The University of Guelph did a study in which they examined the chemical and physical properties of the Kopi Luwak coffee bean and compared them to that of a regular coffee bean. Their results are quite interesting. They found the unroasted Kopi Luwak coffee beans had more red and yellow tones than a Columbian coffee bean. They also found the Kopi Luwak gourmet coffee bean to have less total protein, less bacterial count, some pitting on the surface of the coffee bean and different compounds. This may explain why the Kopi Luwak coffee is said to be less bitter and have a different aroma than other gourmet coffee.
Although this gourmet coffees exact date of discovery is not known. The strange origins of this rare gourmet coffee make it labor-intensive and time-consuming to produce. Gourmet coffee lovers are willing to pay a premium for this rare and exotic blend and consider it worth the effort and trouble involved. Here is your chance to be among the few who have tried Kopi Luwak coffee. We have been able to secure a small quantity of Kopi Luwak coffee at a substantial discount and once sold out we do not know when we will be able to procure more.
My first and only cup of Starbuck's tasted like the tossed out the bean and brewed the sh!t.
The price of Starbucks coffee and this stuff are roughly equal per pound - hmmm...
Folgers, 39 ounce can=$5.99
That Starbucks got dumped on my way out of the parking lot.
Not going there, not at all.
I can control my Starbucks espresso habit. I can quit anytime I want. Really.
Wish more restaurants would offer that bit of fortification with your morning jolt.
Who in the world would have been the first to take excrement from a creature, turn it into a beverage, and drink it? I wonder if it was a dare.
"The Palm Civet or marsupial luwak of Indonesia a tree climbing animal... uses its sense of smell and eyesight to seek out its favorite treat the ripest coffee cherries.
You mean that Juan Valdez is really a monkey?
Starbuck's starts with mediocre - mediocre + beans, then burns the crap out of them in the roasting process to cover up their disgrace.
"Bad to the last drop" [from the spoof on WSJ several years ago]
Ditto. I hate starbucks.
"Starbuck's starts with mediocre - mediocre + beans"
Seattle's Best is better.
There is a famous story that this sort of reminds me of....
It seems that a coffee company in Brazil sent a shipment of coffee to Germany. En route, rats cut the coffee bags up, nested in the coffee, and damaged the whole shipment. The shipping people, however, sewed up the bags and sent them on to their destination. Two weeks later, the exporter receives a letter from the client, which went like this:
A. C. Company,
Der last two pecages uf Koffee vee got from you vas mit de Ratt schitt gemixt. Der Koffee may be good enuf, but the Ratt Durds schpoils der trade. Vee did not see der Ratt Schitt in der semple vitch you sent down to us.
It take too much time to peek der Durds out from der Koffee. Ve order der Kleen Koffee, und you schippt Schitt mixt mit der Koffee. It was a mistake, yes?
Vee like you to schipp us der Koffee in one sak, und der Rat Schitt in one odder sak, den vee mix to suit der Kustomer. Write please, if vee schould schipp beck der Koffee and keep der Schitt, or schipp beck der whole Schitten Vorks.
Ve vant to ride der madder, but vee do not like der dam Ratt Schitt biziness.
Mit much respekts,
Call me a rube, but coffee comes from a can, beer comes from a can, and wine comes from a box.(I don't do wine either)
I love Starbucks coffee. Arabica beans make the best coffee and whether you agree or disagree with Starbucks politics, it is still the best. The market says so.
Mabeeee Cofffee Anal? Like the UN chieeeeef? Color and smell seem to coincidide. Hmmmm
Back to my green teeeeee
Don't forget the secret of the brewing!
They make it at 5 AM the day before.
Honestly, it's not "Strong", per se. I like espresso, so that cannot be it.
No, it is just coffee that, if served in a diner in 1960, would have been thrown in the waitress's face.
I have a dear friend, a suspected Democrat (We do not talk about those things for fear of...) who loves the stuff, but I suspect it is because at some point tne NYT ordered her to.
"So I was walking through the jungle when I looked down, and thought to myself "Say, that would make a GREAT cup of coffee'"...
On rare occasion I'll have an iced coffee at Starbucks.
Some people will buy anything.
Hey I agree with you again! First I take your tag line from another thred then I have to agree with your taste in coffee.!!
Welcome to FR btw!
Roast your own at home and enter what we like to call "Coffee Heaven".
Seriously, if you're a big fan of coffee (like me) you can buy the best Arabica beans green, and then roast them yourself for about what you pay for the best (stale) coffee in the store. You'll get the absolute freshest possible, and roasted to your exact liking.
"Seriously, if you're a big fan of coffee..."
Tell me more ...
Yep, I highly recommend 8 o'clock whole bean for a great brew (and it's fairly cheap too.)
1/4 tsp seems like too much to me, I have good results with just a few grains of salt. Like maybe one tip of the salt shaker. This takes the bitterness away nicely.
Well, I can say that my coffee isn't that bad.
Roasting details please. Where do you buy the green Arabica beans?
Start here and step into the dark side...
Roasting my own since 2003. There's no going back.
Here's my favorite coffee roasting system
Being (almost) a Seattleite, there are espresso stands everywhere.
ONCE I tried a regular plain olde no frills espresso from a stand near my house.
The thing is, most everything they sell is flavoured with the syrups, so they can get away with buying the cheapest beans they can find.
I always buy my beans whole, grind them right before use, and brew it at almost triple strength.
NEVER Starburnt's though.
I've heard of them, but haven't tried them.
"I patiently sifted through Palm Civet poo to produce fine beverage."
"OK, Thanh... "
If you like the actual taste of coffee, and order it black, forget Starbucks. They brew one strength of coffee, and doctor it up with sugar, cream, and flavorings. You can't get a good cup of black coffee at SB. And you'll pay a premium for it, too.
I am not allowed to make the coffee...
Kind of like the first person to eat a snail,tastes like pencil erasers in a white wine sauce to me.
Don't want no monkey schlitz coffee.
Somewhere, a coffee pervert is thinking "why do I need a tree climbing marsupial..."
Okay, I made myself sick on that comment! I think I'all go for some hot chocolate - but on second thought..."
"Who in the world would have been the first to take excrement from a creature, turn it into a beverage, and drink it? I wonder if it was a dare."
I can see an ancient tribe with the tribal clown picking these berries out of the crap. He brews some coffee with them, and serves it to his enemies as a gesture of new friendship. The enemies LOVE this coffee of his! He is puzzled why they didn't spew it out and tries it himself. He sees it actually tastes pretty good, and keeps the secret recipe for himself. He then opens a store called StarCraps in the tribe community.
That sounds reasonable. Are you an historian? :)
"Fear not coffee fiends! For I have news of great caffiene!"
In 12 cup drip percolator pot, fill to 6 cup mark with water.
In filter, put 6 heaping scoops of coffee.
Medium roast works best, just make sure it's a robust blend.
Found a maxwellhouse 'medium roast' that was rather anemic.
Put pinch of salt in filter, about as much as it would take to cover the surface of a dime with one even layer.
This keeps the coffee from tasting burned too quickly, it doesn't age well brewed this way.
Brew, recirculate if need be, usually not.
Add sugar and dairy creamer.
Creamora and coffeemate are not recommended unless you like the heart racing that Ranger Pudding gives.
That, and the nondairy creamer will give you both a headache and a buzz with the coffee.
I usually put about 8 spoons of sugar in this stuff, it ends up being like Russian Kava, thick and sweet with that bitter overtone to it.
Oh, and I am NOT responsible for seeming demonic possession of the coffeepot, or the coffeepot ending up acting as if it has been damaged.
Be sure NOT to add creamora or coffeemate to the brew, unless you LIKE ranger pudding style heart racing.
When I brew that stuff for myself, I recirculate the stuff to brew a second time, but that's me for my own personal enjoyment, and it may wreck the coffeepot.
Don't forget the salt, it's important to the finished brew.