Skip to comments.This Coffee Tastes like ....t (Real Coffee Humor)
Posted on 12/09/2005 2:30:19 PM PST by StoneWallJack
The Palm Civet or marsupial luwak of Indonesia a tree climbing animal that ranges in weight from three to ten pounds uses its sense of smell and eyesight to seek out its favorite treat the ripest coffee cherries. The Palm Civet or Luwak passes the cherry through the digestive track where the beans exit the animal basically intact. The beans are then patiently harvested from the forest floor near coffee plantations carefully cleaned and roasted.
The beans are usually given a light to dark roast to avoid destruction of the complex flavors which have developed through the process. This unique processing is said to give the resulting coffee a rich, heavy flavor with some hints of caramel or chocolate. Some other words used to describe this cup of joe by those fortunate enough to try it have been earthy, musty and exotic with syrupy body and smooth flavor.
The University of Guelph did a study in which they examined the chemical and physical properties of the Kopi Luwak coffee bean and compared them to that of a regular coffee bean. Their results are quite interesting. They found the unroasted Kopi Luwak coffee beans had more red and yellow tones than a Columbian coffee bean. They also found the Kopi Luwak gourmet coffee bean to have less total protein, less bacterial count, some pitting on the surface of the coffee bean and different compounds. This may explain why the Kopi Luwak coffee is said to be less bitter and have a different aroma than other gourmet coffee.
Although this gourmet coffees exact date of discovery is not known. The strange origins of this rare gourmet coffee make it labor-intensive and time-consuming to produce. Gourmet coffee lovers are willing to pay a premium for this rare and exotic blend and consider it worth the effort and trouble involved. Here is your chance to be among the few who have tried Kopi Luwak coffee. We have been able to secure a small quantity of Kopi Luwak coffee at a substantial discount and once sold out we do not know when we will be able to procure more.
I've heard of them, but haven't tried them.
"I patiently sifted through Palm Civet poo to produce fine beverage."
"OK, Thanh... "
If you like the actual taste of coffee, and order it black, forget Starbucks. They brew one strength of coffee, and doctor it up with sugar, cream, and flavorings. You can't get a good cup of black coffee at SB. And you'll pay a premium for it, too.
I am not allowed to make the coffee...
Kind of like the first person to eat a snail,tastes like pencil erasers in a white wine sauce to me.
Don't want no monkey schlitz coffee.
Somewhere, a coffee pervert is thinking "why do I need a tree climbing marsupial..."
Okay, I made myself sick on that comment! I think I'all go for some hot chocolate - but on second thought..."
"Who in the world would have been the first to take excrement from a creature, turn it into a beverage, and drink it? I wonder if it was a dare."
I can see an ancient tribe with the tribal clown picking these berries out of the crap. He brews some coffee with them, and serves it to his enemies as a gesture of new friendship. The enemies LOVE this coffee of his! He is puzzled why they didn't spew it out and tries it himself. He sees it actually tastes pretty good, and keeps the secret recipe for himself. He then opens a store called StarCraps in the tribe community.
That sounds reasonable. Are you an historian? :)
"Fear not coffee fiends! For I have news of great caffiene!"
In 12 cup drip percolator pot, fill to 6 cup mark with water.
In filter, put 6 heaping scoops of coffee.
Medium roast works best, just make sure it's a robust blend.
Found a maxwellhouse 'medium roast' that was rather anemic.
Put pinch of salt in filter, about as much as it would take to cover the surface of a dime with one even layer.
This keeps the coffee from tasting burned too quickly, it doesn't age well brewed this way.
Brew, recirculate if need be, usually not.
Add sugar and dairy creamer.
Creamora and coffeemate are not recommended unless you like the heart racing that Ranger Pudding gives.
That, and the nondairy creamer will give you both a headache and a buzz with the coffee.
I usually put about 8 spoons of sugar in this stuff, it ends up being like Russian Kava, thick and sweet with that bitter overtone to it.
Oh, and I am NOT responsible for seeming demonic possession of the coffeepot, or the coffeepot ending up acting as if it has been damaged.
Be sure NOT to add creamora or coffeemate to the brew, unless you LIKE ranger pudding style heart racing.
When I brew that stuff for myself, I recirculate the stuff to brew a second time, but that's me for my own personal enjoyment, and it may wreck the coffeepot.
Don't forget the salt, it's important to the finished brew.
"That sounds reasonable. Are you an historian? :)"
Yeah, right! :o)
That's the reason, then.
For less than the price of one pound of this '`monkey crap' coffee beans, you can buy a reverse osmosis water system and use any coffee and it rivals the best beans. IMO the water is a big part of how good your coffee tastes. I also have a vacuum food saver and keep my coffee under a vacuum.
Some years ago, an unruly United Airlines passenger relieved himself on the beverage cart. This story sheds new light...perhaps he was just trying the old civet trick for improving UA's coffee.
"Monkey crap coffee"
I can't say that with a straight face!
I've never been that desparate myself. Of course, I don't drink coffee. :)
I got my brother into home roasting last year and he has since got several other people started, and I think I may have "started something" with a few friends from church. I've been home roasting for about 3 years now, and I love it.
I for one don't wanna know how the stuff tastes...
Thanks for the info Pablo64. I searched and did find some sites, but your recommendation is most helpful.
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