Posted on 12/29/2005 2:12:54 PM PST by COUNTrecount
2005: Boob tube at its worst
New reality shows bite in bottom 10
'Daddy' Dearest: T.J. Myers sought her biological father in the Fox fiasco.
Oops, She Did It Again: Britney Spears bombed with her 'Chaotic' show.
Developing a list of the best television programming during the past 12 months is a daunting task. Assembling a lineup of the worst TV programs of 2005, is even more Herculean. So many choices, so few slots ... It's a sin, for example, that certain awful TV shows should escape the end-of-year tally unscathed simply because there are other, worse contenders beneath them at the bottom of the barrel.
So let's take a moment, to recall, and recoil at, the runaway egotism of Bravo's "Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List" and NBC's "Hit Me Baby, One More Time." And at the scripted ineptitude of two Fox shows: the unfunny sitcom "The War at Home" and the unwatchable comedy-drama "Head Cases." And at the ambitious failure of HBO's "The Comeback," and the unambitious failure of NBC's "10.5: Apocalypse."
And, of course, a special nod to ABC's "Welcome to the Neighborhood," a reality series considered so bad by its own network, that it was canceled before it premiered. Only TV critics, provided with preview tapes, got to watch "Welcome to the Neighborhood." Take my word for it, though - every one of the shows listed below, in my Bottom 10 TV Shows of 2005, were much, much worse. They're listed alphabetically, but by sweet coincidence, the show I consider worst of all comes at the very end.
Bottom of the list, bottom of the barrel.
"Bad Girl's Guide," UPN. Jenny McCarthy stars in a comedy that I awarded no stars when it premiered. I predicted failure, but that wasn't difficult. The failure was evident in every frame and lame joke.
"Battle of the Network Reality Stars," Bravo. The original "Battle of the Network Stars," from the 1970s, was a blast. This updated version was a bomb because it had no stars. 'Reality Stars' is an oxymoron. And the people gathered here to compete - well, let's just say they made the roommates on "The Surreal Life" look like diners at the Algonquin Round Table.
"Britney & Kevin: Chaotic," UPN. Someday, if not already, Britney Spears will look at this personally approved reality series of hers and ask herself what anyone who saw it was wondering: "What sort of white-trash idiot is this?" She may never have the emotional distance or intelligence required, though, to realize that question applies not only to her hanger-on Kevin, but to herself as well.
"But Can They Sing?," VH1. No. Morgan Fairchild strutting to "These Boots Are Made for Walking" had a certain train-wreck fascination, but Bai Ling in anything was an attention-starved horror to behold: all costumes, no talent and her wardrobe was even scantier than her vocal range. Bye, Ling.
"Intervention," A&E. This series took people in deep emotional pain and at very vulnerable times in their lives, and abused them for the sake of alleged entertainment. Just ask Vanessa Marquez, the "ER" actress profiled and taken advantage of in the pilot. Unforgivably exploitive.
"The Law Firm," NBC. What was David E. Kelley thinking in putting his name to this dull, poorly structured, horribly cast reality series? Clearly, he wasn't thinking at all, and was spending all his time on the infinitely superior "Boston Legal." This should have been thrown out of court. Almost immediately, NBC dumped it onto Bravo.
"Martha Behind Bars," CBS. How bad was this second Martha Stewart biopic starring Cybill Shepherd? Much worse than the first, which is bad enough. And even worse than either of the real Stewart's two new shows from 2005, which is unthinkable.
"The Real Gilligan's Island," TBS. The first edition of this putrid reality-competition series made my Bottom 10 list last year. The 2005 edition was even worse, making it the only show to make the Bottom 10 two years in a row. Quite an achievement: a monument to terrible TV.
"Who's Your Daddy?," Fox. When this series premiered, offering a grown adopted woman the chance to identify her biological father from a group of candidates, I called it "a horrible, repellant, indefensible television show." If anything, I was too kind. It was one of the last of the mean-spirited reality shows.
"The Will," CBS. CBS unveiled this series the first week of January, and yanked it after a single telecast. As a result, we never did learn which of Bill Long's family members and hangers-on impressed him enough to win the ranch he was offering as this reality show's prize. To viewers, though, the only impressive thing here was the utter inhumanity of the entire enterprise. I called it "the worst show of the year," and added: "Granted, the year is only six days old at this point - but for the next 359 days, it'll be the low point to beat."
It was - and it wasn't beaten all year. On TV, where there's a "Will," there's no worse way.
Seriously. Those shows are H I L A R I O U S!
Surface comes back next week.
I can stomach "Two And Half Men" occasionally, but "Out of Practice" stinks. I'll bet you it won't survive the season.
The ONLY thing I've watched in the past 2 years is the Bernie Mac show, Everybody Loves Raymond and any ice skating that comes on.
Everything else is DRECK!
I can proudly say I've never seen the 'big shows' everyone raves about. Even the weather channel spends more time on 'features' than on the current weather!
That's Latin for 'love conquers all things', in case you didn't know. ;)
"It's so nice to hear from a fan.
You are a fan, right? If you're from the collection agency, I'm not really here. I'm um, uh.... leave a message. Beep!"
Come back! I have a sandwich!!
" Even the weather channel spends more time on 'features' than on the current weather!"
HEY! You can NEVER have too much tornado footage!!
Excerpt: TV shows generally appeal to the ignorant slobs of America. Never forget that the crotch-grabbing pukish pig Roseanne had a #1 show.
Now let's think about this. Yes, Rosanne is a pukish slob. Yes, her show was rated #1. For all the people who watched this pig and helped make that show #1, I would say that is a lot of ignorant slobs.
Can you argue with that slice of my comment?
This year was actually pretty good IMHO:
Prison Break just rules all. I'm dying waiting to find out what happens next.
House, while it is going just a touch political lately, is still a decent show. If it goes more political though, I'm going to take it off tivo.
E-Ring also is an awesome show. Not quite as good as the previous two, but damn good nonetheless.
I am also a "Monk" fan. It's one show I try not to miss. As for the Christmas party - the show is fiction after all.
Say it isn't so. I actually look daily to see if this show has been cancelled yet. The worst writing for two good talents like Stockard Channing and Henry Winkler that I have ever seen.
Mythbusters bump. My favorite tv show. I like all the realistic forensic crime shows too e.g. Cold Case Files. I even like CSI Las Vegas. But Mythbusters is the best. Or as my spanish Discovery Channel calls them: Los Cazadores Del Mitos.
You're talking about Ricky Gervais's character. My wife (who grew up in England) and I hated it at first, but it does grow on you. Gervais's repellent, egotistical character (so repellent I can't remember the name of his character) is so obnoxious that is does become hilarious after a while. But as the BBC comedy shows go, "Father Ted" is the funniest of them all.
Sorry, you must be talking about the American version. You have to watch the original Brit version on BBC.
Dog Whisperer that guy is amazing but then we don't see the what was edited out.
I have learned allot from him.
The one show KV will watch that drives me fingers on the chalk board insane is the Nanny 911. I hate that show.
I like the wife/mom trading family shows.
The weather station and some of the forensic or investigation shows on Court tv.
Even movies are boring anymore.
Guess going out and creating our own reality shows live is the best entertainment. There is always some comedy in that.
Yuu do realize that about 95% of the fun, at least for me, of watching these shows is the live FR threads..no way I'd ever watch AI without it..
Same here :) The threads are often more entertaining than the shows.
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