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Sex In America (Burt Prelutsky Warns Our National Pasttime Makes The French Look Good Alert)
Worldnetdaily.com ^ | 03/29/06 | Burt Prelutsky

Posted on 03/28/2006 11:28:50 PM PST by goldstategop

Back when Bill Clinton was leaving his mark on history by leaving his mark on Monica Lewinsky's dress, one of the most aggravating aspects of the entire shabby episode was having our nation being patronized by the European media. As usual, the snidest commentary came to us courtesy of the French.

They were like 80 million cats lapping up cream. Our alleged lack of sophistication is like food and drink to them. They couldn't stop snickering over our bourgeois value system. After all, their premier had a mistress. What real man didn't? It's to be expected. Only people as backward as Americans would make a fuss over something so natural. All the while, the French ignored the fact that Clinton had committed perjury, which many of us took far more seriously than whether he had cheated on Hillary. Feeling as we did about his wife, that struck many of us as perfectly reasonable.

But, much as I hate doing it, I'm afraid I have to admit that, for once, the French aren't entirely off base. While I regard Clinton as a national albatross for a variety of reasons, quite aside from his having sex with a young intern, I happen to think that where sex is concerned, Americans are, by and large, childish and embarrassing.

For instance, consider that for millions of us, the computer age with its magnificent superhighway of information translates into a multi-billion dollar pornography industry. I mean, let's face facts – when people object so strenuously to the portions of the Patriot Act that permit the feds to eavesdrop on our computers, what do you think it is that makes them so darn nervous? That the world will discover that they've been checking up on the annual rainfall in the Amazon rain forest or finding out Millard Fillmore's middle name?

Sometimes, I swear, people are so daffy when it comes to things even slightly sexual that I almost feel like donning a beret, lighting up a stinky cigarette, and snorting through my nose.

I'll mention just a few things, and you decide whether or not we're a nation of goofballs. First, there's the fact that Paris Hilton, a woman of rather ordinary looks and no discernible talent, became famous simply because a video of her having sex with some guy became public property.

Next, there's the annual swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated. Every week, SI is jam-packed with extremely well-written and well-photographed articles dealing with the world of athletics. Then, once a year, they devote a cover and a few pages to photos of pretty girls modeling bikinis, and you get the idea the end of the world is nigh. Now keep in mind that Playboy has been displaying even prettier girls in and out of bikinis for about 50 years. Still, every year, as predictably as the swallows returning to Capistrano, you can count on pundits endlessly kicking the topic around in newspapers and on talk shows. What's more, if I could collect 25 bucks for every Sunday sermon in which some minister pondered whether this marked the end of Western Civilization, I could run out and buy a new car.

At least the women in Sports Illustrated are gorgeous and voluptuous. They are, after all, hired specifically for their good looks. But a few years ago, we were all witness to something that should have served as a wake-up call. A woman's soccer team had just won a big match. Their star player, Mia Hamm, celebrated the victory by pulling off her blouse and running around the field. If you recall, she wasn't naked. She was wearing a sports bra, which in the world of lingerie is comparable to your grandmother's bloomers. What's more, Ms. Hamm, a fine soccer player and probably a nice person, is as flat as an ironing board. But the way that America carried on, you'd have thought that the woman had pulled a Lady Godiva and gone riding nude, at high noon, through the center of town.

Why, you ask, is this so important? Because it behooves us all not to supply the French with artillery with which they can mock us. Which, when you get right down to it, is the only sort of artillery the French ever actually use.


TOPICS: Constitution/Conservatism; Crime/Corruption; Culture/Society; Editorial; Miscellaneous; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: billclinton; burtprelutsky; culture; france; nationalpasttime; parishilton; sex; siillustrated; worldnetdaily
Only one thing can make the French look good. Our national pasttime called sex. It can make even reasonable people go all daffy. Just think of how undistinguished Bill Clinton and Paris Hilton would be if no one remembered them for their sexual exploits. As Burt Prelutsky would observe in good jest, if we avoided all that, the French wouldn't mock us.

(Denny Crane: "I Don't Want To Socialize With A Pinko Liberal Democrat Commie. Say What You Like About Republicans. We Stick To Our Convictions. Even When We Know We're Dead Wrong.")

1 posted on 03/28/2006 11:28:54 PM PST by goldstategop
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To: goldstategop

Brandi Chastain, not Mia Hamm


2 posted on 03/28/2006 11:36:16 PM PST by RippinGood
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To: RippinGood

Good memory!


3 posted on 03/28/2006 11:38:41 PM PST by DeuceTraveler (Freedom is a never ending struggle)
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To: goldstategop


Funny - I'm not getting any....


4 posted on 03/28/2006 11:46:16 PM PST by Tzimisce (How Would Mohammed Vote? Hillary for President! www.dndorks.com)
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To: RippinGood
Brandi Chastain, not Mia Hamm

And she was hot!

5 posted on 03/28/2006 11:46:36 PM PST by Alien Gunfighter (Secular Misanthropist)
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To: goldstategop

Many of the French don't bathe, wear deodorant, or wear underwear. 'Cologne' is used to mask their poor hygiene.


6 posted on 03/28/2006 11:47:21 PM PST by peyton randolph (As long is it does me no harm, I don't care if one worships Elmer Fudd.)
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To: goldstategop

I seem to remember reading that guy soccer players pull off their shirts to trade them after a game or something...anyone know anything about this?


7 posted on 03/28/2006 11:50:17 PM PST by durasell (!)
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To: Tzimisce
Funny - I'm not getting any....

Don't feel like the Lone Ranger on that one.

Do you think it might be related to the fact that we're sitting here on our computers posting to a forum at 3AM EST? Nahhh... couldn't be that, could it? :-)

8 posted on 03/28/2006 11:54:07 PM PST by Looking4Truth (Radical Muslims and Illegal Mexicans: Too stupid to create so they invade or destroy.)
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To: goldstategop

Looks like ol' Burt couldn't come up with an idea for a column.


9 posted on 03/28/2006 11:55:12 PM PST by ozzymandus
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To: goldstategop
The difference is the French don't get caught.

He did not "cheat" on Hillary. There have been too many bimbos for it not to be an accepted practice in their marriage. MAYBE Monica's age was an issue for her. Or that it was careless (too easy to get caught), or that it was like boffing the secretary (which NOW railed against even if the secretary consented to the sex on overnight business trips).

The Monica case showed the pattern of behavior by which the Clinton administration worked to silence those who knew the secrets. Get them to lie under oath. Pay them off with high paying jobs at friends' firms. Threaten them ("sorry to hear about your tires", "what happened to your cat?" "I saw your kids yesterday on their way to school").

Capone wasn't a notorious tax cheat. He was a notorious mobster.

Sure I'd rather see him serving time for accepting Chinese Communist money for his re-election campaign. There are lots of charges he got away with.

10 posted on 03/29/2006 12:47:22 AM PST by weegee ("Republicans believe every day is the Fourth of July, but Democrats believe every day is April 15.")
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To: goldstategop

As a very experienced French lady once said to me, in a thick French accent: "No Frenchman would ever believe than an American would be a better lover than a Frenchman...but you are."


11 posted on 03/29/2006 1:18:32 AM PST by Savage Beast (9/11 was never repeated--thanks to President George W. Bush and his surveillance program!)
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To: Looking4Truth
RE: Funny - I'm not getting any...
Thanks I needed that humorous dose of reality. It was AFA(as funny as) this Freeper's byline;
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Groucho (Marx?)...
12 posted on 03/29/2006 2:55:13 AM PST by iopscusa (El Vaquero. (SC Lowcountry Cowboy))
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To: peyton randolph
Many of the French don't bathe, wear deodorant, or wear underwear. 'Cologne' is used to mask their poor hygiene.

A lot of Americans don't either. Except many of them don't even bother to wear Cologne.

Also, is this a fact or just your conjecture? Have you lived in France? Are there studies that prove this?

Actually it is, from my personal experience, true, but that doesn't change the fact that you didn't tell us the basis for your argument.

13 posted on 03/29/2006 3:07:43 AM PST by Einigkeit_Recht_Freiheit (No one cares if the muzzies are free. It really is about their oil.)
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To: Savage Beast

Sounds like you are tooting your own horn a bit there SB


14 posted on 03/29/2006 3:09:23 AM PST by Einigkeit_Recht_Freiheit (No one cares if the muzzies are free. It really is about their oil.)
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To: Einigkeit_Recht_Freiheit
Also, is this a fact or just your conjecture? Have you lived in France? Are there studies that prove this?

1. It is a fact...not conjecture.

2. Although I have not lived in France, I've traveled there many times. I also have friends there who confirm that what I've seen in my travels is the rule rather than the exception.

3. Yes. There are studies.

4. If you're trying to pick a fight, I suggest you STFU before you embarrass yourself further.


 

15 posted on 03/29/2006 3:17:16 AM PST by peyton randolph (As long is it does me no harm, I don't care if one worships Elmer Fudd.)
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To: goldstategop

"They couldn't stop snickering over our bourgeois value system."

The author Burt chose the wrong word, bourgeois, to describe this aspect of our society. He meant moral, but he couldn't say it.

I think (and hope) that there is hope for our nation, as long as a segment of society continue to strive for some moral restraint, socially liberal conservatives not withstanding. France et al, for better or worse, will most likely go the way of the Roman empire.


16 posted on 03/29/2006 3:18:04 AM PST by Rennes Templar ("The future ain't what it used to be".........Yogi Berra)
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To: goldstategop

Have you seen French men? Ick...

The sexiest most eye-grabbing guys on the planet are Scottish, Aussie, and English.


17 posted on 03/29/2006 3:23:53 AM PST by OpusatFR
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To: peyton randolph

First of all, thansk for the report. It was amusing.

I am tired of people on FR making blanket statements without evening offering to back it up with clear evidence.

It is like me stating that All Americans are fat.

Your language is absolutely uncalled for. Not only was I not trying to pick a fight, I was agreeing with you, but challenging you to back up your statement with at least something - at least personal experience.

So go have another cup of coffee and calm down before you bust a nut.


18 posted on 03/29/2006 3:31:58 AM PST by Einigkeit_Recht_Freiheit (No one cares if the muzzies are free. It really is about their oil.)
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To: peyton randolph; Einigkeit_Recht_Freiheit
This is mid-century redux. They sell and use less soap in France because they tend to use shower gel instead. When I lived in Germany, it was the female unshaven pits and hairy legs covered in pantyhose that icked me out. And in Continental Europe in general, antiperspirant only became widely available quite recently. Actually, Western Europe hygiene standards are pretty much the same across the board, and people do tend to bathe and wash clothes less frequently than in the US, but not to the extent 50 years ago. Social class also plays a role.

Part of the issue is the high cost of doing laundry. Only 18% of the French own a clothes dryer, it's also less than 50% in Germany, if I recall correctly. Water and electricity are expensive, and if you go to a pay laundromat, you're out a good $12-15 a load. Yes, $12-15 a load. 1 Euro (about $1.25) per 10 minutes in the dryer, and 8 Euros a wash (about $10). And don't even mention the cost of drycleaning.

19 posted on 03/29/2006 3:40:15 AM PST by austinTparty
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To: goldstategop
Who needs sex when there is FR?

(MWTH thinks to himself: "smile? sarcasm tag? chortle?")

20 posted on 03/29/2006 3:56:46 AM PST by manwiththehands (A Republican is as a Republican does.)
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To: goldstategop
What's more, Ms. Hamm, a fine soccer player and probably a nice person, is as flat as an ironing board.

When men compete, the best man wins.
When women compete, the best man wins, too.

21 posted on 03/29/2006 4:03:06 AM PST by wotan
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To: Einigkeit_Recht_Freiheit

I am, and she did!


22 posted on 03/29/2006 5:42:59 AM PST by Savage Beast ("Bogus arguments are a tip-off that you wouldn't buy the real reason..." ~Thomas Sowell)
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To: peyton randolph
Einigkeit_Recht_Freiheit

He's the same clown that was on yesterday on a gun thread arguing in favor of gun control in American cities. Lol.

I'd guess he's a DU poser or something. Nothing to see here.

23 posted on 03/29/2006 7:22:08 AM PST by SlayerOfBunnies
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To: SlayerOfBunnies
I'd guess he's a DU poser or something.
Thanks for the info.
24 posted on 03/29/2006 7:38:46 AM PST by peyton randolph (As long is it does me no harm, I don't care if one worships Elmer Fudd.)
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To: wotan
I've met Ms. Hamm in person and spent several hours with her at a business function. Allow me to say that:

1)She is not as flat as an ironing board. Indeed, she is quite attractive. Very nice legs and very intense eyes Because she didn't have an ounce of fat on her, you can hardly call her buxom

2)She is a very friendly person. She was approached several times by members of the public and would always take time to talk to them. I remember Mia taking extra time to talk to the daughter of the make-up artist at the shoot. This young girl was absolutely aglow at meeting her soccer heroine. Mia talked to her and gave her several autographed pictures. Mia is a class act.

25 posted on 03/29/2006 6:52:16 PM PST by Panzerfaust
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To: Looking4Truth


LOL


26 posted on 03/29/2006 9:21:50 PM PST by Tzimisce (How Would Mohammed Vote? Hillary for President! www.dndorks.com)
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To: goldstategop
when people object so strenuously to the portions of the Patriot Act that permit the feds to eavesdrop on our computers, what do you think it is that makes them so darn nervous?

President Hillary finding out who all is behind various FReeper handles.

Next silly question?

27 posted on 03/29/2006 10:02:23 PM PST by steve-b (A desire not to butt into other people's business is eighty percent of all human wisdom)
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