In Search of Chivalry Did it sink with the Titanic?

National Review Online ^ | April 13, 2006 | Carrie Lukas

[ReleaseTheHounds]

Imagine a luxury liner sinking into artic waters with too few lifeboats for its passengers. Who would get those seats?

When the Titanic sank on April 15, 1912, the answer was obvious: women and children had first priority. Why was this? Certainly, the male passengers could have over-powered most of the women and saved their own lives. What kept them from doing so?

Chivalry. The idea that part of being a man (and certainly part of being a gentleman) is to sacrifice willingly to protect those who are more vulnerable. Of course, all those aboard the Titanic were equally vulnerable to the near freezing water. The men who gave their seats in the lifeboats gave their lives. Out of all of the Titanic's passengers, 74 percent of women lived while 80 percent of the men died.

Christina Hoff Sommers began her review of Harvey Mansfield's new book Manliness by reminding readers of the memorial erected by women in 1931 to honor those men on the Titanic. The memorial's inscription reads: "To the brave men who perished in the wreck of the Titanic. . . . They gave their lives that women and children might be saved." As Sommers suggests, this overlooked memorial is a fitting symbol of the state of chivalry or even of manliness today:

"...almost no one remembers those men. Women no longer bring flowers to the statue on April 15 to honor their chivalry. The idea of male gallantry makes many women nervous, suggesting (as it does) that women require special protection. It implies the sexes are objectively different. It tells us that some things are best left to men. Gallantry is a virtue that dare not speak its name."

[Nea Wood]

I used to say "yes ma'am", but two weeks in NY, and about a 100 "don't call me ma'am"s later i stopped.

Not to defend rudeness, but sometimes women don't like being called "ma'am" because it makes them feel old. Plus, oftentimes female salesclerks are snotty to female customers by saying "ma'am" in a condescending tone. Like a female standup comedian once said, "We women know what 'ma'am' really means. It means the 'B' word." Not really, but sometimes salesclerks make us feel that way.

Anyway, you're a gentleman, and none of this is your fault. But try saying "yes, Miss." I bet you'll get a sweeter response. :-)

[SouthernFreebird]

I've been pretty lucky, always had men open the door or carry heavy stuff, the usual things a gentlemen does. I very much appreciate the effort when a man does it knowing he took the risk of being cussed out by a rabid feminist.

I'm in my early 40's and have always said ma'am and sir to people I am talking with out of respect.

For you men, we ain't all against being treated like a woman. Don't give in to the feminists who don't speak for all women.

[Constitution Day]

So true. You'd think people would bother to use spell check.

[dmz]

Reports of chivalry's demise are greatly exaggerated.

[SaltyJoe]

Please note the Author of Chivalry:

[tx_eggman]

Well, on the one hand chivalry resulted in nearly all of the men on the Titanic dying. On the other hand, one of 'em was Leo...

Seeing Dicrappio die a slow, agonizing death was one of the great moments in cinema history.

When the tape was brought home by my daughter it took me a good 3 or 4 minutes to fast foward to that scene ... it was time well spent.

[tfecw]

"Not to defend rudeness, but sometimes women don't like being called "ma'am" because it makes them feel old. "

Yeah, that's what they told me. My response was either "Sorry, I'm an army brat" or "Sorry, I'm from Texas" Either way i would get the "you poor thing" look ;)

[New Girl]

When I've seen pregnant women on the metro, I offer them my seat than glare at the men reading their papers and pretending not to notice. If a man wants to be a man, he can still choose to be.

btw, my man opens my doors and helps me with my coat and I love it!

[Heyworth]

Simple fact about the Titanic: More First Class men survived than Third Class children.

[trebb]

Not all males are men and not all women are feminazis. I prefer to stay "old-fashioned" and show women respect and courtesy, and open doors, and even offer up "my" seat that a woman might sit. I figure that if I'm not willing to act as I think a man should act, I don't give the women out there that aren't ashamed to be women, a chance to be women. I've been sneered at and ridiculed by some of the women I have offered courtesies to, but I find it sadly amusing more than anything else. If I stop being me because others won't be as I would have them be, I am a traitor to myself.

Same goes for politics - I will not be a part of making the Dims' hunger for power easier to be satisfied just because the Repubs in office refuse to be "men" enough to act like what they claim to be.

[American Quilter]

I wonder if the stories of men being chewed out for holding a door or offering a seat to a woman are true.

Unfortunately there are such women. I saw many such instances in my college years, when young women who didn't know any better fell prey to feminist philosophies. Some of them have never gotten their thinking straightened out enough to understand their error. But I hope their numbers are decreasing as they mature and learn to think.

[Beauceron]

Yup; feminism.

I'll help my girlfriend and my mother and sisters.

Women want equality right up until it's inconvenient for them.

They have the right to carry their own heavy bags, open their own doors, and drown, too.

[wagglebee]

The idea of male gallantry makes many women nervous, suggesting (as it does) that women require special protection. It implies the sexes are objectively different. It tells us that some things are best left to men.

Men and women are different and if society would start acting that way, we'd get back on track. Of course men are stronger and better at certain tasks; however, women are more nurturing. The differences between men and women are not only real, they are necessary.

[linda_22003]

I wondered about that myself, and here's an interesting page:

http://www.anesi.com/titanic.htm

Sex actually was more of a determinant than class in survival.

[American Quilter]

Anyway, you're a gentleman, and none of this is your fault. But try saying "yes, Miss." I bet you'll get a sweeter response. :-)

Only if the lady is unmarried and younger than, say, 25, or if the gentleman is at least 75! Once a lady is married or out of her mid-20s, she should, in my opinion, be pleased at achieving adult status and expect to be granted the title she merits. Any gentleman younger than 75 who addresses me as "Miss" gets a very polite, "Thank you, young man" in reply!

[GeorgefromGeorgia]

I have had women wag their fingers at me for opening doors for them. Also, giving up my seat on the Washington Metro. That brand of feminism doesn't even allow for civility.

[Nea Wood]

Once a lady is married or out of her mid-20s, she should, in my opinion, be pleased at achieving adult status and expect to be granted the title she merits.

They should, but they don't. Many women get depressed when, around a certain age, the "Miss" changes to "Ma'am." It's kind of a depressing moment for many of us, like finding the first wrinkle or gray hair.

[American Quilter]

I have had women wag their fingers at me for opening doors for them. Also, giving up my seat on the Washington Metro. That brand of feminism doesn't even allow for civility.

It's a tribute to you (and your parents) that you continue to be a gentleman when you may at any time be confronted by a woman who is not a lady. I'm grateful to all the gentlemen out there like you.

[ExpatGator]

My reply to the request "don't call me ma'am" is always "yes ma'am." Kill 'em with kindness.

[Sergio]

My wife has no issues being called Ma'am. Of course she started being called Ma'am at 22 when she pinned on the butter bar of a 2nd Lt. in the USAF.