Skip to comments.I Hate Email [Iowahawk Guest Commentary by Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi; Senior VP, Al-Qaeda In Iraq]
Posted on 04/23/2006 12:32:22 PM PDT by 68skylark
Word up whitebread, how you livin'?
Yeah, I been gettin' all your email haterade. All y'all infidels be texting and emailing, and it's all like "yo Zarks where u at? Al Qaeda cut off your TypePad account? LOL!!!"
Hey cuz, act like you know. Like the Zarkman got time to be blogging this bitch with the Q1 decapitation reports overdue, and Fatima all up in my grille wantin money for the kids' summer martyr camp, and Team Satan sendin another crew of laser-guided "downsizing consultants" every freaking day.
Fo real, you think Zarkman got time to play penpal with you chumps? Cracka, every damn morning I got an Outlook inbox full of fresh steaming dung to deal with. Meeting notices from Zawahiri. Overdue notices from the IED suppliers. Ads for Hoodia and boner pills. Six different NCAA pools. Then there's the tardmail from my Daily Kos fanboys:
OMG u r teh ROXOR! Its like u r total Che Guervera and Fidel and Malcom X plus System of a Down!! Good luck against the Zionist neocon occupiers!!!! Ya,, SCREW those mercenaries!!! Everybody here at UCLA Ed school thinks u r total l33t HARDCORE!!!
Fight teh POWER bro!!!
Dr. Peter McLaren
Professor, Graduate School of Education
University of California at Los Angeles
PS - check out this awesome flash movie!!! Its Bush turning into a fukkin nazi monkey!!!! LOL!!!!
Yep. Welcome to my fan base, sunshine. Go ahead and yuk it up, but imagine how depressing this sh** gets. I used to have MS Outlook filter out ".edu" emails, but Zawahiri made a new policy that we have to answer them. "Good PR, good for recruiting and fundraising," or some goatsh** like that. Okay, Zarkman's a team player:
Dear Professor Pete:
Great to hear from a fellow revolutionary in the struggle against occupation! As you have probably read at Indymedia and the LA Times, we have Halliburton's illegal imperialist oil mercenaries totally demoralized and on the run! Still, every little bit helps. Please show your support with a contribution to the Al Qaeda in Iraq Tip Jar. Your generous donation ensures that our boys have the Qurans and scimitars and dynamite belts they need to finish the job. We accept PayPal, and payroll donations are matched by the University of California System!
Also, with semester break coming up, why not join us here in the sunny Mideast for a fun and educational summer of fighting the demoralized Zionist military in person? Our trained staff can help you and your graduate students make the travel arrangements. And if necessary, contact your next of kin. Act now, because Paradise awaits, and spaces are filling up fast!
See you in Fallujah,
Whats that Pete? No thanks? Youre busy shampooing your fabulous flowing Fabio do? Yeah, I thought so, bitch.
And to top it all off, guess who just showed up at the back door? You got it. Those kuffar peace creeps, volunteering for hostage duty again. Im totally curious: how come all those badass hard muthafu**in Wu Tang infidels end up on Team Satan, and Zarkman gets stuck with the dipsh**s too stoned to tune their stupid guitars?
I'd comment but my head hurts and I'm confused.
Pretty funny. Glad I read it before it gets pulled.
I don't think there's anything in this post that will cause it to get pulled. If I've done something wrong, let me know.
If anyone wants another good chuckle, click the link (above) for Dr. Peter McLaren.
Yes, I note that McLaren is showing black roots in his long blond hair. See his photo. How funny.
I checked out his site. I feel dirty. I think I'll go take a shower now.
One of his best yet, and that's saying something. I'm still bursting inside over his War On Lutefisk satire.
His Wikipedia page traps the reader--I couldn't back-arrow to IowaHawk or even to McLaren's Che Guevara page.
Right on, Hawk! I was starting to worry about the boy.
How's the donkey?
Well maybe the whole persona is a really sophisticated parody -- it's hard to believe there's a real person behind all that nonsense who really harbors such stupid views.
Methinks our good Hawk should be a part of Team Bush.
Imagine the press conferences....