Skip to comments.More Women Not Waiting For Mr. Right
Posted on 05/21/2006 11:55:33 AM PDT by Extremely Extreme Extremist
(CBS) CHICAGO It's a trend that some fear may have long-term consequences. More unmarried women over the age of 25 are not waiting for Mr. Right.
As CBS 2's Alita Guillen reports, these ladies are having children on their own.
The fantasy father at their fingertips is a sperm donor with all the right stuff.
Katherine Gehl and April Lashbrook had successful careers and dated, but they didn't have husbands. They heard their biological clocks ticking loudly.
"It was like a time bomb," April said.
"I need to go and have a baby and be a mother, and so I did," Katherine said.
Women used to depend on chemistry in the bedroom to conceive a child. Now, more and more women are turning to the lab and depending more on science than sex.
This twist on the mating game begins at a sperm bank, where donors can earn up to $900 a month.
"These guys are college students. This is a form of income," said California Cryobank Medical Director Dr. Cappy Rothman.
The sperm undergoes testing for diseases, genetic defects and blood type.
"Donor sperm, in many ways, is guaranteed good sperm," said Dr. Lauren Streicher, a gynecologist at Northwestern Memorial Hospital.
When April chose her donor in 2003, she got a long profile including a medical history and even written answers to questions.
"I knew immediately that was who I was going to choose," she said.
Now, many banks offer much more, including childhood photos and the donors' voices on CD.
Once chosen, the sperm remains frozen and stored until needed. Then it can be shipped anywhere.
While women can inseminate themselves at home, both April and Katherine used fertility specialists.
Many of these donors have already proven their fertility.
"It's an excellent way of getting pregnant because you usually have men who have confirmed pregnancy," said Dr. Brian Kaplan, a fertility specialist with Fertility Clinics of Illinois.
"We are creating a real potential disaster here," said Elizabeth Marquardt with New York City's Affiliate Scholar Institute for American Values.
Some critics are concerned that as this practice becomes more popular, and that with an unknown number of children from the same donor, that two of them might unknowingly hook up.
"In the future, we will have to have a DNA test with anyone we want to have sex with just to make sure we're not related to them," Marquardt said.
Many sperm banks say they try to limit pregnancies based on geographic area to reduce that risk. However, in a transient society, it may be hard to do.
Critics also worry how this might change the definition of family.
"As a society, we're saying fathers don't matter," Marquardt said.
Thirteen-year-old Liz Herzog, whose father is donor number 1002 from Virginia's Fairfax Cryobank, says she's happy with her life.
"I can't even say that once in a while I wish I had a father, because I don't," she said.
Through the Donor Sibling Registry Web site, she has discovered at least 10 half-sibling and has met seven, including Callie from Pennsylvania.
Liz's mother, Diana, thinks these newly forged relationships will last a lifetime.
"You can only hope that your child will be well-adjusted and happy enough when they grow up that they won't feel that they're missing too much," Diana Herzog said.
April's daughter, Julia, is now almost three years old.
"When she was born, it was just amazing," April said.
Katherine's daughter, Alexandra, is eight months old.
Both are enjoying every moment motherhood has to offer.
"It is so much greater than I had any idea," Katherine said.
April, Julia's mom, knows of six half-siblings so far.
All of the single moms we spoke with think the possibility of meeting and dating a half-sibling is very remote because they are very open or plan to be open with their children.
It is interesting to note that back when sperm banks first opened in the 1970s, it was all married couples seeking sperm donors. Doctors say those couples were more likely to keep it secret.
Besides, it's tough getting the "village" taxpayers to support and raise your child if "Mr. Right" is living in the home.
"Goodbye men, it was nice knowing you."
Unless these women are Lesbians, don't they know how much fun their missing by going the route of the sperm donor?
I really am screwed now (pun not intended). Perhaps lifelong singlehood isn't as bad as it sounds.
This is a time bomb waiting to ruin your life. It goes off the day "Mommy" finds herself broke and goes after you for child support. Guarantees of anonymity won't mean jack to an activist judge.
I categorically don't date single/divorced/widowed moms. Kids are a bad scene for a bachelor about town, and I have no interest in raising some other guy's children.
"Thirteen-year-old Liz Herzog, whose father is donor number 1002 "
Sick, selfish women..thinking only of their own wants.
This practice is demented.
What totally selfish women. They are more concerned with themselves and their "biological clocks" than with providing their child with EVERYTHING that child needs to be well rounded. It's tough enough when something happens to your spouse (death, etc.) to raise a child alone, but to do it without even thinking of the consequences is unimaginable.
""These guys are college students. This is a form of income,"
Mow a lawn you lazy POS.
What an extremely selfish attitude. No wonder she hasn't met Mr. Right -- who'd want her?
"I can't even say that once in a while I wish I had a father, because I don't," she said"
Even if you did, you couldn't. Thank your mom for that -- you can probably reach her on her cell phone.
Yeah but even single people get the "urge" every now and then. What are you going to do, be celibate?
Of course they know. But what choice do they have? All too often, while there may be men who will share their bed, those men are not about to be roped into being a father.
"Thirteen-year-old Liz Herzog, whose father is donor number 1002 from Virginia's Fairfax Cryobank, says she's happy with her life."
Shades of "Brave New World". Kinda gives me the willies.
I feel sorry for her progeny.
Because you never had one to begin with, many fatherless children would LOVE to have a father.
I always disliked the school assignments where you had to trace back your ancestry. The point was that no one is an American -- except Native Americans. My father's side goes back over 200 years in America. My mother's side goes back over 300 years. But my teachers always told me I was not American, I was from an immigrant family. I hated that.
But at least my family tree didn't include donor number 1002.
Expectant fathers in the waiting room...
Heck, my fear, as a man, would be some loony family judge would make me have to pay child support...
Me, me, me, I want, I want, I want, nice example mom. Whatever happened to patience is a virtue. Or, did it ever occur to these women that the reason they didn't have men in their lives to father their own children is because the men didn't think they were a suitable for motherhood? If only the clinics could screen the potential mother...
Unfortunately, I wasn't so lucky. I dated a woman who was divorced with a kid for several years and it clearly didn't work out. The woman (rightly so) will always put the child first, period.
She could at least have named her "Liz 1002".
That's what they say about married women who choose to remain childless... we women just can't seem to win.
We have a 3rd due in 6 weeks. (girl)
I absolutely know beyond a shadow of a doubt that even with all my faults my daughters will be far better off having had me in their lives.
Their mother lets them slide on just about anything.
Sorry to ping you to this miserable article. Swirling down the drain for sure.
"It was time to accessorize and i was sooo tired of new shoes, so I got a baby. I picked out the eye and hair color to match my drapes... did it as quickly as possible to avoid having to interrupt my career as a gen-u-wine number in an office cubicle. My baby gets me so much attention, and I feel so special!"
I would say the probability of these bimbos' kids turning out screwed up is just about unity.
"I couldn't form an enduring attachment to another human adult, and my condo association doesn't allow pets, so I had a baby."
And hey, if you change the carpets and the baby's eyes don't match, the muslims of Pakistan are always buying.
Criminal Number 18F
Your dad was #1002?
MY dad was #1002!
Oh my god... you're my half sister!
So rather than become Miss Right, these wymyn are not waiting for Mister Right and are settling for Mister Right Now (for ten minutes)?
"The woman (rightly so) will always put the child first, period."
I learned that the hard way too, the 1st time around.
The youger kids will also resent you more than likely for not being their original dad.
But when the chips are down you are an outsider.
"I need to go and have a baby and be a mother, and so I did,"
I,I,I. It's the 'me' generation.
They do. They screen to see if the check clears or the credit card is good. Other than that, one ovary looks just like another to them.
The more they think they are "liberated", the more they are tied to their base animal instincts. Do you think they realize that they are worse than dogs in an alley?
Well, considering that the average college student is going to be, er, producing samples regularly, he might as well collect the stuff and get these losers to pay him for it.
Criminal Number 18F
That's "Liz Herzog-1002," ya male-chauvanist. ;^)
Ironically, these women will have daughters and sons who long for fathers, and since Mom will likely be busy with her career, guess what happens to the kids?
This is JUST great, ain't it?
In it he gives anecdotes and statistics about the abuse of children without married parents. I met an enlightened DC area woman who followed the advice of this article. The first time I met her she was smacking her cat because it meowed.
The chief wife is mainly for the purpose of demonstrating the ability to absorb vast quantities of financial damage.
I didn't/couldn't read the story past the 2nd paragraph, because my thinking was "No mystery here, they don't have husbands because they really don't want husbands."
And there it is, proof positive. "I don't."
The kind of woman that *desires* to raise a child without a father does not compute for this guy (and probably most guys), and so we have the answer to her dilemma: she doesn't want a husband, and potential husbands don't want her.
To bad for the kid to be raised with such a whacko.
I agree. (And I'm female.) I look primarily for widowed men. At my age, I'm not looking for some guy with a gaggle of child support to pay and a string of failed relationships.
Sad day ping........
I note that you can't "miss" that which you never had. If these kids have never had a Dad, they'll never know what they're missing.
You don't know that.
Perfectly smart and understandable. And very wise! Good luck in all things! ;-)
Hire a hooker.
I'll be worried when something is invented to take out the garbage.
Nice choice of words.
But they are really just part of the socialist stud farm, desiring their luckless children be raised by indifferent strangers in government-funded day care centers while they hang out admiring their belly buttons with their fellow hedonists bragging about their many wonderful accomplishments. It's all about their egos.
These are total losers. Unfortunately, "their" children are the worse losers!