Skip to comments.More Women Not Waiting For Mr. Right
Posted on 05/21/2006 11:55:33 AM PDT by Extremely Extreme Extremist
(CBS) CHICAGO It's a trend that some fear may have long-term consequences. More unmarried women over the age of 25 are not waiting for Mr. Right.
As CBS 2's Alita Guillen reports, these ladies are having children on their own.
The fantasy father at their fingertips is a sperm donor with all the right stuff.
Katherine Gehl and April Lashbrook had successful careers and dated, but they didn't have husbands. They heard their biological clocks ticking loudly.
"It was like a time bomb," April said.
"I need to go and have a baby and be a mother, and so I did," Katherine said.
Women used to depend on chemistry in the bedroom to conceive a child. Now, more and more women are turning to the lab and depending more on science than sex.
This twist on the mating game begins at a sperm bank, where donors can earn up to $900 a month.
"These guys are college students. This is a form of income," said California Cryobank Medical Director Dr. Cappy Rothman.
The sperm undergoes testing for diseases, genetic defects and blood type.
"Donor sperm, in many ways, is guaranteed good sperm," said Dr. Lauren Streicher, a gynecologist at Northwestern Memorial Hospital.
When April chose her donor in 2003, she got a long profile including a medical history and even written answers to questions.
"I knew immediately that was who I was going to choose," she said.
Now, many banks offer much more, including childhood photos and the donors' voices on CD.
Once chosen, the sperm remains frozen and stored until needed. Then it can be shipped anywhere.
While women can inseminate themselves at home, both April and Katherine used fertility specialists.
Many of these donors have already proven their fertility.
"It's an excellent way of getting pregnant because you usually have men who have confirmed pregnancy," said Dr. Brian Kaplan, a fertility specialist with Fertility Clinics of Illinois.
"We are creating a real potential disaster here," said Elizabeth Marquardt with New York City's Affiliate Scholar Institute for American Values.
Some critics are concerned that as this practice becomes more popular, and that with an unknown number of children from the same donor, that two of them might unknowingly hook up.
"In the future, we will have to have a DNA test with anyone we want to have sex with just to make sure we're not related to them," Marquardt said.
Many sperm banks say they try to limit pregnancies based on geographic area to reduce that risk. However, in a transient society, it may be hard to do.
Critics also worry how this might change the definition of family.
"As a society, we're saying fathers don't matter," Marquardt said.
Thirteen-year-old Liz Herzog, whose father is donor number 1002 from Virginia's Fairfax Cryobank, says she's happy with her life.
"I can't even say that once in a while I wish I had a father, because I don't," she said.
Through the Donor Sibling Registry Web site, she has discovered at least 10 half-sibling and has met seven, including Callie from Pennsylvania.
Liz's mother, Diana, thinks these newly forged relationships will last a lifetime.
"You can only hope that your child will be well-adjusted and happy enough when they grow up that they won't feel that they're missing too much," Diana Herzog said.
April's daughter, Julia, is now almost three years old.
"When she was born, it was just amazing," April said.
Katherine's daughter, Alexandra, is eight months old.
Both are enjoying every moment motherhood has to offer.
"It is so much greater than I had any idea," Katherine said.
April, Julia's mom, knows of six half-siblings so far.
All of the single moms we spoke with think the possibility of meeting and dating a half-sibling is very remote because they are very open or plan to be open with their children.
It is interesting to note that back when sperm banks first opened in the 1970s, it was all married couples seeking sperm donors. Doctors say those couples were more likely to keep it secret.
Isn't that just the saddest statement? SHE needed. Based on my experience, the last selfish thought we ever had was I want a baby. Everything, every meal we ate, every penny we spent, every plan we made was overshadowed by that last selfish thought.
SHE needed. I hope she knows how to get over her other NEEDS going forward, because the only needs we had time to fulfill were those of our children.
What a goof. No wonder she couldn't find a husband. Too centered on HER needs.
>>Nice choice of words.
At least they are choosing to have children. Its better than just sleeping with anyone you want without protection and producing children without wanting them.
"Mommy, Mommy, can you show us that picture of Daddy?"
I believe that Nazi Germany experimented with this kind of insane immoral idea.
Mow a lawn you lazy POS.
They're just getting paid to do something they'd probably be doing anyway--only save the results.
"You too can wank your way to a college degree in your spare time...."
""I can't even say that once in a while I wish I had a father, because I don't," she said."
Cripes, like a 13-year-old has enough life experience to be a valid source of opinion. Not to mention that by most estimates, her frontal lobe has 7 more years to go to maturity, so she has questionable judgement too.
Very well said! Gave me chills.
Any parent that thinks their life is about their needs
do not get what parenting is.
Tell ya what. In exchange for half of the net worth of our community property, you can have my wife. :-)
Darn, I could have bought a PHD.
But it would be better for everyone concerned if they simply just buy a quality dildo and spare the rest of us their self-righteousness!
You can become Miss right all you want and if there are fewer and fewer quality men willing to commit, this situation is going to get worse, no matter how Miss Right one has become.
More Women Not Waiting For Mr. Right
Many of these women have probably aborted infants and now they view a child as just another "possession" to aquire as easily as possible.
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Thank you. :) You can't imagine the negative reaction I get, particularly from other women, when I tell them that choosing a mate is a decision that should be made on a practical basis as well as an emotional one. And the emotional one isn't primary.
So why are men selling their semen? I guess you could say it would be better for everyone if they would just jack off into a garbage can rather than sell it.
We still need to be kept around to pay for the government run child care and/or welfare these single mothers will need. If you look at it that way, we're all fathers!
What ever happened to buying a cat?
to be honest, this doesn't bother me that much. we have low birth rates in this country, and if these women want children and they can afford to raise them, let them get pregnant if they want.
"Many of these women have probably aborted infants..."
How on earth did you come to this conclusion?
I hope all these women live very long lives,VERY ALONE AND VERY LONELY!
haha! Good point.
Well gee whiz, if the sperm donor sounded so great, why didn't they meet and get married? Yeah I know....
The coming genetic disaster is scary.
Not one great smile amongst them.
By the fact that there are well over ONE MILLION abortions per year performed in this country.
"Without a father, these children have no way of learning what a man is or what to expect out of themselves, (if they are boys) nor what to expect from men (if they are girls)..."
Psychotherapy is a wonderful profession. Life is never perfect.
I agree. I think that's the reason we have so many dissatisfied couples: there wasn't much attention given to practical matters. Indeed, the practical matters are very important and when ignored, lead to problems.
"By the fact that there are well over ONE MILLION abortions per year performed in this country."
And just how does that correlate to women who choose to have children via a test tube?
Okay, then lets assume none of them have had abortions, what about the embryos that they are allowing to be slaughtered just to feed their desires?
Odd that they're now trying to make "sperm donor" a term of praise. It used to be a phrase for deadbeat dads. Those sperm donors really empowered the women they impregnated--empowered them right into poverty and welfare.
Agreed...Many of those shrinks could use a lot of it.
What embryos? These women aren't donating their embryos.
*I'M* donor number 1002!!!
And you turn your nose down to these women who choose to have a child and you give the men who profit from selling their sperm a pass?
What exactly do you think happens to the "left over" embryos after IVF?
You aren't Tom Cruise in disguise are you?
These sperm donors had better watch out. Some recent court rulings have come down that hold the sperm donor liable for child support!
Hate to see it. The husband-wife relationship was established by God for a very sacred purpose. De-valuing it in this manner can have apocalylptic consequences.
Let me guess... the women sell them? I don't know and I really don't care. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
Oh, because some whack-job will buy it.
"*I'M* donor number 1002!!!"
LOL! Well at least she will have a great sense of humor!
These women are not the ones mooching off the taxpayers. These women don't want to wait for "Mr. Right", but they do wait for financial security. The welfare moms don't care about financial self-sufficiency, and they don't use sperm banks -- they just grab guys off the street for a quickie, while still in their teens and without a high school diploma.