Skip to comments.Hey, Doll, You Need a Real Man
Posted on 08/23/2006 3:40:42 PM PDT by nickcarraway
YOU CAN DRESS him up any way you want. Change his appearance to make him look like Orlando Bloom, Johnny Depp or even John Wayne. Tough boy, homeboy, cowboy. It doesn't matter. Ken is still a castrated man.
Ken has always lived in the shadow of the venerable girl next door. He is an afterthought, known for nothing but being a mere accessory, sold separately. Mattel is trying to bring him back after a hiatus, but with a lobotomized grin and submissive gaze, he is the epitome of role reversal. While Barbie has been a regular career gal with a plethora of jobs doctor, lawyer, flight attendant Ken seems to be nothing but a foppish playboy, a passenger in the dream car of life.
ADVERTISEMENTGenerations of girls have had the opportunity to learn how to manipulate and emasculate the male species by not only giving Ken their own feminine qualities but by allowing Ken to be totally dominated by Barbie. But is that what women really want?
When I was growing up, the girls in my neighborhood all played with Barbie dolls; that category included Ken. We boys would not be caught dead playing with dolls. Even on a rainy Saturday afternoon when no other guys were around, boys couldn't stand to be around their sisters' Barbies.
We boys did not play with dolls. We played with action figures, and Ken was no action figure.
Action figures were real men: Geronimo, Gen. Custer, GI Joe. They were made from hard plastic and had cool things like a Kung Fu grip. Every nick, scratch, scrape and dent in the plastic was a badge of honor. Ken was soft plastic with shorts even your father wouldn't wear. And he had accessories of his own: shoes, tennis racket, skates.
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A fine tradition since 1961.
Think I went out with her once. Can't remember because I was drunk. (Just kidding dear, please put the bat down.)
Or set on fire.
My GI Joes used to stage commando raids against my sister's Barbie Dream House...
He didn't have a lobotomized grin before?
My GI joes used to arrest Ken. We had him tied to a chair for questioning. He sang like a canary.
Transgender Barbie looks like a Kennedy. Not sure which one. But a Kennedy.
Lol! Are you trying to kill me? :)
My Barbie's guy was my brother's G.I. Joe. Even back in the sixties, I knew Ken was a wimp.
Girl: "I want a Barbie and a G.I. Joe!"
Santa Claus: "Doesn't Barbie come with Ken?"
Girl: "No, Barbie comes with G.I. Joe. She just fakes it with Ken."
What? you mean you didn't already experiment with Ken in Barbies dresses when you were a kid? Didn't they still make Barbie Dolls in the early '90's?
Never occured to me to put Barbies clothes on Ken, Digger. But if they would've had a faggot Ken when I was growing up.....oh the things I would make him do! Lol!
Geez, that compliment on your age flew right on by, didn't it? :)
Wow! A suicide-bomber action figure. That should sell well in the Middle East.
ROFL! No, I noticed, just wasn't sure you meant it (which I know you don't!) but very sweet anyway! Thank you, Grampa! ;)
Wanna pay Barbies with me, Gramps? C'mon, I KNOW you really want to!
ROFL! So THAT'S why I'm so sleazy! Grampa, you're getting senile! :P