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Do not be alarmed; Miami isn't so weird
Miami Herald ^ | January 28, 2007 | DAVE BARRY

Posted on 01/28/2007 7:43:05 AM PST by ConservativeStatement

Welcome to Miami, Super Bowl visitors! You are going to have a wonderful time, from the moment you arrive in our magical city, until the moment you discover that your wallet is missing.

I'm kidding! You'll be fine, probably! Because the truth is that Miami is a terrific place, despite the criticisms you may have heard from ignorant yokel blowhards who shall remain nameless, such as U.S. Rep. Tom Tancredo.

(Excerpt) Read more at miami.com ...


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: browardbites; davebarry; miami; miamirocks; southflorida; superbowl; weird
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1 posted on 01/28/2007 7:43:08 AM PST by ConservativeStatement
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To: MassRepublicanFlyersFan
Back in November, Rep. Tancredo, who represents suburban Denver, ruffled some feathers down here when he called Miami ``a third-world country.''
For the record, that charge is unfair: Miami is WAY better armed than any third-world country.

woot
2 posted on 01/28/2007 7:46:18 AM PST by 1rudeboy
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To: 1rudeboy

I lived in Miami in the early 80s. Some of what Barry wrote, especially the driving, is true but I doubt it is limited to Miami.


3 posted on 01/28/2007 7:53:43 AM PST by ConservativeStatement
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To: MassRepublicanFlyersFan

So from this we see that Barry is not only a liberal, but perhaps the only liberal in America with a sense of humor. Unfortunately like most liberals he has to become mean-spirited and personal. I'm disappointed.


4 posted on 01/28/2007 8:01:44 AM PST by Fairview
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To: Fairview

Liberals tend to isolate themselves and preach from an Ivory Tower.


5 posted on 01/28/2007 8:04:19 AM PST by ConservativeStatement
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To: MassRepublicanFlyersFan
Huh?

Dave Barry writes an article ripping into Tancredo for calling Miami a Third World Country, then proceeds to rip into Miami for being --- a Third World Country.

Oh well, color me confused.

(BTW, I thought Barry 'retired' a few years back???)

6 posted on 01/28/2007 8:11:00 AM PST by Condor51 (The demoncRATs don't want another 'Vietnam' - they want another Dien Bien Phu.)
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To: Fairview
Can we not make everything a liberal / conservative issue. I am as right wing as they come but Miami is a spectacular place once you get there. A simple walk on Ocean Dr in South Beach makes the trip worthwhile. Great weather, the best looking girls in America and some great food. If you are fortunate enough to be in Miami for Super Bowl it promises to be the biggest party in the country and the Cuban / Spanish influence ensures great music and fun to be had for all. And Joe's Stone Crab is worth the wait, the crab legs are the best I've ever had and I live in New England.
7 posted on 01/28/2007 8:15:14 AM PST by Maneesh (A non-hyphenated American.)
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To: MassRepublicanFlyersFan
To Dave Barry:

YES IT IS!!!!!

Now Idaho...here's a place that isn't weird. But that reason alone is enough for the oh-so cosmopolitan, metrosexual, trendy crowd to think we are weird. Oh well...if it keeps 'em out, so much the better.

Scouts Out! Cavalry Ho!

8 posted on 01/28/2007 8:16:22 AM PST by wku man (Claire Wolfe's "awkward time" is quickly coming to an end!)
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To: Condor51

That's why this "article" is called satire.


9 posted on 01/28/2007 8:25:28 AM PST by 1rudeboy
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To: MassRepublicanFlyersFan

Miami's had a ton Super Bowls and Denver hasn't had any so apparently that makes Tancredo an idiot for stating the obvious.Gee Davie boy you think maybe there's a chance it's the warm weather and the awesome beaches more so then the local inhabitants that make it a prime spot for the Super Bowl !!!


10 posted on 01/28/2007 8:26:13 AM PST by Obie Wan
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To: Maneesh
Can we not make everything a liberal / conservative issue. I am as right wing as they come but Miami is a spectacular place once you get there.

I know what Miami is like; I'm there frequently and I do love it. Just got back, in fact. But did you read the article? It was pretty funny, but every other sentence nastily insulted Tom Tancredo for what Barry called his "xenophobic" views.

11 posted on 01/28/2007 8:27:19 AM PST by Fairview
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To: Maneesh
"And Joe's Stone Crab is worth the wait, the crab legs are the best I've ever had and I live in New England."

The best crab legs ( Alaskan king crab ) I ever ate was at the UAW compound/training center at Black Lake in northern Mi.
They had a team of professional chefs that cooked everything and all the fruit/vegetables were flown in fresh daily.

The crab was even split along the shell so you didn't have to crack them.

The place was full of Communists being indoctrinated but the food was better than any restaurant I have ever eaten in.

( everything was also free except to the morons that paid dues to support the lavish lifestyle of officers)
12 posted on 01/28/2007 8:34:53 AM PST by Beagle8U
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To: MassRepublicanFlyersFan
``¿Dónde está el Rep. Tancredo?'' (``Where is the toilet?'')"

Now that was funny.

13 posted on 01/28/2007 8:40:01 AM PST by robertpaulsen
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To: 1rudeboy
I know its satire, that's what Barry does.

But Barry is confirming exactly what Tom said about Miami.

despite the criticisms you may have heard from ignorant yokel blowhards who shall remain nameless, such as U.S. Rep. Tom Tancredo.

For the record, that charge is unfair: Miami is WAY better armed than any third-world country.

`¿Dónde está el Rep. Tancredo?'' (``Where is the toilet?'')

``Salga de mi camino, usted Rep. Tancredo.'' (``Get out of my way, you stupid idiot.'')

`No dispare, por favor.'' (``Please do not shoot.'')

First off, you do NOT simply walk up and hand him money like some clueless tourist dork (or, as we call them down here, ``Tancredo'').

The Tancredo slams are out of place and mean spirited. Something a Dem would come up with, "Yeah it's a Hell hole, but its our Hell hole, so you shut up".

14 posted on 01/28/2007 8:45:03 AM PST by Condor51 (The demoncRATs don't want another 'Vietnam' - they want another Dien Bien Phu.)
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To: Condor51

Miami is a third world hell hole. Spent a couple of years there and kept moving north and lengthening my commute. Still, there are certain things that you can't simply say in public if you're running for president.


15 posted on 01/28/2007 8:47:08 AM PST by Old_Mil (http://www.gohunter08.com/)
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To: Fairview

Barry is not a liberal, he's a libertarian. Big difference.


16 posted on 01/28/2007 8:50:52 AM PST by Sam Cree (absolute reality)
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To: Fairview
every other sentence nastily insulted Tom Tancredo

The frequency and randomness of the references is sufficient for a clinical diagnosis of obsession.

17 posted on 01/28/2007 8:54:43 AM PST by jiggyboy (Ten per cent of poll respondents are either lying or insane)
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To: Sam Cree
"Barry is not a liberal, he's a libertarian. Big difference."

Libertarian = liberal that likes guns but doesn't want to pay taxes. / sarc.
18 posted on 01/28/2007 8:57:29 AM PST by Beagle8U
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To: Beagle8U
I'll take your word for it but looks the place would be off limits to non UAW people like me. Even if the food was better in Northern MI, the visual treats and ambiance was far better at Joe's Stone Crab and I know you will agree with that. I have had some great food at Communist run places in San Francisco,Boston, New York and LA and just like my entertainment have learnt to tolerate the politics of the creators otherwise I could only eat at home and never watch any movies or listen to music !
19 posted on 01/28/2007 8:59:06 AM PST by Maneesh (A non-hyphenated American.)
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To: Sam Cree
Miami is the best.. it clean and beautiful. The people who bash it are usually stuck in the some horrible backward intolerant part of the country where its either cold or there is no ocean. Most people can only 'wish' they lived in Miami.
20 posted on 01/28/2007 8:59:27 AM PST by FreeManWhoCan (**An American in Miami**)
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To: MassRepublicanFlyersFan
Let's see: Three Republican congressmen, a majority Republican delegation to the state Senate and Assembly, BEAUTIFUL WOMEN, great restaurants and nightlife, etc.

I lived in Doral (just west of Miami airport) for three years and loved it. The Miami area is a great place to live for a single man. Just stay away from Overtown, Opa Locka, North County, and you should be OK. Also, don't bend over on Lincoln Road...

21 posted on 01/28/2007 9:00:52 AM PST by Clemenza (NO to Rudy in 2008! The politics of Rockefeller and the attitude of a Gambino.)
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To: Sam Cree
Barry is not a liberal, he's a libertarian. Big difference.

There is a big difference in all points except this one: in his characterization of Tancredo's policies as xenophobia, he sides with the liberals. He sees what is happening to his own city and still does not realize that out-of-control immigration is a social and economic disaster, but instead attacks a man who is trying to fix the problem. He's certainly as foolish as a liberal. The jibes he made at Tancredo weren't brief, light ones either, but repetitious and nasty.

22 posted on 01/28/2007 9:01:36 AM PST by Fairview
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To: Maneesh

I agree. I did live in Fla. for 7 years and there was some great food. It is too hot and crowded for my tastes now.


23 posted on 01/28/2007 9:03:32 AM PST by Beagle8U
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To: FreeManWhoCan
"Miami is the best.. it clean and beautiful. The people who bash it are usually stuck in the some horrible backward intolerant part of the country where its either cold or there is no ocean. Most people can only 'wish' they lived in Miami"

I tend to agree with you. There are plenty of nice neighborhoods to live in and the awesome beaches, food and ambiance would over-ride any disadvantages. Right now the vast majority of posters in FR are freezing and Miami is sunny and the center of the sports universe. Where would you really be ? I was just in Miami last week and would go back in a heart-beat ! On the political front, the Cuban immigrants living there are some of the staunchest and natural Republicans and statements degrading the place (like the one made by Tom Tancredo) are completely out of line and uncalled for.
24 posted on 01/28/2007 9:05:35 AM PST by Maneesh (A non-hyphenated American.)
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To: MassRepublicanFlyersFan
Barry is the one who sounds like a nasty moron in this column. As a previous poster said, Barry trashes Tancredo for saying things Barry confirms in the column.

I visited Miami once and that was quite sufficient for a lifetime.

25 posted on 01/28/2007 9:06:10 AM PST by Urbane_Guerilla
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To: Condor51
"Yeah it's a Hell hole, but its our Hell hole, so you shut up."

It's more like he's making fun of Tancredo and Miami at the same time, which seems a little contradictory, but actually isn't.

As a resident of Miami, I found Tancredo's remark about a third world country to be accurate, but also eminently able to be made fun of. As is the City of Miami. I have a feeling that Dave Barry means to take a similar position.

26 posted on 01/28/2007 9:25:58 AM PST by Sam Cree (absolute reality)
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To: Fairview
"The jibes he made at Tancredo weren't brief, light ones either, but repetitious and nasty."

I don't know, I thought Barry's remarks about Tancredo were repititious and funny. FWIW, as a resident, I tend to agree with Tancredo's remark about it being a third world country here. But what I know about Dave Barry, he isn't a mean and nasty writer, though he does tend to have little respect for politicians of all stripes.

27 posted on 01/28/2007 9:32:57 AM PST by Sam Cree (absolute reality)
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To: FreeManWhoCan

Yeah, I love Miami too. I even love the "third world" character of the place. I've been here for 33 years now. I do think it's getting a little too crowded though.


28 posted on 01/28/2007 9:34:57 AM PST by Sam Cree (absolute reality)
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To: Beagle8U
"Libertarian = liberal that likes guns but doesn't want to pay taxes."

There's a surprising amount of truth in what you posted. But it's not a bad position to take, IMO.

29 posted on 01/28/2007 9:36:27 AM PST by Sam Cree (absolute reality)
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To: MassRepublicanFlyersFan

Hablan ingles en Miami ahora? (do they speak English in Miami now?) Who knew? Last time I was in downtown Miami, I couln't find a soul who spoke our native tongue. Tancredo was right!


30 posted on 01/28/2007 9:50:10 AM PST by Paulus Invictus
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To: Fairview
So from this we see that Barry is not only a liberal, but perhaps the only liberal in America with a sense of humor. Unfortunately like most liberals he has to become mean-spirited and personal. I'm disappointed.

Gee, and all Tancredo did was gratuitously insult an entire major metropolitan area that happens to be my home town and which tipped the Florida popular vote to Bush in 2000 with the overwhelming American of Cuban descent vote in favor of the Republican (as always) that tipped the Electoral College to Bush and which is why we didn't have at least four years of President Al Gore.

Maybe, to firm up his Republican support in the South, Tancredo can now insult Robert E. Lee, Cajuns and anybody who eats grits.

If you insult people, let alone an entire metropolis, guess what? You are going to get insulted right back?

If I were a politician from three quarters of the way across the country that insulted somebody's home town and their ethnic group, I would expect their local satirical columnist to skewer me like a sishkabob.

Let's try it out:

"Besides, what kind of name is "Tancredo"? Is that some sort of Third World name or is it some sort of Eye-talian name like you hear in a Mafia movie? Why can't he change his name to a good-ole American name like Wilson or Smith or Jones? I tell ya, ever since those Eye-talians moved into New York City, that city has looked like a foreign country!"

If I am now insulted by Italians and New Yorkers, I would deserve every bit of it.

31 posted on 01/28/2007 9:52:21 AM PST by Polybius
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To: MassRepublicanFlyersFan

A friend of mine lives in Miami. Works for one of the bakeries as a tail gunner on a bread truck.


32 posted on 01/28/2007 9:57:47 AM PST by sockhead
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To: wku man

Sorry, but ID is weird. Who can stand the weather (the real frozen north), the strange politics, the empty malls, the dumb drivers, the dress code for all (everyone wears levis and look like the soup kitchen poor, but they do here in UT as well) etc. Actually, I like ID in the summer and the potatoes are great.


33 posted on 01/28/2007 9:58:41 AM PST by Paulus Invictus
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To: Paulus Invictus
IIRC, Boise has been warmer this winter than has Salt Lake.

Strange politics? We are an oddity, I'll grant ya that. After all, we have a conservative state legislature, a conservative governor, and one each conservative congressman and senator (Sali and Crapo, respectively). OTOH, we have one spineless jellyfish of a former, "fair weather conservative" congressman, Simpson, and an outright RINO senator, Craig.

Actually, my love for Idaho is a microcosom of my love for the entire Intermountain West. If we can just keep the Left Coasters from spreading their virus too far and wide, Idaho and the rest of the West will continue to be a great place to live.

Liberals, ignore everything I just said...Idaho is an awful place, full of white supremacists and toothless gun totin' cowboys! Don't come here for any reason at all!

And incidentally, I wouldn't wear a pair of Levi's if you held a gun to my head...I wear Wranglers, baby! /mock indignation.

Scouts Out! Cavalry Ho!

34 posted on 01/28/2007 10:12:06 AM PST by wku man (Claire Wolfe's "awkward time" is quickly coming to an end!)
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To: Paulus Invictus
Last time I was in downtown Miami, I couln't find a soul who spoke our native tongue. Tancredo was right!

So, nobody in any of these skyscrappers from the Wachovia Financial Center to the Bank of America Tower to the SunTrust International Center to the Mellon Financial Center spoke any English?

Nobody?

Not a soul?

Wow. That is incredible ..... literally.

Or, in Spanish, that is "Bravo Sierra".

35 posted on 01/28/2007 10:13:59 AM PST by Polybius
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To: wku man
"Idaho is an awful place, full of white supremacists and toothless gun totin' cowboys!"

Miami is full of bugs!

36 posted on 01/28/2007 10:24:35 AM PST by Sam Cree (absolute reality)
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To: Sam Cree
Yes it is! So was the Tampa Bay area, where I lived before moving (back) to Idaho. It was also muggy, the pollen and mold were year-round problems for my allergies (knock on wood...I don't seem to be allergic to anything in Idaho...except Left Coasters).

Scouts Out! Cavalry Ho!

37 posted on 01/28/2007 10:27:21 AM PST by wku man (Claire Wolfe's "awkward time" is quickly coming to an end!)
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To: Fairview
So from this we see that Barry is not only a liberal, but perhaps the only liberal in America with a sense of humor

Actually he's a libertarian. The last leftists to have a sense of humor like this died off in the Sixties.

38 posted on 01/28/2007 10:39:58 AM PST by BlazingArizona (co)
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To: Sam Cree

Being right on two issues doesn't make for a strong party though.


39 posted on 01/28/2007 10:44:47 AM PST by Beagle8U
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To: Polybius
"Besides, what kind of name is "Tancredo"? Is that some sort of Third World name or is it some sort of Eye-talian name like you hear in a Mafia movie? Why can't he change his name to a good-ole American name like Wilson or Smith or Jones?

PJ O'Rourke's comment about the paleos was "Gee, I never knew that Pat Buchanan was a Cherokee name!"

40 posted on 01/28/2007 10:45:45 AM PST by BlazingArizona (co)
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To: Maneesh

"And Joe's Stone Crab is worth the wait, the crab legs are the best I've ever had and I live in New England."

Thanks for the recommendation...must I order in Spanish there too?


41 posted on 01/28/2007 10:49:29 AM PST by Kimberly GG (DUNCAN HUNTER '08.....lframerica.com.....MARCH TO TAKE BACK AMERICA)
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To: Beagle8U

I lean libertarian, but you are right that the Party is a joke. It does harm to its ideals, which is a shame.


42 posted on 01/28/2007 10:58:07 AM PST by Sam Cree (absolute reality)
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To: Kimberly GG; Maneesh
"And Joe's Stone Crab is worth the wait, the crab legs are the best I've ever had and I live in New England."

Thanks for the recommendation...must I order in Spanish there too?

No, in Miami Beach you must order in Yiddish. ;-)

Joseph Weiss, the founder of Joe's Stone Crab, was a Hungarian immigrant and Joe's Stone Crab was the first Jewish business on Miami Beach.

Joseph Weiss-the "Joe" of Joe's Stone Crab-came to Miami in 1913, when his doctors told him that the only help for his asthma would be a change of climate. Joe and his wife, Jennie, both Hungarian-born, were living in New York,

43 posted on 01/28/2007 11:01:09 AM PST by Polybius
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To: Clemenza

I went to college in Opa Locka but don't tell anyone. :-)


44 posted on 01/28/2007 11:13:14 AM PST by ConservativeStatement
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To: Sam Cree

"I lean libertarian, but you are right that the Party is a joke. It does harm to its ideals, which is a shame."

Their platform is like cooking a nice meal, then puking it before serving it.

Some things just don't go together well.


45 posted on 01/28/2007 11:13:55 AM PST by Beagle8U
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To: Sam Cree; wku man
"Idaho is an awful place, full of white supremacists and toothless gun totin' cowboys!"

Miami is full of bugs!

When I was growing up in Miami, a cockroach ate my German Shepherd before I could stun the cockroach with my baseball bat. :-(

46 posted on 01/28/2007 11:19:39 AM PST by Polybius
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To: Polybius
In Tampa, folks literally have cockroach problems in their cars. I'm not talking cars with two years worth of Taco Bell bags piled in the back seat, either. The only cockroach I've seen since coming to Idaho was one that crawled out of a box I had packed books in to move. My 12-gauge took care of him, though.

Scouts Out! Cavalry Ho!

47 posted on 01/28/2007 11:51:23 AM PST by wku man (Claire Wolfe's "awkward time" is quickly coming to an end!)
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To: Polybius

There are a lot of cockroaches here. But Charlestow, S.C. has us beat, where after dark there are herds of them walking up and down the sidewalks, right with the people.


48 posted on 01/28/2007 2:30:24 PM PST by Sam Cree (absolute reality)
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To: Condor51
You missed the funniest one:

Gosh, it seems that Denver has NEVER, not one single time in over four decades, been selected to host the Super Bowl. I'm sure there's a good reason for this, such as that the Denver area has too few hotel rooms, or too many xenophobic dimwits representing it in Congress.

49 posted on 01/28/2007 3:11:47 PM PST by CharlesWayneCT
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To: Polybius

Didn't visit any of those gringo buildings, but only the downtown streets and many stores and cafes. Fantastico! Pura Cuba!


50 posted on 01/29/2007 8:00:53 AM PST by Paulus Invictus
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