Why dogs are better than women...
Posted on 05/11/2007 9:18:14 PM PDT by teldon30
One of the more delicate areas I dealt with while running a dating service for more than two decades was the issue of race, and more specifically racial stereotyping by prospective members.
Stereotyping in itself is a volatile issue, and at some point during intake interviews, I often repeated the phrase “While there is some truth to all stereotypes, there are certainly many exceptions to every single one.”
However, when one is dealing with a sample of more than 20,000 single, divorced, and widowed men and women, I feel confident and comfortable making certain statements in a column titled The Truth about Dating.
Yet I was still hesitant to write this column, until a reader sent me an article from The New York Times, in which the author, John Tierney, published a story about racial preferences in the dating world.
Moreover, the article cited a study titled Racial Preferences in Dating that documented the preferences of more than 400 participants in speed dating sessions at Columbia University. A quick reading of both the Times article and the Columbia study seemed to support my own anecdotal findings.
(Unfortunately while reading the Columbia study I was overcome by the academic verbiage that authors of such studies feel compelled to use. Do they teach “Boring Writing 101” at Ivy League institutions of higher learning? I found it impossible to read more than a few pages without getting a headache. Here is a sample sentence: “Rates of inter-racial marriages thus capture both preferences and socio-geographic segregation.” Huh?)
Anyway, here is what I found in 23 years of interviewing singles, and I will attempt to communicate in my best “non-academic” language. When we interviewed prospective members, we always asked what their preferences were in terms of meeting people of different races.
Overall, women of most races preferred to meet men of their own race. Most Caucasian women wanted only to meet Caucasian men, the exceptions being women who were more educated and well-traveled, who considered themselves somewhat “worldly.”
Of all the races, African-American women were the most insistent about wanting to meet only African-American men. But most of those women excluded black men who had recently moved to New England from Africa or the Caribbean.
The one major exception to the finding that women wanted to meet men of their own race was Asian women, a vast majority of whom stated that they strongly preferred meeting non-Asian men.
The primary explanation offered by most Asian women was that they wanted to be matched with tall men, and they insisted that practically all of the Asian men they knew were short. But when I would ask if they would be willing to meet an Asian man if he were tall, most would simply shake their head and say they would rather not.
And what about Indian women? To be honest the sample of Indian women who joined my dating service more than 23 years was too small to determine any general statements about them.
As for men, overall they were far more open to meeting women of other races. In fact, and I find this especially interesting, the race of women most in demand were, you guessed it, Asian women. Therefore, almost all of the Asian women in my dating service had a very high Dating Quotient.
When I asked men to explain their preferences for Asian women, many shrugged and admitted they were just extremely attracted to them. But I also believe that many of these men, consciously or subconsciously, wanted to meet women who fit the stereotype of the submissive “Geisha girl,” whose primary purpose is to entertain and please men.
Interestingly enough, though, most of the Asian women we interviewed could not have had personalities more opposite than that passive stereotype. Many had Ph.Ds., M.D.s, or law degrees, and were extremely assertive. (Especially when I tried in vain to persuade them to consider meeting Asian men!)
Unfortunately for African-American women, most of the African-American men who joined stated a strong preference for meeting either white or Asian women. Many expressed the identical view, “I don’t have to join a dating service to meet women of my own race.”
The two groups of men who were the most difficult to match (and therefore had the lowest DQ) were Asian men and Indian men. Like African men, this was especially true of Asian and Indian men who had grown up overseas and relocated to New England, usually to pursue careers either in computer science or medicine. In a few cases I could persuade women to meet men of different races, IF the men were totally “Americanized.”
Of course Asian men were difficult to match because, as I previously stated, the one group of women who did not want to meet men of their own race was Asian women.
As for Indian men, they were the hardest people to match of any group of men or women of any race. And, with so many Indian men moving into the Boston area for jobs in high tech, rarely a week passed without several inquiries from men from India or Pakistan.
One reason they were difficult to match is that only a handful of Indian women joined over the decades, compared to hundreds of Indian or Pakistani men. But another is that many women, even the self-described “worldly” ones, expressed the stereotypical belief that Indian men had antiquated views of women.
To some extent, these women were correct. For example, of all the men I spoke with who wanted to meet women much younger than themselves, the largest group was, in fact, Indian men. Many told me that it was quite common back “home” for men to date and marry women at least a decade younger than themselves. And they wondered why they could not do the same here … which further lowered their DQ.
So that is the story from my own anecdotal experiences. Again, I am sure there are exceptions to every statement I made in this column. On the other hand, if you want “scientific” proof of what I am stating, just Google and download a copy of Columbia University’s Racial Preferences in Dating study.
But I suggest that if you do, make sure you have a bottle of aspirin nearby.
Sorry man, but that’s incorrect. As an American of Irish decent here I feel I need to point out the fact that the Celts and the Gauls were two distinct ethnic groups of ancient Europe.
As a matter of fact, Gaul DOES NOT equal Gael. The words themselves originated from different cultures more than a thousand years apart to describe different peoples.
Gael is derived from a Welsh word. It’s what the Welsh called my Irish ancestors. It didn’t enter into use until after the time of Christ.
Ya see, it was common practice for Irish youth back then to hop the water and wander over to Wales and England to have a bit of “fun”. All harmless stuff really; just a bit of cattle raiding, pillaging, the acquiring of any livestock or young women not nailed down. ;)
The Welsh word translates roughly as “Pirate” or “Raider”.
Gaul on the other hand is a different word entirely. It’s derived from ‘Gallica’, if I recall correctly, which is what the Romans called western Europe.
The Gauls as a people were distinct from the Celts as well (for a time anyway). As a matter of fact, in the late iron age there were a number of Gaulish tribes that had been subjugated by Celtic invaders.
No wonder Seung-Hui Cho was so pissed off! He couldn’t get a date on a bet. Now we know what drove him over the edge.
Even by the “ evolution “ argument we are one race
Going back to the East African rift area about 4 millions years ago
Thanks
I don't think it's racism. My feeling is that white gals don't find Oriental guys good-looking, so they figure white guys can't possibly find Oriental gals good-looking. By that reasoning, the attraction has to be based on something other than their looks, i.e. their submissiveness. In the real world, the most submissive women on the planet are probably Muslim women, with Hindu women just a little less so.
Luckily for Indian men working in America, they will have absolutely no problem getting an arranged marriage in India.
Guy I work with is a 37-y.o. Indian American (his folks were immigrants). His parents got him into an arranged marriage with a girl in India he had never met in person. Arranged marriages are the norm in India.
That's what I've always figured. But Muslim and Hindu women have Oriental women beat hands down for submissiveness. My theory, in reply to another commenter, is that white women don't find Oriental men attractive, so they figure white men can't possibly find Oriental women attractive, meaning it's got to be something else, i.e. their "submissiveness".
I don't know if that is intended as an indictment against me, but if it is you missed. Stereotypes are generally rooted in some truth based on past history. For instance, pit bulls. I am sure that all pit bulls are not viscious killers, but because of the breeds history and nature that is the impression that most people have of them(even many that own them). If you disagree, why don't you start fearlessly walking up to every pit bull you see and try petting him? I bet you won't do that.
The problems arise when people take them to the extreme, and are unwilling to evaluate people or things on an individual level.
Isn’t there a vaccination for that? Oh, wait, that’s that other disease.
31 flavors ping.
>>>Sorry man, but that’s incorrect. As an American of Irish decent here I feel I need to point out the fact that the Celts and the Gauls were two distinct ethnic groups of ancient Europe... Gaul DOES NOT equal Gael. The words themselves originated from different cultures more than a thousand years apart to describe different peoples.... Gael is derived from a Welsh word... Gaul on the other hand is a different word entirely. It’s derived from ‘Gallica’, if I recall correctly, which is what the Romans called western Europe... The Gauls as a people were distinct from the Celts as well (for a time anyway). As a matter of fact, in the late iron age there were a number of Gaulish tribes that had been subjugated by Celtic invaders.<<<
SRONG!
Wikipaedia:
In English, the word Gaul (French: Gaulois) may also refer to a Celtic inhabitant of that region, although the expression may be used more generally for all ancient speakers of the Gaulish language (a derivative of early Celtic) who were widespread in Europe and extended even into central Anatolia by Roman times. In this way, “Gaul” and “Celt” are sometimes used interchangeably.
I don't think Indian (or other South Asian) men have a problem getting hitched. The problem is with Oriental (i.e. yellow-skinned) men. Indian men get hitched back home because that's what's expected of them. They could equally find Indian women to marry in the US on their own, but are far more traditional than Oriental men. So they obey their parents.
How do you figure that Indians are far more traditional than Orientals? The same way you do in the Mid East. Just how often do you see people dressed in native costume in the Mid East and India? Very often. And how often in the Far East? Just about never. They dress just like Westerners, except perhaps a little less casually.
Romantic love is simply not part of the Indian tradition. It isn't part of the Oriental tradition either, but has been absorbed from the West along with other Western customs like monogamous marriage and Western dress. India has done a much better job of preserving its age-old traditions. Which is why things like arranged marriages continue to be a fact of Indian life.
“As soon as I got my degree I moved to SoFlo and ran amuck, knee deep in Latinas. Now I get my wish every day.
I’m doing the same thing.(just saving up the money for the move)”
Don’t worry when the amnesty is passed, the whole country will be knee deep in Latinas and the conservatives will be a permanent minority. ( but don’t worry about our country, just have your fun)
Why dogs are better than women...
Considering your tagline, what’s your take on the psalm that speaks of us being ‘fearfully and wonderfully made’ by God, as regards being hardwired to some degree in what we uniquely find beautiful?
Granted, stereotypes and bigotry greatly impact people....
I don’t disagree with anything you say, the author said that Indian men were the hardest to match.
For whatever reason, arranged marriages don’t seem quite a common among other Asians.
Sorry man, but it ain’t ‘SRONG’ ;)
Since you quoted Wikipedia, I might as well:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gael
So no, Gaels are not the same as Gauls.
Your wikipedia quote states that ‘sometimes’ Gaul and Celt are used interchangeably. That doesn’t, however, mean that it’s correct to do so.
It might be a convenient linguistic shortcut for modern people unaware of the history of the tribes of Gaul and the Celts, but it isn’t necessarily correct.
In modern term, it’d be a bit like calling Mexicans ‘Spanish’ or calling Spanish folks ‘Mexican’. There’s some overlapping of history, geography and language over time; but they’re still distinct peoples.
Joke making the rounds in the Cuban American community a few years back:
Cuban mother in Miami having a heart to heart talk with her daughter and son, both in their 20's.
"My son, I want you to marry a nice Cuban girl so you can tell her what to do."
"My daughter, I want you to marry a nice boy who is at least a third-generation American so you can tell him what to do."
Wow, I’m half Filipino as well! (father was originally from Mindanao, mother’s family is Polish/German/British). I’ve heard in Hawaii, half Filipinos are called “jalapenos.”
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