Skip to comments.THE GRUDGE REPORT - WITH APOLOGIES TO MATT DRUDGE
Posted on 06/17/2007 11:49:23 AM PDT by firehat
THE GRUDGE REPORT ©
WITH APOLOGIES TO MATT DRUDGE
by Norman Liebmann
In order to be employed on a television series, every writer is obliged to follow one inflexible rule, i.e. nothing should happen for the first time and if it should, it shouldnt be now. Either the inestimable David Chase didnt get the memo or he chose to ignore it, for which the viewing public owes him a debt of gratitude. At his behest, The Sopranos didnt end, it just quit, and that was as final as finality ever gets. For those people who are offended by its abruptness, or whose tastes run to the cliché in television endings, we suggest a possible conclusion with a little more poetic justice: Tony Sopranos shrink, Dr. Jennifer Melfi, gives Tony his money back, and Dr. Eliot Kupferberg, Melfis shrink, gives Dr. Melfi her money back. By television standards that would not be a happy ending, but by medical standards, it would be an ethical one.
The cowardice and disloyalty that infected Trent Lott all through the Clinton years is now epidemic in the GOP. Republicans in Congress are now as identifiably yellow as buttercups. Conservatives always knew what a whore Trent Lott was. Mitch McConnell is a surprise - but I guess when youre a prostitute it doesnt much matter which side of the street you work.
President Bush has returned from his European meetings with the G8 nations. After his tour of Latin America I didnt think he had any more groveling left in him. However, he is held in high regard in Albania. I presume it is due to something in the water there.
Hollywood nepotist, Charlie Sheen, has determined what really happened to the World Trade Center. It all faw down and go boom!
George Bush is now getting tough in the Middle East. Instead of tanks Bush is considering invading Iran with ice cream trucks.
The contemptible District Attorney Mike Nifong, who ruined the lives of three innocent young men, disgraced his office, and tried to foment a race riot for his petty political advantage. He will likely face indictment, in which event he is preparing to enter a plea of Oops.
Look for Rosie ODonnell to sue her taxidermist for malpractice.
The latest whitewashing committee has accepted Ted Kennedys explanation that Mary Jo Kopechne drowned when his Oldsmobile was attacked by pirates and sunk just off Chappaquiddick. Consistently, a recent survey has concluded that some people need target practice because they keep shooting the wrong Kennedys.
Shimon Peres is a politician that has poisoned every Israeli Administration except that of Bibi Netenyahu. Peres will ultimately cause the demise of the Israeli state, and its current President Ehud Olmert will be responsible for the deaths of more Jews than Heinrich Himmler.
A Judge, Roy L. Pearson, is suing a Mom and Pop Korean dry cleaning shop for fifty four million dollars for losing a pair of his pants. There is speculation His Honor would shell out fifty four million dollars to get another pair of his pants back from Heidi Fleiss. The Judge said they were his favorite pants because they had a hole in the back for him to slip his tail through.
A conservative think tank has concluded that anything George Bush can do wrong he will do wrong. The best that can be hoped for is he will do so incrementally. Having totally discredited his Presidency there is nothing left for him to do for a legacy but find ways to discredit his fathers Presidency.
The story finally got out about John Edwards paying $400 for a haircut. Apparently hes just another one of those nitwits that got caught off guard on Taxicab Confessions.
Illegal aliens perform vital functions - among them dropping cigarette butts on the streets Americans are too busy to litter. Speaking of jobs Americans wont do, theres an opening for undocumented galley slaves. English not a requirement.
A plastic surgeon determined that further sagging of Dianne Feinsteins face cannot be prevented by injecting Botox. It requires scaffolding.
One solution to the illegal alien problem is to put a bounty on everybody whose name ends with a Z. The subliminal message on the Senate/White House Immigration Bill is it may be time to stop denouncing racism and begin to embrace it.
Colin Powell, the General who fought the battle of Desert Storm with a blackboard pointer, is lobbying official Washington to shut down Camp Gitmo. Apparently the gooks are complaining that the tennis nets are set too high and the cabanas have no prayer rugs. The prayer rugs are necessary for Muslims to keep their knees from getting the ground all dirty. War is heck.
If Hillary Clinton is elected President, as she promised, she is going to start taking some things away from some people. She better come a-shootin. The reason Hillary got the reputation as being the smartest woman in the world is because Bill needs someone around who knows exactly how much to tip a waiter. That must be what has held them together all these years.
Environmental note: Considering the number of flashy blond bimbos around, long before the world runs out of oil it will run out of peroxide.
Bill Clinton is trying to decide whether he can be in closer touch with his constituents by moving his office to either Africa or Attica.
The prison system has decided to allow conjugal visits among same sex partners. It would give new meaning to the term getting penalized. Down in Huntsville, Texas, the Warden is considering replacing the annual inmates rodeo with a cotillion.
Some people like John McCain and some people hate John McCain. Put me down as one of those people who like to hate John McCain.
Larry David and his activist wife Laurie David have split up. Could it be she was an activist everywhere but in bed?
The Turks have invaded Iraq. It brings to mind the words of Julius Caesar who said, Veni. Vidi. Vici., which loosely translated from the Latin means I came. I saw. I piled on.
Reporter Andrea Mitchells editorial taste and judgment are rendered questionable since she decided that Alan Greenspan is the man of her dreams.
George Bush is determined to be signatory to a national suicide pact for the United States called Death by Amnesty. So, as far as his Compassionate States of America is concerned - Adios.
(Perhaps our next Chief Executive will be an illegal alien, inasmuch as George Bush has made the Presidency into the kind of job that Americans wont do. Bush got his hands on our nations plumbing and turned America into Mexicos grease trap.)
Multi-culturalism has poisoned Americas idealism. The gates were forced open and a tsunami of undocumented gooks flooded in propagating their culture of poverty, narcotic addiction, and rooster fights. Generally, demographic changes in the exploding population are attributable to these new undocumented immigrants who are able to think only with their genitals. One might say they indulge in love making at the sperm of the moment.
Highly diplomad nerds continue to conspire in their technological garages updating their software for their next step toward global domination. Today. Google. Tomorrow, the world.
I defy any dermatologist to determine where Michael Moores face ends and his scrotum begins.
The Bush legacy will be based largely on his position on immigration. He will be remembered by the American people as the President who wouldnt take F--k you for an answer. Well have to come up with something a little more obscene.
PARIS VERSUS THE PARASITES
Let me see if Ive got this straight. Paris Hilton goes to prison. O.J. Simpson goes to the golf course. Paris Hiltons day in court seemed like a West Coast version of a Salem witch trial. Mercifully it is over and we can sleep more soundly at night now that the power and majesty of the legal system has marshaled its resources to gang up on the wispy little girl Paris Hilton. She has an unfortunate circumstance common to heiresses and starlets an ability to overcome all their advantages.
[Note: Sheriff Lee Baca tried to cut Paris Hilton some slack by letting her do her time at home, but Judge Michaels Sauer, a jurist with a cinderblock heart, sent her back to the slammer. Unhappily for Ms. Hilton, Judge Sauer is right out of Charles Dickens - sending uncomprehending malnourished children to cruel orphanages where they are sent to bed without supper, or given a sound thrashing, which is a lot less nutritious. Perhaps he was exceedingly severe with Paris because of her remarkable resemblance to Oliver Twist. The difference is, usually, when she looks up with sweet, sad, eyes and says, Please, sir. I want more, she isnt talking about porridge.]
Judge Roy Bean gave horse thieves a better break, Captain Bligh let the mutineers off with a reprimand, and Captain Queeg forgave the mess boys who ate the missing strawberries. Extenuations are all there is in the law and Judge Sauer couldnt find a single one for Paris Hilton. Her last hope is that the Scarlet Pimpernel will show up and free her from the L.A. County Bastille before Judge Sauer sends the tumbrel that will trundle her off to the guillotine. God help Los Angeles now that Sheriff Lee Baca is the sole dispenser of mercy in California.
Al Sharpton has come to Los Angeles to compound the torment of Paris Hilton. Possibly the Reverend Sharpton felt he could make some racial hay there. He had to be reassured that Judge Sauer would not relent and diminish Hiltons chances of suffocating in solitary, or cracking up emotionally in jail which would be Sharptons payback for his being ridiculed in the Tawana Brawley fiasco. It is said Al only represented Tawana Brawley because he thought her name was Tawana Brownley. More than likely the Reverend found in the persecution of Paris Hilton an opportunity to ventilate some inner resentment born of the fact that he has is yet been unable to bed his first blond.
Conceivably the Reverend Sharpton feels, as does Judge Sauer, that free spirits like Paris Hilton are a menace to inner city societies, which are full of spiteful, envious, however much indulged minorities. Sharpton made the case that no tender mercies were to be shown this pathetic nymphet, and that 45 days of hard time in the jute mill or stamping out vanity license plates would teach Paris Hilton not to be so white, so decorative, and the practicality of driving in one lane at a time. After a ten minute conversation with the Reverend Sharpton, Sheriff Baca might be inclined to commit himself to his own jail so he could join the Aryan Brotherhood.
In the meantime Paris has not been abandoned. Barbara Walters, the crepe-necked Mother Superfluous of all the little naughty boys and girls and the radically-inclined in Hollywood, actually took a call from Paris Hilton from the slammer. I tell ya, that ol lady is all heart.
HUH?? The Huntsville Prison Rodeo has not performed in the last 21 years.
“The cowardice and disloyalty that infected Trent Lott all through the Clinton years is now epidemic in the GOP. Republicans in Congress are now as identifiably yellow as buttercups. Conservatives always knew what a whore Trent Lott was. Mitch McConnell is a surprise - but I guess when youre a prostitute it doesnt much matter which side of the street you work.”
A man after my own heart, but he left GWB off this list of prostitutes.
” I defy any dermatologist to determine where Michael Moores face ends and his scrotum begins. “
Were you in it?
Matter of fact I had front row seats.
>>>Barbara Walters, the crepe-necked Mother Superfluous<<<
I like that one.
I was with him until the Paris Hobag stuff.
There are many gems in here, though. Thanks!
Larry David and his activist wife Laurie David have split up. Could it be she was an activist everywhere but in bed?from another source:
Larry David: The Curb Your Enthusiasm star has split from his wife of 14 years, environmentalist Laurie, who was recently on tour with Sheryl Crow to raise awareness about global warming. Could it have been Laurie's insistence on using one square of toilet paper that caused the separation?