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Britain To Repossess the USA!!!
03/05/08 | RedFred In A Blue State

Posted on 03/05/2008 1:41:52 PM PST by RedFred In A Blue State

To: The citizens of the United States of America:

In light of your failure to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.

1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix -ize will be replaced by the suffix -ise.

Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as 'like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize. You will relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen.

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent.

Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. Holden Monaro's are also approved.

8. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

9. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) - roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting Nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

13. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try Rugby - the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.

14. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

15. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

16. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

17. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; strawberries in season.

God save the Queen…


TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons; United Kingdom
KEYWORDS: gordonbrown
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To: RedFred In A Blue State
Cool!
Can't be any worse.

At least the British priviledged class is educated...

51 posted on 03/05/2008 2:26:09 PM PST by Publius6961 (MSM: Israelis are killed by rockets; Lebanese are killed by Israelis.)
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To: RedFred In A Blue State
Photobucket

We already have a Queenie!

52 posted on 03/05/2008 2:26:20 PM PST by dragonblustar (Once abolish the God, and the government becomes the God - G. K. Chesterton)
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To: RedFred In A Blue State

Can we get Prince Harry? He seems to be one of the few with any sense any more.


53 posted on 03/05/2008 2:27:44 PM PST by TomGuy
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To: RedFred In A Blue State

I like #17.


54 posted on 03/05/2008 2:27:45 PM PST by trisham (Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.)
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To: RedFred In A Blue State
ROTFLMAO!!

/jasper

55 posted on 03/05/2008 2:28:32 PM PST by Jasper (Stand Fast, Craigellachie!!)
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To: Gorzaloon
wtf is a guinea

From Wikipedia, obsolete English coins:

Five Guineas (originally 100/- [£5], later 105/- [£5.25]) 1668–1753.

Five Pounds (100/- [£5]) (Gold) 1826–1990.

Triple Unite (60/- [£3]) 1642–1644.

Fifty Shillings (50/- [£2.5]) 1656.

Two Guineas (42/- [£2.1]) 1664–1753.

Two Pounds (40/- [£2]) 1823–1937.

Rose Ryal (30/- [£1.5]) 1604–1625.

Guinea (21/- [£1.05]) 1663–1799, 1813

Broad (20/- [£1]) 1656. Sovereign (20/- [£1]) 1489–1604; 1817–1937, since 1957 a bullion coin.

Laurel (20/- [£1]) 1619–1644?

Unite (20/- [£1]) 1604–1619; 1649–1662.

Spur Ryal (15/- [£0.75]) 1604–1625.

Half guinea (10/6 [£0.525]) 1669–1813.

Half sovereign (10/- [£0.5]) 1544–1553; 1603–1604; 1817–1937, since 1980 a bullion coin.

Double Crown (10/- [£0.5]) 1604–1619; 1625–1662.

Halfpound (10/- [£0.5]) 1559–1602; 1642–1644

Half Unite (10/- [£0.5]) 1642–1643.

Half laurel (10/- [£0.5]) 1619–1625.

Rose Noble or Ryal (10/- [£0.5], 15/- [£0.75] from 1553) 1464–1470, 1487, 1553–1603.

Third guinea (7/- [£0.35]) 1797–1813.

Noble (6/8 [£0.3333], raised to 8/4 [£0.4167] in 1464) 1344–1464.

Angel (6/8 [£0.3333]) 1461–1643.

Florin or Double Leopard (6/- [£0.3]) 1344. Demonetised within 1 year.

Quarter guinea (5/3 [£0.2625]) 1718, 1762.

Crown (5/- [£0.25]) 1526–1965

Crown of the Rose (4/6 [£0.225]) 1526–1551.

Double florin (4/- [£0.2]), 1887–1890.

Half Noble (3/4 [£0.1667], increased to 4/2 [£0.2083] in 1464); minted 1346–1438.

Half Angel (3/4 [£0.1667], later 5/6 [£0.275]), 1470–1619.

Half Florin or Leopard (3/- [£0.15]) 1344. Extremely rare.

Half crown (2/6 [£0.125]), 1526–1969.

Quarter Angel (2/- [£0.1]), 1547–1600. Gold.

Florin (2/- [£0.1]), 1848–1970, circulated until 1993 as the old Ten Pence coin.

Gold penny (1/8 [£0.0833] - 2/- [£0.1]) 1257–1265. Gold. Undervalued for its metal content and extremely rare.

Quarter Noble (1/8 [£0.0833]), 1344–1470.

Quarter Florin or Helm (1/6 [£0.075]), 1344. Gold coin demonetised within 1 year.

Shilling (1/- [£0.05]), 1502–1970, circulated until 1990 as the old Five Pence coin.

Sixpence (6d [£0.025]), 1547–1970

Groat (4d [£0.0167]) silver 1279–1662, 1836–1862 (and thereafter only for Maundy)

Threepence (3d [£0.0125]), silver 1547–1945 (and thereafter only for Maundy), nickel-brass 1937–1970

Half Groat (2d [£0.0083]), 1351–1662

Twopence (2d [£0.0083]), silver (inc. Maundy) 1668–current; copper 1797–1798.

Three Halfpence (1½d [£0.0063]), 1561–1582, 1834–1870 *

Penny (1d [£0.0042]), 757–1970

Three Farthings (0.75d [£0.0031]), 1561–1582.

Halfpenny (0.5d [£0.0021]), 1272–1969

Farthing (0.25d [£0.00104167]), c. 1200–1960

Half farthing (0.125d [£0.00052083]), 1828–1868 *

Third farthing (0.08333d [£0.0003472]) 1827–1913 *

Quarter farthing (0.0625d [£0.00026]), 1839–1868 *

56 posted on 03/05/2008 2:31:19 PM PST by Pilsner
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To: RedFred In A Blue State
ROFL!

Priceless.

57 posted on 03/05/2008 2:38:32 PM PST by Churchillspirit
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To: Dead Corpse

OK, I’ll give you aluminium, but what about Worcesterchire Sauce? Who do you know that pronounces it Wor-ces-ter-chire? It’s always Wor-schter-shire. Huh? Well? C’mon!!! 4 syllables!


58 posted on 03/05/2008 2:38:42 PM PST by RedFred In A Blue State
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To: Constitution Day
Lighten up - it's funny.
59 posted on 03/05/2008 2:39:00 PM PST by Churchillspirit
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To: Eric in the Ozarks

How can guineas continue to be used if there are no shillings ?

Exactly..its like how can you ‘ave any pudding if you don’t eat your meat??


60 posted on 03/05/2008 2:40:05 PM PST by skully (Conservatives...carrying the GOP since 1980)
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To: ZULU

“I think you Brits should kick out the Windsors and bring back the Stuarts. After all the only reason you got rid of them was over religion and since more Brits today are Catholic than Anglican, the reason no longer exists for keeping the Windsors a.k.a Saxe-Coeburg-Gotha, a.k.a
House of Hanover bunch in power.”

Great, except the heir to the House of Stuart, Far from being the ginger kilted Scotsman most imagine him to be, is actually the Duke of Bavaria, and is therefore even more sausage-suckingly German than the House of Windsor is allegedly so. What’s more his Predecessor Grandad commanded the German 6th Army against the British during World War One, whereas George V did not....


61 posted on 03/05/2008 2:40:50 PM PST by thundrey
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To: Designer
In Saudi Arabia the British put on a better 4th of July celebration than we did.
62 posted on 03/05/2008 2:42:40 PM PST by Hillarys Gate Cult (The man who said "there's no such thing as a stupid question" has never talked to Helen Thomas.)
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To: dragonblustar
Sacrilege!!

That's enough to make one lose one's lunch over.

63 posted on 03/05/2008 2:43:06 PM PST by Churchillspirit
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To: RedFred In A Blue State

I call it Wooster sauce.


64 posted on 03/05/2008 2:44:56 PM PST by Dead Corpse (What would a free man do?)
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To: RedFred In A Blue State

Oh, I will pass on the warm beer thingy. Lucas Electric doesn’t make fridges over here.


65 posted on 03/05/2008 2:46:21 PM PST by Billthedrill
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To: RedFred In A Blue State

Does this mean our national debt is now the queen’s problem?


66 posted on 03/05/2008 2:47:22 PM PST by mamelukesabre (Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari?)
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To: RedFred In A Blue State

Britain To Repossess the USA

I like the idea in the title, but I guess that idea will become less and less attractive if I went and read the whole article.


67 posted on 03/05/2008 2:48:01 PM PST by valkyry1
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To: RedFred In A Blue State

This is not a joke. The USA will remain independent of the Crown only while enough Americans care to be so. Once nobody cares anymore, ownership will be reasserted.


68 posted on 03/05/2008 2:54:41 PM PST by RightWhale (Clam down! avoid ataque de nervosa)
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To: Hillarys Gate Cult

What’d they do? Whup their own butts?


69 posted on 03/05/2008 2:54:54 PM PST by mamelukesabre (Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari?)
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To: RedFred In A Blue State

I just can’t get that Muslim garb the Brit royalty is wearing out of my mind.


70 posted on 03/05/2008 2:56:23 PM PST by dforest
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To: RedFred In A Blue State

Not funny coming from people who have sacrificed most of their freedom for government “security”.


71 posted on 03/05/2008 2:56:45 PM PST by Doohickey (BDS free since 2000)
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To: RightWhale

Really?

You don’t think they will have to fight mexico, spain, france, japan, china, and russia for it?


72 posted on 03/05/2008 2:58:01 PM PST by mamelukesabre (Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari?)
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To: mamelukesabre

Just the Thirteen Colonies, England has no title to the rest. The rest will be petitioning to rejoin France—or maybe not.


73 posted on 03/05/2008 3:02:58 PM PST by RightWhale (Clam down! avoid ataque de nervosa)
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To: skully

YOU!!!

YES, YOU!!!

STAND STILL, LADDIE!!!

:-)


74 posted on 03/05/2008 3:04:47 PM PST by The Coopster
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To: mamelukesabre
mamelukesabre wrote:
What’d they do? Whup their own butts?

Is whup the British version of English for wipe??

75 posted on 03/05/2008 3:58:55 PM PST by skully (Conservatives...carrying the GOP since 1980)
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To: The Coopster
The Coopster wrote:
YOU!!!

YES, YOU!!!

STAND STILL, LADDIE!!!

We don’t need no Education!!!

76 posted on 03/05/2008 4:02:10 PM PST by skully (Conservatives...carrying the GOP since 1980)
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To: RedFred In A Blue State

Why not, Mexico is trying to retake the SW US


77 posted on 03/05/2008 4:03:30 PM PST by enough_idiocy (Holding my nose in 2008. I disgree with McCain on lots of issue, but with the Democrats on more.)
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To: thundrey

Gad. Don’t confuse us poor ‘mericans.


78 posted on 03/05/2008 4:08:15 PM PST by Eric in the Ozarks (ENERGY CRISIS made in Washington D. C.)
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To: skully

“Whup” is what the french are genetically incapable of doing, and the british rarely capable of doing. Apparently americans inherited the ability from their german and native american portion of their bloodlines.

So yeah, it means “wipe”.


79 posted on 03/05/2008 4:32:03 PM PST by mamelukesabre (Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam possit materiari?)
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To: RedFred In A Blue State

I’m gobsmacked that Britain would want us back, but totally in favour of this move. It’s preferable to having China repossess us because we can’t pay our mortgage, is it not?


80 posted on 03/05/2008 5:20:45 PM PST by Amelia (Cynicism ON)
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To: thundrey; ZULU

http://www.theage.com.au/news/national/aussie-mike-the-true-king-of-england/2005/09/10/1125772732666.html

The “real” king of England lives in Australia and considers himself a republican. lol


81 posted on 03/05/2008 5:37:53 PM PST by kalee (The offenses we give, we write in the dust; Those we take, we write in marble. JHuett)
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To: RedFred In A Blue State
Appear reasonable propositions to me except
and the suffix -ize will be replaced by the suffix -ise.
-ise is a French affection. The Oxford English Dictionary, Fowler, and Partridge favour -ize.

OTOH Gowers does note that -ise is the safer alternative for those with linited language skills, so residents of British North America should be allowed to use it

82 posted on 03/05/2008 6:05:18 PM PST by Oztrich Boy (Never say yer sorry, mister. It's a sign of weakness)
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To: Eric in the Ozarks

Yes - I hear they did it in two stages: all even numbered vehicles switched over on one day and the odd numbered the day after!


83 posted on 03/05/2008 6:52:42 PM PST by mikeIII
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To: mikeIII

Our Swedish relative said they just stayed home that weekend.


84 posted on 03/05/2008 7:06:56 PM PST by Eric in the Ozarks (ENERGY CRISIS made in Washington D. C.)
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To: SFC Chromey

Eh, Britain DIDNT lose in 1812.

No-one won the war of 1812, and why Americans insist they did is a mystery. New Orleans does not a victory make...


85 posted on 03/06/2008 1:57:00 AM PST by the scotsman
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To: Hillarys Gate Cult
"In Saudi Arabia the British put on a better 4th of July celebration than we did."

Good!

What did they call it? Did they call it "Independence Day"? Or was it simply the 4th of July?

86 posted on 03/06/2008 5:45:07 AM PST by Designer (We are SO scrood!)
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