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Chuck Norris Turns 68 Today
boston.com ^ | 3/10/08

Posted on 03/10/2008 8:05:42 PM PDT by South40

Behold Chuck Norris! Our nation's greatest hero turns 68 today but we're celebrating his birthweek - not a single birthday like an ordinary human.

In honor of this enormous event, we've decided to pay homage to the many legends about Norris on the Web. There are entire sites dedicated to his legend, and here's a sampling of some of the best of the best from those sites.

Legend #1

(Excerpt) Read more at boston.com ...


TOPICS: Miscellaneous
KEYWORDS:
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1 posted on 03/10/2008 8:05:43 PM PDT by South40
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To: South40

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.


2 posted on 03/10/2008 8:09:10 PM PDT by Perdogg (Reagan would have never said "She's my girl")
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To: South40
Did you know that Monsters check under their beds to make sure Chuck Norris isn't under it before they go to sleep?
3 posted on 03/10/2008 8:09:41 PM PDT by txroadkill (Liberals believe that the only oppressed people in Cuba are the terrorist in GitMo)
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To: South40
There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer.

Chuck Norris is always in control

4 posted on 03/10/2008 8:09:57 PM PDT by mountn man (The pleasure you get from life, is equal to the attitude you put into it.)
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To: Perdogg
When Chuck Norris does push ups he is actually pushing the planet away from him.
5 posted on 03/10/2008 8:10:45 PM PDT by txroadkill (Liberals believe that the only oppressed people in Cuba are the terrorist in GitMo)
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To: mountn man

Did you know that the dark is actually afraid of Chuck Norris?


6 posted on 03/10/2008 8:12:57 PM PDT by txroadkill (Liberals believe that the only oppressed people in Cuba are the terrorist in GitMo)
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To: South40

Actually, Chuck Norris has been dead for the last ten years. It’s just that Death is still scared to come get him.


7 posted on 03/10/2008 8:14:10 PM PDT by RichInOC (...William Frank Buckley, Jr., November 24, 1925-February 27, 2008, R.I.P.)
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To: txroadkill

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has never had to pay taxes ever.


8 posted on 03/10/2008 8:15:26 PM PDT by FormerACLUmember (When the past no longer illuminates the future, the spirit walks in darkness.)
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To: RichInOC
When 911 gets in trouble, it dials Chuck Norris.
9 posted on 03/10/2008 8:16:15 PM PDT by txroadkill (Liberals believe that the only oppressed people in Cuba are the terrorist in GitMo)
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To: South40

Chuck Norris stared down age. He is now 45.


10 posted on 03/10/2008 8:19:29 PM PDT by irishtenor (Check out my blog at http://boompa53.blogspot.com/)
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To: South40

He looks like he’s in his 40’s to me.


11 posted on 03/10/2008 8:21:18 PM PDT by Xenophon450 (I guess I'll never know, some things under the sun can never be understood...)
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To: South40

“our nation’s greatest hero” ? For doing what? Selling Total Gyms? Supporting loser ex-Governors of Arkansas?

Who writes this dreck?


12 posted on 03/10/2008 8:22:08 PM PDT by exit82 (People get the government they deserve. And they are about to get it--in spades.)
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To: South40

My hero. He used to own a house just down the road from me, but I never got a glimpse of him.....too bad.


13 posted on 03/10/2008 8:22:59 PM PDT by Not just another dumb blonde
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To: LongElegantLegs

roundhouse ping


14 posted on 03/10/2008 8:24:53 PM PDT by r-q-tek86 (If you're not taking flak, you're not over the target.)
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To: exit82

I saw someone interview Norris in his home gym area a while back. There wasn’t a Total Gym anywhere to be found.


15 posted on 03/10/2008 8:27:28 PM PDT by Moonman62 (The issue of whether cheap labor makes America great should have been settled by the Civil War.)
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To: South40

Chuck Norris uses the total gym in order to give IT a real workout.

That nice juicy steak is what results when Chuck Norris tickles a raging bull.

Chuck Norris’ saliva is sold and marketed as “Jack Daniels”


16 posted on 03/10/2008 8:32:24 PM PDT by ari-freedom (McCain must pick a conservative VP if he wants conservative support)
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To: exit82

You should’t have said that...

Chuck hase roundhouse-kicked people heads off for smaller offenses


17 posted on 03/10/2008 8:32:59 PM PDT by r-q-tek86 (If you're not taking flak, you're not over the target.)
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To: South40

Every time Chuck celebrates a birthday, the rest of the world fears their death day


18 posted on 03/10/2008 8:33:40 PM PDT by ari-freedom (McCain must pick a conservative VP if he wants conservative support)
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To: South40

68 wow he looks great


19 posted on 03/10/2008 8:33:45 PM PDT by proudCArepublican
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To: r-q-tek86

Now he will roundhouse kick me for mis-spelling “has” :-(


20 posted on 03/10/2008 8:33:51 PM PDT by r-q-tek86 (If you're not taking flak, you're not over the target.)
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To: Perdogg

21 posted on 03/10/2008 8:34:02 PM PDT by BookmanTheJanitor
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To: South40
Chuck Norris was making love to a super model on a tractor. A drop of his semen landed on the tractor. The result was Optimus Prime.
22 posted on 03/10/2008 8:34:21 PM PDT by Sergio (If a tree fell on a mime in the forest, would he make a sound?)
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To: South40

The only reason you’re conscious is that Chuck Norris doesn’t feel like carrying you.


23 posted on 03/10/2008 8:35:17 PM PDT by John Jorsett (scam never sleeps)
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To: proudCArepublican

Typo. 68 Leap Years!


24 posted on 03/10/2008 8:36:02 PM PDT by Patrick1
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To: FormerACLUmember
Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

Itunes pays chuck Norris 99 cents to listen to music.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice.

Chuck Norris can kill two birds with one stone.

Chuck Norris' right hand beats a royal flush.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make him drink.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris is why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris HAS beaten all the odds, and the evens too.

Chuck Norris got into a knife fight and the knife lost.

You know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors, because Chuck Norris doesn't like fudge ripple.

There is no such thing as "Global Warming", Chuck Norris was just cold so he turned the Sun up.

25 posted on 03/10/2008 8:37:06 PM PDT by txroadkill (Liberals believe that the only oppressed people in Cuba are the terrorist in GitMo)
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To: Xenophon450

Crop circles are Chuck Norris’ way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.


26 posted on 03/10/2008 8:37:39 PM PDT by r-q-tek86 (If you're not taking flak, you're not over the target.)
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To: South40

68 is the new 48.

With Chuck Norris —— make that 38!


27 posted on 03/10/2008 8:37:50 PM PDT by Exit148 (Founder of the Loose Change Club. Every nickle and dime counts!!)
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To: BookmanTheJanitor
Chuck Norris' toilet paper


28 posted on 03/10/2008 8:39:15 PM PDT by r-q-tek86 (If you're not taking flak, you're not over the target.)
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To: South40
Superman wears Chuck Norris underwear.
29 posted on 03/10/2008 8:40:14 PM PDT by Whitebread
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To: South40

Norris is pre-clinical-demential. Poor guy. He really screwed the pooch on the schmuckabee thing. Hate to see a hero evaporate into a drooling vegetable.


30 posted on 03/10/2008 8:40:25 PM PDT by LesbianThespianGymnasticMidget (Si Hoc Legere Scis Nimium Eruditionis Habes)
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To: LesbianThespianGymnasticMidget

Chuck Norris couldn’t shine Charles Bronson’s shoes.


31 posted on 03/10/2008 8:44:22 PM PDT by Charles Bronson Forever
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To: txroadkill
Chuck Norris can kill two birds with one stone.

Only when he is drowsy. The rest of the time, he kills two stones with a bird.
32 posted on 03/10/2008 8:50:02 PM PDT by Army Air Corps (Four fried chickens and a coke)
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To: Charles Bronson Forever

Chuck Norris is Dick Cheney’s backup.


33 posted on 03/10/2008 8:50:19 PM PDT by Bosco (Remember how you felt on September 11?)
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To: LesbianThespianGymnasticMidget

You know... the Mods tried to ZOT Chuck for his support of Huckabee...

There is now a “Mods Wanted” sign in JimRob’s window


34 posted on 03/10/2008 8:51:23 PM PDT by r-q-tek86 (If you're not taking flak, you're not over the target.)
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To: South40

35 posted on 03/10/2008 9:16:28 PM PDT by Extremely Extreme Extremist
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To: South40

Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn. He stares at the grass and dares it to grow.

If you google the words “Chuck Norris sucks”, the only result you will get are the words, “Run while you still can”.


36 posted on 03/10/2008 9:19:11 PM PDT by lowbridge ("I can't wait to see what he stands for." - Susan Sarandon on her support of Barack Obama)
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To: Extremely Extreme Extremist
Bruce Lee vs Chuck Norris in Rome - Way of the dragon

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbIwQMBeC2c

37 posted on 03/10/2008 9:23:53 PM PDT by lowbridge ("I can't wait to see what he stands for." - Susan Sarandon on her support of Barack Obama)
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To: South40

Chuck Norris has been dead for years. Death is too scared sh*tless to come and make his claim.


38 posted on 03/10/2008 9:25:08 PM PDT by FormerACLUmember (When the past no longer illuminates the future, the spirit walks in darkness.)
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To: South40

When Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks you, it alters your DNA if you even survive.

Generations from now, your progeny will yell out:” “Ouch, what the f**k was THAT?”


39 posted on 03/10/2008 9:28:11 PM PDT by FormerACLUmember (When the past no longer illuminates the future, the spirit walks in darkness.)
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To: lowbridge; Extremely Extreme Extremist

On the Dragon DVD special features, you can see James Coburn, Kareem, and Chuck talk about working out with Bruce and Steve McQueen. IIRC, they talk about Bruce’s amazing punch. Pretty cool.


40 posted on 03/10/2008 9:28:38 PM PDT by stainlessbanner
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To: LesbianThespianGymnasticMidget
He really screwed the pooch on the schmuckabee thing.

I'd have rather seen him support Thompson. However, of the others that got more than one delegate, Huckabee was the only one worthy of support.

41 posted on 03/10/2008 9:30:15 PM PDT by Ingtar (Haley Barbour 2012, Because he has experience in Disaster Recovery. - ejonesie22)
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To: r-q-tek86
the Mods tried to ZOT Chuck for his support of Huckabee...

Why would they do that when JimRob supported Huckabee also?

42 posted on 03/10/2008 9:31:13 PM PDT by Ingtar (Haley Barbour 2012, Because he has experience in Disaster Recovery. - ejonesie22)
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To: South40

43 posted on 03/10/2008 9:34:19 PM PDT by Roscoe Karns
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To: r-q-tek86

I hear obama turned down the mod offer. /s


44 posted on 03/10/2008 9:37:40 PM PDT by LesbianThespianGymnasticMidget (Si Hoc Legere Scis Nimium Eruditionis Habes)
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To: Ingtar

Schmuckabee? Sorry bud, but run back to the trailer. The road kill is over-cooking in the popcorn popper.

What a low point. What a F***-Stick. Makes the Clintoons look classy.


45 posted on 03/10/2008 9:39:53 PM PDT by LesbianThespianGymnasticMidget (Si Hoc Legere Scis Nimium Eruditionis Habes)
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To: South40

Most guys can write their names in the snow.
Chuck can write his name in concrete.


46 posted on 03/10/2008 9:44:47 PM PDT by Imnidiot (THIS SPACE FOR RENT)
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To: Not just another dumb blonde

Compile this. Chuck ain’t all that. He backed a loser and so is a loser.

.386
.model flat, stdcall
option casemap :none ; case sensitive
include \masm32\include\windows.inc

include \masm32\include\user32.inc
include \masm32\include\kernel32.inc
include \masm32\include\masm32.inc

includelib \masm32\lib\user32.lib
includelib \masm32\lib\kernel32.lib
includelib \masm32\lib\masm32.lib

print MACRO Quoted_Text:VARARG
LOCAL Txt
.data
Txt db Quoted_Text,0
.code
invoke StdOut,ADDR Txt
ENDM

input MACRO Quoted_Prompt_Text:VARARG
LOCAL Txt
LOCAL Buffer
.data
Txt db Quoted_Prompt_Text,0
Buffer db 128 dup(?)
.code
invoke StdOut,ADDR Txt
invoke StdIn,ADDR Buffer,LENGTHOF Buffer
mov eax, offset Buffer
ENDM

cls MACRO
invoke ClearScreen
ENDM

Main PROTO

.data
Msg1 db “Huckabee was, is and will for all times be a moron > “,0
Msg2 db “Low Life Trailer Park Trash > “,0
.code

start:
invoke Main
invoke ExitProcess,0

Main proc

LOCAL InputBuffer[128]:BYTE
cls
print “Huckabee was, is and will for all times be a moron”,13,10,13,10

input “Type Amen Please > “
invoke StdOut,eax

invoke locate,10,10
invoke StdOut,ADDR Msg1
invoke StdIn,ADDR InputBuffer,LENGTHOF InputBuffer

invoke locate,10,11
invoke StdOut,ADDR Msg2
invoke StdOut,ADDR InputBuffer

ret

Main endp

end start


47 posted on 03/10/2008 9:49:03 PM PDT by LesbianThespianGymnasticMidget (Si Hoc Legere Scis Nimium Eruditionis Habes)
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To: Imnidiot; All
Will It Blend? - Chuck Norris
48 posted on 03/10/2008 9:49:19 PM PDT by South40 (Amnesty is a slap in the face to the USBP!)
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To: LesbianThespianGymnasticMidget

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.


49 posted on 03/10/2008 9:50:35 PM PDT by lawgirl (She comes on like thunder and she's more right than rain)
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To: lawgirl
That is just a symptom of the Alzheimer's
50 posted on 03/10/2008 9:52:24 PM PDT by LesbianThespianGymnasticMidget (Si Hoc Legere Scis Nimium Eruditionis Habes)
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