Skip to comments.The Guys' Rules
Posted on 04/18/2008 7:38:55 AM PDT by Gopher Broke
The Guys' Rules At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally , the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear ' the rules' From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... These are all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon Or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.
See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Oh, Lordy....here we go again. :-)
Do we ping before it turns ugly (and you know it’s going to)
OR, do we find the girls rules and post our own thread?
Please refer to rule #1. : )
Gee, except for the toilet seat and the Columbus thingy, this could be the girls’ rules in my household.
Good luck with the enforcement of your rules! It’ll
last as long as the Tuzla sniper attack on the “hill”
I’m out right asking a question :)
bump for later
I posted this on my MySpace page a while ago. I think it’s great. And I agree with every one of them!
Why bother, they won't read it anyway.
Maybe we should just give 'em a Talking Stick.
I just found my set of girls rules that are a hoot.
And remember Jersey, we will ignore their rules too ;)
toilet seat - everybody, including the girls, puts BOTH the seat AND the lid down. It keeps kids and pets from falling in AND it looks 10 times better. (Always amazed to see photos of houses for sale online and the toilet lid and sometimes both are up - yuck.)
Disagree with directions thing - men won’t ask, women will - men spend forever driving around, understand not wanting to admit they don’t know something, but it’s so much more practical - and I would think guylike - to just ask.
Disagree with crying - women are emotional, that’s hard-wired, you really don’t want one that acts that much like a man.
Agree with all the rest:
going shopping with you except for VERY special and RARE occasions no way,
talk everything to death with your girl friends (my friends who have sisters only, no brothers, drive me crazy with the minutia they can pick over) and leave your guy alone
men are great at solving problems, that’s what they do - if it’s not solvable and some things are not, talk it to death with other women.
ha ha ha ha...talking stick....
OK, post them...
Uh huh, THIS is the one ;) I have the book, the calendar....Shared it last weekend at a chick party. It's a stitch!
Can’t get much closer to hell than that.
I’ll be in the shed fixing my weedeater if ya’ll need any
pickle jars opened.
If you start talking to me while I'm watching the ball game do not assume I'm listening or even hear you.
I say this because it usually ends with:
"Have you heard anything I've said!"
To which my response will be:
"You were talking to me?"
Us guys are deep thinkers, analyzing a game and it's strategy's takes brain power a woman cannot comprehend.
Get our attention before speaking!
I like beer.
I hate going shopping.
Emotional, occasionally when pushed there.
We were out last weekend to a new venue and you cannot just reverse direction to get out of where we were. Hubby stopped and had us get directions. It saved us a ton of driving in circles time. He commented, "I do not know why they say men will not ask for directions." "It is so much faster most of the time."
I am amused by the list and the stereotypes.
Man Law!!! And series, these describe me to a t.
You do NOT want to know what we were doing (that was last Friday night). Saturday was more fabric, costuming, movies and make-up.
Yes, weedeater hell ;)
And, aren’t they shocked and surprised reading those rules?!
interesting tag line....
I'm an NFL fan (season ticket holder) and MLB fan.
I like beer.
I hate going shopping.
Major ditto. I detest shopping and find it an excrutiatingly boring endeavor.
Being invited to a wedding or baby shower strikes fear into my heart.
And I've never watched the Lifetime channel or any of those cable channels that show weddings and crap.
Something guys don't seem to understand....we don't all fit that stereotype that various forms of media love to perpetrate. ;-)
I think that..
1) the clerks ask because they're required to, not because they actually give a rip.
2) If the store had the thing in stock, it would be on shelves.
3) If the store *doesn't* stock the thing, then the clerk isn't going to pull it out of their back pocket.
4) Nothing is going to come of her request, so why bother?
Drives me up a tree. Might be filed in this list under "If you don't want me to fix your problem, don't tell me about it.", though.
"Something guys don't seem to understand....we don't all fit that stereotype that various forms of media love to perpetrate. ;-)"
PREACH IT SISTAH!!!!
You are my kind of lady. ;-D
Mrs WBill had some Lifetime Movie Misery-fest on a while ago. I walked into the room and said "Hmmph. Breast Cancer or Abusive Husband?"
She threw a pillow at me. Turned out it was both.
“””You do NOT want to know what we were doing””””
Well what were you doing?
My wife always says that I never listen to what she says, at least I think that’s what she said.
I watch boxing when ever I can.
Restocking our bottom drawer. :)
The toilet seat has got to stay up so the dog can drink.
I agree with that too.....
My girl loves the things I love. She loves drinking beer and playing poker and riding to the local bar for some hotwings and cold ones. She whines about NOTHING.
She would rather be in the company of men because she says women are so dramatic. Sometimes, when doing “men” things...I would rather have her there with me because she whines less than most of my guy friends.
It offends me as a guy that my fellow men even NEED a list like this. If they are having all those problems, they need a different woman.
The Dollar General has double A’s on sale. Just so you know....
If you watch the Lifetime Channel enough, you'd think all men go around walloping the ladies. It's sad, really.
I married my wife for many of the same reasons. Some of the stuff on the list applies to her...but not all of it. And the bits that do, she keeps tucked away enough in her back pocket and only pulls them out infrequently enough so that I really don't care.
BUT, I will say that I pick my battles. For instance, I have absolutely no concept of how she can stomach watching hours and hours of reality TV. But, if she likes it, and doesn't make me watch (we settled that early on in our marriage....) so be it. Ain't worth the hassle of arguing over.
She probably says the same thing about me and hockey. Or yardwork. Or whatever.
I have enough real drama in my life, I don't need to go looking for the manufactured, prepackaged kind.
Yep, it was!
And the woman presiding/selling was the local Baptist Church organist. She said the preacher knew what she was doing and approved because it helped keep marriages together.
Most of the women were married. And erm, ah....actually, by the end of the evening, I felt like the prissiest one there.
The saleslady made out like bandit and....
Let me just say there were probably a dozen happy husbands the next day :)
Actually, they’re rechargable at the outlet now.
mrs. envisio will set and watch Law&Order. I have a choice to set and watch it with her or go do something else. I do not expect her to whine if I am setting watch American Chopper.
(thats just an example because she actually likes that show)
She can get up or watch TV in another room, if she likes.
...and there is no hints and pouting and soforth. If she don’t like something, she comes out and tells me, as I do to her.
Why is it that the Free Republic harpies come descending on every gender-related post, regardless of how innocuous? This is a humorous post. It will not “get ugly” except in the sense of your anti-male sensibilities. Please spare us your eye-rolling and general sense of female superiority; your antics are reminiscent of schoolgirls deciding who is and is not “mature”. Perhaps a feminist website would be more to your liking.
>>>If you watch the Lifetime Channel enough, you’d think all men go around walloping the ladies<<<<
If you watch enough of anything, especially sitcoms and commericials (Lowes commercials in particular), you’d think men are subserviant, bumbling, 12 year old idiots.