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The Guys' Rules­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­

Posted on 04/18/2008 7:38:55 AM PDT by Gopher Broke

The Guys' Rules­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­ At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally , the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear ' the rules' From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... These are all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon Or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.

See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: chat; humor; joke; vanity
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To: CanadianLibertarian
Was I talking to you?

I am not a Harpie, read my other posts.

51 posted on 04/18/2008 9:08:19 AM PDT by Jersey Republican Biker Chick (Some days it is not worth chewing through the restraints.)
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To: Haddit
I have had two bathrooms in all of the houses I have owned, mine and hers, daughters included. saved no end of headaches.
52 posted on 04/18/2008 9:09:02 AM PDT by Little Bill (Welcome to the Newly Socialist State of New Hampshire)
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To: CanadianLibertarian

Slow your roll there sparky....these women are saying they are not like that, that their men don’t need this list.


53 posted on 04/18/2008 9:10:11 AM PDT by envisio (If you ain't laughin yet... you ain't seen me naked. 8^O)
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To: Jersey Republican Biker Chick

Talking to me or not, you and the other old aunt types on here need to find something better to do than cluck like old hens at every post you find disagreeable. Go ride your vaunted bike or something.


54 posted on 04/18/2008 9:11:02 AM PDT by CanadianLibertarian
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To: envisio
...you’d think men are subserviant, bumbling, 12 year old idiots.

True enough!

55 posted on 04/18/2008 9:11:23 AM PDT by HoosierHawk
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To: envisio

All women say “they are not like that”, pal!


56 posted on 04/18/2008 9:11:37 AM PDT by Revolting cat! ("I am like...Dude......do you really....like want the Sex?")
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To: Kerretarded

Lets just say it was like being in room full of male Gummy bear parts. And then there was this ring toss game wthi prizes. And things being passed around and comments like “now WHAT do you do with this?”

All led by this sweet faced sweetie pie.


57 posted on 04/18/2008 9:20:18 AM PDT by najida (On FR- Everyman is Brad Pitt, Everywoman is Aunt Bea)
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To: CanadianLibertarian; envisio; Jersey Republican Biker Chick

See Jerseys and Envisios posts.

We love men, really. And for the most part, we aren’t like the list— no more than you guys are like my list ;)


58 posted on 04/18/2008 9:22:07 AM PDT by najida (On FR- Everyman is Brad Pitt, Everywoman is Aunt Bea)
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To: Gopher Broke
Ladies and Gentlemen the Man Song...

59 posted on 04/18/2008 9:22:55 AM PDT by BufordP (Had Mexicans flown planes into the World Trade Center, Jorge Bush would have surrendered.)
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To: Let's Roll
Disagree with directions thing - men won’t ask, women will - men spend forever driving around

Ever since I was a Boy Sprout I've believed in having good maps. My spouse does too now and so do our grown daughters. With good maps you don't need to ask for di8rections and you can enjoy all sorts of side trips that even the locals won't tell you about. With a Gazetteer I found a great way to bypass Denver and that horrendous toll road.

60 posted on 04/18/2008 9:24:27 AM PDT by fella (Is he al-taquiya or is he murtadd? Only his iman knows for sure.)
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To: Let's Roll

Sorry, guys are never lost.

We are where we are.

Sometimes the place we were supposed to go to gets lost, but I don’t see how that’s our problem.

Generally, things that get lost turn up eventually.

If you are a woman, and you are in a car with a man, and you want to get somewhere quickly, then learn to read a map. We love driving, so why should we stop and ask someone where they think we should be driving to?

As for the toilet seat, the woman has to make a choice — would she rather deal with falling into the toilet because she forgot to check if it was down? Or would she rather deal with cleaning up the mess because she put the lid down and the man got up in the middle of the night and decided it was too much bother to turn on the light. Your choice.

and one rule that was extremely important and needs to be stated again: If you DO NOT WANT IT FIXED, DO NOT MENTION THAT IT IS BROKEN. Men can live for years with the indirect knowledge that things are not working, but once we are directly confronted with a problem, we really have no choice but to fix it, that’s how we are made. So if your conversation is going to start with “now I just want you to empathize with me here”, that’s probably where the conversation should end as well.

:-)


61 posted on 04/18/2008 9:27:15 AM PDT by CharlesWayneCT
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To: CharlesWayneCT

Regarding the woman’s list — I couldn’t get past the 1st entry. If you are sitting home alone on a Saturday night and you wanted to be at a party, it seems counterproductive to make a rule that ensures that no man is going to ask you out to that party.

Generally men have little idea what they are going to DO on a saturday until saturday actually arrives. If you find a man who is on the ball enough to ask you out on friday, hold onto them.

:-)


62 posted on 04/18/2008 9:32:46 AM PDT by CharlesWayneCT
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To: CanadianLibertarian
"Old aunt"? "old hen types"? You don't know me at all.

I was merely making jokes and being sarcastic with my pals....

You need to get a grip...

63 posted on 04/18/2008 9:40:15 AM PDT by Jersey Republican Biker Chick (Some days it is not worth chewing through the restraints.)
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To: #1CTYankee
Us guys are deep thinkers, analyzing a game and it's strategy's takes brain power a woman cannot comprehend.

Get our attention before speaking!

I love my wife dearly, but she does one thing that drives me crazy. I will be watching TV, and she will start talking to me. I know I will not be able to focus on what she is saying, so I pause the show (we have Tivo), so I can give her my undivided attention, and aske her to start over. Instead of appreciating the fact that I will stop what I am doing in order to listen to her, she gets mad at me and tells me, "never mind, just watch your show!"

64 posted on 04/18/2008 10:08:15 AM PDT by CA Conservative
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To: wbill

My girl friends and I refuse to watch anything on the Lifetime, Hallmark, or Oxygen channels (or, as we put it, abused women, sad women, and angry women channels)... our tastes run more along the lines of movies with spaceships and explosions and violence and hot guys running around in the middle of it all. Occasionally, we will watch a ‘chick flick’, but our chick-flick repertoire is limited to The Princess Bride, Chocolat, Stardust, 10 Things I Hate About You, and Moulin Rouge. Anything else is classified as ‘ew, too girly’.


65 posted on 04/18/2008 10:10:33 AM PDT by Hyzenthlay (I aim to misbehave.)
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To: Allegra; Jersey Republican Biker Chick

I posted this on the “Girls’ Rules” thread:

Here are my political-related rules that I wish certain men (emphasis on “certain”) would listen to:

1. Don’t paint all women with the same brush.

2. Quit calling us natural socialists. Most of us work and pay taxes. Some of us own businesses. Some of us hate socialism even more than you do.

3. Don’t blame us for abortion. Blame the male Supreme Court justices who legalized it, the male-dominated MSM members who promote it, and the male-dominated field of abortion doctors who do it.

4. If you’re not responsible for the sins of Slick Willy, we’re not responsible for the sins of Her Thighness.

5. There are actual women (gasp) who like guns.

6. Knock it off with the “Repeal the 19th Amendment” crap. It’s never going to happen, and even if it did happen, women would still be voting in every state because every state would vote to keep it legal, as would be their privilege under the 10th Amendment. You do support states’ rights, don’t you?

7. Your ex-wife may have been very mean and nasty to you. I’m sincerely sorry if that is the case. However, I’m not her. Please don’t get mad at me because of what she did.

8. I will wear the abaya or burqa when someone puts one on my cold dead body.


66 posted on 04/18/2008 10:19:44 AM PDT by JillValentine (Being a feminist is all about being a victim. Being an armed woman is all about not being a victim.)
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To: najida
Lets just say it was like being in room full of male Gummy bear parts. And then there was this ring toss game wthi prizes. And things being passed around and comments like “now WHAT do you do with this?”

All led by this sweet faced sweetie pie.


ROFLMAO!!!! And let me guess what you had to throw the rings around. A male gummy bear part? Funny on the "now WHAT do you do with this"!!!

Even Funnier is imagining how the sweet faced sweetie pie described the use of the products!!!
67 posted on 04/18/2008 10:31:34 AM PDT by Eagle of Liberty (Ownership, Individuality, Freedom, Responsibility - The Backbone of Conservatism)
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To: envisio

68 posted on 04/18/2008 10:34:56 AM PDT by Rome2000 (Peace is not an option)
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To: Kerretarded

Lets just say that that part was 24” and purple. A big hit at bridal showers I hear.

And I was late to the party so it was like “Here-— try this!” and “Look at what this does!” by the other ladies.

And yeah, the sweetie pie looked like a more voluptuous Kristie Yamaguchi. Seriously if a man was there, he would have had a heart attack.


69 posted on 04/18/2008 10:40:51 AM PDT by najida (On FR- Everyman is Brad Pitt, Everywoman is Aunt Bea)
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To: wbill
My only complaint with Mrs. Wbill is that when grocery clerks ask "Did you find everything that you were looking for?"

I can't stand that either. One clerk at the local grocery store usually asks: "Is that all you need today"?

One day when I was in a half bad mood, she asked that at the checkout and I told her "No I need one of everything in the store, but my pickup isn't big enough to haul it all home". She had the "deer in the headlight" look.

70 posted on 04/18/2008 10:46:06 AM PDT by Arrowhead1952 (Typical white person, bitter, religious, gun owner, who will "Just say No to BO (or HRC).")
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To: Hyzenthlay
Ahhhh, if only I had met you about 10 years ago.... :-)

I liked The Princess Bride. One of the best swordfights in modern cinema was in it. My wife dragged me to Chocolat...while I wouldn't put it up in the caliber of cinema as 'Animal House' and 'The Magnificent Seven'....it wasn't a bad flick. Can't speak to the rest of them.

Mrs WBill tries. She does. Really. But her movie tastes run to artsy stuff with subtitles. She took me to some Art Film screening at the university a while back. I said "This is going to be junk. Buncha lousy subtitled movies about homosexuals discussing their feelings."

She said "No no no. Nothing at all like that. Not at all."

The First Movie Screened? Buncha German Lesbians discussing the conflicts that they feel within themselves. And it had subtitles.

I stand vindicated.

71 posted on 04/18/2008 10:47:24 AM PDT by wbill
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To: Arrowhead1952
I always tell the clerk that "I bought too much."

I'm waiting for them to offer to take some back....hasn't happened yet.

72 posted on 04/18/2008 10:50:10 AM PDT by wbill
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To: najida
And I was late to the party so it was like “Here-— try this!” and “Look at what this does!” by the other ladies.

And yeah, the sweetie pie looked like a more voluptuous Kristie Yamaguchi. Seriously if a man was there, he would have had a heart attack.


ROFL! 24"? Holy Carp! Hopefully just for show!

I think it would be hilaryous to see women unbridled in an environment like that!
73 posted on 04/18/2008 11:38:42 AM PDT by Eagle of Liberty (Ownership, Individuality, Freedom, Responsibility - The Backbone of Conservatism)
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To: Kerretarded

It was for ring toss.

We have realistic expectations. :)


74 posted on 04/18/2008 12:19:44 PM PDT by najida (On FR- Everyman is Brad Pitt, Everywoman is Aunt Bea)
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To: najida
We have realistic expectations. :)

LOL!
75 posted on 04/18/2008 12:40:53 PM PDT by Eagle of Liberty (Ownership, Individuality, Freedom, Responsibility - The Backbone of Conservatism)
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To: TheMom

You know that I have to ping you whenever this missive is posted!


76 posted on 04/18/2008 1:05:31 PM PDT by Eaker (Well, it just seemed wrong to cheat on an ethics test. -- Calvin)
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To: Eaker; TheMom

One day Eaker...You know she will eventually get even with you! ;~D


77 posted on 04/18/2008 1:32:28 PM PDT by trussell (I carry because...When seconds count between life and death, the police are only minutes away)
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To: trussell

LOL!


78 posted on 04/18/2008 1:50:57 PM PDT by Eaker (Well, it just seemed wrong to cheat on an ethics test. -- Calvin)
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To: Gopher Broke
Any woman that needs a list of rules like this is a woman who won't follow any rules. ;^)

She is also likely to have an even bigger list of rules for you.

79 posted on 04/18/2008 1:54:10 PM PDT by TigersEye (Berlin 1936. Beijing 2008. Moscow 1980 Olympic Games for murdering regimes.)
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To: Rome2000

Can’t disagree with anything in that Guide!


80 posted on 04/18/2008 1:56:21 PM PDT by Revolting cat! ("I am like...Dude......do you really....like want the Sex?")
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To: JillValentine

The problem with painting all women with the same brush is they all end up the same color.

Now all women have similar features but no sane man will ever tell a woman,” Oh you’re just like so and so.”

You Jill, are a stuning woman and I am over come by your individuality and great good looks, except for that one small flaw but really it’s nothing.

Tet Hehe.


81 posted on 04/18/2008 2:20:59 PM PDT by tet68 ( " We would not die in that man's company, that fears his fellowship to die with us...." Henry V.)
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To: Rome2000

Oh **** no.


82 posted on 04/18/2008 2:40:28 PM PDT by Sue Perkick (And I hope that what I've done here today doesn't force you to have a negative opinion of me....)
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To: CanadianLibertarian; Jersey Republican Biker Chick; najida; JillValentine
Why is it that the Free Republic harpies come descending on every gender-related post, regardless of how innocuous?

"Harpies." LOL I don't think you even see the amusing irony of your post.

Let's see....Canadian...Libertarian...and your post.

Steeee-rike three! SmileyCentral.com

83 posted on 04/18/2008 2:45:43 PM PDT by Allegra (Tehran delenda est)
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To: Gopher Broke

Rule number one nails it.


84 posted on 04/18/2008 3:37:02 PM PDT by RobRoy (This is comical)
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To: envisio
and the correct answer is....

"If they are having all those problems, they need a different woman."

85 posted on 04/18/2008 6:25:52 PM PDT by My hearts in London - Everett (I'd rather be single than wish I was.)
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To: Allegra
I don't think you even know what the concept of irony signifies. The under-educated commonly use that word when it is completely out of place. And YES, you are "harpies".

And come now, let's not get into a national stereotyping contest. Americans are far too vulnerable, given their ridiculous (though lovable) shortcomings.

And when I call myself a libertarian, it is in the classical liberal sense, not as some pot-smoking hippie on the right.

Three strikes nuthin', to use your tired, parochial American sports metaphor.

86 posted on 04/18/2008 7:10:33 PM PDT by CanadianLibertarian
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To: Allegra

I think he took a heaping side of pompous with that IQ, don’t you agree?


87 posted on 04/18/2008 8:45:50 PM PDT by My hearts in London - Everett (I'd rather be single than wish I was.)
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To: Sue Perkick

OK, take 20 minutes to rest then.


88 posted on 04/18/2008 8:45:50 PM PDT by Rome2000 (Peace is not an option)
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To: Rome2000

Very funny.


89 posted on 04/18/2008 9:09:04 PM PDT by Sue Perkick (And I hope that what I've done here today doesn't force you to have a negative opinion of me....)
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To: CanadianLibertarian

Awwww....you poor thing. I shall not ridicule you further. It must be difficult enough going through life with that small problem of yours. :)


90 posted on 04/19/2008 3:42:27 AM PDT by Allegra (Tehran delenda est)
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To: My hearts in London - Everett
I think he took a heaping side of pompous with that IQ, don’t you agree?

Yep. Standard behavior for someone with an inferiority complex. I feel more pity than anything else. ;-)

91 posted on 04/19/2008 3:44:35 AM PDT by Allegra (Tehran delenda est)
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To: wbill
BUT, I will say that I pick my battles

This is the best advice my father ever gave me about relatinonhips with women.

yo don't have to win every battle. You just have to win the war.

Stratagery!

92 posted on 04/20/2008 9:19:48 AM PDT by vikzilla
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To: Allegra
You seem to have missed the point that you haven't ridiculed me, in that your post was taken apart, piece by piece. Again, missing simple points like that is common in the under-educated or under-intelligent.

"Small problem"? Are you really that immature? Anatomical put-downs? Good grief, what has happened to mature discourse in this society?

93 posted on 04/21/2008 1:47:25 PM PDT by CanadianLibertarian
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To: CanadianLibertarian

“Never argue with a woman - you’ll always lose. They don’t need logic the way we do.” — Eddie Murphy ;)


94 posted on 04/21/2008 1:54:23 PM PDT by Mr. Jeeves ("Wise men don't need to debate; men who need to debate are not wise." -- Tao Te Ching)
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To: Mr. Jeeves

Don’t argue. Just do it her way. One way or another, you’ll end up doing it her way, anyway...

And if it doesn’t work, never, ever say “I told you so.”


95 posted on 04/21/2008 1:59:05 PM PDT by Little Ray (McCain, Obama, and Hillary: I HATE THEM ALL.)
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To: Mr. Jeeves

Actually, the moment the woman - or any other person - departs from logic, she has already lost the argument. You need to value logic more - stick to it and you’ll stop losing arguments with women. ;-)


96 posted on 04/21/2008 2:00:04 PM PDT by CanadianLibertarian
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To: CanadianLibertarian
Dude...you're embarrassing yourself now. I'm embarrassed for you. You're obsessed.

Let it go. You lost and made a a$$ of yourself.

Learn something from it and move on.

When someone clings to something the way you're doing, resurrecting a silly argument several days after he has been humiliated and the argument has died, it just looks...pathetic.

Have some self-respect, man.

97 posted on 04/21/2008 4:05:25 PM PDT by Allegra (Tehran delenda est)
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To: Bender2; Lil'freeper

That is “one” funny piece.


98 posted on 04/21/2008 4:06:26 PM PDT by big'ol_freeper ("Preach the Gospel always, and when necessary use words". ~ St. Francis of Assisi)
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To: tet68

The Tactic of the Indirect Approach, Basil Hart was a genius.


99 posted on 04/21/2008 4:22:50 PM PDT by Little Bill (Welcome to the Newly Socialist State of New Hampshire)
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To: big'ol_freeper; Allegra; Lil'freeper; TrueKnightGalahad; blackie; Larry Lucido; Diplomat; ...
1. Sunday or any other NFL sports. It's like the full moon Or the changing of the tides. Let it be. Look, it is like male PMS that only beer and junk food cures!!!!

All you gals don't believe me? Ask Allegra!

100 posted on 04/21/2008 9:08:19 PM PDT by Bender2 ("I've got a twisted sense of humor, and everything amuses me." RAH Beyond this Horizon)
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