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Congress to Halt Closing of Unprofitable Starbucks
Scrappleface ^ | Scott Ott

Posted on 07/02/2008 4:19:31 AM PDT by Sub-Driver

Congress to Halt Closing of Unprofitable Starbucks by Scott Ott for ScrappleFace · No Comments

(2008-07-02) — Democrats in Congress today plan to introduce a bill to halt the recently-announced closing of some 600 Starbucks coffee stores, noting that the displacement of 12,000 Starbucks baristas would overwhelm government aid offices not prepared to handle so many clients for whom English is a second language.

Baristas, those who serve Starbucks beverages, speak a peculiar dialect that combines pseudo-Italian and American slang with inflections borrowed from ancient hemp-smoking cultures.

“These people can’t just walk out of Starbucks and get a job at a grocery store or a factory,” said House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi, D-CA. “They would need ESL classes and cultural training to learn how to relate to ordinary Americans and function in society.”

Rep. Pelosi’s bill would subsidize the 600 money-losing Starbucks locations by giving away millions of taxpayer dollars in so-called ‘Venti Vouchers’ to residents of these hard-hit neighborhoods. If the effort fails to revive the flagging stores, Rep. Pelosi said Democrats would “seriously consider nationalizing the coffee industry to ensure the free flow of java at fair prices.”

“This is just another one of our heroic Democrat efforts to protect Americans from the impact of the Bush economic policies,” said Rep. Pelosi. “Under this president, America has become a cold and desolate place where corporations cut unprofitable activities to focus on increasing the bottom line, and returning value to shareholders. When Democrats retake the White House next year, we will reverse that trend.”


TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: scrappleface; starbucks
very close...........
1 posted on 07/02/2008 4:19:31 AM PDT by Sub-Driver
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To: Sub-Driver
Does anybody know where to get a copy of that spoof college text book that is about careers for liberal arts majors...the cover shows pics of people making coffee at SB?
2 posted on 07/02/2008 4:21:55 AM PDT by Fundamentally Fair (If given a choice between a POW and a POS, I'll take the POW.)
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To: Sub-Driver

Any business that can’t turn a profit should be subsidized until they make a profit. Then they should be taxed out the wahzoo until they no longer make a profit.


3 posted on 07/02/2008 4:22:17 AM PDT by Go Gordon
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To: Sub-Driver

Gotta love scrappleface!!


4 posted on 07/02/2008 4:22:31 AM PDT by Sacajaweau (I'm planting corn...Have to feed my car...)
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To: Sub-Driver

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9iMgSNrwv4


5 posted on 07/02/2008 4:24:28 AM PDT by Mercat (the LORD himself will establish a house for you)
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To: Sub-Driver

LOL...I’m sure Maxine Waters and Maurice Hinchey will be on TV suggesting that the US nationalize Starbuck’s in order to save the baristas’ jobs. These two economics PHDs can point to how well the government runs Medicare and FEMA as the basis for their expertise.


6 posted on 07/02/2008 4:27:47 AM PDT by kittymyrib
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To: Sub-Driver

The morons in Congress are going to be shocked to hell when the massive layoffs start coming their way this fall. Between the airlines, auto industry, tourism industry, and all the supporting business dry up and blow away.

Congress does not have the authority to tell businesses when they can shut down and layoff.


7 posted on 07/02/2008 4:32:14 AM PDT by DownInFlames
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To: Sub-Driver

Very nice. As usual Scrappleface is very very close to believable.


8 posted on 07/02/2008 4:34:14 AM PDT by EarthBound (Ex Deo,gratia. Ex astris,scientia (Who the hell do I vote for now?))
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To: Sub-Driver

What’s happening to Starbucks is really nothing new. I remember when TCBY was all the rage back in the 80s and they simply overexpanded.

In Starbucks case, expensive, vogue coffee was bound to have lost it’s mass market appeal sometime. That’s not to say that Starbucks will go away or doesn’t have it’s place but jeez, they had franchises EVERYWHERE, as some said, even right across the street from each other.


9 posted on 07/02/2008 4:41:28 AM PDT by Slapshot68
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To: Sub-Driver

I’m not a coffee user, but word is that McDonalds coffee is better than Starbucks, and much cheaper.


10 posted on 07/02/2008 4:44:56 AM PDT by Fresh Wind (Tom Manion '08-My only reason for voting this year)
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To: DownInFlames

Exactly right. When is it any of Congress’s business to tell a company they can’t lay off workers? This is just one more reason to vote out the socialists in power now. Democrats are Socialists, pure and simple.


11 posted on 07/02/2008 4:56:21 AM PDT by rtbwood
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To: Fresh Wind

Dumkin Donuts it the best.


12 posted on 07/02/2008 4:58:17 AM PDT by bmwcyle (If God wanted us to be Socialist, Karl Marx would have been born in America.)
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To: Sub-Driver

If the focus were about a planned Congressional RAT Party led-proposal for a taxpayer funded bail out of specific Starbucks owners in districts where Dodd’s Pelosi’s Reids’ Kennedy’s, Murtha’s, Mcdermott’s, Wechler’s, Webb’s, Frank’s, Rockerfeller’s families back home get their free coffee for life, that would be even more believable.


13 posted on 07/02/2008 4:58:25 AM PDT by rod1
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To: Sub-Driver
WTF?? Dems using legislation and taxpayers' dollars to keep a liberal mecca icon open??

I've read it all now.

14 posted on 07/02/2008 5:10:48 AM PDT by RSmithOpt (Liberalism: Highway to Hell)
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To: RSmithOpt

I was waiting to see how many would think this was more than a spoof.....didn’t take long


15 posted on 07/02/2008 5:13:59 AM PDT by estrogen (.)
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To: bmwcyle

That must be why all the cops go there.


16 posted on 07/02/2008 5:25:24 AM PDT by Fresh Wind (Tom Manion '08-My only reason for voting this year)
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To: Sub-Driver

A major economic depression is one thing....but...closing hundreds of Starbucks is unthinkable. The idea of buying coffee for a dollar instead of three dollars is just...well...un-American.


17 posted on 07/02/2008 5:27:16 AM PDT by NoControllingLegalAuthority
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To: estrogen

OK, I realize that Scrappleface does post a lot of ‘gotch ya’ articles. However, the way our Congress is operating at this time, it would not surprise me in the least. LOL!! Good one.


18 posted on 07/02/2008 5:29:07 AM PDT by RSmithOpt (Liberalism: Highway to Hell)
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To: NoControllingLegalAuthority

Now.we’ll have 2 starbucks on every block instead of 3!


19 posted on 07/02/2008 5:39:55 AM PDT by Dr. Ursus (( commander of the simian host))
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To: Sacajaweau

Yes, they are very funny, love to read them.


20 posted on 07/02/2008 5:40:18 AM PDT by pepperdog (The world has gone crazy.)
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To: Sub-Driver

Yes indeed ... The goobermint can get warmed up, rescuing Starbucks, ‘cause GM, Ford, and Chrysler are waiting in the wings for some of that there groovy taxpayer largesse ...


21 posted on 07/02/2008 5:42:54 AM PDT by Babu
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To: rtbwood; DownInFlames

psssst... Scrappleface is a spoof, a parody, a satire...

But, as is often the case, satire that is believable is usually the funniest.

Tell me, why did you believe this? Because we can actually see congress trying to do such a thing under Pelosi’s leadership.


22 posted on 07/02/2008 5:44:51 AM PDT by MrB (You can't reason people out of a position that they didn't use reason to get into in the first place)
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To: Sub-Driver

PS: Yes, I know it’s Scrappleface, but be careful ... they’re giving the CongressCritters ideas.

Where will the Libs who were hanging out at those 600 stores meet now? This will be a real hardship on them now. They might have to walk a block to a different Starbucks!


23 posted on 07/02/2008 5:45:20 AM PDT by Babu
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To: Slapshot68

In Starbucks case, expensive, vogue coffee was bound to have lost it’s mass market appeal sometime.
____________________________________________
Well, considering espresso has been a popular European and Middle Eastern drink for several hundred years, I’d have to disagree.

Starbucks’ coffee isn’t too overpriced considering they have been moving in the direction of Fair Trade coffee. (ONE coffee bean is handled individually no less than three times by a human hand in the coffee production process. . .it is a commodity that if real FMV were applied would be more in the $50-$75/lb. range!!)

It is Starbucks’ Specialty Drinks (Lattes, Frappucinos) that has everyone “thinking” they sell $5.00 coffee. Consumers think nothing of paying $10 for a specialty martini, so, considering what goes into a latte, five bucks is quite reasonable.

It’s not that they’ve “lost” mass appeal, it’s that consumers are coming down to making a decision of: Do I put gas in my car to get to work? Or do I get my Venti Caramel Macchiato every morning?

The stores on college campuses are booming while the ones in ‘working’ neighborhoods are now underperforming...it’s the demographics and economy affecting the slide, not appeal.

/former coffee house owner


24 posted on 07/02/2008 5:45:34 AM PDT by Dasaji (The U.S.A. is the Land of Opportunity and you've got 50 states to do it in!)
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To: Slapshot68
In Starbucks case, expensive, vogue coffee was bound to have lost it’s mass market appeal sometime.

Who wants to rub elbows with the kind if elitist maroons who hang out a Starbucks? Besides, Dunkin' Donuts coffee is better!

25 posted on 07/02/2008 5:48:55 AM PDT by JimRed ("Hey, hey, Teddy K., how many girls did you drown today?" TERM LIMITS, NOW!)
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To: bmwcyle
I have heard that claim, but every time I have tried Dunkin Donuts coffee it is just weak and flavorless
26 posted on 07/02/2008 5:54:34 AM PDT by sticker
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To: Sub-Driver
Baristas, those who serve Starbucks beverages, speak a peculiar dialect that combines pseudo-Italian and American slang with inflections borrowed from ancient hemp-smoking cultures.

LOL!!
27 posted on 07/02/2008 5:58:00 AM PDT by reagan_fanatic (This tagline is completely naked - STOP STARING!)
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To: JimRed
Who wants to rub elbows with the kind if elitist maroons who hang out a Starbucks? Besides, Dunkin' Donuts coffee is better!

I never considered Starbucks "elitist." I've been to Starbucks many times in uniform, and I've seen plenty of other soldiers stopping in at Starbucks. I just love the lattes.

28 posted on 07/02/2008 5:59:27 AM PDT by exDemMom (Now that I've finally accepted that I'm living a bad hair life, I'm more at peace with the world.)
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To: Sub-Driver
agree....very close....when satire becomes reality.
29 posted on 07/02/2008 5:59:29 AM PDT by skinkinthegrass (If you aren't "advancing" your arguments,your losing "the battle of Ideas"...libs,hates the facts 8^)
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To: Mercat

MUCH too funny!


30 posted on 07/02/2008 6:03:25 AM PDT by Humble Servant
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To: Sub-Driver

Very very close!


31 posted on 07/02/2008 6:10:03 AM PDT by BenLurkin
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To: sticker

2 things to try: DD’s Turbo Hot (a shot of espresso in regular DD’s), and believe it or not, McDonald’s now that they’re using better coffee and a darker roast. Also, if you take it regular, DD’s uses a lot of cream and sugar; if you ask for a little less the coffee taste doesn’t get covered up.


32 posted on 07/02/2008 6:10:13 AM PDT by Humble Servant
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To: Dasaji

It’s pretentious, narcissistic swill, doled out and slurped up by pretentious, narcissistic, self-righteous, smug fools.


33 posted on 07/02/2008 6:13:39 AM PDT by Humble Servant
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To: sticker

They don’t know how to make it there.


34 posted on 07/02/2008 6:15:19 AM PDT by bmwcyle (If God wanted us to be Socialist, Karl Marx would have been born in America.)
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To: Fresh Wind

I would agree with this wholeheartedly.

White Castle coffee is excellent, as well.


35 posted on 07/02/2008 6:23:07 AM PDT by day10 (Rules cannot substitute for character.)
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To: Sub-Driver
A group of Congress members from rural and western states also have introduced an amendment to the Starbucks bailout bill that would provide Federal subsidies to build and operate Starbucks in small town America.

Rep. Stephanie Herseth-Sandlin (D-SD)stated that residents of communities like Pukwanna and Buffalo, South Dakota are under served by coffee houses and have as much right to enjoy a frappacino as those living in big cities. She added that a local Starbucks could provide valuable broadband Internet access in these communities as well as boost employment.

36 posted on 07/02/2008 6:28:03 AM PDT by The Great RJ ("Mir we bleiwen wat mir sin" or "We want to remain what we are." ..Luxembourg motto)
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To: rtbwood; DownInFlames

I have one word for you two guys: Scappleface.


37 posted on 07/02/2008 6:43:30 AM PDT by calex59
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To: Sub-Driver

Besides, since they already have the leases on the properties they should be forced to sell coffee even if it’s uneconomic to do so.


38 posted on 07/02/2008 7:26:06 AM PDT by Wil H
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To: DownInFlames
Congress does not have the authority to tell businesses when they can shut down and layoff.

Just give them a little time and they will come up with a way.

39 posted on 07/02/2008 7:34:36 AM PDT by dearolddad (Like $6.00 + gas? Be sure to thank a democrap.)
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To: Humble Servant

I have had the McDonald’s and it is not bad.


40 posted on 07/02/2008 8:20:09 AM PDT by sticker
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To: Sub-Driver
I think it'd be easier just to pass a law requiring every American to drink a cup or two there every day under penalty of fine or imprisonment, or both. It isn't as if the country can afford multiple opinions on the matter. We risk losing the coffee race. We run the risk of American children turning into shapeless blobs of goo with donut toppings smeared all over their chubby little faces, forced to drink the dishwater that comes out of a Dunkin Donuts pot.

And that's for adults.

41 posted on 07/02/2008 8:35:00 AM PDT by Billthedrill
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To: Dr. Ursus

“Now.we’ll have 2 starbucks on every block instead of 3!”

Well they are still opening new ones in my area. My wife enjoys some of their items.

Each store they opened was effectively a business “estimate” it would go well. Obviously some didn’t.

Adjustments are made. That is how business works.


42 posted on 07/06/2008 5:06:19 PM PDT by truth_seeker
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