Posted on 09/06/2008 7:44:18 PM PDT by Rebelbase
So far we've heard bogus rumors that Sarah Palin had an affair, covered up her daughter's pregnancy by claiming her baby as her own, is a bad mother for running for VP with a baby and daughter who is pregnant, etc.
Let's just go ahead and get all the possible rumors out of the way now so we don't have to put up with this carp for the next two months.
"Let's get them all out of the way Palin Rumors Cripes, this has gotten ridiculous.
Folks, look, lets just run through a list here. (Updated.)
1. No, the Downs baby (Trig) isnt Bristol�s kid, and no, the kid wasn�t born with Downs because
(a) Palin flew on an airplane
(b) went home to have the baby after an amniotic leak
(c) because he was the result of incest between Todd Palin and Bristol.
2. No, Track (the kid who is leaving for Iraq)
didn�t join the NG because he was a drug addict. He may have joined the NG because he was tired of people saying his Mom was getting him into the good hockey
leagues. (Yes, that one was original reporting. I�ve got sources in Wasilla.)
3. No, she�s never been in any porn as far as anyone can find (and God knows I get enough google hits on those very topics.)
4. No, no one seems to be able to even find swimsuit pictures of her from her beauty queen days; God knows I looked. The bikini pictures that are around are photoshopped, just like the Vogue cover I have up.
5. No she wasn�t a member of the (wild-eyed libertarian) Alaska independence Party, although her husband once was
6. No, neither the (Canadian) National Post, nor Marc Armbinder at the Atlantic have troubled themselves to issue a correction. Yes, the New York Times did finally correct their story of September 1 � on September 5. This was after Elizabeth Bumiller was quoted by Howard Kurtz as saying she was �completely confident about the story.� Yes, that was after the New York Times�s source retracted the story. Yes, this should embarrass the Times, Bumiller, and Howard Kurtz. No, there have been no signs of embarrassment.
7. No, she was never a Pat Buchanan supporter; even when Buchanan claims she was, she was on the board of Steve Forbes�a campaign in Alaska. 8. No, she�s not anti-semitic. In fact, she has an Israeli flag in her office. (Contrary to popular belief, the usual Evangelical thinks Israel has a right to exist, granted by God.)
9. No, she�s doesn�t believe that the Iraq War was directed by God. Yes, she did pray that proceeding with the war was God�s will. (Ever hear the phrase �Not my will, but Thine, be done�?)
10. No, Buchanan doesn�t support her now; in fact he�s supporting Obama. (Buchanan did think her speech was amazing, but then so do 80 percent of the people who saw it.)
11. yes, she was pregnant when she got married
12. No, so far there�s no confirmation she had an affair while she was married, and they�ve denied it pretty strongly. No, she wouldn�t be the first Christian woman who got a little on the side, if it were true.
13. No, she wasn�t named as a co-respondent in a divorce; there�s no evidence she had an affair with her husbands� business partner. The partner tried to have his divorce records sealed because he was being harrassed by journalists who used them to get his phone number.
14. Yes, barring immaculate conception, Bristol appears to have had sex with her fiancee. No, Bristol didn�t receive only �abstinence-only� sex ed.
15. Yes, I have it on reliable report that Sarah Levi�s mom has been heard screaming �Way to go Levi!� at her future son-in-law son. No, it doesn�t appear to have been when Bristol broke the news to her family. Note: I originally understood this story to be about Sarah, not Levi�s mom, in the context of hockey games. As such, it�s shouldn�t be in a Sarah Palin Rumors story, but I like the story too much to delete it.
16. yes, her 17 year old daughter is pregnant; no, the baby�s father is not an eighth grader; no, having sex at 16 is not statutory rape in Alaska
17. yes, she did fire the public safety guy � but he said in the Anchorage paper that, for the record, she never, and no one else in her administration ever, tried to make him fire her ex-brother-in-law
18. and yes, the state trooper (her sister�s ex-husband) she was worried about did: tase her 10 year old nephew; drive his state patrol car while drinking or drunk; did threaten to �bring her down�; and did threaten to murder her father and sister if they dared to get an attorney to help with the divorce.
19. yes, the state trooper was suspended when he was put under a court protective order
20. no, the trooper wasn�t fired
21. yes, she did fire the Wasilla Chief of Police as Mayor; yes, it was because he was lying to the City Council.
22. Yes, she did try to cut her own salary as Mayor by $4000 a year; yes, she had voted against the $4000 a year raise while on the City Council.
23. No, she didn�t cut funding for unwed mothers; yes, she did increase it by �only� 354 percent instead of 454 percent, as part of a multi-year capital expenditures program. No, the Washington Post doesn�t appear to have corrected their story. Even after this was pointed out in the comments on the story.
24. No, she didn�t cut special needs student funding; yes, she did raise it by �only� 175 percent.
25. yes, she did try, clearly unsuccessfully, to get Bristol married off to her fiancee before the story came out
26. yes, she did ask the librarian if some books could be withdrawn because of being offensive; no, they couldn�t; yes she did threaten to fire the librarian a month later; no, that wasn�t over the books thing but instead over administrative issues; no, the librarian wasn�t fired either; yes, the librarian was a big supporter of one of her political opponents; yes, the librarian was also the girlfriend of the Chief of police mentioned above; no, this is not the first time in the history of civilization that someone has been threatened with being fired over a political dispute
27. No the list of books she wanted to ban that�s being passed around isn�t real; among other things, it includes a number of books published after her time in office there.
28. No, that hasn�t actually deterred people from claiming it really is true even if the list isn�t correct. For example: �This list might not in fact reflect the books Sarah Palin wanted banned. As more than one person in Comments has pointed out, some of them were not published when Palin was in office. It is my hope that the mainstream media will not let this story drop and that at some point an actual list will surface. The very thought of having someone who once advocated book-banning possibly occupying one of the highest offices of our land fills me with profound dread. It should fill you with dread too.�
29. No, I don�t understand why a fake list is supposed to fill me with dread, either.
30. no, it wasn�t a shotgun wedding; Bristol and Levi been engaged for a good while according to his mother. It was either an accident or just an unconventional order.
31. yes, she�s an Assembly of God Holy Roller.
32. yes, she apparently believes in some variant of Intelligent Design
33. no, she didn�t try to force the schools to teach it; she said if someone brought it up, it was an appropriate subject for debate.
34. yes, she kills animals and eats them, and wears their skins
35. yes, she was a beauty contest contestant
36. yes, she was once a sportscaster
37. yes, she has a college degree in Journalism, but I won�t hold that against her, as she seems to have found honest work as well
38. yes, she sometimes wears her hair up; no that�s not a �beehive�
39. yes, her husband is Not A White Person (he�s a Yup�ik; an Eskimo but not an Inuit as my Inuit cousins have taken some pains to explain)
40. yes, she has on occasion tried to get money from the federal government.
41. yes, she did finally turn down the money for the bridge. Yes, that meant changing her mind about it.
42. yes, she was vetted extensively, not just in three days � I�ve got links to press reports about people coming to Wassila on 29 May, and we had her on our Veepstakes at PJM from the first day we ran it.
43. yes, she want to a bunch of colleges before getting a degree. No, that�s not illegal. Yes, she seems to have made something of herself anyway.
44. no, they didn�t talk to a lot of the R�s power structure during the vetting; that probably has to do with the fact that she beat them in elections and sent a bunch of them to jail.
45. Yes, Sarah Palin�s acceptance speech was written by a speechwriter. Duh. No, none of Obama�s, McCain�s, nor Biden�s speeches were impromptu off the cuff things either.
46. Yes, she did put the Governors plane on eBay. No, that�s not how it was finally sold. Yes, McCain did say it wrong. Bad McCain. from:
http://explorations.chasrmartin.com/2008/09/05/palin-rumors/
Palin’s Dog Keeps Crapping on my Wood Pile!
Wasilla – A longtime Wasilla resident recently told reporters that Governor Sarah Palin’s dog, a Siberian Husky, is always crapping on his wood pile. Louie Moosenugget, (pronounced Moos-NEW-gay) claims that the Governor’s dog usually enters his yard through an open gate and proceeds to empty his bowels on Moosenugget’s wood pile.
Moosenugget claims that the dog intentionally craps in his yard because Moosenugget was one of the 12 Alaskans who did not vote for Palin when she ran for Governor of Alaska. Moosenugget stated that the dog has crapped in his yard on numerous occasions, usually at night. Moosenugget claims that during the previous winter, the dog had crapped on his wood pile so many times that he had two cords of wood left over at winter’s end. Moosenugget then stated that it struck him as being "kinda odd” since he had started the winter with only one cord of wood. Moosenugget explained that since the dog is a Siberian Husky, it is very difficult to distinguish between a frozen Husky turd and a wooden log. Moosenugget stated that he only realized what was going on after spending the entire winter locked up in a cabin that “always smelled like dog crap.”
Moosenugget denied that he is only trying to smear the governor to become famous and maybe write a book about the differences in the BTU output of a Douglas fir log and a Husky dog turd. Moosenugget says he only wants the governor to stop allowing her dog to crap on his wood pile. When asked if he was going to vote in the upcoming election, Moosenugget said that he probably would since he had to go into town anyway to pick up a new “bong” and another issue of Playboy. Moosenugget stated that he would probably be casting his vote for “the black guy” because Governor Palin continues to allow her dog crap on his wood pile.
I practice the SSS code.
Shoot it
Shovel it
Shut up about it
She doesn’t need corrective lenses. She wears glasses to look smarter.
1)She is the one-armed man.
2)Todd is her second husband, she originally was married to Big Foot.
3)She is a black helicopter pilot, in her spare time.
4)She was foretold by Nostradamus: “A woman will come from the north and will shine the light of day on the man-child”
Excellent list - but you forgot about the overdue library books. That’s the real reason she tried to fire the librarian.
I have it on good authority that Sarah strangles puppies at nite..runs over pregnant babies while drinking red bull..and, horrors, doesn’t separate recyclables..I have to keep my sources anonymous..for their safety you know..
Thanks, mom :)
LOL!
Not a problem!
And I want you to know that when I cut and pasted your post, then put in the spaces, it still previewed without them! So it wasn’t you.
I had to html it, but no biggie.
Palin wants ANWR opened for drilling to kill off the caribou population. She doesn’t care about the caribou because she prefers moose instead.
As well, her husband Todd was changing the oil on his snow machine and did not dispose of the old oil properly. He poured the old oil into an empty coffee can, put a lid on it, and put it out with the regular trash!
Clearly Sarah Palin is not ready to lead this country.
I like you am getting very tired of the stupid Palin Conspiracies. For a party that claims it’s image is built on being far more intelligent than the other parties, they sure are stupid. So much for Dem intelligence
Her father is really DB Cooper.
Todd Palin is really the father of his daughters baby.
And Sarah’s kids are hers by an incestuous relationship with her dad.
And Sarah is gay!
LOL!!!
I usually don’t like Triumph that much, but that was FUNNY.
She does not recycle! I repeat, she does not recycle!! Until she sold the jet, she had the largest carbon foot-print in Alaska. It’s still very large.
Every time she says “our opponent” she simultaneously takes her middle finger and pushes the nose bridge of her glasses close to her face. Go to www.youtube.com/Sarahmiddlefinger for proof LOL
Saw this list in an email this morning...
Unlike other hockey moms, Sarah Palin does not wear lipstick; it is blood (just like pitbulls).
Sarah Palin is not a Bible thumper; she punches her fist through it.
Deja Vu is what happens when Sarah Palin changes the Matrix.
Sarah Palin is Ayn Rand’s and Charlton Heston’s love child.
FDR is often misquoted; what he actually said was, “There is nothing to fear but Sarah Palin herself.”
Sarah Palin can make Republicans excited about John McCain.
Sarah Palin can turn gay men straight just by smiling.
Unlike Barack Obama, Sarah Palin is her own teleprompter.
Tina Fey hired six bodyguards because she heard Sarah Palin wants her look back.
Side effects may include coughing, runny nose, nausea, vomiting, cramps, and getting punched in the face by Sarah Palin.
Sarah Palin can cook a whole turkey in her EasyBake oven.
In 2003, the US considered deploying Sarah Palin to Iraq as a 1-woman commando squad, but wanted to make it a fair fight.
Sarah Palin is really Sarah Connor, mother of John.
Sarah Palin doesn’t need a gun to hunt. She has been known to throw a bullet through an adult bull elk.
All your base are belong to Sarah Palin.
Sarah Palin can divide by zero.
Sarah Palin wears three-quarter length sleeves to keep from getting blood on her clothes when she kills liberals.
It’s not over until Sarah Palin says it’s over.
Sarah Palin knew it was called a “Royale with cheese”.
Sarah Palin’s hand is the only one that can beat a Royal Flush.
Sarah Palin can catch salmon swimming upstream with her teeth.
Sarah Palin was kicked off Survivor for killing a man and eating his entrails.
Captain American isn’t dead. He’s vacationing so Sarah Palin can do the job for a while.
Sarah Palin once held off a Russian invasion of Alaska with only a bottle of vodka and a hockey stick.
While Sarah Palin is impervious to nuclear weapons, she’s still worried about the rest of us.
Sarah Palin will pry your Klondike bar from your cold dead fingers.
Sarah Palin drives herself to work every day - in an M1A1 tank.
Selection of Sarah Palin retroactively makes the theme of the 2008 Democratic National Convention: “Things To Do In Denver When You’re Dead”.
Apple pays Sarah Palin 99 cents everytime she listens to a song.
Sarah Palin once carved a perfect likeness of the Mona Lisa in a block of ice using only her teeth.
Those aren’t glasses on Sarah Palin’s face. They are a protection for all of us from getting lost in her eyes.
When Sarah Palin does a a pushup, she isn’t lifting herself, she’s pushing the earth down.
As head of Alaska’s Nat’l Guard, Sarah Palin taught troops in a training exercise to scare a grenade into not exploding.
Sarah Palin can slam a revolving door.
Sarah Palin isn’t allowed to wield the gavel at the convention because they’re afraid she’ll use it to kill liberals.
Sarah Palin once won a competitive eating contest by devouring three live caribou.
Sarah Palin counted to infinity - twice.
Nobody has ever seen Chuck Norris and Sarah Palin together.
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