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When A Woman Isn't In The Mood: Part I (Dennis Prager On Why Sex Is So Important To A Man Alert)
Townhall.com ^ | 12/23/2008 | Dennis Prager

Posted on 12/23/2008 12:09:15 AM PST by goldstategop

Given our preoccupation with politics and economics, it is easy to forget that for most of us micro issues still play a greater role in our lives. So here are some thoughts that, as heretical as they might sound, have been found extremely helpful, sometimes even marriage-saving, from listeners to my radio show, which features a male-female hour every week.

The subject is one of the most common problems that besets marriages: the wife who is not in the mood and the consequently frustrated and hurt husband.

There are marriages with the opposite problem -- a wife who is frustrated and hurt because her husband is rarely in the mood. But, as important and as destructive as that problem is, it has different causes and different solutions, and is therefore not addressed here. What is addressed is the far more common problem of He wants, she doesn't want.

It is an axiom of contemporary marital life that if a wife is not in the mood, she need not have sex with her husband. Here are some arguments why a woman who loves her husband might want to rethink this axiom.

First, women need to recognize how a man understands a wifes refusal to have sex with him: A husband knows that his wife loves him first and foremost by her willingness to give her body to him. This is rarely the case for women. Few women know their husband loves them because he gives her his body (the idea sounds almost funny). This is, therefore, usually a revelation to a woman. Many women think men's natures are similar to theirs, and this is so different from a woman's nature, that few women know this about men unless told about it.

This is a major reason many husbands clam up. A man whose wife frequently denies him sex will first be hurt, then sad, then angry, then quiet. And most men will never tell their wives why they have become quiet and distant. They are afraid to tell their wives. They are often made to feel ashamed of their male sexual nature, and they are humiliated (indeed emasculated) by feeling that they are reduced to having to beg for sex.

When first told this about men, women generally react in one or more of five ways:

1. You have to be kidding. That certainly isn't my way of knowing if he loves me. There have to be deeper ways than sex for me to show my husband that I love him.

2. If this is true, men really are animals.

3. Not my man. He knows I love him by the kind and loving way I treat him.

4. You have it backwards. If he truly loved me, he wouldnt expect sex when I'm not in the mood.

5. I know this and that's why I rarely say no to sex.

Lets deal with each of these responses.

1. You have to be kidding.

The most common female reaction to hearing about men's sexual nature is incredulity, often followed by denial. These are entirely understandable reactions given how profoundly different -- and how seemingly more primitive -- men's sexual nature is compared to women's.

Incredulity is certainly the reaction most women have when first being told that a man knows he is loved when his wife gives him her body. The idea that the man she is married to, let alone a man whose intelligence she respects, will to any serious extent measure her love of him by such a carnal yardstick strikes many women as absurd and even objectionable.

But the question that should matter to a woman who loves her man is not whether this proposition speaks poorly or well of male nature. It is whether it is true. And it is true beyond anything she can imagine. A woman who often deprives her husband of her body is guaranteed to injure him and to injure the marriage -- no matter what her female friends say, no matter what a sympathetic therapist says, and no matter what her man says. (Very few men will confess to the amount of hurt and eventual anger they experience when repeatedly denied sex).

Of course, there are times when a man must simply refrain from initiating sex out of concern for his wife's physical or emotional condition. And then there are men for whom sex rarely has anything to do with making love or whose frequency of demands are excessive. (What excessive means ought to be determined by the couple before the refusals begin, or continue.) But the fact remains: Your man knows you love him by your willingness to give him your body.

2. If this is true, men really are animals.

Correct. Compared to most women's sexual nature, men's sexual nature is far closer to that of animals. So what? That is the way he is made. Blame God and nature. Telling your husband to control it is a fine idea. But he already does. Every man who is sexually faithful to his wife already engages in daily heroic self-control. He has married knowing he will have to deny his sexual natures desire for variety for the rest of his life. To ask that he also regularly deny himself sex with the one woman in the world with whom he is permitted sex is asking far too much. Deny him enough times and he may try to fill this need with another woman. If he is too moral to ever do that, he will match your sexual withdrawal with emotional and other forms of withdrawal.

3. Not my man.

Many women will argue, understandably, My husband knows I love him. He doesn't need me to have sex with him to know that. And this is especially so when Im too tired or just don't want sex. Anyway, my man only enjoys sex with me when I'm into it, too.

The importance of mutual kindness to a marriage is impossible to overstate. But while necessary, it is not sufficient. Women can understand this by applying the same rule to men. Most women will readily acknowledge that it is certainly not enough for a man to be kind to her. If it were, women would rarely reject kind men as husband material. But as much as a woman wants a kind man, she wants more than that. If a man is, let us say, lacking in ambition or just doesn't want to work hard, few women will love him no matter how kind he is. In fact, most women would happily give up some kindness for hard work and ambition. A kind man with little ambition is not masculine, therefore not desirable to most women.

Likewise, a kind woman who is not sexual with her husband is not feminine. She is a kind roommate.

Furthermore, a woman who denies the man she loves sex is not kind.

4. You have it backward.

Every rational and decent man knows there are times when he should not initiate sex. In a marriage of good communication, a man would either know when those times are or his wife would tell him (and she needs to -- women should not expect men to read their minds. He is her man, not her mother.)

But, to repeat the key point, rejection of sex should happen infrequently. And it should almost never be dependent on mood -- see Part II next week.

5. I know this and that's why I rarely say no to my husband.

This is a wise woman. She knows a sexually fulfilled husband is a happy husband. (At the same time, men need to recognize that complete sexual fulfillment is unattainable in this world.) And because a happy husband loves his wife more, this cycle of love produces a happy home.

In Part II, I will explain in detail why mood should play little or no role in a woman's determining whether she has sex with her husband.

I conclude Part I with this clarification: Everything written here applies under two conditions: 1. The woman is married to a good man. 2. She wants him to be a happy husband. If either condition is not present, nothing written here matters. But if you are a woman who loves your husband, what is written here can be the most important thing you will read concerning your marriage. Because chances are the man you love won't tell you.


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Editorial
KEYWORDS: dennisprager; genderwars; malenature; maritalhappiness; marriage; men; misogynist; relationships; sex; townhall; women
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For a man fulfilling sex with a woman he's married to is the key to a solid relationship and marital happiness. Women are dismissive of male nature and think a man is like them. It comes as a revelation to them that he is the exact opposite. Today, Dennis Prager considers and discusses female objections to the male need for sex and why female mood, i.e, interest in sex, should not be the yardstick for determining a couple's happiness in a marriage.

"Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached." - Manuel II Palelologus

1 posted on 12/23/2008 12:09:15 AM PST by goldstategop
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To: goldstategop

This is an important topic. While I agree with Dennis here considerably, I would like to hear his comments on mood. I don’t think mood should be a frequent consideration, but I do believe it can be an honest consideration.


2 posted on 12/23/2008 12:24:18 AM PST by DoughtyOne (I see that Kenya's favorite son has a new weekly Saturday morning radio show.)
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To: DoughtyOne
Mood may be important to individuals but two people in a relationship or a marriage realize they have to give each other what they want to be happy. A woman who denies a man sex will not have a good husband but a resentful and sullen roommate. For a man a woman who is not demonstrating her interest in him in the most elemental way possible is merely a good friend not someone he's in love with. The fact of sex to human nature is ineluctable but we rarely give much to thought to why it gives satisfaction to a man that he can't be given in any other way. And that's more than physical release since sex is usually a man's way into expressing for a woman what he can't tell her in words. The wise woman will understand what it is when he is having sex with her.

"Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached." - Manuel II Palelologus

3 posted on 12/23/2008 12:39:08 AM PST by goldstategop (In Memory Of A Dearly Beloved Friend Who Lives In My Heart Forever)
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To: goldstategop
a wife who is frustrated and hurt because her husband is rarely in the mood. But, as important and as destructive as that problem is, it has different causes and different solutions, and is therefore not addressed here.

Nor anywhere else. Ever. I am tired of being told that women don't have sex drives.

4 posted on 12/23/2008 12:48:35 AM PST by Yaelle
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To: goldstategop
Many, many years ago .. whether under the influence of acid or not .. I can't remember ..

I determined that the four prime motivations of all humans was/is;

Get stoned
get laid
eat
sleep

Over the years, I've continually updated those four and found that they really haven't changed that much.

Love is a decision, and the magic and romance happens daily/nightly as I/we discover ...

We chose wisely.

3:45 AM .. what the hell am I doing awake at this unGodly hour, commenting like this?

5 posted on 12/23/2008 12:49:54 AM PST by knarf (I say things that are true ... I have no proof ... but they're true.)
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To: Yaelle
Men rarely lack a sex drive. If they have one and they can't control it - it causes them legal and psychological problems that are too well known to be elaborated here. Most men do control their sex drive their entire lives. It is asking too much of men to give it up completely, unless they live in a monastery. Male nature is at once gross and sublime and it becomes sublime in a union of true love with a woman where the carnality of the physical act is translated into something beautiful and touching that changes the soul. Which is precisely what no mere physical depiction of sex, such as in pornography for example, can ever convey to a man.

"Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached." - Manuel II Palelologus

6 posted on 12/23/2008 12:55:14 AM PST by goldstategop (In Memory Of A Dearly Beloved Friend Who Lives In My Heart Forever)
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To: goldstategop

Sex? ....I seem to have some vague memories of that......


7 posted on 12/23/2008 1:01:55 AM PST by Islander7 (This Atlas is shrugging! ~ I am Joe!)
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To: goldstategop
I know this and that's why I rarely say no

I agree wholeheartedly, giving one's body is the ultimate gift.
If my man wants my body, my body he shall have, period.


8 posted on 12/23/2008 1:43:27 AM PST by SouthDixie (We are but angels with one wing, it takes two to fly.)
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To: Islander7

I will concur with knarf in asking what the hell am I doing awake at this unGodly hour, commenting like this?”, but since I am here I couldn’t help myself.

While I agree to everything you said about the nature of man, and I have no problem with that. He needs no encouragement whatsoever to be ready to go on a moments notice.

Women can do that as well, in fact its much easier for a woman to be ready at any time. She doesn’t have to perform, unless you consider acting a performance.

I would think that any man would much rather be making love to a woman who is into it rather than one that is doing her duty, even if it is because she loves him.

It is so simple. All you have to do is engage her heart. Let her know you love all of HER, that is those parts of her that are not sexual as well as the sexual side of her.

My husband would walk up behind me when I was standing at the kitchen sink, squeeze my shoulder and be on his way. A simple thing, but a thing that said a lot. When he left in the morning he would kiss me goodbye like many couples do everyday, but he would put his hand on the side of my face and deliberately take those few seconds to speak to ME and tell me he loved me. When you are in public, do you hold her hand? Women like for others to see that you love her. It makes her girlfriends jealous and in her mind that is always a good thing.

It is a two way street if you want to have the best. Otherwise it is just like animals, but believe me it is so much better if it is on a human level and if both parties are into it.


9 posted on 12/23/2008 1:44:19 AM PST by Hanna548 (s)
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To: goldstategop

There are also a lot of men that think/expect women to be like them.


10 posted on 12/23/2008 1:45:45 AM PST by Hanna548 (s)
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To: goldstategop

I loved this article! I can’t wait for part II. When you get older you realize these things. At least my husband and I have. You never hear the words “make love” anymore. Everyone talks about “having sex”! It drives me crazy to hear young people talk like that. I think they have no clue how good it can be when you “make love” and take the time to enjoy each other!
I can’t wait to show this article to my husband!


11 posted on 12/23/2008 1:47:36 AM PST by Cricket24
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To: Islander7

“Sex? ....I seem to have some vague memories of that......”

Been getting any on the side?
It’s been so long I didn’t know they moved it!!!!


12 posted on 12/23/2008 1:56:55 AM PST by WKB
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To: goldstategop

Mr. Prager should grow up.

Women don’t necessarily “deny” their husbands sex. He makes married sex sound like something that is a given, paid for one time on the wedding day. Worse, he seems to make a threat: if you don’t . . . Sex shouldn’t be a threat, a weapon, or relegated to a bodily function.

Remember that if you want to change a woman’s mood, you should talk to her or get her to talk to you.

The other side of the coin is that women don’t function like men. We have not been conditioned to react sexually to the same cues. Our bodies are slower to become aroused: imagine being asked to perform immediately after sex - nearly every doggone time - and you’ll understand the woman’s physiology a little bit better.

Another thing, sex wakes us up — just the opposite of a man’s reaction, again.

Quite a bit of this “need” is conditioning, btw. I hear of men raised in Mexico who think they need sex several times a day - if they are the least bit aroused, they believe they *need* sex.


13 posted on 12/23/2008 1:57:13 AM PST by hocndoc (http://www.LifeEthics.org (I've got a mustard seed and I'm not afraid to use it.))
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To: goldstategop

Fascinating article. On the one hand, I agree, on the other I don’t. You can’t change biology and you certainly can’t change the way women look at men.

Being married in the long term means sacrifice for both parties. And it’s the lot of the married male to sacrifice quietly for the greater good. That’s just the way it is. If you can’t accept that, then as a male you should probably refrain from marriage.

This article goes a long way to explain why younger men are choosing not to marry and why cohabitating is so popular. It’s not so much unwillingness to commit to a relationship, it’s the unwillingness to commit to a long term relationship where you’re going to have to make unheralded sacrifices. Everyone wants a gold star to reward their good behavior, and you’re just not going to get one in a marriage.

And marriage is certainly not about sex. To a lot of men, sex is a primary motivation and as such I think they would be wise to either reconsider it’s importance, or failing that, stay single.


14 posted on 12/23/2008 2:12:44 AM PST by RKBA Democrat (Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner!)
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To: hocndoc

As to “needing” sex several times a day, do they “need” it even once? The terms used do not describe what goes on. It is not a matter of “need” unless you consider breating a “need”, or hunger or thirst a “need”. The sex drive for the male of every mamilian species is on the same level as hunger, thirst etc. It is basic, it is what drives them.

It is all part of what makes them men, the hunter, the protector etc. It is not what they want to be, it is what they ARE. And if you call what you want, need, then yes they do need it 3 times a day and more if they have they physical endurance for it. It is not their choice. In the article the man said that men being faithful to one wife is a huge sacrifice. That is true, it goes totally against his nature.


15 posted on 12/23/2008 2:13:44 AM PST by Hanna548 (s)
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To: goldstategop

bump for later


16 posted on 12/23/2008 2:14:01 AM PST by waiyu (Living is the only thing worth dying for.)
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To: goldstategop
It is an axiom of contemporary marital life that if a wife is not in the mood, she need not have sex with her husband. Here are some arguments why a woman who loves her husband might want to rethink this axiom.

I REALLY think Prager has lost it.

17 posted on 12/23/2008 2:14:22 AM PST by PasorBob
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To: goldstategop

‘Townhall’ should stick to politics and not the politcs of sex. . .


18 posted on 12/23/2008 2:17:07 AM PST by cricket (America's Freedom Rings! Thank You ~ U..S.A. Military~/)
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To: goldstategop

I know where you are coming from. I pretty much agree. I do think the occasional mood excuse is reasoned. I don’t think it should be more than very occasional, because otherwise the guy does get the message that his needs aren’t very important. He ultimately gets the message that he isn’t valued by his mate. That realization is destructive to man’s ego, and his sense of well being.

The mood thing is so hard for guys to understand. Frankly, there simply isn’t a mood excuse in my book for me. The act of making love is the ultimate rescue from being down. If my mood sucks, this is the very thing that can turn that around.

That’s why men (who I think pretty much agree with my take here), simply cannot fathom a mood excuse. And frankly, the more than occasional mood excuse is a clear signal that something is fundamentally wrong with the woman’s outlook.

Now she may have a valid reason for that outlook, but if she does, then she should come clean with the man and explain what is causing the mood. If he is displeasing her in some way, she must tell him, or get back to loving him fully.


19 posted on 12/23/2008 2:39:32 AM PST by DoughtyOne (I see that Kenya's favorite son has a new weekly Saturday morning radio show.)
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To: Cricket24

It’s nice to see women who understand what Prager is talking about.

I look forward to relations with my wife. It’s quite disheartening to hear on occasion that she doesn’t feel like it.

There have been times when I was in no condition to have relations with my wife. But I have to tell you, I was driven to anyway. It baffles me to hear women talk about the deed as if it were a chore.

Good grief. It’s a little bit of heaven on earth, and some folks talk about it like it was taking out the trash. It draws me incredible closer, and having read some of the posts here, it sounds as if it drives some people apart just thinking about it.

Sad.


20 posted on 12/23/2008 2:48:24 AM PST by DoughtyOne (I see that Kenya's favorite son has a new weekly Saturday morning radio show.)
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To: goldstategop

6. Then there’s the woman who knows that if her husband truly wanted sex, he’d have taken out the trash and helped with the dishes.


21 posted on 12/23/2008 2:48:56 AM PST by Razz Barry (Round'em up, send'em home.)
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To: Yaelle

I agree, his denial was the first prompting to start thinking of a divorce. To read this issue dismissed out of hand here is aggravating.

When it comes to sexual relations between a committed couple, it is important to both sexes to understand that denial is a serious dysfunction of the relationship.


22 posted on 12/23/2008 2:55:23 AM PST by EBH ( Directive 10-289)
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To: goldstategop
A man whose wife frequently denies him sex will first be hurt, then sad, then angry, then quiet.

Then on the prowl.
23 posted on 12/23/2008 2:59:49 AM PST by Kozak (USA 7/4/1776 to 1/20/2009 Requiescat In Pace)
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To: Yaelle

I am tired of being told that women don’t have sex drives.

You havent met my wife.


24 posted on 12/23/2008 3:03:00 AM PST by bikerman
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To: Islander7
I get sex every 3 months its a reminder for me to pay my quarterly taxes, oral sex its time to renew my drivers license.
25 posted on 12/23/2008 3:06:34 AM PST by bikerman
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To: Razz Barry; goldstategop
6. Then there’s the woman who knows that if her husband truly wanted sex, he’d have taken out the trash and helped with the dishes.

That's porn for women, right there. :-)

26 posted on 12/23/2008 3:13:44 AM PST by Tolerance Sucks Rocks (This election gave the drunks the keys to the liquor cabinet!)
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To: goldstategop
I read this article and was struck with its simple truth and I am surprised and saddened to see the dissenting responses from some of female posters.

People that have a rich and rewarding marriage "get it". Those that look at this article and scoff should start looking for a good divorce lawyer.

27 posted on 12/23/2008 3:15:44 AM PST by Chinstrap61a
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To: Hanna548
There's truth in that. A woman will not react the same way a man would. Most men though quickly learn to appreciate and live with the differences. Men I think, don't want to be with someone exactly like them. A woman shows a man a view of the world that he can't always see from his own viewpoint. The benefit of another perspective is always helpful in life and is also conducive to true happiness.

"Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached." - Manuel II Palelologus

28 posted on 12/23/2008 3:26:21 AM PST by goldstategop (In Memory Of A Dearly Beloved Friend Who Lives In My Heart Forever)
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To: Chinstrap61a
A marriage about good communication, appreciation and respect. You give those things to your partner, you get love and you have great sex together. Those things don't just come out of the blue. It takes years to cultivate them and a good marriage, like anything in life, must be nurtured and worked at to be a success. Sex has its place in a marriage but it alone will not make a marriage thrive unless attention is paid to the non-sexual parts of a marriage as well. In this day and age the first thing people should give priority to is to the people they love.

"Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached." - Manuel II Palelologus

29 posted on 12/23/2008 3:33:25 AM PST by goldstategop (In Memory Of A Dearly Beloved Friend Who Lives In My Heart Forever)
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To: DoughtyOne
A couple has to tell each other what they want and what their expectations are. People have this fantasy that their partner knows what to give them without having to be asked and they get hurt when the other person doesn't know. People can't read minds so tell each other what you need. It may not look romantic but it can save you from being hurt and looking downright stupid. And it can only improve your love life and your marriage.

"Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached." - Manuel II Palelologus

30 posted on 12/23/2008 3:37:12 AM PST by goldstategop (In Memory Of A Dearly Beloved Friend Who Lives In My Heart Forever)
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To: goldstategop
This is a major reason many husbands clam up. A man whose wife frequently denies him sex will first be hurt, then sad, then angry, then quiet. And most men will never tell their wives why they have become quiet and distant.

Having been married to the same woman for more than two score years, I find the article by Dennis Prager to be right on!

In some cases women know this and use sex as a weapon to punish their spouse for whatever reason. When we hear of a divorce or separation, the question of the health of the sexual relationship of the estranged couple comes up.

Furthermore, in today's world with most married women with their own careers and work responsibilities, I can understand their not being in the mood owing to physical and emotional exhaustion from commuting and working daily. Watching couples struggle because of the new work ethic for women, makes me glad I did not have to deal with that dimension of a relationship.

31 posted on 12/23/2008 3:39:06 AM PST by olezip
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To: SouthDixie
"If my man wants my body, my body he shall have, period."

All these comments are bringing out my "inner Austin Powers"...

YEAH, BABY!

; )

32 posted on 12/23/2008 3:57:20 AM PST by Caipirabob (Communists... Socialists... Democrats...Traitors... Who can tell the difference?)
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To: cricket
‘Townhall’ should stick to politics and not the politcs of sex. . .

OTOH, after the last election, I haven't really wanted to think about politics. The change of subject kind of reflects my thinking.

33 posted on 12/23/2008 3:59:16 AM PST by Caipirabob (Communists... Socialists... Democrats...Traitors... Who can tell the difference?)
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To: goldstategop
A couple of black eyes and shell get in the mood more often. (;)
34 posted on 12/23/2008 4:07:07 AM PST by DainBramage
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To: goldstategop

i’d like to buy whoever wrote this a steak dinner


35 posted on 12/23/2008 4:07:19 AM PST by wafflehouse (RE-ELECT NO ONE !)
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To: goldstategop
"A marriage about good communication, appreciation and respect. You give those things to your partner, you get love and you have great sex together. Those things don't just come out of the blue. It takes years to cultivate them and a good marriage, like anything in life, must be nurtured and worked at to be a success."

Yeah, sure, no kidding - but if your wife, your "partner for life", repeatedly rejects you...the relationship is doomed for exactly the reasons the author cited.

When your wife rejects you, you take it very personally and no amount of pompous twaddle offsets that effect.

36 posted on 12/23/2008 4:08:51 AM PST by Chinstrap61a
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To: DoughtyOne
Good grief. It’s a little bit of heaven on earth, and some folks talk about it like it was taking out the trash. It draws me incredible closer, and having read some of the posts here, it sounds as if it drives some people apart just thinking about it.

I agree wholeheartedly, DoughtyOne. It's definitely a little bit of heaven on earth. And, I agree with all of Dennis Prager's points in the article. His conclusions are backed up by good reasoning.

37 posted on 12/23/2008 4:09:03 AM PST by arasina (So there.)
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To: goldstategop

For men sex IS more of a body function that requires regular attention, one way or another. The prostate requires draining on a regular basis, or it causes insanity. Any man will agree with that statement. That is a fact, and there is no choice.

Animals? Well that is a little more than degrading regarding men’s nature, but men are more in touch with their animal nature, without which there is no sex, love or marriage. And as the article mentions, sexual restraint is a direct result of loving a particular woman.

Maybe men have difficulty understanding women because they are so different, but contrary to what they believe women have even less idea as to what men are and they have even less incentive to want to understand unless they really truly want their man to be happy because of the traditional roles of men as the aggressor/initiator and women as the chooser, and this article is right on. This article is required reading, and thanks for posting it.


38 posted on 12/23/2008 4:10:50 AM PST by Wildbill22
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To: PasorBob
I REALLY think Prager has lost it.

Why? Don't you believe making love is essential to a good marriage?

39 posted on 12/23/2008 4:15:10 AM PST by arasina (So there.)
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To: EBH
it is important to both sexes to understand that denial is a serious dysfunction of the relationship.

I always characterize it as an inability to be emotionally intimate with another person. I've been the victim of this, and know several people with this issue. It's sad, and it hurts everyone involved.

A poster above said that to get a woman in the mood, you have to talk to her. I characterize that as re-humanizing the relationship, and becoming emotionally intimate again in order to achieve physical intimacy.

40 posted on 12/23/2008 4:18:55 AM PST by Hardastarboard (Why do I find the Toyota "Saved by Zero" ads so ironic?)
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To: hocndoc
Mr. Prager should grow up. ...He makes married sex sound like something that is a given, paid for one time on the wedding day. Worse, he seems to make a threat: if you don’t . . . Sex shouldn’t be a threat, a weapon, or relegated to a bodily function. Another thing, sex wakes us up — just the opposite of a man’s reaction, again. Quite a bit of this “need” is conditioning, btw.

So when did you get divorced?

41 posted on 12/23/2008 4:19:42 AM PST by ottbmare
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To: bikerman

oral sex its time to renew my drivers license.

They have five year licenses in your state too?


42 posted on 12/23/2008 4:22:03 AM PST by tet68 ( " We would not die in that man's company, that fears his fellowship to die with us...." Henry V.)
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To: bikerman; snarks_when_bored

Yes, and winding the big grandfather clock on the staircase landing ? /Tristram Shandy>


43 posted on 12/23/2008 4:28:37 AM PST by grey_whiskers (The opinions are solely those of the author and are subject to change without notice.)
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To: hocndoc
Women don’t necessarily “deny” their husbands sex. He makes married sex sound like something that is a given, paid for one time on the wedding day. Worse, he seems to make a threat: if you don’t . . . Sex shouldn’t be a threat, a weapon, or relegated to a bodily function.

Remember that if you want to change a woman’s mood, you should talk to her or get her to talk to you.

This exact sentiment has ultimately ended many marriages. If women would honestly tell men that "look, after we get married you will have to constrain your daily sexual desires and be satisfied with how many, or few, times I am in the mood", fewer men would be duped and fewer marriages would be "on the rocks".

44 posted on 12/23/2008 4:33:28 AM PST by Prokopton
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To: Prokopton
As a fine old Gunnery Sergeant of my acquaintance once said:

"You have Summer in your hair and Winter in your eyes, but if you don't get some Spring in your butt, baby, it's over the Falls for you"

Semper Fi

45 posted on 12/23/2008 4:52:54 AM PST by Chinstrap61a
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To: goldstategop; Yaelle; DoughtyOne
Nor anywhere else. Ever. I am tired of being told that women don't have sex drives.

So true. A woman, unless she has some psychological or physical problem, does have a sex drive. While we are wired differently from men, we women think about it, fantasize about it, desire it and look forward to it. We want sex and we want great toe curling orgasms and we want to give the same to our husbands. We just don’t what to be treated like some blowup doll, an inanimate object or some “me soooo hoooorney, love you long time” whore, ready to go at a moment’s notice just because our man as a sudden urge.

There have been times when I was in no condition to have relations with my wife. But I have to tell you, I was driven to anyway. It baffles me to hear women talk about the deed as if it were a chore.

I’m not sure what you mean by “in no condition” but let me surmise a bit here, not that I’m saying this necessarily describes you ; ),. But were you ever (or any of you other guys here, and be honest about it), drunk, hung over, smelly, with bad breath, too tired or incapacitated for any foreplay or afterplay, stopping her in the middle of whatever she happened to be doing at the time and just jumping on her bones doing the deed only to fulfill your needs, then rolling off with out any thoughts of her needs, immediately falling asleep while she gets up and goes back to house work and cooking your meal while you lay there snoring in selfish post-coital bliss?

In a scenario like that it would baffle me not to hear a woman talking about the deed as if it were a chore.

Get a clue guys. It’s not always about you.

I do understand and sympathize with those men whose wives withhold sex. In the case of my nearly 20 year marriage however, it was not me but my husband who had a low and nearly non-existent libido. Believe me it was emotionally painful, frustrating and sometimes humiliating to be constantly rejected except on the rare occasions he was in the mood and it was a contributing factor in our divorce and so I do understand the importance of marital intimacy.

But I find it disturbing that so many men apparently see their wives as nothing more than an orifice in the waiting for their needs alone. With attitudes like that, some of you guys shouldn’t really be all that surprised that she isn’t all that interested anymore.
46 posted on 12/23/2008 4:55:21 AM PST by Caramelgal (Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.)
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To: wafflehouse
i’d like to buy whoever wrote this a steak dinner

Get 'em a gift certificate (NSFW)

47 posted on 12/23/2008 4:59:26 AM PST by Michael Barnes
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To: goldstategop
President and Mrs. Coolidge were being given a tour of a modern poultry farm. During the tour, the farmer explained to the President and First Lady that the farm's rooster performed his duty several dozen times a day.

This impressed the First Lady who remarked to the farmer "Perhaps you could point that fact out to Mr. Coolidge."

The President, on hearing this, looked to the farmer and said simply, "Same hen?"

"No, of course, not," The farmer explained. "The rooster services hundreds of hens."

"Perhaps you could point that out to Mrs. Coolidge," replied the President.

48 posted on 12/23/2008 5:04:10 AM PST by Oratam
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To: goldstategop

Marking for my wife to read. ha ha


49 posted on 12/23/2008 5:07:30 AM PST by southernerwithanattitude ({new and improved redneck})
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To: goldstategop
I use this to my advantage. To get my wife to leave me alone and let me do what I want, all I have to do is initiate sex. She rejects me and I get to do what I want. Every now and then she complies :)

When a women rejects you just tell her "Just checkin'" and go about your business.

50 posted on 12/23/2008 5:10:09 AM PST by central_va (Co. C, 15th Va., Patrick Henry Rifles-The boys of Hanover Co.)
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